Mission 2
Written by D-san
The sleek yellow corvette rolled to a stop in front of the tiny building, and Mario stepped out of the car, studying the slip of paper Yoshi had given him. Supposedly, the guy who ran the chicken processing plant wasn't just some greasy-haired nobody. Seems he was one tough customer, an ex-con named Ludwig who had grown tired with serving the higher ups of Liberty City. The way Yoshi had explained it, someone like Ludwig couldn't be taken out with a simple bullet to the head. He was too tough for that, too damn smart to die an easy death. So he had given Mario a slip of paper with the address of an arms dealer who was pretty reliable, someone who could provide a suitable weapon for a job like this.
But this didn't seem right. Mario glanced down the street, watching some whiny ass Koopa fighting with a cop about a parking ticket. The dealer was on a main street, where people could come and go as they pleased. It seemed people could care less that you could buy an Uzi and then walk down the street with it, waving it around like some brand new toy. And it wasn't like people were just too damn ignorant... the sign above the front door plainly read "Ammu-Nation", in big bold letters. He shrugged, and slipped the piece of paper into his back pocket. Not my problem, he thought.
Mario passed into the store, ignoring the fact that there was no front door, only an open doorway that led into the arms depot. He stopped in front of the counter, looking for the dealer that was supposed to help him, but there didn't seem to be anyone around. He shook his head, cursing softly under his breath before yelling towards the back of the store. "Yo, can I get some frickin' help out here?!" A tiny voice from behind the counter startled him. "Calm the hell down! Shit, don't people ever look down?!" Mario blinked, and leaned forward to peer behind the tabletop. A Toad stood there, polishing the glass on the ammo case. "Damn, not another Toad..." Mario lamented. The store owner exploded, his tiny voice booming within the confines of the store. "THE Toad, dumbass! Damn, what do I have to do to get noticed around here!!" With a slight smirk, Mario held up a gloved hand. "Hey, take it easy..." he said. "Yoshi sent me. Said you could give me a hand with some Ludwig guy." The Toad gave him a quizzical look, his voice skeptical. "You're Yoshi's new guy? I figured he woulda picked someone... skinnier." Mario cursed again, and glanced outside to where the corvette was parked. "Yeah, I'm the new guy." he said. "Can ya just give me the goods so I can get going?" The Toad laughed, and nodded, shuffling towards the back of the store.
"Yeah, I got what you're looking for. The names Toad. The original Toad, like I said. Just my luck every other Toad out there looks just like me. Asses..." Mario did his best to ignore the owner's ramblings, tapping his foot impatiently while he waited. A few minutes later Toad returned, carrying a pot in his hands. "Here..." he said. "Ludwig sure as hell ain't fireproof." Inside the pot lay a vivid red flower, its petals almost neon in color. "What the hell is this?" Mario asked. Toad gave a high pitched chuckle, rubbing his stubby little hands together as he replied. "You never seen one of those, cuz they're brand new. Called a Fire Flower. Looks harmless enough, right?" Mario laughed. "Damn right. What, am I gonna throw the pot at him?" Toad gave him a stern look, moving back behind the front counter. "Yeah, you think it's funny now..." he said. "But when push comes to shove, that flower's gonna save your ass. Look..."
He reached across the counter, and pointed to the flower's neon petals. "You point it at whatever the hell is bothering ya, and pinch the bottom of the stalk. The petals, they'll spin, and throw some big ass flames." Withdrawing his hand, Toad gave Mario a wry smile. But Mario only scoffed, glancing outside again. "Shit, you want me to believe I'll take this guy out with a flower?" With surprising swiftness, Toad hopped onto the counter, his beady little eyes ablaze as he spoke in a low voice. "Listen, plumber. I don't deal shoddy shit. You have my word, that flower is the best money can fuckin' buy." Mario took a small step back, more to escape the spittle flying from Toad's mouth than his wrath. "Yeah, alright..." he said. "Thanks a lot. This gonna be covered by Yoshi?" Toad gave only a small nod, his eyes still harsh, and Mario walked outside, the flower tucked under one arm. He hoped Toad was good for his word. Last thing he needed was to get caught in that chicken processing plant prepared for a damn garden party instead of a brawl.
The sun was just starting to dip below the horizon as Mario parked the car, about a block from the plant. Damn smog was so bad you could barely make out the tops of the taller buildings in town. Kinda made a person wish for the clear skies of Italy. Not that Mario had ever been to Italy, but everyone has to have a little patriotic spirit, some kind of affection for their homeland. Locking the car door was pointless (stupid car didn't even have a top), so Mario tucked the flower under his arm again and made his way to the plant. As the building loomed into view, he was a bit annoyed to find that not a single car was parked outside. The plant was open, that was for sure. Smoke was billowing out of one of the taller smokestacks. But if no one was inside, Yoshi would have hell to pay. Mario had better things to do, like take care of his bastard brother. He pushed the thoughts to the back of his head as he neared one of the plants backdoors.
Giving a quick glance around, Mario reached out to test the door handle. Sure enough, it was open. Didn't people lock doors nowadays? Not my problem, he thought again. He opened the door and stepped inside. As he stared out over the factory floor, he almost laughed. The assembly line was working alright... there were chickens traveling slowly along the line, getting cleaned and stuffed into boxes with mechanical precision. But there wasn't anybody around. Pretty damn odd, Mario thought. He gave a slight sigh and lifted his gaze, searching the room. Big plants usually had a room above it all, a place where the man in charge could oversee everything. And this plant had one. High above the factory floor, near the south end, was a small glass room, filled with plush furniture and a big oak desk.
Turning away from the factory floor, Mario found a stairwell near the south end. With some effort, he began to climb the stairs.
10 minutes and three flights of stairs later he reached the top. He took a moment at the top to rest, sweat pouring down his face. Breathless, he muttered to himself. "Shit. Why the Italians always gotta be... predisposed for obesity?" He took a few more minutes to catch his breath, and then peered down the hallway that lay at the top of the stairs. At the very end was a big oak door, with the words "Ludwig" hastily scribbled in big, childish letters. Pink letters, even. Mario set the pot on the floor, and gently removed the Fire Flower from the soil. As the roots were pulled from the dirt, the flower turned a bright orange color. "Shit..." Mario stood and held the flower at arms length. "Damn thing better not go off on me..." The flower continued to flash brilliantly, but Mario ignored it and crept down the hall. Upon reaching the door, he placed a hand on the knob and slowly turned it. God bless these gloves, he thought. Kids used to laugh at him in grade school for wearing 'em, but they were a blessing. The door creaked open slowly, and he stepped inside.
As soon as he set foot in the room, a large office chair spun to face him. In it sat a Koopa by the looks of it, but with a head full of bright pink hair. This had to be Ludwig. Word on the streets was that he used the moment of disbelief people felt when they saw his hair to his advantage. He just narrowed his eyes now, standing. Ludwig wasn't really tall, only beefy, with a disposition that made most megalomaniacs seem tame. He spoke in a harsh voice, glaring at Mario. "Too little, too late. You look like one of Yoshi's boys, but I don't need Yoshi now. There's a new guy in town, who don't rob us like Yoshi does. I'm taking my business up elsewhere." Mario tore his eyes away from Ludwig's eerily hypnotizing hair and pointed the Fire Flower at him. "Well..." he said. "If that's business, so is this." Ludwig's eyes widened in alarm upon spotting the Fire Flower, and he shifted on his feet, diving behind the chair. "Shit!" he yelled. "Where in the hell did you get one of THOSE?!"
Mario began to smile, smirk even, but before he could let loose with the flower, Ludwig began screaming, his voice filled with rage. "GOOMBINOS! GET YOUR ASSES OUT HERE!" A door to Mario's left flew open, and the room was suddenly filled with short little... mushroom looking things. They didn't have any arms, just a big, brown head and stubby little legs. Their eyes were huge, framed by bushy black eyebrows, and evil little smirks say plastered on their faces. Before Mario could turn the Fire Flower on these new opponents, one of the Goombinos rushed him, knocking him to the ground. The Fire Flower flew out of his hands, and landed near the door. Immediately, the rest of the Goombinos, probably 20 in all, came at him. They flattened him, jumping on him like one giant, collective fungus. Mario didn't give them the satisfaction of making any noise, but every time he tried to slip out from under their feet, they'd fly into the air, landing on him with a loud "thump". They were tiny bastards, but damn, were they heavy. It felt as though his bones were gonna break. Over the Goombino's collective snickers, he could hear Ludwig, his voice full of scorn.
"HA! Yoshi sends one fat ass plumber to get me?! I got henchman up the wazoo! BWAHAHA!" Ludwig's voice filled Mario with anger. He wasn't gonna die here, not when Luigi was out there, banging his woman. He had to finish this job, so he could go finish that backstabbing bro of his, and that bitch Peach too. Mario heaved himself off the ground, knocking the Goombinos away. With a great deal of effort, he ran to the spot where the Fire Flower lay. He picked it up and turned the petals outward, facing the Goombinos. At the sight of the flower, they all scrambled over each other, trying to move out of the way. Ludwig was screaming again, this time at the Goombinos. "YOU PANSIES! GET YOUR ASSES BACK IN LINE AND KICK HIS ASS!" But they weren't listening,. Lucky Goombinos were stupid... they were running over each other, creating confusion when it would have been so much easier for them to walk out the door in an orderly fashion. Without a single word, Mario grasped the bottom of the Fire Flower's stalk and pointed it at the Goombinos.
With a high pitched whir, the flower petals began to spin, flashing a bright neon orange color. Flames, maybe 5 feet in length, poured from the petals, incinerating anything that lie in front of it. Mario was so shocked he almost dropped the flower. But the screams of the Goombinos helped him focus, and he swept the flower back and forth, setting the tiny mushrooms ablaze. God, they were stupid. He probably could have set one on fire and let it do the work for him. Goombinos that caught fire flew into a panic, screaming as they ran about, bumping into their fellow henchman. Setting them on fire too, usually. But doing the deed yourself was so much more gratifying, and Mario watched with grim satisfaction as one by one, the Goombinos fell. Minutes later, their bodies formed a burnt carpet before him.
With a soft whistle, Mario eased his grip off the flower's stalk. The flames died down, and the petals slowed to a stop. Ludwig was nowhere to be seen, but he was in the room, sniffling and cursing. Taking a step forward, Mario kicked over the desk, revealing Ludwig, huddled into a small ball. He looked up at Mario, his eyes full of scorn. "Go ahead and kill me..." he said. "That ain't the end of it. I'm one of the Koopa Kids, and someone will notice I'm gone. When that happens, my family will be on your ass like an otaku on hentai!" Mario scoffed. He wasn't going to give this little punk the satisfaction of winning an argument. "Yeah, well, Yoshi can deal with that." He pointed the Fire Flower at Ludwig and pinched the stalk. Long before flames began to spout from the end of the plant, Ludwig was screaming.
As Mario climbed into the corvette he had parked a block away, the Fire Flower crumbled away, leaving only a few pieces of root in his hands. "Shit..." he muttered. "Damn thing works, but not for long..." He shrugged, revving the engine, and put the car in gear. Silently, he wondered how much longer he'd have to be doing jobs for Yoshi.