Take Away My Pain
Chapter 4: Blame Yourself
Sitting in the Forbidden Forest, Ron looked out viewing the school. It all seemed so...perfect. It appeared as though nothing bad could happen inside those walls. As long as you were there, you were safe. And hadn't that been his exact sentiments for so many years?
Hogwarts was a safe haven for those who had nowhere else to call home...like Harry. Ron sighed with the thought of the place Harry had called home for so many years. Number four Privet Drive. Harry hated it there but when he was at Hogwarts, Privet Drive seemed to disappear out of existence. It didn't bother Harry once he was home, his real home, his only home. But now...it wasn't a home to anyone. It was a place filled with terrifying memories.
But what was Ron really depressed over? Harry, yes, but there was something more. 'It should've been me,' he thought to himself. 'Hermione took her time to help ME before she chased after Harry. She could have helped him if I wasn't too weak to fight Crabbe and Goyle all by myself.'
So that was it. Ron blamed himself. He wanted so badly to just rewind time and tell Hermione that he was okay and could handle them in order for her to go help Harry. But there was more to it. Hermione was another part of the puzzle all by herself. She caused a lot of confusion in Ron's mind.
The problem was that Ron had been secretly in love with Hermione since second year, when she was petrified. When she began to go out with Harry, he felt like a knife had stabbed him in the heart and he would never be alright again. He didn't speak to Harry for a long time and it had been just before the war began, just that morning, that he and Harry had patched up their friendship.
Ron kicked himself everyday for wasting time arguing over a girl. Their friendship meant more to him than that. But then again, it wasn't just ANY girl...it was Hermione. Hermione was his best friend, next to Harry. She was the girl of his dreams. He loved her for reasons no other could ever understand. He knew her in a way that no other man could, well except for Harry.
He and Harry knew Hermione so well that it scared her sometimes. She was so predictable. Like when she got nervous, she bit her lip. And when she was scared, she lifted her head up as if snubbing her nose at people, in order to put on a façade of bravery and confidence. She clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth when she was annoyed. And she always rolled her eyes at Harry and Ron's lame excuses for not doing their homework. And when she was sad, she put on a fake smile, one that didn't show her teeth. She only smiled wide, exposing her teeth, when she was really happy.
Ron loved Hermione and always would, but it wouldn't work now. He figured that she probably hated him, blaming him for the death of her fiancé. He and Hermione would never have their chance and it was all because Harry died... just another reason to be depressed and never speak again.
Hermione walked around the school looking for a place to sit alone with her thoughts. That's all she ever did lately, sit and think. Finally, she took a seat in the Quidditch bleachers and laid down on the wooden bench. 'If only I had let Ron battle on his own... I had no faith in him...I should have just trusted his abilities...he could've handled it... Ron's just as good a fighter as Harry is...If I had just gotten there a few seconds earlier...it's all my fault...' Hermione's thoughts raced around in her head trying to get rid of them. She felt like if she just admitted them to herself, 'admitted' that it was her fault, then maybe she wouldn't have to think about it ever again.
But that was not the case. Instead it just proved to make her feel even worse. She stood up and began to fly again, this time with no predetermined destination. She flew high in the sky, as high as she could. She stopped when she felt the lack of oxygen from being so high up. But then she continued, wanting to see just how far she could get before it knocked her out. And then she felt it... she couldn't breathe anymore and so she began to fall, spiraling downwards towards the ground.
From where Ron sat in the Forbidden Forest, he saw a tiny black dot tumbling down towards the ground. He thought it was a bird at first but as it got lower, he noticed it was a person...Hermione. Not even thinking, he pushed off the ground and flew as fast as he could hoping that she would still be airborne by the time he got there.
He caught her right before she hit the ground. Her brown hair was in front of her face, covering her features but Ron figured she was passed out from lack of air and so he laid her down on the flood and took out his wand. He muttered one of the spells Madame Pomfrey had taught him to use during the war to heal injured battlers. As soon as the spell left his lips, she sat upright, gasping in as much air as possible.
She looked at him and didn't say anything for a long while. What's the use when he won't respond anyway? "Why?" she finally asked him. He wasn't sure exactly what she was asking but either way, it didn't matter. He wouldn't answer. But he performed a loving gesture that many would have thought he would have forgotten after being so closed off. He reached out and stroked her cheek, allowing her to rest her head in his palm. She covered his hand with her own and smiled weakly at him.
But he didn't understand why she was being so kind to the man who was responsible for her fianc's death. So he stood up and walked away, ignoring her question. He loved her so much and couldn't bare to be around her, thinking he was the cause of all her pain. Why couldn't Harry just come back? He could make everything better just by smiling. Ron never had that effect on anyone. All he ever made people do was laugh.
Hermione watched Ron retreat back to the castle and she sighed. As she stood, there was a hand reaching out to help her up. "Thank you," she said to the man as she reached for his hand, but she went right through it. "Oh hello, Harry," she said quietly. "I didn't think you'd return today."
"You have to stop doing things like that," he scolded. "This is just silly. You and Ron are getting yourself so down and it's just plain dumb!"
"DUMB? YOU'RE CALLING ME DUMB? WELL I NEVER!"
"But it's true, sweetie! Why are you getting so depressed! You're FAILING SCHOOL!"
"Don't you think I already know that?"
"So why are you doing this then?"
She began walking away from him but she knew he would follow. He was after all HER hallucination! "It's not like I WANT to be depressed, alright? It's just... how am I supposed to live without you? It's not even like I still have Ron...he's GONE! So how do I move on? I don't know how to live without you, Harry! I love you so much that it hurts!"
He brushed a hand through her hair and smiled. "I know. And I love you just as much. But I'm gone...remember my letter now." And she did. She remembered every word.
Dear Hermione,
My love...if you are reading this, then I am no longer with you and we will never be together again, at least not in this life. I just want to tell you that I love you my sweet. You light up my life. Just seeing your smile makes me content.
For once in my life, I know what it is to love and be loved...and it's all because of you Hermione Ann Granger. You took me in, made me feel whole, made me feel complete. Sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky. Why do you love me? I still don't understand it. But I know that it's mutual. The love I have for you cannot be measured. I don't know what I would have done all these years without you. You are my rock and you keep me grounded.
I wish so much that I could be there with you right now, as you read this letter. I wish I could be there instead of my cheap words but this is how it was meant to be. But just remember that I love you and as long as you keep me in your heart, I'll be with you always.
I want you to know that none of this is your fault. I knew what I was getting into when I went into the war and I knew the likelihood of me not coming out of it alive. So do me a favor and please don't blame yourself.
One more thing before I go...Ron won't take this well. He's not good with his emotions. He'll probably bottle himself up and cut himself off from everyone. But you have to help me out! Don't let him do that! Don't let him screw his life up just because of me! I'm not important enough for him to flunk out of school. Besides, if you two fall into that kind of depression, then it would be like Voldemort won and I gave my life for nothing. So please do this for me, baby.
You know I would be there if I could. I had so much planned for us. I had my vows already written out and everything. Actually, I wrote them about a month after we started going out.
I, Harry James Potter, take you, Hermione Ann Granger, to be my lawfully wedded wife. Because I want to have you all to myself, and I want to hold you tight in my arms at night, whispering to you about how much we love one another. I'll be there even when you're sick. I want to be with you as husband and wife until the day the world ends. The day I stop loving you is the day when there is no more forever.
That was it. I hope it brings a smile to your face. I love you, 'Mione. You were my first, my last, my everything.
Love, Harry
P.S. Remember what I said about Ron.
And so she failed him and he was right. Voldemort did win and his death WAS pointless. There was no reason for him to die so why couldn't he just come back?
But that wasn't the point. The point was that he asked her to do ONE simple thing in return for him saving her life and what did she do? She completely ignores his request and goes on sulking.
But would she change anything now that she remembered his request?
No. It was too much for her to deal with.
A/N... Thanks for the reviews. I really appreciate it. Can't wait to see what you think about this.
Chapter 4: Blame Yourself
Sitting in the Forbidden Forest, Ron looked out viewing the school. It all seemed so...perfect. It appeared as though nothing bad could happen inside those walls. As long as you were there, you were safe. And hadn't that been his exact sentiments for so many years?
Hogwarts was a safe haven for those who had nowhere else to call home...like Harry. Ron sighed with the thought of the place Harry had called home for so many years. Number four Privet Drive. Harry hated it there but when he was at Hogwarts, Privet Drive seemed to disappear out of existence. It didn't bother Harry once he was home, his real home, his only home. But now...it wasn't a home to anyone. It was a place filled with terrifying memories.
But what was Ron really depressed over? Harry, yes, but there was something more. 'It should've been me,' he thought to himself. 'Hermione took her time to help ME before she chased after Harry. She could have helped him if I wasn't too weak to fight Crabbe and Goyle all by myself.'
So that was it. Ron blamed himself. He wanted so badly to just rewind time and tell Hermione that he was okay and could handle them in order for her to go help Harry. But there was more to it. Hermione was another part of the puzzle all by herself. She caused a lot of confusion in Ron's mind.
The problem was that Ron had been secretly in love with Hermione since second year, when she was petrified. When she began to go out with Harry, he felt like a knife had stabbed him in the heart and he would never be alright again. He didn't speak to Harry for a long time and it had been just before the war began, just that morning, that he and Harry had patched up their friendship.
Ron kicked himself everyday for wasting time arguing over a girl. Their friendship meant more to him than that. But then again, it wasn't just ANY girl...it was Hermione. Hermione was his best friend, next to Harry. She was the girl of his dreams. He loved her for reasons no other could ever understand. He knew her in a way that no other man could, well except for Harry.
He and Harry knew Hermione so well that it scared her sometimes. She was so predictable. Like when she got nervous, she bit her lip. And when she was scared, she lifted her head up as if snubbing her nose at people, in order to put on a façade of bravery and confidence. She clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth when she was annoyed. And she always rolled her eyes at Harry and Ron's lame excuses for not doing their homework. And when she was sad, she put on a fake smile, one that didn't show her teeth. She only smiled wide, exposing her teeth, when she was really happy.
Ron loved Hermione and always would, but it wouldn't work now. He figured that she probably hated him, blaming him for the death of her fiancé. He and Hermione would never have their chance and it was all because Harry died... just another reason to be depressed and never speak again.
Hermione walked around the school looking for a place to sit alone with her thoughts. That's all she ever did lately, sit and think. Finally, she took a seat in the Quidditch bleachers and laid down on the wooden bench. 'If only I had let Ron battle on his own... I had no faith in him...I should have just trusted his abilities...he could've handled it... Ron's just as good a fighter as Harry is...If I had just gotten there a few seconds earlier...it's all my fault...' Hermione's thoughts raced around in her head trying to get rid of them. She felt like if she just admitted them to herself, 'admitted' that it was her fault, then maybe she wouldn't have to think about it ever again.
But that was not the case. Instead it just proved to make her feel even worse. She stood up and began to fly again, this time with no predetermined destination. She flew high in the sky, as high as she could. She stopped when she felt the lack of oxygen from being so high up. But then she continued, wanting to see just how far she could get before it knocked her out. And then she felt it... she couldn't breathe anymore and so she began to fall, spiraling downwards towards the ground.
From where Ron sat in the Forbidden Forest, he saw a tiny black dot tumbling down towards the ground. He thought it was a bird at first but as it got lower, he noticed it was a person...Hermione. Not even thinking, he pushed off the ground and flew as fast as he could hoping that she would still be airborne by the time he got there.
He caught her right before she hit the ground. Her brown hair was in front of her face, covering her features but Ron figured she was passed out from lack of air and so he laid her down on the flood and took out his wand. He muttered one of the spells Madame Pomfrey had taught him to use during the war to heal injured battlers. As soon as the spell left his lips, she sat upright, gasping in as much air as possible.
She looked at him and didn't say anything for a long while. What's the use when he won't respond anyway? "Why?" she finally asked him. He wasn't sure exactly what she was asking but either way, it didn't matter. He wouldn't answer. But he performed a loving gesture that many would have thought he would have forgotten after being so closed off. He reached out and stroked her cheek, allowing her to rest her head in his palm. She covered his hand with her own and smiled weakly at him.
But he didn't understand why she was being so kind to the man who was responsible for her fianc's death. So he stood up and walked away, ignoring her question. He loved her so much and couldn't bare to be around her, thinking he was the cause of all her pain. Why couldn't Harry just come back? He could make everything better just by smiling. Ron never had that effect on anyone. All he ever made people do was laugh.
Hermione watched Ron retreat back to the castle and she sighed. As she stood, there was a hand reaching out to help her up. "Thank you," she said to the man as she reached for his hand, but she went right through it. "Oh hello, Harry," she said quietly. "I didn't think you'd return today."
"You have to stop doing things like that," he scolded. "This is just silly. You and Ron are getting yourself so down and it's just plain dumb!"
"DUMB? YOU'RE CALLING ME DUMB? WELL I NEVER!"
"But it's true, sweetie! Why are you getting so depressed! You're FAILING SCHOOL!"
"Don't you think I already know that?"
"So why are you doing this then?"
She began walking away from him but she knew he would follow. He was after all HER hallucination! "It's not like I WANT to be depressed, alright? It's just... how am I supposed to live without you? It's not even like I still have Ron...he's GONE! So how do I move on? I don't know how to live without you, Harry! I love you so much that it hurts!"
He brushed a hand through her hair and smiled. "I know. And I love you just as much. But I'm gone...remember my letter now." And she did. She remembered every word.
Dear Hermione,
My love...if you are reading this, then I am no longer with you and we will never be together again, at least not in this life. I just want to tell you that I love you my sweet. You light up my life. Just seeing your smile makes me content.
For once in my life, I know what it is to love and be loved...and it's all because of you Hermione Ann Granger. You took me in, made me feel whole, made me feel complete. Sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky. Why do you love me? I still don't understand it. But I know that it's mutual. The love I have for you cannot be measured. I don't know what I would have done all these years without you. You are my rock and you keep me grounded.
I wish so much that I could be there with you right now, as you read this letter. I wish I could be there instead of my cheap words but this is how it was meant to be. But just remember that I love you and as long as you keep me in your heart, I'll be with you always.
I want you to know that none of this is your fault. I knew what I was getting into when I went into the war and I knew the likelihood of me not coming out of it alive. So do me a favor and please don't blame yourself.
One more thing before I go...Ron won't take this well. He's not good with his emotions. He'll probably bottle himself up and cut himself off from everyone. But you have to help me out! Don't let him do that! Don't let him screw his life up just because of me! I'm not important enough for him to flunk out of school. Besides, if you two fall into that kind of depression, then it would be like Voldemort won and I gave my life for nothing. So please do this for me, baby.
You know I would be there if I could. I had so much planned for us. I had my vows already written out and everything. Actually, I wrote them about a month after we started going out.
I, Harry James Potter, take you, Hermione Ann Granger, to be my lawfully wedded wife. Because I want to have you all to myself, and I want to hold you tight in my arms at night, whispering to you about how much we love one another. I'll be there even when you're sick. I want to be with you as husband and wife until the day the world ends. The day I stop loving you is the day when there is no more forever.
That was it. I hope it brings a smile to your face. I love you, 'Mione. You were my first, my last, my everything.
Love, Harry
P.S. Remember what I said about Ron.
And so she failed him and he was right. Voldemort did win and his death WAS pointless. There was no reason for him to die so why couldn't he just come back?
But that wasn't the point. The point was that he asked her to do ONE simple thing in return for him saving her life and what did she do? She completely ignores his request and goes on sulking.
But would she change anything now that she remembered his request?
No. It was too much for her to deal with.
A/N... Thanks for the reviews. I really appreciate it. Can't wait to see what you think about this.