A/N: I don't think this chapter is very funny... if you just read it. The trick is to visualize it. You'll see what I mean.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, Simple Plan and their songs, or Shakira and her songs.
Chapter Seventeen: Sing Your Ketchup-Coloured Heart Out
"Shoot, I forgot I have kitchen duty now!" Hermione said, and started running, leaving Ron and Harry behind.
Once Ron was sure Hermione couldn't see him, he ripped of the Tomatoderm patch. "I hate this thing!" he growled.
"But you heard Hermione," Harry said. "You'll save money and you need to get over the addiction."
"I know, but I love ketchup too much," Ron whimpered. Harry continued looking at him. "What?"
"You can do it, Ron!" Harry said encouragingly.
"Nope. Ain't gonna do it," Ron replied.
Harry sighed. Ron was being as stubborn as usual. "Look, this isn't going to cut the mustard."
A smile spread across Ron's face. "You're a genius! I want to get to the mess hall quickly too! Bye!" and he ran ahead.
Harry continued walking at his own pace. The islet-episode had drained out a lot of his energy. All in good time, he made it to the mess hall.
As he opened the door, a warm aroma reached his nose. He looked for the familiar table where he expected Hermione to be busily studying notes. Curiously enough, she wasn't there. Neither was Ron.
Oh, wait. Hermione had kitchen duty today.Harry reminded himself.But then... where's Ron?
He went into the kitchen to ask Hermione if maybe she knew where Ron was. He didn't have to ask. Ron was in the kitchen, he mouth smeared with yellow this time, arguing with Hermione, her face splotched with flour and her hair frizzier than usual.
"Put it down, Ron," Hermione ordered. Both of them hadn't noticed Harry.
"This isn't ketchup, it's mustard!" Ron protested, pointing to a mustard packet.
Hermione ripped the packet out of his hand, and threw it back in its bucket. "If you get addicted to something new, it defeats the purpose of giving up the first thing you were addicted to!"
Ron looked hopeful. "Does that mean I can go back to ketchup?" he pleaded.
"No!" Hermione yelled. "And... what happened to your patch???"
"I ripped it off," Ron said triumphantly.
"Put it back on," Hermione ordered.
"No," Ron said simply, testing her.
"I said, put it back on,"
"Nope. Don't feel like it,"
"Just put the patch on,"
"No,"
"Just put it back on!"
"No!"
Hermione made puppy eyes. "Pwease?"
Ron thought for a moment. "Uh....... No,"
Hermione stamped her foot. "Get out! Now! You're not supposed to be in here anyways!"
"Fine!" Ron said, starting to leave. He bumped into Harry, and realized he was there. "Oh, hello, Harry!" he said cheerfully.
"What was that all about?" Harry asked.
"Nothing," Ron said. They went to a table and as soon as they sat down, they had to get back up again to get food. Then they sat back down again, this time with their dinner.
"So, let me get this straight," Harry said. "You're giving up ketchup, and getting addicted to mustard now?"
"Yes," Ron said. "But Hermione won't let me... ugh, I need a packet..." he sighed, took out a mustard packet, and sucked out the condiment.
Harry stared in disgust.
Ron threw down the packet. "It's not the same! I'm addicted..."
As they both stared at the spitty, yellow packet, an unusual song began to fill the room. People looked around, confused.
Ron stood up and began to sing.
"Uh..."
He waited for the part he knew the words to. When the part came, he sang his heart out.
"...I tried to make you happy,
but you left anyway
I'm trying
To forget that
I'm addicted to you.
All I wanted.
All I needed.
I'm addicted to you
Now it's overrrrr
Can't forget what you said.
And I neverrrrrr
Wanna do this again.
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker."
He sat back down, and waited again for the part he knew the words to. He hummed the tune to pass the time. He quickly stood back up when his part came.
"...I'm trying
To forget that
I'm addicted to you
All I wanted
All I needed
I'm addicted to you.
Now it's overrrrr
Can't forget what you said.
And I neverrrrr
Wanna do this again.
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker."
He waited for the part he knew the words to again. Just when he was about to start again, he had to stop because the imaginary person who was playing the imaginary drums had decided to take an extra long solo. When they were done, Ron attempted to sing again. Unfortunately, he was confused and was singing at the part he didn't know.
"I'm addicted- er... Heart – addic – said – ketchup – I'm – all – never..."
Giving up, he sat back down and continued humming until the song was over. Everyone just looked at him.
In attempt to break the silence, Ron shouted. "Uh... Go Simple Plot!"
"It's SimplePlan," Harry corrected.
"Right, I knew that," Ron said hastily.
Hermione stormed out of the kitchen, headed straight for Ron.
Ron turned his palm to face Hermione. "Don't bother, Hermione. I've decided I need to move on. There are more important things that ketchup." He said wisely.
Hermione looked taken aback. "Is that really how you feel? Because –"
"Don't try to change my mind!" Ron said.
"Well, I was just going to tell you I decided that you should make your own choices, and you shouldn't be forced to obey me," Hermione said, shrugging. "But, if you really feel that way, I'd just like to say I'm so proud of you!" She gave him a huge hug.
"Shooooooottt!!!" he hissed, and burst out in tears.
Harry couldn't help but chuckle.
Draco marched up to them out of nowhere. Scoffing, he said. "You thinkyou'regood at singing? Just listen tothis!" Taking a big breath, he raised an imaginary microphone to his mouth.
"Underneeeeath your clothes
There an eeendless storyyy
There's the maaan I choose
There's ma territoryyy
And all the thangs I deserrrrve
For bein' such a good girl, honay!"
Now Harry and Hermione were crying.
"It buuuurrrns!" Ron moaned.
A/N: I ended Draco's song soon so as not to frighten you too much. Please note that he sang Shakira's song using the Shakira-accent. That's why he said 'ma' and 'thangs' and 'honay'. And I made Ron not know most of the song he sang because of two things: A) I don't know most of the words either. B) I'm sick of wizards and witches singing muggle songs and knowing every last word and every last note to hit at every last word. Anyway, I originally was going to make Draco sing a bit of Britney Spears' "Lucky" but I decided on Shakira's "Underneath Your Clothes" instead. I don't know, it just was funnier to visualize Draco singing that instead. Using the Shakira accent, of course. Sorry if you hate songfics, but Ron's addiction was begging me to make Ron sing "Addicted to You". Hey, it fit. :D For the good of the story, the ketchup, and our country! :: saluts the flag:: Staying true to the maple-leafed-spangled banner... ::brushes tear away:: But... the Flames lost! Nevermind :D!