11th April 2003
Warning: Er…not content warning! ^^;; This chapter kinda ends in a rather evil place…and due to an increased workload (seeing as I have exam hell fast approaching) there's little chance that I'm gonna be writing much any time soon. Gomen. So if you really, really dislike cliff-hanger-type endings, then I'd suggest that you don't read this until I've got more time to write…
Any case, this chapter; liberal doses of angst, with sprinklings of humour, and much hinting at the very obvious that the characters still annoyingly fail to notice. ^_~ Oh yes, and another unexpected twist/complication to the plot...
One last thing, I think someone commented that had Taichi forgotten that he was the one who left? The answer is: Nope, he hasn't. *grin*
Late Night Radio Pt.6
The Past
~Jheya Ono~
One walk through the snow, one impromptu snowball fight, and one very bizarre way of choosing a movie later, Taichi and Yamato were sitting in a darkened movie theatre waiting for the trailers to end and the movie to begin.
The brunette chewed his lower lip thoughtfully, not really paying attention to the adverts. He was glad that the lights were low, as it meant that his expression would be hard to see... He really didn't want his friend to ask him what he was thinking so seriously about, especially as the only thing currently on his mind was the blonde sitting beside him.
He sighed, but quietly enough that Yamato wouldn't be able to hear him over the sounds emitted by the speakers. Their walk through the snow together had convinced him that he had been right to worry about his friend. There was just...something about him. A deep rooted sadness clouded those cerulean eyes even whilst he was smiling, something that Taichi saw every time he asked a question unexpectedly, or studied Yamato's features when the blonde wasn't aware of him doing so... He didn't know exactly what was causing his friend such heartache...but he realised that that hidden hurt meant that whenever the singer had managed to muster what seemed like a genuine smile, whenever he had appeared to be so happy and content... It had all been an act.
Irrationally, anger flared at that thought. He felt furious that Yamato was putting on an act so that... So that, what? So that he didn't worry him? Surely the singer should know that he didn't have to do that...that all he wanted was the genuine Yamato Ishida, including every mood, all the highs, and all the lows... He didn't have to be the happy successful artist that he was to the world. The blonde could be his true self around him, Taichi, and he would never judge him, he would never think any less of him... Hell, nothing would ever make him think badly of him...
As suddenly as it had come, the anger left his system, leaving him with an overriding sense of guilt. He had no reason to feel angry. No reason at all... No right to feel angry. Thinking about it, it shouldn't really have been a surprise if Yamato was no longer so open with his emotions around him, after all it had been so long since they had been together last... In fact, if anybody had a reason to be angry, it was Yamato. The brunette had exactly been a good friend to him, but still the blonde was friendly and warm, welcoming him back with open arms, which was so much more than he deserved...
Not exactly a good friend? Hell, that was an understatement. He had acted atrociously as a friend, and considering that to him, the blonde wasn't merely a friend, but something more, he had acted unforgivably. Considering that Yamato was the one he... The one he had...
His throat tightened, and he closed his eyes as memories flooded back to him... Memories that hadn't been forgotten, for they were far too precious for that, but suppressed, and buried deep in his heart, as they were too painful to remember... He was a fool. He was an idiot... He continued to berate himself mentally. And more than anything else, he didn't deserve, he wasn't worthy of Yamato's friendship, let alone... Let alone...
Shoving such thoughts to the back of his mind, and opening his eyes, he glanced anxiously to the side, worried that somehow his friend had noticed how tormented his thoughts were. He didn't want the blonde to start worrying about him, in addition to whatever was already plaguing his thoughts. Because if nothing else, he didn't deserve such concern...
The brunette was surprised to see that his friend had sunk extremely low in his seat...so low that it looked really quite awkward, rather than a comfortable slouch. However, the singer at least seemed oblivious to the thoughts that had been running round in Taichi's mind, and he let out a silent sigh of relief that this was the case. His relief was short-lived, for his senses began to take notice of his surroundings again, something that they had failed to do whilst he had been deep in thought, everything else having been temporarily blocked out. In particular he picked up one irritating voice, which spoke in tones that said that the owner wanted to pick a fight. And that voice was speaking directly to Yamato.
"You in the fucking baseball cap!" the owner of the voice virtually spat at the blonde. "I know you can hear me, so don't ignore me!"
The brunette narrowed his eyes, thoroughly incensed. How dare that person talk to Yamato like that?! No active though occurred on his part as he quickly spun round and glared as coldly as he could at the speaker, who had an ugly sneer disfiguring what would otherwise have probably been a reasonable looking face.
"Tai, just leave it." he heard Yamato mutter, but didn't heed him. He'd failed the blonde as a friend so many times in the past, so he was damned if he wasn't going to defend him now...
"Excuse me." he said, his voice like ice. "Where do you get off talking to my friend like that?"
"Keep out of this." he was advised as the bloke gave him a contemptuous look. "It doesn't concern you. It's between me and him." He indicated Yamato with a jerk of his thumb, and the totally ignore the brunette to continue harassing the blonde. "Hey! Don't just ignore me. Take your fucking cap off cos you're blocking my view!"
The singer somehow managed to sink even lower into his chair, in what must have been a very uncomfortable position to remain in. His head barely showed over the top of the seat back, which only confirmed in Taichi's mind that the man was being a jerk purely for the purposes of being a jerk. The brunette was just about to tell him to piss off, with the possibility of a liberal dose of swear words being added in for good measure, when suddenly the man leaned forward without warning, and whipped the hat off the blonde's head.
"Oh shit." he heard Yamato say mildly, without a trace on anger, and only resignation in his voice. It was only then that the brunette was aware of the fact that practically everyone else in the movie theatre was looking at them. Yamato straightened, no longer looking as if he were trying to vanish into his seat, and Taichi heard the gasps that filled the air turn to whispers, then to murmured conversations... And so the noise level steadily rose, with no-one paying any attention to the screen any more, and the brunette realised that it was only going to be a matter of time before someone properly voiced what they were all thinking.
He was right.
"Kami-sama! That's Yamato Ishida!"
And with that one simple exclamation, the room exploded into a cacophony of sound and movement and it seemed as if everyone were on their feet and yelling and screaming with excitement. But in the midst of all this chaos, Yamato still seemed to be amazingly calm. He merely sighed, or at least to Taichi it looked as if he had sighed, for there was no chance that such a soft sound could be heard over the din that surrounded them, and rose to his feet. He them gracefully turned, and just looked at the man who had been harassing him for no good reason, mere moments before. The blonde's face was blank, composed, and even his eyes showed no sign of anger or resentment, betraying no emotion at all...
In contrast the other man looked almost as if he were going to have a heart attack. The anger had gone, replaced with a look of utter shock as his mouth gaped open, and his eyes appeared to be trying to part company with his face as they bulged out. There was a girl sitting beside him, and perhaps his prior attitude towards Yamato had been in an attempt to impress her... An attempt that had almost certainly backfired now that it had been revealed that the unassuming guy in the baseball cap was actually just about the most famous man on the planet.
Taichi couldn't help the satisfied smirk that settle itself on his lips as the girl got over the shock seeing the singer, and started to berate her date for being so stupid, so insensitive, such an idiot, a prat, a moron... The list went on, getting steadily ruder and more insulting as it did.
Way to go mate! Taichi laughed privately in his head. Way to make an impression... True, the guy had probably managed to make an indelible impression on her...just not a very good one...
The girl finally seemed to have run out of insults to hurl, and she turned away from her date, disgust clearly etched on her face. That movement brought Yamato into view once more, and her expression turned to one of acute dismay for the position she had been put in, and her cheeks flushed with embarrassment.
"Ohh Yamato... Ishida-san..." the words tumbled out, her voice and manner completely apologetic. "I'm so, so sorry..."
The blonde inclined his head towards her, and a slight smile curved his lips, letting her know that he felt no animosity towards her, even though for the moment he chose not to speak. She visibly relaxed at that, much to Taichi's amazement.
Yamato could cause that much of an effect with merely a look and a half-smile?!
The blonde then turned his attention back to the guy, who was still gawping like a goldfish, the expression on his face and in those sapphire eyes once more blank and unreadable.
"Hey..." he said levelly after a long, uncomfortable moment, his voice soft, but somehow still audible. There was a sudden hush in the movie theatre, the contrast so sharp from the din before that the silence seemed to ring. Taichi looked round in surprise, disconcerted to see that every set of eyes was focused solely on them, and the confrontation taking place. No-one moved, and all seemed to be holding their breath in anticipation. The brunette's forehead wrinkled in confusion. What in the hell...? Yeah, something was going on, but it wasn't exactly a major bust up or anything... Nothing that should have commanded so many people's attention, and certainly not to the degree that it had...
"Uh... Um, huh? I mean, y-yeah?" the man stuttered, looking up and meeting Yamato's eyes with an expression on his face that could only be described as abject terror.
"You gonna give me my cap back?" the singer asked coolly, calmly.
"Oh, uh, s-sure..." He handed it slowly to Yamato, as if worried that any movement he made would cause offence, and Taichi noticed that the man was shaking as he did so. The blonde took it graciously, and put it back on his head, adjusting it until it rested in the same position as before. Then Yamato leaned close to the brunette and grasped his wrist tightly, and Taichi wondered if everyone could hear how loud and how fast his heart seemed to be beating all of a sudden...
"Taichi...?" the singer whispered, his voice sounding unnaturally loud in the hush that surrounded them.
"Uh, yeah?" he murmured, his vocal cords not seeming to want to work properly.
"Run."
With that, the blonde set off, running down the row of seats, and up the aisle towards the exit, pulling his friend after him. That action seemed to break the tenuous calm that had fallen, and acted as a catalyst, for the movie theatre erupted into sound and movement again, where everyone seemed to be screaming and trying to get close to the singer... But Yamato had a head-start on them all, and they were all getting in each other's way, slowing them down further. Taichi was only half aware of the chaos happening all around him, so much of his awareness inexplicably focused on the hand gripping his wrist, and the way his heart was beating so fast...
Together they ran out of the movie theatre, across the foyer and out into the snow beyond. They didn't stop there, but ran on some distance further, until the cinema was lost in the whirling flakes that had begun to fall again, and no sound of a pursuing crowd could be heard. Only then did Yamato release his hold on his friend, and leant again a nearby wall for support whilst he caught his breath.
"Taichi?"
"Yeah?" the brunette replied, suddenly snapping out of the trance-like state he had been in since their flight from the cinema.
What the hell was wrong with him today?!
He questioned himself in the privacy of his mind, and his heart felt heavier as the simple answer presented itself. He knew exactly why he was acting the way he was. He just didn't want to admit it, not even to himself...
"Taichi... I'm sorry..."
"What?!" he exclaimed, turning to face the blonde quickly, concern flashing across his features. "Whatever for?"
"Well, because of me, we never got to see that film..."
"Is that all?" the brunette laughed in relief, his expression clearing. "Matt, it doesn't matter. It's not your fault that that guy was such a jerk. And any case... Seeing as we never even found out which movie we were about to see, we're not exactly missing much, are we now?"
"I guess not." Yamato smiled, looking relieved. Now why had such a small thing bothered him so? "You wanna go get some hot chocolate or something?" he continued, blowing on his hands to warn them.
"Huh?"
"Well, there's a cafe just over there." the blonde said, pointing across the road to a cafe that the brunette hadn't even noticed before. "And since the cinema's out, and it's close, why not?"
"Sure, why not?"
They crossed the road and sat at one of the tables inside, near to the windows so that they could see the traffic passing by, and watch the white snowflakes that showed so clearly against the dark night sky. One of the members of staff came over to take their order, and Taichi let himself slip into the passive role, letting Yamato take charge and himself merely confirm that, yes, he would like a hot chocolate to drink.
He couldn't help but watch the blonde, there was just something about him that just drew the eye towards him. Not because of his fame, though obviously that contributed to it, but that...magnetism had always been a part of him, though Yamato had never really seemed to be aware of it. Before he had been catapulted to super-stardom, wherever he had gone, people had turned to look at him. The fame had merely increased the numbers that did so, and meant that the stares were not as subtle as they had used to be...
The...waiter? Were they called waiters in cafes? Taichi couldn't really remember at that moment in time, and in any case his mind was too distracted to think of the right title if that one was incorrect. The waited had walked off to get them their drinks, leaving him alone with Yamato again. Well, maybe not technically 'alone', seeing as there were other people in the same room, but the cafe was pretty empty due to the late hour and the weather outside, and the tables nearest to theirs were abandoned... So they were alone as far as he was concerned.
"Tai? What are you thinking about?"
"Mm? Oh, just generally thinking..."
"So... What have you been up to?" Yamato asked, playing with the cuff of his coat sleeve.
Taichi blinked. Was it just his imagination, or did his friend sound slightly hesitant, slightly cautious about asking that question?
"What exactly do you mean?" he asked carefully, playing for the safe option, as he wasn't sure quite how to reply. Hoping all the time that the blonde wouldn't ask him the one question that he would rather die than answer.
"What exactly do I mean?" The laugh was a little too high-pitched, a little too forced to be natural, and the brunette could tell that something was wrong. Some inner turmoil was obviously going on inside his friends mind, but he didn't feel that he had the right to ask what it was. Obviously he wanted to know, it killed him not to know, but he also knew that he not longer had the right to such closeness.
"I thought it was an easy enough question to answer..." Yamato continued after a slight pause, his eyes looking down at the table. "Y'know..." He raised one shoulder in a half shrug, and even though Taichi couldn't see into those blue eyes to read the emotions that he knew would be showing so clearly, he could tell that the blonde was so nervous about the question he was about to ask... Or rather, the answer he might receive, and Taichi's insides twisted themselves into knots with apprehension at where he just knew this conversation was going to go.
"Just... Yeah, we've talked a bit since we met up again... But that's just mainly been about the present. Or the immediate future. But not..." The blonde's words, usually so fluid and elegant to match his appearance perfectly, were halting as he struggled to get the question out. "But not... Not about the past... And we have five whole years to catch up on, y'know? So... Just... What have you been doing in the...five years we were...apart?"
The brunette winced at his words. 'Apart'... How true to character that the blonde would chose to phrase it so politely. As if circumstance had merely kept them from meeting, when that wasn't true at all. Not a mention of the truth... Of the fact that Taichi had just literally run away, severed all links with his previous life, with Yamato, without saying a single word to anyone.
"I..." the brunette faltered. Choosing his words carefully in a situation that had so unexpectedly turned into an emotional minefield, he took a deep breath and tried to continue, his words as halting, if not more so, than the blonde's had been. "Five years is a... It's a long time, yeah? I just... I dunno where to start..."
"At the beginning?" An unhappy smile twisted the singer's lips, as if he knew, as if he could tell that that was the one place that Taichi would not begin. "At the end? In the middle? At any of the points in between those? I really don't mind, Tai. I really don't. Anywhere will do..."
The brunette could hear the hurt in his voice, and the unspoken plea to just tell him something, anything... To just talk to him...
"I..." he faltered again, wishing that they hadn't started on this particular topic of conversation, even though he had known that it would be inevitable. Wishing that they could just talk about something else... Something safer...
"How long have you been working at the radio station?" Yamato could obviously tell that he was having difficulties volunteering information, and had equally obviously decided to give him a shove in the right direction. Taichi grasped at this relatively safe element of the past gratefully, and shrugged.
"Uh... Nearly two years now." he said, mildly surprised himself that he hadn't noticed the long length of time until he had spoken it aloud. And now that he did, he winced internally that what had been meant to be a temporary job had turned into something more permanent, and had allowed him to be tracked down...
Their drinks arrived then, allowing him a slight respite, a chance to gather his thoughts that were so scattered. It also meant that Yamato's attention was diverted for a while, as he turned to thank the waiter. The brunette knew that even though the blonde hadn't been looking directly at him, the singer had still been watching him carefully, searching for the answer to a question that he didn't dare to ask.
The waiter had shyly struck up a conversation with the singer, evidently having recognised Yamato. Taichi just watched, saw how the blonde's expression had cleared, how his eyes now sparkled, and felt a deep pang of regret, of remorse that those same blue eyes were filled with a deep-rooted sadness whenever they were looking at him.
The brunette wasn't surprised when the waiter stammered a request, and hesitantly pushed a piece of paper and a pen towards Yamato. He was, however, surprised when the boy, for he couldn't have been older than his late teens, blushed deep red in delight when the blonde scribbled his signature and passed it back. Taichi didn't miss the way the smile spread across the boys face and shone out of his eyes. The way that he looked at the singer, the look in his eyes wasn't what Taichi had expected either. It didn't look like mere awe, or star-struck happiness... It looked like nothing less than total adoration, but not as of an idol, but of Yamato himself... But that couldn't be right...
The brunette kept his confusion well hidden as the waiter walked away, almost seeming to float across the floor with a look of utter bliss shining in his smile. Yamato chuckled softly, not loud enough for the boy to hear, before turning back to his friend. It hurt the way the light in his eyes dimmed, the way his expression saddened before he once more lowered his eyes towards the tabletop.
"So..." the blonde murmured, taking a sip at his drink. "Why work in radio?"
"Why not?" Taichi shrugged, stirring his hot chocolate slowly, merely for something to do, for the slight distraction that it provided. "The pay isn't too bad. Yeah, the hours are pretty lousy, but that just meant that even though I hadn't had any previous experience, that shift wasn't too hard to get. Actually, the hours aren't too bad." he corrected himself, privately adding that it wasn't like there had been much else that he had wanted to do. The one person that he had wanted to see being the one person that he wouldn't let himself see... "I don't mind them. And working in radio sure beat a load of other jobs that I could have applied for..." He wrinkled his nose. "I mean no disrespect to those who stack shelves in supermarkets and things, but... Me? I think not."
He was relieved when he saw a smile play on Yamato's lips.
"That wouldn't be my idea of a dream job either..." the blonde laughed softly. "What about before that?"
"Hmm?" he tried to sound casual, tried not to show the way that his stomach twisted, making him feel nauseous.
"Five years apart... You've only worked at the radio station for two, so that still leaves three whole years unaccounted for..."
"I...travelled..." the brunette said quietly, refusing to look at Yamato for fear that those beautiful blue eyes would make him blurt out everything that he had tried so hard to keep hidden. Even sacrificing the one thing, the one person he loved the most, to keep that same person from finding out... "I just...travelled... Saw the world a bit. Worked for a while in bars and cafe's or whatever in various countries, so I could raise the cash to stay and pay for the flights to the next place..." He chuckled softly at a memory. "I can't remember how, but I even got talked into teaching Japanese for a while. Me, teaching?! Now there was one thing that I never thought that I'd end up doing..."
Out of the corner of one eye, he saw the blonde smile at that.
"Where did you go?" The question was whispered so softly that Taichi very nearly didn't hear it. He wasn't even sure that he had been meant to hear it... Still, he answered, but only at surface level, and not the deeper question that lay beneath.
"Just wherever I happened to want to go at the time. Australia... America... I think I must have spent at least a year in America, travelling around various states, doing various things... Any case." he said, suddenly changing the subject before Yamato could ask the question that he didn't want to answer. The reason as to why he had left in the first place... "Enough about me, what about you?"
"What about me?" the blonde blinked in surprise at the unexpected switch in topics.
"What have you been up to? You know, apart from the entire world domination thing that you have going..." He indicated the waiter who had served them, who still had the most delighted smile lighting his face, and smiled himself to mask the slight stab of pain that so many people seemed to want Yamato for themselves... He could understand so completely why they did, but that didn't make it hurt any less.
"I... Where do you want me to begin?" the singer asked, his eyes slightly clouded with confusion.
"Uh..." Taichi scratched the side of his nose, not really knowing the answer to that question. Not at the beginning, he knew that much... That he didn't want to hear about that time. Then why not at the end? "Why are you staying in a hotel?"
"Huh?" the blonde gave him a completely blank look.
"I mean... I'm sure I read that you have an apartment somewhere near here..." he frowned, trying to remember if he had really read that, or whether he had simply dreamed it...
"Oh." Yamato's expression cleared, comprehension dawning and giving life to his cerulean eyes. "Yes. I do."
"Then why are you staying in a hotel?"
"I'm having my place redecorated at the moment." He chuckled at some private thought. "So I've kinda been kicked out for the time being…"
"Kicked…out?" the brunette frowned. Decorators wouldn't have the nerve to do that to their employer, the singer's management company wouldn't have any say in what happened outside of his music… It suddenly felt as if a leaden weight had been dropped into his chest in place of his heart, and he was left momentarily unable to breathe. Oh god, oh god… He couldn't mean that… It couldn't be that… Could it?
"Yeah, kicked out of my own home…" the blonde laughed gently, smiling tenderly at something in his thoughts. Taichi's stomach felt as if it was trying to twist itself into knots, making him feel sick to the core, and though he wanted to take a sip of his drink for the slight distraction it would bring, he didn't dare for fear that he'd vomit it straight back up.
"By who?" he managed to say, even though his throat was trying to close up.
"Naoko." He spoke the word so affectionately, the smile curving his lips so perfectly content… The brunette wanted to run, for the ground to open up and swallow him, to just be able to get away from what he didn't want to hear… But he couldn't even speak as Yamato continued, seemingly unaware of his friend's inner turmoil.
"She's the one who kicked me out." he grinned, then laughed. "She told me, 'Yes Yamato, I'm perfectly aware that you'll have just finished your tour.'" he said, presumably mimicking her voice. "'And that is precisely why I'm going to book you into a hotel until everything's finished. Why? Do you really need me to spell it out for you? Fine. Because you really think I need your dirty laundry, guitars and goodness knows what else cluttering up the place whilst there's work to be done? Precisely. And you know that you only end up getting in the way and making people too nervous to do their work properly...' Bless her heart." he added at the end, and Taichi knew from that, that even though Naoko's words had been stern, they had been meant with nothing but affection behind them.
"She...lives in your apartment?" he whispered, not really wanting to know the answer... Suspecting what it would be, and not wanting it confirmed, but still needing to know so desperately...
"Yeah, of course." he smiled. "Has done for... God, must be a year and a half now. I never really noticed the time passing, but in a way, even so, it feels like longer than that... I really don't know how I ever managed before, without her fussing around and making sure that I'm eating properly, and that I'm not exhausting myself... And it just feels so much warmer, you know? So much better having someone else there. Before, sometimes I was away for months, and it just felt so dead, so impersonal when I got back... Like it wasn't even my place, let alone my home. It's just so much better now. It always feels so warm and bright... It's great what she's managed to do with the place!"
A shrill ringing cut off whatever answer Taichi was trying to form in reply. Yamato's face went momentarily blank, then he muttered something under his breath and started patting his pockets, after a few moments producing a cell phone from one of them. The blonde glanced at the display and groaned.
"Tai... I'm sorry. I forgot I even had it with me..." he grimaced, indicating the phone. "It's my management company, I've got to take this call."
The brunette nodded in understanding, unable to speak as his chest felt as though it were filled with lead, his stomach felt as if it were tied in knots, and his throat was dry, leaving him unable to even swallow. As Yamato answered the call, Taichi's thoughts ran round in circles, completely panicked, and unable to do a thing about it.
He couldn't believe it.
He just couldn't believe it.
He didn't want to believe it.
Yamato was...
...married?!
To be continued...
~
I did warn of evilness of ending, so don't claim that I didn't! ^^;;
Would just like to reaffirm that this is, or at least will be when the plot finally gets round to it, a Taito fic. ^_^ Tai and Matt are gonna get together eventually, no matter how many obstacles I seem determined to throw in the way... *laughs*
Any case, any thoughts on this chapter? If so, please feel free to hit that review button down there. ^_^ Ughhh... Have a mountain of work that I'm meant to be doing instead of typing this up...
...and possibly angry people to run away from because I'm probably not going to be able to write any more any time soon... Eep! *runs away from it all*
Jheya xxx
P.s. If you want to be notified when the next chapter does finally emerge, then please send an e-mail to:
j_ono-subscribe@yahoogroups.co.uk