Chapter Twenty-two
Toby was sorting through his messages as he entered his office when a scent that he recognised wafted towards him and he looked up to find CJ sitting down on his sofa. "If I haven't got deputies sleeping on my sofa, I've got press secretaries lounging on it."
CJ stood up and straightened her jacket. "I have something to ask you, Tobus, and for your information I wasn't lounging I was reclining."
"And the difference is?"
"Attitude, listen, Laurie was speaking to Donna yesterday and they thought it might be nice if we went up to Boston at the weekend."
Toby put the slips of paper down and gave her his full attention. "Does Sam know?" CJ shook her head and Toby scratched his. "I don't know. Talk to Josh, see what he thinks."
After CJ had left, Toby reached for his phone. There had been no coverage of Sam arriving at court this morning but he wasn't overly surprised. He had spoken to Sam briefly last night and he'd told him that if he had to listen to one more word spoken in Mael's defence, he would lose it. Toby had agreed that in that case going and listening to his defence lawyers summing up the case probably wasn't the wisest course of action.
He dialled the first few numbers of Laurie's number but then replaced the receiver. Maybe going to visit at the weekend wasn't such a bad idea. Right now, Laurie was probably the best placed to judge Sam's mood and she had suggested it. Toby pulled a file from his briefcase and set about preparing for his next meeting.
Three hours after Laurie had left, Sam woke up. He walked into the bathroom and picked up the pills that Laurie had left out and put them back in the cabinet. He knew that it would take more than a couple of aspirin to stop the headache, nausea and fatigue that plagued him. He scooped some water into his hands and rinsed his face. Stress was the cause of his headaches, he decided as he squirted some shaving foam into his hand. The fact that his stomach lurched every time an image of what had happened to him flashed through his mind, probably accounted for the nausea. The images were becoming more frequent and Sam wondered that he didn't spend the whole day throwing up. Sam didn't know why he felt so tired all the time. He supposed being constantly woken by nightmares didn't help.
He pulled his head to the side and carefully pulled the razor across his cheekbone. Dropping it into the sink he lifted the hair away from the side of his face. The place where his face had crashed against the bedpost during one of Incul's beatings was marked by a tiny scar. He pulled his hair back over it and closed his eyes. He could remember the warm blood trickling down his face and the taste of it as had it had run into his mouth. He shook his head, physically trying to remove the new picture from his mind. Sam turned the faucet and cupped his hands under it. He looked down at the water and shrank back. He thrust his hand into the sink sending splashes of water in all directions. His hand groped and then grabbed hold of the cigarette stub that was floating in the sink. He pulled it out and tossed it into the bin. Leaning heavily against the sink he breathed deeply and forced the image out of his mind. It was only when he opened his eyes and looked back down at the water that he saw the trickle of blood running from his finger down the porcelain. He rummaged through the trash can and retrieved the razor that he had mistaken for Incul's cigarette stub. Cursing loudly he slammed his fist against the mirror, angry at allowing himself to react so irrationally to one of the images that haunted him, and frightened at how real it had been.
Outside Laurie's house, Jake cursed and sat upright in his car. His sudden movement was caused by his thermos which having toppled over was now spilling over his sandwiches. He glanced at the house as he righted the flask and began to mop up the mess. Taking a bite out of his soggy sandwich he stared up at the bedroom window. He had seen Sam walk in front of the upstairs window a few moments ago and he wondered if he would appreciate some company when his shift finished. He looked at his watch and groaned as he realised that the end of his shift was still four hours away. Sighing, he picked up the remnants of his coffee-soaked sandwich and reached for the magazine he had been reading.
A blur of motion across the street caught Jake's eye and he glanced up at the figure that fled Laurie's house. His stomach lurched as he realised that someone had got inside. As he jumped out of his car and started to cross the street he recognized the figure as Sam and judging from his behaviour, he still had cause for concern. He ran over to him and grabbed his arm. "What's wrong? What's happened?"
Sam looked at him in confusion and tried to shake him off.
"Is there someone in the house?" Jake asked more urgently as he dragged Sam towards the car.
"No," Sam answered, suddenly realising what Jake was thinking. "No, nothing like that."
Jake opened the door and pushed Sam inside locking it behind him. He raced around the other side and got in and started the engine.
"Jake, it's alright, really, I just had to get out of there." Sam placed his hand on Jake's arm.
Jake could feel Sam's hand shaking. He looked at him and realised that he looked exactly the same as he had in the courtroom when he had asked Jake to get him there. Jake looked out of the window and let Sam get himself together.
Another agent approached the car but turned and walked away after Jake had signalled everything was okay.
"Two of you?" Sam asked his voice betraying his attempt to appear calm.
"Yep, and you see that guy selling hotdogs over there, he's one too."
Jake smiled at the sound of Sam's gentle laughter and handed him a bottle of water. "So have you always suffered from claustrophobia or just since you were abducted?"
Sam's head shot-up at the question and for a moment a flash of anger crossed his face but then he slumped back in the chair. "I've been trying to tell myself that it's just some sort of panic attack but…" Sam shrugged and shook his head.
"It seems pretty understandable to me, after what you've been through. But, I can tell you one thing for sure, it's not going to go away by itself."
The tone of Jake's voice made it clear that he was talking from experience. Sam smiled and thanked him then drained the rest of the water.
When Laurie returned late that night, she found Sam sprawled out on the sofa on his front. One hand loosely held the remote control and the other was draped on the floor. Three empty beer bottles, a Chinese takeout carton and a coffee cup littered the table. Six unread messages flashed at her as she glanced at the answer-phone. She crouched beside him and took the remote putting an end to the black and white film that was playing quietly in the background.
"Sam!" she nudged his arm but got no response. Placing her hand on his head she stroked his hair a few times before blowing gently on his face. Sam smiled sleepily. Laurie laughed and blew again. Sam opened his eyes and turned so that his back was against the sofa. He reached out and gently brushed Laurie's hair away from her face.
"Did you hear the verdict?" she asked.
"Yeah, Michael phoned me as soon as he got out of the court."
"Guilty, Sam, guilty of hostage-taking and conspiring to commit hostage-taking." The verdicts were not a surprise but there had been a part of Laurie that had wondered how Sam would have coped if Mael's defence team had managed to get him off one of the charges.
"Well, hostage-taking in violation of Title 18, United States Code, sections 1203 and 1202 and conspiracy to commit in violation of Title 18, Sections 371 and 1203…if you want the 'geek bravado' version."
Laurie and Sam smiled at each other. The smile faded from Sam's face and he looked at Laurie intently as he brushed a last lock of hair away from her face and rested his hand on her cheek. Laurie nodded imperceptibly, and standing, held her hand out. They walked hand in hand to the bedroom. Outside, the agent in the car below saw the dining-room light being switched off and the bedroom light going on. He watched the two silhouettes become one, only breaking apart when one of the figures moved towards the window and pulled down the blind.
Laurie's plan to show Sam the sights of Boston didn't come to fruition. They stayed in bed until noon, eating bagels and watching cartoons. By the time they were both showered and dressed it was late afternoon and neither of them had the energy or inclination to leave the house. Thinking they were staying in all day, Laurie had put on an old pair of jogging bottoms and a sweatshirt. She suddenly sat upright on the sofa, smacked her forehead and cursed.
"What?" Sam asked as he was nudged sideways with her movement.
"I need to go shopping. We haven't got anything for tomorrow."
"We've got bagels. We'll go out tomorrow. I'm not leaving this sofa and I have to tell you, I don't think Boston is ready for those sweatpants."
Laurie distractedly swiped at Sam's head as she mentally started to plan a list. "I need to go today. There's only one bottle of wine and I haven't even planned what they're going to eat yet."
Sam gave up on the crossword and placed the paper on the table. "We'll get takeout. You don't need to cook anything. Or we could go out to eat. Why are you suddenly so worried about-" Sam stopped talking and turned swiftly to face Laurie. "They're, you said they're going to eat."
"Did I?" Laurie tried to stand but Sam grabbed her arm.
"Tell me you didn't."
"Tell you I didn't what?" Laurie asked feigning innocence.
"Please, tell me you didn't invite certain members of White house Senior Staff to dinner."
"You're going back to DC on Monday and I just thought-"
"Laurie!" Sam said in unbelieving tones.
"It'll be…fun," she finished lamely.
"Fun! It will not be fun, Laurie. Do you know what it'll be?" Laurie shook her head and tried not to smile as Sam launched into what she was sure would be a diatribe about the dangers of sharing a meal with your friends. "It will be a cringe-making, agonizing, unbearable evening of covert 'how does Sam look to you' glances and moments of waiting for the right moment to ask if I'm coming back to work…moments."
"Have you finished?" She folded her arms and raised her eyebrows until Sam nodded reluctantly. "Right- first of all I have invited them because they're your friends and although you're doing everything in your power to push them away at the moment, you need them. Secondly-" Sam opened his mouth to reply, "shut-up, secondly, it will be fun and I'm beginning to wonder if you're ever going to allow yourself to have fun again-" Sam began to point out that he'd had fun last night but Laurie carried on regardless, "and finally, you're not afraid of them asking you if you're going back to work, you're afraid of the question, period."
Sam looked as if he was about to argue but then he closed his eyes, sighed and let his arms fall to his sides. "I'm not afraid."
"You are and you have every right to be, but what I don't get is why you're trying so hard to fight it. All week you've been going out of your way to make me think that you're okay. Don't you think that the fact that you wake up shouting or crying and then cling to me so hard that I can hardly breathe has clued me into the fact that you're not okay? I have to hand it to you, Sam, you've done a good job at hiding it, but that fear doesn't leave you when you wake up. I can see it and if I can, then everyone else can as well."
"I'm not afraid," Sam repeated but it was whispered, and his trembling body made a lie of his words as Laurie pulled him close and told him to hush.
Sam wiped the sixth glass and placed it on the table. "Shall I light the candles?" he called towards the kitchen.
"Not yet," the reply came and Sam put the matchbox back on the table. He walked into the kitchen and watched Laurie work.
"I can't decide who's the most nervous," Sam stated as he leant his head against the doorjamb, "but I'm beginning to think it's you."
Laurie added a sprinkling of something to a pan on the hob and turned to him. "I'm not nervous, I'm just…you know…" she shrugged and then caught Sam's puzzled expression. "Before last Monday did any of your friends know that we kept in touch?"
"No, but that's not because I'm ashamed or I think that they would-"
"It's alright, Sam, I'm not accusing you of anything I'm just saying, to your friends I'm still the call-girl in the picture and not much else."
"You're right," Sam soothed as he stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Let's just cancel."
"Oh no, you don't! I just thought it might help you to cope with the evening if you knew I was having a cringe-making, agonizing, unbearable time too."
"You know what, it really does." Sam pecked Laurie on the cheek and then ducked her hand as she turned to strike with the tea-towel. "You're getting a little bit too handy with those fists. If you want my friends to warm to you I suggest you don't spend the evening hitting me." Sam walked out of the kitchen and smiled as whatever it was that Laurie threw at him hit the doorjamb.
Toby leant back in his chair and watched the golden liquid roll around the sides of the glass. He surreptitiously looked for an ashtray deciding a cigar would finish the meal off perfectly. He couldn't see one and so resigned himself to making do with the brandy on its own. He took a sip and closed his eyes as it flowed easily down his throat. A sudden noise in front of him made him open them and sit up in time to see a wash of brown curls as Laurie straightened up from beside the coffee table. An ashtray had been placed in front of him. "Light-up, Toby," she as good as ordered. He smiled appreciatively and immediately pulled a cigar from his pocket.
Sam and Josh entered from the kitchen and on smelling the smoke already pervading the room, Sam's face lit up. "I haven't had a cigar in ages," he said as Toby reached over and handed him one. They sat in companionable silence for a while as Josh watched the circles of smoke wafting towards the ceiling. Laurie, Donna and CJ had gone into Laurie's bedroom.
"What are the womenfolk doing?" Josh asked as he kicked off his shoes and stretched out his legs.
"Laurie's got six shelves of shoes," Sam said as if that was explanation enough.
"This is like the olden days," Josh said, "the men stay and drink and smoke cigars while the women go next door and do…tapestry…or something."
"Thank you, Professor Lyman, for that insight into the society of the 'the olden days'," Toby scoffed.
Sam rested his head back and smiled. Now that he was sitting here with his friends, he couldn't believe that the notion of seeing them had made him so worried. Laurie had hidden her own nerves well and it soon became apparent to her that she'd had no need to be worried either. Josh had felt uncomfortable for a while. He was painfully aware of the circumstances of his last meeting with her, but Laurie had put him at his ease by telling him that although it had taken Sam three years, he had finally managed to persuade her that Josh wasn't always as much of a jerk as he had been that night.
"The olden days," Toby said again in mocking tones and Sam grinned and sent his own smoke ring chasing after Toby's.
"Laurie's got six shelves of shoes," CJ announced as she, Donna and Laurie returned to the room. Donna sat down and CJ made Toby scoot along the sofa. Laurie picked up Sam's legs from the sofa, sat next to him and then placed them on her lap. Toby glanced at Josh who simply smiled and shrugged. He hadn't been surprised to find out that Sam had kept seeing Laurie, in fact, he would have been surprised if he hadn't.
Donna and CJ were the first to leave, both kissing Sam goodbye and making him promise to phone them as soon as he was back in DC.
"I think I'll call it a night too," Laurie announced. She looked at Sam who nodded and then rested his head back against the arm of the sofa. When Laurie didn't move he opened his eyes and looked up. "I sort of need you to move your legs," she pointed out. Sam hoisted himself upright and leant forward as Laurie went to kiss him.
Toby watched as Laurie placed her hands on Sam's cheeks and kissed him goodnight. After she had left the room he lit another cigar and studied Sam silently before speaking. "You never stopped seeing her, did you?"
Sam glanced at Josh before answering. "I did for a while, until she moved here, then we started again. If you'd have asked me I'd have told you but you never did. It was a lie by omission," Sam stood up and walked over to the drinks' cabinet, "and we all know how good we are at spinning those!"
"I take it you're talking about the MS disclosure?" Toby knew that was exactly what Sam had meant and he decided to stop playing games. It was time to get Sam to start talking. Josh lifted his glass from the table, sat back in the chair and waited to see if Toby's ploy would work.