Ron's First Time

"Hermione, I've never…I mean, I haven't--"

"Hush, Ron, I know. Don't worry, it's easy."

"How do I get it to, you know…work?"

"Well, start off by sticking that into there. It's not as scary as it seems. Trust me, I've done this LOADS of times. Just be careful when you put it in…you don't want to force it, or it might break!"

"Maybe you should--"

"No, Ron, you have to learn how to do this yourself!"

"So, will this be worth it?"

"Oh yeah. The best part is right at the end…it's amazing!"

Ron grinned, sticking the DVD into the player. It was The Matrix. He sat back down with Hermione, proud at his accomplishment. At least he didn't blow anything up, like the microwave incident from last summer. His first attempt with a Muggle DVD player wasn't so bad.

The One

"Moony, I think this one is THE One!" Sirius announced dramatically, draping himself all over the sofa.

"She's PERFECT for me!"

"Mmm." was the reply

"I'm SERIOUS, Moony!"

Remus glanced up from his book. "If you even THINK about using that bloody pun one more time…"

"Chill, mate, I won't. But, truly, Rachel is perfect. She's hot, funny, sweet…kind of smart…sort of nice…and has a FANTASTIC arse. She is DEFINITELY The One."

"Padfoot, need I remind you that you also said those exact words about Samantha, Bonnie, Emma, Ali--"

"Moony--"

"—Rita, Jennifer, Tanya--"

"Moony!"

"--Brenda, Monica, Lillian--"

"MOONY! SHUT UP!"

"--and Angela." Remus finished. "And, you do realize, Padfoot, that settling down with one woman means that you can only shag her for the rest of your life. No more flings, no more one night stands, no more hitting on anything with nice legs…"

Remus chuckled to himself. "In other words, the day that Sirius Black settles down will be the end of the world as we know it."

Sirius grimaced.

"Er, yeah, maybe I'll go dump Rachel now."

"I thought so. You're entirely too predictable, old friend."

Nice Save, James

(A follow-up, of sorts, to "An…er…Indecent Proposal" from chapter 3 of this collection of drabbles.)

"James, I'm pregnant."

James didn't move at all. He wasn't breathing or blinking. Lily was getting worried, with a touch of irritation.

"James? Sweetie?"

"You…you…baby…you…fat…Merlin…kid…Oh god…"

James was hardly ready for coherent speech at the moment.

"Yes, James, we're going to have a baby. Well, I'm going to have the baby, you are just going to sit around and do nothing, yet SOMEHOW get some of the CREDIT…" Lily stopped herself before she went into total ranting.

James kept staring at her.

Lily tapped her fingers on the chair in impatience.

After a few seconds of silence, her face contorted in anger. "Wait, James. DID YOU JUST CALL ME FAT?!"

James snapped out of his trance immediately. He grinned widely. "You're having a baby! I'm gonna be a daddy!!!!" He pulled Lily into an enthusiastic hug, jumping around and everything.

Lily rolled her eyes.

"Nice save, James."