Chapter One

"Sure thing. Your stories might last longer if you skipped this little bartering bit. I always want the same thing. I'm a man of few needs and wants."

"Whatever. We want a new one."

Sano gave a slight smile. Well, he had plenty to tell after all.

"Well you see it was like this. I was back in the town of my teenage years Insanity. Now, you're going what a name. It was a very appropriate name for the place. Absolutely nuts. Everyone in there. If you don't believe me take a look at some of your parents. Anyway, back then there was this badass guy named Saitoh. And he was the sheriff. Now, my buddy Katsu and I were just moping around the bar, putting a few back.

Well, Katsu asked if I was playing poker. Male bonding sort of thing you see. Of course, these guys we played with were big, ugly, and bad tempered, but that just made it more fun! I never had a head for cards anyway considering that they took concentration. Dice are my game.

I told him I was flat out broke.

'Sano,' He says, 'When are you going to get a real job?'

Well, before I could tell him that I really did have a job these two people decided to get a bit touchy-feely next to me."

"What's that?" The girl asked blinking.

Sano scratched his head. He thought he had been watering it down, but maybe not enough. They were kids after all.

"He means they were all over each other dumbo!" The girl's brother sneered and she let out a small 'oh'. Sano for his part was shocked. Damn it, if they could understand shit like that then he might as well tell it that way!

"Don't ask questions. It's really annoying, and I'll lose my place." Sano chided. "Anyway, they were all over each other. Which is cool right? When you're older. Much older. I'm not going to be the one to encourage things like that.

Well, you see, the thing about this is that it's really not polite to suck face and put your hands all over your girlfriend, or boyfriend, in a public place."

"But you do-"

"Hey, I can do that okay?"

"Why-"

"Just shut up for a second and let me go on!" Sano yelled with a thump to emphasize his point.

"Geez, just let me tell my story okay? Like I said, for stuff like that your really need to get a room. The thing about this couple was they're, er, special. You see, um, the two of them were, ah, nighttime companions. That's how they made their living."

"Oh, they were whores." The oldest boy said uninterested.

"Hey kid, watch your mouth!" Sano growled, "You do what you've got to do to eat okay? Don't get so high-and-mighty about crap you don't know. You've been fed, loved, and sheltered all your frickin' life!"

"He didn't mean it." One of the other kids put in jabbing the so-said boy in the gut. "We actually want to get somewhere. We'll be good."

"Yeah," Sano said with a poisoned glare, "I'm sure he didn't. Anyway, like I said they're special. 'Cuz, you know one of them was a guy. And liked to dress up like a girl."

"He played dress up?"

"Played? Uh, something like that. So they were getting a bit too friendly with each other. I'm an easy-going fellow, but as a kid I wasn't too tolerant.

'Hey, get a room boozos.' I grumbled and Katsu grinned.

'Hey Kamatari, someone wants your services for the night. Heck, I'll even pay!' My traitorous friend offered. Well, that broke 'em up and all I guess. Unfortunately it also got their attention. Katsu was mean like that sometimes. I mean, I'd rather have some booze.

'Thanks for the offer buddy, but you should give yourself a little pleasure.' I replied pushing him at the guy Kamatari. Now you see, Katsu has some bad history with the guy so he jumped like a cat in the bath. Or, maybe, like a teddy bear in the hands of a particularly abusive child.

Well, slap Jerk on my forehead and call me Vindictive, but he had it coming! 'Cuz Kamatari took that as an open invitation. Not my fault if he got the wrong idea because of something I said."

"I guess I've got to do some flashback crap for you guys to understand it properly. So gather you little imaginations and let's play some pretend!"

"Katsu whirled on Kamatari asking in a deadly voice, 'What are they talking about?'

'You grabbed me hon.,' Kamatari explained slowly. 'Kenny-boy knocked me a good one and when I came to, I tried to get across you. Apparently you missed your teddy bear because you snatched me right up. Well, why not? I'm so cuddly and huggable. I did try to extract myself, but alas, I was stuck tight. My, you have a nice body.'

Within seconds the black hair man whipped out a small, smoking bomb in each hand. He expertly flicked his wrists sending them one after another at the startled he-she.

They sail past toward Saitoh, his wife, and Yahiko. Saitoh moved with deadly grace sending the bombs back towards their source."

Sano blinked moodily seeming to come out of a trance, "Shit, I thought I was dead meat that time. Not from the bombs either. Saitoh decided to vent his spleen on me."

"Keep going." The kid prodded, he wasn't sure which one.

"Well, Katsu then started using me as a shield against Kamatari after that. An uncooperative shield at that.

'We could do a threesome?' Kamatari suggested with a wink. Both Katsu and I must have looked ready to faint, but you know, real men don't faint. So instead we looked pleading at Yumi.

Yumi sighed and rolled her eyes. Well, that wasn't the pretty part of her, but I wasn't looking you hear?

'C'mon you freak, they don't want your attention. You should try to earn some money you know.' Yumi said looking pointedly at a group of miners that had just stomped in. Now did I mention these men were big, hairy, and ugly?

'So if you're not going to play cards what are you going to do?' My best bud asked now that the crisis had been averted. We were like that. Forgive and forget.

I sunk down eyeing my empty mug. 'Dunno. Maybe go harass Kenshin and Missy. Then again, they have that Hell Spawn now. Misao was just telling me the other day that it's got quite a mouth.'

'I don't know what they were expecting.' Katsu remarked amiably. 'That's why I don't want any kids.'

'Well, no one wants you to have any. The world is fucked up enough as it is buddy. And besides, you wouldn't want to write in your own paper the headline 'Two Year Old Missing: Considered Blown Up'.'

'So where's Misao?'

I twitched. This had to potential to be really embarrassing, but this was my best bud right? I could tell him anything. So I whispered, 'She left town a week ago. Chasing after that psuedo-pric- I mean, priest. I bet he sucks in the romance department anyway.'

'You mean in bed?' Kamatari purred scaring the tar out of both of us. I turned bright red and considered the cross-dresser on my hit list. 'I don't know. He and Megumi got pretty steamy up in that room.'

'Pervert!'

'Hon, my room is right next door. You think I'm deaf?'

'Sick, thanks for that tasty morsel.' I mumbled. Damn foxy lady hooking up with a priest-who-was-not-a-priest. The same guy who stole my current girlfriend. What'd he have that I didn't? The guy was colder than frozen salami.

'Oh, I don't know. If he swung the right way I'd be glad to offer myself up.' Kamatari grinned lustily. Okay, mental bleach. I needed to remind myself to learn some sort of defense against my own mind. That was just too much to consider.

'Just go away. Don't you have other people to harass?' Katsu half-pleaded, 'I'll buy you a beer if you'll leave us alone for the rest of the night.'

A sly grin crossed those delicate features, 'Oh, I see how it is. Sorry to intrude! And a beer would be wonderful darling.'

'Bitch.' Katsu muttered resentfully as Kamatari flitted off to do whatever. I nodded in agreement. 'I think he needs a bit of payback. You up for a bit of fun?'

'What about Saitoh? He'd love to can our asses.' I said in despair. For no reason at all the man hated my guts. Okay, it could have something to do with that stunt last year… no, I'm not going to tell you all. I wouldn't want someone to get hurt trying to duplicate it.

'Doesn't matter. I took the bars off the window last night.' Katsu replied quietly while shifting into what I had come to recognize 'anti-authority' mode. 'Besides, who's to say we started the bar fight? We're not the only rowdies in town. And there's no one to squeal.'

'Give me a better reason than that.' I was not a rowdy. Okay, so I got in some fights every once in a while. Hey, so it was a lot. But I was living life to the fullest and all that crap! Give me a break."

"Mommy says fighting doesn't solve things." The youngest piped up again earnestly.

"Mommy wouldn't think that because she's female." Sano replied in annoyance. "Talking with your fists achieves great things. Just make sure someone else's fists don't land in your mouth."

" 'Why wouldn't Saitoh know about that? The man's a stickler about his jail. Or at least since it was rebuild. Didn't you ever wonder why you're not allowed within twenty feet of any public building anymore?' I asked rolling my fists around lazily. A bar fight sounded like some good, wholesome fun to me.

'Because he was a bit busy at the time.'

'Oh.' I didn't want to know, I really didn't. Too bad my bud wasn't too keen in the area of reading minds.

'Boy scouts.'

I choked on the last bit of my beer.

'What?'

'He was on a camping trip with one of his kids.' Katsu clarified, 'Apparently the troop leader bailed at the last minute and he had to take over.'

Now, you see, I don't have the world's greatest imagination, but the thought of that jerk with a troop of poor little kids was enough to make me choke again. With laughter this time. Saitoh would have never known what hit him!

'And he survived?'

'Apparently they tried to tie him up and leave him out for the mountain lions, but I get the feeling they're rather sorry about it now.'

I could only consider the fact that they were minors. Surely he'd have pity- wait, no. Not pity. That word isn't in the guy's vocabulary. Consideration? Yeah, consideration for the mob of angry parents trying to burn down his ranch if a little hellion got hurt.

'What's the plan?' Katsu asked. I gave him a wink and promptly walked up to the biggest guy out there. Now, Mike fits the description of brainless brute who is actually a caveman in disguise. He outweighed me by at least fifty pounds of sheer muscle and let's just say that my head was comparable to his bicep. Perfect.

'Hey Mike, you owe me!' I bellowed stomped over. He eyed me dully and shook his head.

'I ain't owin' ya nuffin'.'

'Say that to my fist if you're man enough!' Apparently cute challenges aren't the best way to go when talking to a rock. I cracked a knuckle and belted him in the face with my right."

A/N: Hopefully the format's not too confusing.

Fyyrrose: Yes, I can't believe I did too. I'm hoping school will give me a kick, so I can keep going. I decided not to do the Curses! thing - Too much "work". Manipulated ::looks innocent:: Such a strong word! Did I ever even tell you who Sano ended up with? Mild ::laughing and scaring the dogs:: This is so base Let the acid begin!

Wistful-Eyes: Yes, such neglectful parents OO;; Oh wait, lol, Strays. Yes, corruption is fun (for the kids). It's like grandparents who load them up with sugar then ship them home!

FarStrider: Hey, hey, in all fairness... What am I talking about? The boys aren't remotely safe :) I'll play "nice". And I originally wasn't planning on the spine-breaking for him. I was going to kill Misao off, then changed my mind.