Fall/Winter 78/79
By the time we were all nineteen, we'd gone through a lot of twists and turns. So many in fact, that it felt like we were on a roller coaster from hell, with no way off. Eric and I became an official couple, and were together for about a year and a half before we broke it off. We'd both had different visions on how our future together should unfold, which culminated in Eric giving me a promise ring, trying to trap me into a long term commitment that I felt we were just too young for.
Shortly after that messy breakup, my parents fights escalated past the point of no return. Finally unable to stand anymore, my mother just took off one morning for California, leaving Dad and I all alone. Out of feelings of desperation and loneliness, I sought comfort from the nearest available body. That body just happened to be Eric. Luckily, Eric and I sorted out our differing opinions on this, as he'd thought this meant that we were a couple once again, which just wasn't so. The only reason I knew about that was due to Hyde coming by later to clue me in, as well as to offer me some much needed support. All this was accomplished with jests made about my encounter with Eric and some playful teasing; including a remark about how Eric just seemed to be around when I needed 'comfort', while he was over in the basement watching stupid Donahue or something. Anyway...I felt a little better after his visit, though I was still confused and upset over Mom leaving...
Jackie, of course saw this immediately. Not wanting a mopey friend to bring down her reputation, as well as trying to help in her own way, she set me up with Kelso's older brother, Casey. She was excited about us being 'friends in law', though I wasn't really sure why as her and Kelso's relationship continued to be as tumultuous as ever, and ended for the final time after a failed marriage proposal led Kelso helping me run off to California to see my mother. I'd needed to get away after realizing that my loneliness and neediness had clouded my mind to the point that I thought Casey had actually loved me. Just the latest of lies that I believed due to all the drama and trauma I'd been going through at the time. The whole situation finally came to a head though when Casey made a huge fool of me in front of my family and friends...everyone who really mattered to me was made witness to my shame. I'm just glad that the relationship was called to a halt at that point, in spite of the fact that I was colossally embarrassed and humiliated.
To add insult to injury, I tried to get back together with Eric after my break up with Casey, and he turned me down. He said something along the lines of refusing to be second choice. Second choice to Casey? He had to be ridiculous! There wasn't even a comparison there, though I'll freely admit now that he was second choice to someone else...someone I still couldn't seem to bring myself to consider... At the time though, I had missed him and the security and steadfastness that he represented, and that I was missing in my relationship with Casey. I even believed that I was still in love with him, and it wasn't until later that I finally came to the realization that I loved him, but that I was no longer 'in love' with him. Those feelings were directed to the person that I kept refusing to consider, even in my own mind. However, that didn't stop me from thinking of him on several occasions, which I just kept blowing off into the corners of my mind...
Eric's refusal of me, and of continuing our relationship was the straw that broke the camel's back. I'd already gone through so much, and just couldn't take the pressure of another rejection...felt like I was being rejected everywhere I turned these days. All this left me feeling alone, unwanted, and unloved. With those feelings came the need to escape...anyhow and anywhere I could, I had to leave Point Place, at least for a while. As I was headed to the bus station to head to California, I ran into Kelso, who explained what had recently transpired between him and Jackie. Upon hearing that I was planning to go visit my mother, he realized that by going with me, he'd have the out he was looking for. The thought of getting married was freaking him out terribly, and I realized that he felt about as trapped as I was. Seeing that, when he offered to take drive me to California, I just couldn't refuse. Besides, it would save me money, and give me the comfort of having a little piece of home to take with me...even if it was Kelso.
After a long, lonely summer of seeing Kelso hit on various beach trash, before settling on a dumb blonde, Jackie wannabe, named Annette, I started to yearn for the comforts and familiarity of home. Despite the sandy beaches and the parties, California just wasn't home. Besides, in the months that I was there, I saw my mother for the selfish, self absorbed woman she truly was, which was less than impressive... I missed my dad, my friends, and Eric, and was beginning to regret making this decision in the first place. Kelso, in the meantime, waved off my protests, said that I was blowing things out of proportion, and that California rocked! In reality, he was just having too much fun with his blonde beach bunny and didn't want to think about what was awaiting him back home in the name of an angry Jackie...
Bearing all that in mind, when Eric finally came to California to bring me home near the end of summer, I was beyond elated to see him. I'd missed him terribly, was still entertaining the thought that I was in love with him, and found his gesture incredibly romantic and sweet. Needless to say, I leapt at the chance to go home with him and start our relationship anew. I'd been hoping that life could finally return to some sense of normalcy. My summer away felt like a time out of time, you know? Like something in the back of your mind that's there, but at the same time isn't?
Not long after we all got home, Eric and I found out that Jackie and Hyde had started a summer fling after Kelso and I had run off. Of course, Kelso found out about it eventually as well, but the secret was kept from him successfully for quite a while. I always kind of wondered how their fling could've escaped Eric's notice, but after hearing that he's spent most of the summer moping over me after discovering I'd taken off, I guess I understood...at least a little... For some reason though, the Jackie/Hyde relationship bothered me more than it really should have, especially since Eric and I were back together and supposedly happy. To make matters worse, I felt bad feeling that way, as Jackie finally looked happy for a change...something I don't think I'd ever seen her truly be until then. It didn't seem right for me to be feeling that way, as Jackie had turned out to be a pretty good friend, and she really did deserve better than Kelso.
Still...I couldn't seem to help being bothered by their relationship and continued to make mocking gestures regarding it. Then to take my mind off the whole thing, and the feelings I still wasn't ready to confront, I accepted Eric's marriage proposal a few weeks later. Luckily, the whole facade of an engagement was called off a few months later due to continued pressure on the part of Eric's parents...well that, and the fact that both of us admitted to each other that we just weren't ready for marriage. Felt like a huge weight was taken off my shoulders that day... Eric and I also decided that to escape from his parents meddling, that it was probably better for us to move out together just after graduation. Mrs. Forman wasn't too thrilled to hear about all this, but it looked like Red was more than a little relieved...he even agreed to pay Eric's college tuition, something he'd taken away from him a few weeks prior during continued arguments over our engagement.
Despite my plans to move in with Eric, I was simply skirting around the fact that I couldn't help but feel there was something missing in our relationship. The feeling had just kept increasing in intensity since we'd returned from California, and as Jackie and Hyde's relationship continued to progress, and I felt guilty as hell about it, hoping it would just go away. Finally, just as I was about to hit my breaking point, something happened that while tragic, has a blessing wrapped in it as well...Red had a heart attack on the day of our graduation, brought on by hearing that Laurie and Fez had gotten married so that Fez could stay in the country. He'd been ordered to go back to his homeland after the police had caught him vandalizing the water tower a few days before, and they'd found that his VISA was about to expire. You see...despite Red's objections, Eric felt that he should stay closer to home for about a year or so to keep an eye on him, a noble gesture. With that, he also insisted that I go ahead to school without him, and stay in our apartment, as there wasn't anything I could do to help, and it would be selfish of him to ask me to put my education on hold for him. He also reminded me that he would join me in our apartment, and at college next year. After a lot of thinking, I realized he was right and accepted his gesture gracefully, packing up to go of to college alone.
In the meantime, Hyde and Jackie had an argument over her 'relationship' with Kelso, which left Hyde feeling abandonned and alone after catching Jackie and Kelso together hugging/'cuddling' on her couch. This was just another thing to blame Bud and Edna for...leaving Hyde so unsure of himself that he doesn't trust anyone to love him enough to stick around for him. The trust issues they left him with led him to revert back to his, 'Leave them before they leave you.' philosophy, and he ended up having a one night stand with a skanky nurse shortly before graduation...a mistake he regrets to this day.
Once he'd realized what a giant mistake he'd made, he confessed the entire thing to Jackie, who then broke it off with him. He'd spent the next few weeks competing with Kelso for her affections to no avail. He even went so far as to tell her that he loved her, which went against everything he'd ever believed in; I could tell that he'd meant it though, and it broke my heart to see Jackie blow that off, and deciding to remain on her own, rather than choosing between him and Kelso; two guys that had cheated on her. In a way, I could see her point, as in most situations I'd be thinking the same way...'once a cheater, always a cheater', everyone always says. The only thing was, I'd known Hyde long enough to know when he genuinely regretted something, and he'd regretted this. For that reason, and because of the trust issues his parents left him with, I just couldn't seem to stay mad at him. More than anything, I felt bad for him and the fact that Jackie just couldn't see the situation from his standpoint. And despite my continued misgivings about their relationship, for the most part they brought out the best in each other. Jackie was becoming less materialistic and snobby, and Hyde was becoming more open. Most of all, I hated to see two of my best friends hurting so much over something that they could get past if they tried hard enough. It wasn't my decision though, so I just sat back and offered what comfort I could, while for the most part remaining out of it, and refusing to take sides. I'd had enough on my plate anyhow, what with getting ready to move, and to start college in a new city by myself...
Before we all knew it, summer was over and it was time for me to head off to UW in Madison. I'd felt a little nervous about leaving all I knew behind, but realized that it was time to grow up and move on. I promised to come back and visit Eric every weekend, which worked out alright at first, but as time went on, the workload increased, and I thought that I should probably get involved in some school activities. After all, I was going to be going to school there for at least the next four years, I should get to know some of the other students and whatnot. Thus I started writing for the school newspaper and joined the writing club. Consequently, all these activities started to take up more of my time, and allowing me the time to go home less and less often. I think it goes without saying that this caused increasing tension in my relationship with Eric, eventually leading to another messy breakup just after New Years'; one we'd decided to play down for the sake of our friends. Despite all my misgivings about our relationship, I still felt like I was in love with him and was devastated that I had let the situation go this far. Being away at school and alone in the apartment helped me deal with it a little better though, and I was glad for that. I don't think I could've handled seeing him everyday and having to act as though the whole thing just didn't matter. Eventually though, this pain too passed, and things returned to a state of relative normalcy. At least that was the case until the weekend we all went on the Milwaukee beer tour early that spring...
Forman Driveway-random Friday evening/early Spring 1979
I'd just gotten home from college and was headed over to the Forman's, where Eric and Hyde were involved in a competitive game of one on one. Fez was playing the part of goalkeeper, and keeping Jackie company on the sidelines. Fez and Laurie's marriage had simply been one of convenience until his green card came in, so they had pretty much gone their own way; Laurie back to her position as Point Place's resident whore, and Fez unsuccessfully taking to trying to earn Jackie's interest once again. She was having none of it though, and had pretty much remained on her own since the end of the previous summer outside of the random times she'd started hanging out with Eric. They'd become much closer friends since their respective painful breakups, and seemed to take comfort and solace in each other's presence. A little too much comfort lately in my opinion, though neither of them seemed to acknowledge that fact...even to themselves. On the one hand, I felt happy for them as they seemed to enjoy each other's company, but on the other, I still was feeling hurt over me and Eric's breakup, and was kind of pissed that he seemed to be able to move on so soon. And move on to my best friend no less! I still had nothing to base my anger on though, as they hadn't acted like anything more than friends to each other, so I kept my suspicions and feelings of irritation under wraps, hoping I was imagining things. Little did I know that a plan put together by Kelso would change everything...
About a half hour after I got there, and of chatting, as well as observing the continuing game (Hyde was a sure fire winner), Kelso runs up to us all excited with a foghorn. As soon as he caught his breath, he exclaimed, "Hey guys! Guess what?!" We all looked at him a little skeptically and warily responded, "What?" He missed our skeptical looks and continued his excited ramblings, "I just found out that there's this beer tour in Milwaukee this weekend!" Upon delivering his news, he abruptly stops and looks around at all of us, as though waiting for us to get caught up in his exhuberance. When we just looked at him skeptically, thinking he must've gotten his facts confused or something he continued, "C'mon guys! Milwaukee!" He stops to blow the fog horn loudly. "Beer!" he blows the fog horn again, even more loudly if that was even possible. We sit there and look at him for a few more seconds, incredilous that he would make such a scene with Red just inside before Eric pipes up with "We'll go...on one condition..." "What's that?" Kelso questions dumbly. "That you give me that fog horn right now." responds Eric calmly. Kelso stands there for a minute, as though considering Eric's proposal before reluctantly handing it over. Eric grabs it, tosses it to the ground and nonchalantly stomps on it, breaking it in half. "Alright!" Hyde exclaims, and gives Eric a high five. "Let's go!" That said, we all ran and piled into the Cruiser and are on our way...but not before Kelso said, "You know what Eric? That was kinda funny...that was your fog horn!"
Milwaukee Beer Tour-10 am Saturday morning
Even though the beer tour didn't start until the morning, we'd wanted to get to Milwaukee in plenty of time to be there when it opened, which explained our departure that previous evening. Once we'd gotten there, Eric parked in a secure place and we slept in the Cruiser for a few hours before heading over to where the tour was scheduled to take place. The place was packed to the nines, so we had no problems sneaking in without being stopped and ID'd. Surprised us all that Kelso had actually had a decent idea for a change, especially as dimwitted as he usually was. Kelso and Fez took off immediately, excited at the prospect of getting some action with some random, drunken, slutty girls, leaving Eric, Jackie, Hyde, and I. I'd figured that Jackie would want to drag me off with her to do the girly thing, while the guys wandered around the park together, so I was taken by surprise when she grabbed onto Eric's arm and dragged him off toward a booth filled with frilly, prissy things...luckily for Eric, there was an adjacent booth that was selling Star Wars memorabilia, so once Jackie got too absorbed, he could just slink over there. He was in heaven with that and would've stayed there all day if you'd let him.
Unfortunately that only increased my suspicions about their friendship, but realizing I was left with Hyde served as a distraction for a while and the two of us walked off together, heading to the nearest beer tent. We talked about anything from what we'd both been up to since we'd last seen each other, to reminiscing about old times as we slowly got increasingly drunk. Only thing was, we talked about everything but what we truly needed to speak with each other about. Several minutes, and a few more beers later, we started to get into the more serious stuff, such as our respective break ups, how we were dealing with them...we just started to talk about the 'friendship' that seemed to blossom overnight between Jackie and Eric, when the both of us turned around to see the two of them drunkenly wobbling around, as Jackie leaned in and kissed Eric. That was all it took to break down my indifference and false bravado over me and Eric's break up, and his subsequent 'friendship' with Jackie, and I started hysterically sobbing. Hyde had assumed his Zen persona upon witnessing the entire thing. However, when he turned after hearing me start sobbing, a look of tenderness and concern flitted across his features, ruining the whole 'Zen' effect. He was never one to be able to stand the sight of a girl crying anyway, and my tears had an especially strong effect on him. Probably because I seemed so strong most of the time, so for me to be crying, I had to really be distraught. Even though he looked a little pained to see Jackie and Eric in an intimate embrace, he seemed to be more concerned about how poorly I was taking it, than he was that the former love of his life was making out with his best friend. I took some comfort in that, and when he made some haphazard attempts to console me, I couldn't help but feel just a wee bit better. However, it wasn't enough to stop my sobs, nor from me continuing on about how I'll probably never find anyone else, and that how I was with Eric for so long, I didn't even know if anyone else would even give me a second glance, let alone if I still even remembered how to go about attracting interest. In short, I felt undesirable, and betrayed by the man I thought I loved, as well as my 'supposed' best friend. My heart was breaking again, just like it did on the first day Eric and I had broken up, and all I could do was release my sorrow in the arms of his best friend, the man that I couldn't even admit to myself that I loved, even then...Hyde.
Soon realizing that his somewhat pitiful attempts at comfort were having little effect, he did the one thing that irritated me the most, yet re-established my shaken self-confidence. Most of all, it served to take away my sorrow; passion having taken it's place. Passion that was quickly engulfed in anger...he'd leaned in and kissed me. It started tenderly at first, then quickly deepened and turned into something much more serious. Within minutes, realization struck as to what was happening and I yanked myself away abruptly, raising my hand to give him yet another slap; the spitfire inflamed in me anew. Ironically, it wasn't so much the kiss that had bothered me...it had more to do with the timing of it. I'd craved comfort and some form of reassurance after seeing my best friend start kissing my ex right in front of me, with no concern to my feelings. Sure, they were both drunk, but it still hurt more than I think anyone knew. Hyde was the only other person that could understand some of what I was going through, yet he was the very person that I felt at the time had taken advantage of my vulnerability. I couldn't help but be angry with him...whether or not I'd enjoyed the kiss was irrelevant... The only thing I hadn't counted on was that for once, Hyde would be one step ahead of me and see the slap coming. He grabbed a hold of my arm just before it made contact with his cheek, and struggling to control his Zen and keep his composure, he just stood there holding my arm with a look of angry passion for a few moments. Suddenly, like all the air had been taken out of him, he dropped my arm and quietly stalked away before I could say a word.
By the time we were all nineteen, we'd gone through a lot of twists and turns. So many in fact, that it felt like we were on a roller coaster from hell, with no way off. Eric and I became an official couple, and were together for about a year and a half before we broke it off. We'd both had different visions on how our future together should unfold, which culminated in Eric giving me a promise ring, trying to trap me into a long term commitment that I felt we were just too young for.
Shortly after that messy breakup, my parents fights escalated past the point of no return. Finally unable to stand anymore, my mother just took off one morning for California, leaving Dad and I all alone. Out of feelings of desperation and loneliness, I sought comfort from the nearest available body. That body just happened to be Eric. Luckily, Eric and I sorted out our differing opinions on this, as he'd thought this meant that we were a couple once again, which just wasn't so. The only reason I knew about that was due to Hyde coming by later to clue me in, as well as to offer me some much needed support. All this was accomplished with jests made about my encounter with Eric and some playful teasing; including a remark about how Eric just seemed to be around when I needed 'comfort', while he was over in the basement watching stupid Donahue or something. Anyway...I felt a little better after his visit, though I was still confused and upset over Mom leaving...
Jackie, of course saw this immediately. Not wanting a mopey friend to bring down her reputation, as well as trying to help in her own way, she set me up with Kelso's older brother, Casey. She was excited about us being 'friends in law', though I wasn't really sure why as her and Kelso's relationship continued to be as tumultuous as ever, and ended for the final time after a failed marriage proposal led Kelso helping me run off to California to see my mother. I'd needed to get away after realizing that my loneliness and neediness had clouded my mind to the point that I thought Casey had actually loved me. Just the latest of lies that I believed due to all the drama and trauma I'd been going through at the time. The whole situation finally came to a head though when Casey made a huge fool of me in front of my family and friends...everyone who really mattered to me was made witness to my shame. I'm just glad that the relationship was called to a halt at that point, in spite of the fact that I was colossally embarrassed and humiliated.
To add insult to injury, I tried to get back together with Eric after my break up with Casey, and he turned me down. He said something along the lines of refusing to be second choice. Second choice to Casey? He had to be ridiculous! There wasn't even a comparison there, though I'll freely admit now that he was second choice to someone else...someone I still couldn't seem to bring myself to consider... At the time though, I had missed him and the security and steadfastness that he represented, and that I was missing in my relationship with Casey. I even believed that I was still in love with him, and it wasn't until later that I finally came to the realization that I loved him, but that I was no longer 'in love' with him. Those feelings were directed to the person that I kept refusing to consider, even in my own mind. However, that didn't stop me from thinking of him on several occasions, which I just kept blowing off into the corners of my mind...
Eric's refusal of me, and of continuing our relationship was the straw that broke the camel's back. I'd already gone through so much, and just couldn't take the pressure of another rejection...felt like I was being rejected everywhere I turned these days. All this left me feeling alone, unwanted, and unloved. With those feelings came the need to escape...anyhow and anywhere I could, I had to leave Point Place, at least for a while. As I was headed to the bus station to head to California, I ran into Kelso, who explained what had recently transpired between him and Jackie. Upon hearing that I was planning to go visit my mother, he realized that by going with me, he'd have the out he was looking for. The thought of getting married was freaking him out terribly, and I realized that he felt about as trapped as I was. Seeing that, when he offered to take drive me to California, I just couldn't refuse. Besides, it would save me money, and give me the comfort of having a little piece of home to take with me...even if it was Kelso.
After a long, lonely summer of seeing Kelso hit on various beach trash, before settling on a dumb blonde, Jackie wannabe, named Annette, I started to yearn for the comforts and familiarity of home. Despite the sandy beaches and the parties, California just wasn't home. Besides, in the months that I was there, I saw my mother for the selfish, self absorbed woman she truly was, which was less than impressive... I missed my dad, my friends, and Eric, and was beginning to regret making this decision in the first place. Kelso, in the meantime, waved off my protests, said that I was blowing things out of proportion, and that California rocked! In reality, he was just having too much fun with his blonde beach bunny and didn't want to think about what was awaiting him back home in the name of an angry Jackie...
Bearing all that in mind, when Eric finally came to California to bring me home near the end of summer, I was beyond elated to see him. I'd missed him terribly, was still entertaining the thought that I was in love with him, and found his gesture incredibly romantic and sweet. Needless to say, I leapt at the chance to go home with him and start our relationship anew. I'd been hoping that life could finally return to some sense of normalcy. My summer away felt like a time out of time, you know? Like something in the back of your mind that's there, but at the same time isn't?
Not long after we all got home, Eric and I found out that Jackie and Hyde had started a summer fling after Kelso and I had run off. Of course, Kelso found out about it eventually as well, but the secret was kept from him successfully for quite a while. I always kind of wondered how their fling could've escaped Eric's notice, but after hearing that he's spent most of the summer moping over me after discovering I'd taken off, I guess I understood...at least a little... For some reason though, the Jackie/Hyde relationship bothered me more than it really should have, especially since Eric and I were back together and supposedly happy. To make matters worse, I felt bad feeling that way, as Jackie finally looked happy for a change...something I don't think I'd ever seen her truly be until then. It didn't seem right for me to be feeling that way, as Jackie had turned out to be a pretty good friend, and she really did deserve better than Kelso.
Still...I couldn't seem to help being bothered by their relationship and continued to make mocking gestures regarding it. Then to take my mind off the whole thing, and the feelings I still wasn't ready to confront, I accepted Eric's marriage proposal a few weeks later. Luckily, the whole facade of an engagement was called off a few months later due to continued pressure on the part of Eric's parents...well that, and the fact that both of us admitted to each other that we just weren't ready for marriage. Felt like a huge weight was taken off my shoulders that day... Eric and I also decided that to escape from his parents meddling, that it was probably better for us to move out together just after graduation. Mrs. Forman wasn't too thrilled to hear about all this, but it looked like Red was more than a little relieved...he even agreed to pay Eric's college tuition, something he'd taken away from him a few weeks prior during continued arguments over our engagement.
Despite my plans to move in with Eric, I was simply skirting around the fact that I couldn't help but feel there was something missing in our relationship. The feeling had just kept increasing in intensity since we'd returned from California, and as Jackie and Hyde's relationship continued to progress, and I felt guilty as hell about it, hoping it would just go away. Finally, just as I was about to hit my breaking point, something happened that while tragic, has a blessing wrapped in it as well...Red had a heart attack on the day of our graduation, brought on by hearing that Laurie and Fez had gotten married so that Fez could stay in the country. He'd been ordered to go back to his homeland after the police had caught him vandalizing the water tower a few days before, and they'd found that his VISA was about to expire. You see...despite Red's objections, Eric felt that he should stay closer to home for about a year or so to keep an eye on him, a noble gesture. With that, he also insisted that I go ahead to school without him, and stay in our apartment, as there wasn't anything I could do to help, and it would be selfish of him to ask me to put my education on hold for him. He also reminded me that he would join me in our apartment, and at college next year. After a lot of thinking, I realized he was right and accepted his gesture gracefully, packing up to go of to college alone.
In the meantime, Hyde and Jackie had an argument over her 'relationship' with Kelso, which left Hyde feeling abandonned and alone after catching Jackie and Kelso together hugging/'cuddling' on her couch. This was just another thing to blame Bud and Edna for...leaving Hyde so unsure of himself that he doesn't trust anyone to love him enough to stick around for him. The trust issues they left him with led him to revert back to his, 'Leave them before they leave you.' philosophy, and he ended up having a one night stand with a skanky nurse shortly before graduation...a mistake he regrets to this day.
Once he'd realized what a giant mistake he'd made, he confessed the entire thing to Jackie, who then broke it off with him. He'd spent the next few weeks competing with Kelso for her affections to no avail. He even went so far as to tell her that he loved her, which went against everything he'd ever believed in; I could tell that he'd meant it though, and it broke my heart to see Jackie blow that off, and deciding to remain on her own, rather than choosing between him and Kelso; two guys that had cheated on her. In a way, I could see her point, as in most situations I'd be thinking the same way...'once a cheater, always a cheater', everyone always says. The only thing was, I'd known Hyde long enough to know when he genuinely regretted something, and he'd regretted this. For that reason, and because of the trust issues his parents left him with, I just couldn't seem to stay mad at him. More than anything, I felt bad for him and the fact that Jackie just couldn't see the situation from his standpoint. And despite my continued misgivings about their relationship, for the most part they brought out the best in each other. Jackie was becoming less materialistic and snobby, and Hyde was becoming more open. Most of all, I hated to see two of my best friends hurting so much over something that they could get past if they tried hard enough. It wasn't my decision though, so I just sat back and offered what comfort I could, while for the most part remaining out of it, and refusing to take sides. I'd had enough on my plate anyhow, what with getting ready to move, and to start college in a new city by myself...
Before we all knew it, summer was over and it was time for me to head off to UW in Madison. I'd felt a little nervous about leaving all I knew behind, but realized that it was time to grow up and move on. I promised to come back and visit Eric every weekend, which worked out alright at first, but as time went on, the workload increased, and I thought that I should probably get involved in some school activities. After all, I was going to be going to school there for at least the next four years, I should get to know some of the other students and whatnot. Thus I started writing for the school newspaper and joined the writing club. Consequently, all these activities started to take up more of my time, and allowing me the time to go home less and less often. I think it goes without saying that this caused increasing tension in my relationship with Eric, eventually leading to another messy breakup just after New Years'; one we'd decided to play down for the sake of our friends. Despite all my misgivings about our relationship, I still felt like I was in love with him and was devastated that I had let the situation go this far. Being away at school and alone in the apartment helped me deal with it a little better though, and I was glad for that. I don't think I could've handled seeing him everyday and having to act as though the whole thing just didn't matter. Eventually though, this pain too passed, and things returned to a state of relative normalcy. At least that was the case until the weekend we all went on the Milwaukee beer tour early that spring...
Forman Driveway-random Friday evening/early Spring 1979
I'd just gotten home from college and was headed over to the Forman's, where Eric and Hyde were involved in a competitive game of one on one. Fez was playing the part of goalkeeper, and keeping Jackie company on the sidelines. Fez and Laurie's marriage had simply been one of convenience until his green card came in, so they had pretty much gone their own way; Laurie back to her position as Point Place's resident whore, and Fez unsuccessfully taking to trying to earn Jackie's interest once again. She was having none of it though, and had pretty much remained on her own since the end of the previous summer outside of the random times she'd started hanging out with Eric. They'd become much closer friends since their respective painful breakups, and seemed to take comfort and solace in each other's presence. A little too much comfort lately in my opinion, though neither of them seemed to acknowledge that fact...even to themselves. On the one hand, I felt happy for them as they seemed to enjoy each other's company, but on the other, I still was feeling hurt over me and Eric's breakup, and was kind of pissed that he seemed to be able to move on so soon. And move on to my best friend no less! I still had nothing to base my anger on though, as they hadn't acted like anything more than friends to each other, so I kept my suspicions and feelings of irritation under wraps, hoping I was imagining things. Little did I know that a plan put together by Kelso would change everything...
About a half hour after I got there, and of chatting, as well as observing the continuing game (Hyde was a sure fire winner), Kelso runs up to us all excited with a foghorn. As soon as he caught his breath, he exclaimed, "Hey guys! Guess what?!" We all looked at him a little skeptically and warily responded, "What?" He missed our skeptical looks and continued his excited ramblings, "I just found out that there's this beer tour in Milwaukee this weekend!" Upon delivering his news, he abruptly stops and looks around at all of us, as though waiting for us to get caught up in his exhuberance. When we just looked at him skeptically, thinking he must've gotten his facts confused or something he continued, "C'mon guys! Milwaukee!" He stops to blow the fog horn loudly. "Beer!" he blows the fog horn again, even more loudly if that was even possible. We sit there and look at him for a few more seconds, incredilous that he would make such a scene with Red just inside before Eric pipes up with "We'll go...on one condition..." "What's that?" Kelso questions dumbly. "That you give me that fog horn right now." responds Eric calmly. Kelso stands there for a minute, as though considering Eric's proposal before reluctantly handing it over. Eric grabs it, tosses it to the ground and nonchalantly stomps on it, breaking it in half. "Alright!" Hyde exclaims, and gives Eric a high five. "Let's go!" That said, we all ran and piled into the Cruiser and are on our way...but not before Kelso said, "You know what Eric? That was kinda funny...that was your fog horn!"
Milwaukee Beer Tour-10 am Saturday morning
Even though the beer tour didn't start until the morning, we'd wanted to get to Milwaukee in plenty of time to be there when it opened, which explained our departure that previous evening. Once we'd gotten there, Eric parked in a secure place and we slept in the Cruiser for a few hours before heading over to where the tour was scheduled to take place. The place was packed to the nines, so we had no problems sneaking in without being stopped and ID'd. Surprised us all that Kelso had actually had a decent idea for a change, especially as dimwitted as he usually was. Kelso and Fez took off immediately, excited at the prospect of getting some action with some random, drunken, slutty girls, leaving Eric, Jackie, Hyde, and I. I'd figured that Jackie would want to drag me off with her to do the girly thing, while the guys wandered around the park together, so I was taken by surprise when she grabbed onto Eric's arm and dragged him off toward a booth filled with frilly, prissy things...luckily for Eric, there was an adjacent booth that was selling Star Wars memorabilia, so once Jackie got too absorbed, he could just slink over there. He was in heaven with that and would've stayed there all day if you'd let him.
Unfortunately that only increased my suspicions about their friendship, but realizing I was left with Hyde served as a distraction for a while and the two of us walked off together, heading to the nearest beer tent. We talked about anything from what we'd both been up to since we'd last seen each other, to reminiscing about old times as we slowly got increasingly drunk. Only thing was, we talked about everything but what we truly needed to speak with each other about. Several minutes, and a few more beers later, we started to get into the more serious stuff, such as our respective break ups, how we were dealing with them...we just started to talk about the 'friendship' that seemed to blossom overnight between Jackie and Eric, when the both of us turned around to see the two of them drunkenly wobbling around, as Jackie leaned in and kissed Eric. That was all it took to break down my indifference and false bravado over me and Eric's break up, and his subsequent 'friendship' with Jackie, and I started hysterically sobbing. Hyde had assumed his Zen persona upon witnessing the entire thing. However, when he turned after hearing me start sobbing, a look of tenderness and concern flitted across his features, ruining the whole 'Zen' effect. He was never one to be able to stand the sight of a girl crying anyway, and my tears had an especially strong effect on him. Probably because I seemed so strong most of the time, so for me to be crying, I had to really be distraught. Even though he looked a little pained to see Jackie and Eric in an intimate embrace, he seemed to be more concerned about how poorly I was taking it, than he was that the former love of his life was making out with his best friend. I took some comfort in that, and when he made some haphazard attempts to console me, I couldn't help but feel just a wee bit better. However, it wasn't enough to stop my sobs, nor from me continuing on about how I'll probably never find anyone else, and that how I was with Eric for so long, I didn't even know if anyone else would even give me a second glance, let alone if I still even remembered how to go about attracting interest. In short, I felt undesirable, and betrayed by the man I thought I loved, as well as my 'supposed' best friend. My heart was breaking again, just like it did on the first day Eric and I had broken up, and all I could do was release my sorrow in the arms of his best friend, the man that I couldn't even admit to myself that I loved, even then...Hyde.
Soon realizing that his somewhat pitiful attempts at comfort were having little effect, he did the one thing that irritated me the most, yet re-established my shaken self-confidence. Most of all, it served to take away my sorrow; passion having taken it's place. Passion that was quickly engulfed in anger...he'd leaned in and kissed me. It started tenderly at first, then quickly deepened and turned into something much more serious. Within minutes, realization struck as to what was happening and I yanked myself away abruptly, raising my hand to give him yet another slap; the spitfire inflamed in me anew. Ironically, it wasn't so much the kiss that had bothered me...it had more to do with the timing of it. I'd craved comfort and some form of reassurance after seeing my best friend start kissing my ex right in front of me, with no concern to my feelings. Sure, they were both drunk, but it still hurt more than I think anyone knew. Hyde was the only other person that could understand some of what I was going through, yet he was the very person that I felt at the time had taken advantage of my vulnerability. I couldn't help but be angry with him...whether or not I'd enjoyed the kiss was irrelevant... The only thing I hadn't counted on was that for once, Hyde would be one step ahead of me and see the slap coming. He grabbed a hold of my arm just before it made contact with his cheek, and struggling to control his Zen and keep his composure, he just stood there holding my arm with a look of angry passion for a few moments. Suddenly, like all the air had been taken out of him, he dropped my arm and quietly stalked away before I could say a word.