Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, this is for entertainment purposes only.

Author's note: It's been a while since I've been able to catch an episode (DVD... please, please, please... I would so definitely buy this on DVD)... but I think I remember it... and if you take it seriously... you were definitely watching the wrong show.

Author's note 2 : Why Dief? Why not?

Hail To The Chief

Chapter 1: dealing with idiots

At times I wonder what goes through his head… or if anything does, or if he simply shuts his brain down while he's 'on-duty.' I wonder if he loves this place… or hates this place and is simply too polite to say so. And I wonder what his problem is with tortilla chips?

I, for one, find this place rather interesting. There are so many different smells… and the advantage to a city is that humans actually mark their territory in ways that make sense… okay, so it's usually the humans on the brink of disaster who do so – and I don't mean just fear… but living feral. The ones who ingest things that make them sick – no not tortilla chips – but other things… worse things – and scrounge through the leftovers of other human lives… I sometimes wonder how humans survive as a species at all. They're self-destructive… irrational… wasteful… and have a horrible sense of smell. Even him, as good as he is… still can't smell a hundredth of the things I can…

Him? Oh, he's Benton Fraser in human speak… or as I think of him 'the clumsy idiot who needs constant taking care of because he hasn't got the brains God gave a rabbit.' But Benton Fraser – or simply Fraser – is quicker.

Not that I speak human… but I've learned to read lips. It helps, when you're deaf, and your pack-mate is an idiot. Like now…

"Diefenbaker… have you been scrounging for junk food again?" With his duty shift ended, he emerges from his regulation trance and looks down at me.

Who, me? I look up at him innocently, even adding the cute little cock of the head. Like I said, lip-reading helps because you can know what your pack mate is saying and use it to drive him nuts.

"Yes, you. Haven't I told you a million times that that stuff is bad for you…"

I catch the scent of a familiar cologne, and sense that relief is coming fast on it's feet. I turn to look, and Fraser follows my gaze.

"Fraser. I need your help."

"Sure, Ray. What's the problem?" Remember what I said about him being an idiot? Ray is an acquaintance, not a full-fledged member of the pack. However… Stupid here seems to think that anyone who asks for help deserves to get it. This usually ends up with him – or Ray, or sometimes him and Ray – ending up in trouble, and me having to go rescue them. This time, Ray rescues me – from a long and boring lecture about the hazards of junk food… especially junk food found on the street.

"It's my sister…"

"Uh… Ray…" See? Trouble. Ray's sister wants to mate with Fraser… a role Fraser has no desire to play. I mean, that lady's pheromones go into over-drive when she's within two-hundred paces of Fraser. I don't want her in the pack, either. She's got no useful skills… not that Fraser's much better – but he is a bit. Besides, he's my pack-mate… and idiotic as he is I still owe him some loyalty.

"She… she's disappeared."

So what? Good riddance to bad rubbish, if you ask me. Of course… they don't ask me. You're a cop… find her yourself. Isn't that what they're supposed to do?

"Why didn't you say so? Have you filed a report?" Fraser immediately begins walking down the street towards where Ray has parked his car… and true to my duty… I follow.

"I can't file a report until she's gone for forty-eight hours." I can understand Ray's concern… his sister is his pack mate after all… and humans can be loyal, too. "Don't you have rules up in Canada?"

"Of course, we have rules, Ray." Fraser bumps into some nobody who's had cannabis in the last week… and is too caught up in his headphones to notice. "Sorry."

Ray just rolls his eyes… a trick I wish I could accomplish. "He probably didn't even notice you…"

"Still… it doesn't hurt to have some common courtesy, Ray."

As soon as the door's open, I scramble inside and take up my position in the back. Ray's a lot more tolerant of me since I gently informed a man one day that it would not be a bright idea to attempt to steal this car. I was still holding his hand in my mouth when Ray came back… it seems that most people become very cooperative when they realise that they're speaking to a wolf. Maybe they think that we're unintelligent… like dogs or something, and that we'll eat them. A word of advice… don't eat humans unless you're really hungry. They don't taste that much like pork. Anyway, like I was saying… Ray's been a lot more accepting of my presence since then. If you think he cares for his sister… you have no idea how he feels about his car.

We end up in a traffic jam… and Ray swears profusely – I can see his lips in the rear-view mirror – craning his neck to see what has caused it. "Of all the…"

Fraser catches sight of it too, and reaches for the door handle. As for me… I take the opportunity to bury my head in my paws. This day has just gone from bad… to much, much worse.