Odi et Amo

Author: Shushu

Rating: R (male/male sex in future chapters; and if you are some pathetic homophobic morons, you'd better sod off right now!)

Pairing: Harry/Draco

Disclaimers: All the characters belong to J.K. Rowling, and I am envious!

The song belongs to Tiziano Ferro and I'm just borrowing it because it's such a nice song and because Tiziano is the most sensitive guy on earth. Sorry if the translation sucks…

Author's notes: Thanks sooooooooo much to all the people who reviewed the story!!!!!!!!!! I've really appreciated all your e-mails!!

Silverflames03: I hope you'll laugh this time but I'm also happy you cried because I think that every writer's aim is conveying ideas and feelings, so it means I'm not as bad as I thought… Hpfish: here's the continuation. What kind of details would you like me to add? Descriptions? Just tell me and I'll do my best to improve. Spideria: don't worry, I've laughed! Thanks for all the compliments! Hpfansillygossling: thank you! I hope you like the continuation of the story. Mak Felton: My English teacher would be proud of hearing that! Thanks! The fact is that I don't have a beta reader and I'm afraid of making too many mistakes. If you find something wrong, please tell me, ok? SailorBaby16: I'm sorry for Harry too…but don't worry, there's Draco! Elensaa: I'm sorry, but my Harry is a bit clumsy, so you'll have to be a bit patient! MyLiFeIsRuInEd: Thanks and besides, this fic is quite "personal", so I've tried to make it as real as possible. Tsesshn: I hope you like the second chapter too Lena Silverwing: thank you for the cookies!

And now, on with the show!

Chapter Two: Excrucior

"E scusa se ti amo e se ci conosciamo

da due mesi o poco più

E scusa se non parlo piano

Ma se non urlo muoio

Non so se sai che ti amo…

E scusami se rido, dall'imbarazzo cedo

Ti guardo fisso e tremo

All'idea di averti accanto

Esentirmi tuo soltanto

E sono qui che parlo emozionato

…e sono un imbranato"

Tiziano Ferro, Imbranato (Rosso Relativo)

"Sorry if I love you and if we know each other

since just two months

And sorry if I don't speak slowly

But if I don't scream, I'll die

I don't know if you know I love you…

And sorry if I laugh, I surrender because of the embarrassment

I stare at you and tremble

At the thought of being beside you

And feeling I am only yours

And I am here talking excitedly

…and I am clumsy"

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"I'm still in love with you, Harry…"

Oh my God!! Good grief!! What do I have to say????

He's in love with me!

Draco Malfoy is in love with me!

"I-I'm not telling you this because I want you to reply that you love me too…I know you hate me…I just needed to tell you how I feel". He blushes and avoids eye contact with me.

"Listen, Draco, I don't h-hate you, but…I don't know what to say; I've never thought you could fall in love with me and I don't know what I feel for you…I mean, I've spent six years hating you and then I realize that nothing in this whole damned world matters anymore since everybody's gone crazy…you…you're bloody sexy and you really turn me on" ,he is so red now that he looks like Ron, "but I don't know if it's just physical attraction or if I actually "like" you or if I could fall in love with you…"

He's fidgeting and biting his nails; he's very nervous and I'd like to calm him down but I don't know what to do.

"Draco…"

"Y-yes?"

"I was thinking…we can try to get to know each other a bit better, talk a bit and then maybe I'll find out if I can fall in love with you. What do you reckon?"

He seems suddenly very happy and smiles at me so sweetly that I think I'll melt.

"Ok…thank you, Harry"

"You're welcome."

þ þ þ þ þ þ þ þ

I think I'll take a cold shower.

Before I left his room, Malfoy has whispered to me:

"Harry…you can make love to me, if you want to…even if you don't love me…"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What am I supposed to do???????????

I would jump him right now but I don't think it would be a good idea; I mean, he's in love with me (with me!) and shagging him would just mean take advantage of his feelings.

He's very fragile right now, I don't want to hurt him only because my hormones are driving me crazy.

I'm 17, for Heaven's sake, I would fuck half Hogwarts, but that doesn't allow me to have sex with Draco Malfoy, even if he seems so willing to do so.

And moreover, he has said "make love" and not "have sex".

Now, I'm still a virgin but I understand there is a difference between sex and love.

"Hi, Harry, how are you?" Ron enters our dormitories and smiles slightly at me.

"Fine, thanks, and you?"

"I'm freezing! I've been to Hogsmeade with 'Mione and she has forced me to look for Christmas presents all the afternoon, while all I wanted to do was having a hot coffee at the Three Broomsticks! I'm bloody tired!"

"Yeah, she's a slaver!"

We make fun of Hermione for a bit and then he says that even if she's a nuisance, he loves her.

"Ron, can I ask you a question?"

"Of course"

" What's the difference between having sex and making love?"

Maybe I've made the wrong question; his face is redder than his hair.

"I-I-I-…"

"It doesn't matter, Ron, I'm sorry."

"No-I mean…well, there's a difference but it's pretty hard to explain such a thing…many people claim it's the same thing but I don't think so…having sex with someone you love is much better…it's such beautiful and it feels like heaven…you can look at her and think you are the happiest person of the world because she's making love to you and she's so cute when she stares at you…and it feels so sweet when she thinks I'm asleep and she caresses my hair…I can't do the same with her because her hair is too bushy and once I got entangled in it and I awoke her…but it's so beautiful!"

Maybe it's a bit too complicated for a virgin like me, but at least I have understood that love is better than sex.

And also that Ron is a mess.

Poor Hermione…

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Our first lesson on Monday morning is potions. When I arrive, Draco is already sitting at an empty desk, reading a book.

"Hi, can I sit next to you?"

He seems surprised, blushes and nods.

"What are you reading?"

"It's a novel, it's Maurice by E.M. Forster. I've just started it and it's a very beautiful story."

"Do you like reading?"

"Yes, very much. But I've started reading Muggle books only recently. That's a pity, they're so amazing"

"Have you ever read anything written by David Leavitt?"

"Leavitt? No"

"He's an American writer. I like him very much. I can lend you The Lost Language of Cranes, if you want to."

"Oh, yes, thank you, that'd be wonderful."

We start talking about books, but then I hear someone laughing behind us. It's Seamus.

"Oi, Harry, got yourself someone to sodomize? Honestly, are you so desperate to pick up such rubbish? Why don't you fuck Snape, then?"

Before I can react and stun him, a cold voice says:

"Tut-tut, Mr Finnigan; 5 points will be taken from Gryffindor for believing I would have a sexual intercourse with a Gryffindor and other 5 points for insulting Mr Malfoy. Mr Potter, I suggest that you don't take Mr Finnigan's stupid comments into consideration. They aren't worth a fight."

Wow!

I'm positively surprised! Snape who stands for us!

That's unbelievable!

Go Snape!

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I have a "date" with Draco in the library at 4 o'clock. We'll study together. He's really good at potions and DADA but he has some problems with transfiguration. If we help each other, maybe we'll finish our homework earlier, so we can talk a bit.

Hermione is surprised to see us together, but she treats Draco very kindly anyway.

Ron, on the other hand, is horror-struck. He keeps on staring at him as if Draco were a huge hairy spider. He's annoying me and embarrassing Draco.

"Harry, maybe we should study in my room…", Draco whispers to me.

"Yes, I think it's better…I'm sorry Draco"

"It doesn't matter and, besides, it's not your fault"

We take our books, say goodbye to a sorry Hermione and leave the library.

"Ron, you're an idiot!", I hear Hermione hiss.

I guess she's right.

þ þ þ þ þ þ þ þ

Draco is a very tidy person. Not only is his room clean and neat, but all his books and notes are perfectly kept, his handwriting is elegant and almost artistic.

I'm a bit ashamed of my half-destroyed books and my barbaric scribbles.

Draco laughs.

"Come on, Harry, don't be so mean to yourself! You have a lot of amazing qualities. Maybe you're not very tidy, but it's not a catastrophe!"

"You say that! I'm a hopeless case…I'll never become a tidy person and I'll always live in a complete mess!"

We laugh and he pretends to console me, while e can't deny the fact that I'm really hopeless.

It's been so much since I've laughed like this. It feels so great.

I feel happy.

"Thanks, Draco"

"For what?"

"For making me laugh"

He smiles and giggles.

"You're welcome and besides you are the amusing one…"

"That's unfair! I'm really offended! I guess I'll have to punish you now"

"Punish?!?"

"Yes…I'll tickle you to death!"

"You won't"

"I will!"

"You won't"

"I will!"

And I chase him until we land on his bed and I start tickling him.

I've never thought Draco Malfoy would be so ticklish. He can't stop laughing and he's so cute.

"Please, ah ah ah , please stop!"

"Ok"

I smile at him and stop tormenting him. And it's then I realize I'm sitting on top of him on his bed.

Oooooops…

We blush almost at the same time.

I hope my little Harry there will stay still…

"D-Draco, I'm sorry…"

"I-i-it doesn't matter"

We keep silent.

Perhaps I have to say something.

What do I have to say??

Say something, Harry!

Anything!

"Maybe I should go…it's almost dinner time"

Noooooooooo!!!!!

I'm an idiot!!!!!!!!!

Why have I said that??

I want to stay!

Draco, beg me to stay, please!

Kiss me senseless and ravish me!

"Ok…"

Noooo!!!!!

I don't want to go!

It's not "ok"…

I get off him and mutter a goodbye and then I leave his room.

I'm halfway between his room and my Tower, when I remember my books. I've left them in his room!

I go back to the dungeons and realize I don't remember the password of his painting.

I'm really a hopeless case…

I start calling him and after a while he opens the door.

His eye are red and I can understand he has been crying even if he's trying to hide it.

"Yes?"

"I…I forgot my books"

"Oh…"

He seems more depressed than before and sniffs.

"They're on my writing desk"

I enter and take my books while he stands near the door, looking at me with dark grey wet eyes.

"Draco, I'm sorry…"

"For what?"

I don't know.

For making you cry because I'm an idiot?

For wanting to ravish you right now?

For what I am about to do?

I let my books fall on the floor, I walk slowly until I'm in front of him. I stare at his beautiful sad eyes and even if I'm not touching him, I can feel every inch of his body next to mine. I can feel his warm breath on my cheeks.

Maybe I am doing the wrong thing, maybe I shouldn't be here with him, maybe I'll just make it worse for us.

Maybe…

But all I can do now to prevent him from suffering even more because of me is get even closer to him, so close that I fear he could hear my heart beating madly in my chest, and brush my lips slightly against his.

He has the softest lips of the world…

He sighs and trembles.

Oh, I want to linger like this forever…

He opens his lips inviting me to slide my tongue into his mouth.

I lick his lower lip slowly and then enter his mouth where I find his tongue waiting for me.

I'm melting….

I can't think about anything; all I know is I am kissing a sweet angel and it is so delightful.

He tastes like sugar.

He's like fresh water when you're thirsty.

Like an ice-cream on the hottest day of summer.

Like the sweets you managed to steal from the highest cupboard of the kitchen.

Like strawberries and cream.

The sweetest thing I've ever tasted.

As I explore his mouth and he explores mine, our lips collide a thousand times. He touches my face with gentle hands and I embrace him tightly.

I don't want to end this beautiful reverie.

Please, let me die like this…

"Mr. Malfoy, are you in?", says someone all of a sudden.

We part and we look at each other, panting and with swollen lips.

He's so damn hot…

"Mr. Malfoy??", calls the voice again.

Draco opens the door without saying a word.

It's Snape.

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TBC

Sorry for the cliffie! Don't hate me…and please review (even if you think I'm a bastard…)