Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of One Tree Hill.
A.N. This contains spoilerish information like names. Nothing big.
And a big thanks to Bekah who told me this totally didn't suck. And to Liza because I thought of her Trory fic when I wrote parts of this.
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Letting Go
"I've learned that things change, people change, and it doesn't mean you forget the past or try to cover it up. It simply means that you move on and treasure the memories. Letting go doesn't mean giving up it means accepting that some things weren't meant to be."
I am selfish.
I am a selfish bastard.
I am a selfish bastard who wants his best friend.
What kind of best friend doesn't want his best friend to be happy? What kind of best friend doesn't want his best friend to get married to the one she loves? I am. I'm that kind of best friend. The selfish ones that want to keep their best friends to themselves.
But I won't have my best friend. I will never have my best friend again. The vows have been exchanged; it's over. Lucas and Haley against the world no more. Lucas and Haley are gone. It's Nathan and Haley now.
I knew this day would come-unless we were both to fall in love with each other someday-it was inevitable. The day I dread. The day I no longer would be Haley James's best friend. The day I would have to hand over the title of Haley's best friend to someone else. The day Haley wouldn't need me anymore. I just didn't know the day would come so soon. We're only sixteen.
We had so many plans for the future, plans that are now gone. No crazy road trip to college campuses, no visiting her sister and brother, Sam and Spencer, in New York. Even our regular plans are gone. No more movie marathons or raiding the school's lost and found, no more music hunting, and no more thrift store shopping-thank god. I think of all the things we do, and I can't believe we can't have that anymore.
Am I being selfish if I want my Fridays back? Is it wrong for me to want to play one more round of rooftop mini golf? Winner gets to pick the movies and loser buys the movie snacks? I'd do it even if Haley decided to have a chick flick marathon. Hell, I'd even wake up at six on a Saturday to go to the Saturday Market followed by hours of thrift store shopping with her. I just want one more weekend with her.
I wish I could go back in time, and never even think about leaving Tree Hill. Running away from my problems didn't solve anything; I was only gone for a few days. Even if I didn't leave, they might still have gotten married anyway.
Haley has tried to convince me that things will still be the same. But we both know it won't. She says we can still do the same stupid stuff, because she can't do that kind of stuff with Nathan. I almost believe her, but it won't be the same not with a husband around.
She's dancing with her brother, right now. She's laughing and smiling. She's had a glow about her ever since they got married, I don't think it's going to go away. My mom sighs and leans over to Marion, Haley's mom and tells her that we grow up so fast. Marion nods in agreement.
I feel someone's presence behind me. It's Haley. "Hey there," she greets. She rests her chin on my shoulder.
The flower in her hair brushes my cheek, "Hi."
"Feel like dancing?"
I turn to look at her, "With you? Anytime."
Haley laughs and moves out of the way so I can get out of my chair. I give her my hand and we walk to the makeshift dance floor. Haley never told me what her dream wedding was, but I'm pretty sure this is pretty damn close.
"Do you remember that time when we were nine and Rach was teaching Spencer how to dance before Prom?" she asks placing a hand on my shoulder.
I grin, "Yeah, I remember we were much better dancers than he was. He had two left feet."
"He still does. I just danced with him. He kept stepping on my toes," she rolls her eyes. "Did I tell you, he was pissed off yesterday when he came in?"
"No, why?"
"He was pissed because he couldn't do the whole if you touch my sister thing I'll kick your ass speech. So I told him he shouldn't live so far away, because if he didn't he would have been able to tell Nathan that when we were still dating."
I let out a chuckle, "Sounds like Spence."
She smiles and nods as we lapse into a comfortable silence.
"I'm sorry," she says suddenly.
I look at her confused, "For what?"
She sighs, "For ruining our plans like The College Campus Tour of 2005."
"It's not ruined. I mean we can still do it; Nathan can come." Haley gives me the look she gets whenever she thinks something's a stupid idea. "Or you could just go with Nathan," I suggest.
Haley smiles sadly, "It's not going to be the same."
"No, it's not."
I see Nathan approaching us out of the corner of my eye. He's coming over to claim the title that is rightfully his. "Can I cut in?"
"She's your wife," I tell him.
Haley rolls her eyes at me.
I just grin and kiss her on the cheek. "I love you."
She pulls me into a hug and whispers, "I love you, too."
As we pull apart, I look to Nathan. "She's all yours," I tell him. And I mean it.
Am I jealous? Of course, Nathan is able to love her in ways I never could. Nathan is going to spend every day with her. Nathan will be able to fill her every need.
Or am I the one with needs? Maybe I need Haley more than she needs me. Maybe it's always been that way. I remember her saying to my mom that our family was small and we needed her more than her family needed her when they first. Now Nathan needs her more.
Am I okay with that? I think I am.
I watch them dance. They are both so happy. They bring the best out of each other. I smile sadly, "Goodbye, Haley James."
I never thought it would be so hard to let go. Earlier this summer, we said goodbye knowing we wouldn't be seeing each other for a while. This time, we say goodbye knowing we'll both still be around. I never thought it would be so easy to let go either, especially when she's now married to someone I used to hate. But I know that he'll treat her well. He can make her happy in ways I never could. He can fill the void in her heart from losing a best friend by becoming her new best friend. And me? Knowing that she'll be happy fills up the emptiness in my heart, just a little.