We're Home – Part 25

If you want to understand today, you have to search yesterday. Pearl Buck

If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting? Stephen Levine

The next day Paul spotted Archie, Lexie and Mel outside having a picnic in the garden. Cautiously he approached, wary of avoiding another scene like yesterday, Lexie turned and saw him first. Self-consciously he buried his hands in his back pockets and gave a lopsided smile.
Lexie cleared her throat and smiled down at Melanie, " Come on honey, lets go for a walk and see what we can find."
Archie looked up, wondering why the picnic was being cut short and saw Paul. He gave a sigh, which resembled more of a groan and stared at Lexie desperately. However the look that she gave him in return was one that brooked no reasoning, and before he knew it he was watching his two girls walk off down the path towards the loch.
" Archie" Paul's voice broke through his thoughts, " Can I tell you something?"
Archie turned and looked at his half-brother, " Paul, don't you think that you've told me enough for a while?"
" All that stuff I said yesterday, I didn't really mean it. I'm just not great at expressing what I really mean to say…."
Archie raised his eyebrows, " Sounds familiar, must be a family trait"
Paul smiled, at least he was joking with him- that was a good sign
" You know, I think we're more alike then we care to admit" Paul commented, sitting next to Archie on the rug
Archie sent him a look but sealed it with a resinated sigh " That's what Lexie says"
" Arch I'm sorry about what I said about you and Lex. I really am"
Archie gazed at him, and nodded- waiting for him to continue
" She was the one that fought for me to stay Arch. She went and got me and brought me back, she convinced you to give it a go, she convinced Golly to let me stay with him. That's what I feel for her- that I owe her, that it's my turn to look out for her.."
" Why didn't you say that before?" Archie asked
" Because Archie, because I felt guilty. You know all about guilt, don't you.." Paul looked at his brother, Archie remained stony cold to his inquiry
" This was your home, your future, until you gave it all up for me. do you know how that has haunted me? I know it sounds ungrateful and I don't mean it to, but I know how much Glenbogle means to Lexie ad how much it meant to you. Every time I see Melly I think it's because of me that this is just a place to visit for her."
Finally Archie's face softened at the mention of his daughter's name
" Paul it was my choice to leave Glenbogle, mine and Lexie's."
" But would you have ever done it if I hadn't come?" Paul asked
Archie considered the question, and then decided that honesty was probably best

'I wanna live, I wanna leave,
I wanna open up and breathe
I wanna go, I wanna be,
I wanna feel it constantly
Gotta show, gotta say,
I've got a feeling that won't go away
I've gotta know if they got away,
My opportunites…..'
- 'Just One', Hoobastank

" I'm not sure, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's a bad thing. Paul maybe moving to Glasgow was the right choice for Lexie and I. We can't always look back on the past and wonder what if" Archie remarked quietly, his brain a wash with memories
" Why do you feel like you owe me so much?" Paul asked, " I always wondered if perhaps it was just guilt or who knows what. It just seemed absurd that you would willingly give up so much for me."
Archie looked at him and decided to finally tell his brother the truth that he had told Lexie so long ago
" I lost Jamie, I couldn't do anything to stop that Paul. Therefore I couldn't send my only other brother away from his rightful home. And also I wanted to make things right with my father."
" With Hector?"
Archie sighed, " We were fighting when he died"
" What about?" Paul asked, getting more comfortable on the rug, he was always eager to hear all these pieces of history that somehow combined to make things the way they were now
" He didn't want Lexie and I to get married"
Paul's brow furrowed in amazement, "Why? I thought she was like part of the family."
" Oh she was" Archie confirmed, " She was like a daughter to them long before she married me"
" So what was the problem, because she was the housekeeper?" Paul prompted
" That's what we thought"
Paul stayed quiet, knowing that this was hard for Archie to actually talk about
" We found out later from mother that it was actually because he didn't want Lex to be trapped up here like mother was. I'd said some pretty horrible things to him before he died Paul. He was partly right about Glenbogle- it's our home, it's the most precious place in the world to us…but being trapped up here, being hidden away in the highlands can have its disadvantages"
Paul nodded, and following Archie's gaze noticed that Lexie and Mel were walking back towards them
" My worst fear is losing them" Archie whispered quietly, then turned quickly to Paul " I have to talk to you later about a surprise I have planned for Lex okay?"
" Yeah sure" Paul agreed
" And then you can organise it with the others"
Paul nodded, "Thanks Arch," he cleared his throat, "You know- for everything"
Archie nodded, " We'll talk again soon" he said under his breath as he smiled at Lexie and Melanie
" Hello my darlings, did you have a nice walk?"