A/N: thanks to my reviewer:
alanisjunkie- I'm glad that you like my story! Hope that this chapter has the same effects (does that sound morbid?)

Disclaimer: still don't own Edward... but maybe in time...

"Are you sure that you don't want to come with us Pumpkin? It would get your mind off Jim..." Mr. Boggs asked. Still begging Kim to join the rest of the family at his bowling tournament. She shook her head "no" and gave her father a hug, smiling at his clueless-ness... he probably doesn't even know that Edward isn't here anymore... Kim thought as she closed the door behind her family. She could still see the pain in her mother's eyes.

With the family gone, Kim sat down in front of the television and popped in the video... the one of Edward on that talk show. She just kept rewinding that part:

"Do you have a girlfriend?"
" How about it? Is there some special lady in your life?"

Kim smiled. She was afraid at first... when that first happened, that look in his eyes...

"Oh My God!" Kim said out loud. Running to her room. She needed to write something. She had the urge to put all of this down on paper.

"I was watching the videotape. I really didn't mean for this to happen. I mean it's just a video, right? But I got this chill. This feeling I used to get when Edward was right by me.

I've never told anyone about this... ever. Because it really is crazy. To think about loving someone... something that you pretend to hate. Pretend.

But I always knew that he was near me. I got this feeling of comfort this feeling like maybe, I was protected. I was trying really hard to just ignore it...

When I was watching it "live" with Jim and Kevin. I didn't get the feeling.... But when he looked into the camera. With that nervously cute look in his brown puppy dog eyes... (God, that was a weird description...). When he looked into the camera... he said, "I love you". No one else could hear it. Only me. In my heart.

But seriously, how strange is that? That I felt him near me. He can't be near me! I mean, he's up in his castle. Alone. And it's better for him. I've said this before... I mean he's safe up there. He is too good to be down here.

I want to see him again, I want to look him in the eyes and say, "Edward, I love you." I guess that I should just be happy that I said it to him once. But even so... he never actually said it back. But did he need to?

Jim used to tell me that he loved me all the time... I don't think he loved anyone. He doesn't know love. But did Edward? His father must have loved him. To have created him... but what does Edward know of love?

Does he have a heart? Or a brain? I don't wanna go into all the biology... these questions... they are just eating away at me.

He just got zapped by the wire... on my videotape... I hate that part. He looks so handsome onscreen. Maybe he could go to Hollywood and be an actor...

I remember that day. Mom preparing him to go on TV. Helping him get dressed... like he was a little kid. Edward never asked for help, I don't think he even knew how...

Mom tried to brush down his hair... that was funny. He just sat there while she put water on his head... and mousse. And hairspray. She tried a curling iron... his hair was meant to stand on end. You can't change that... I begged mom not to put any make-up on him. To try to cover up the scars... I didn't want him on TV with a lavender face! I haven't laughed in days... this was the first time I actually laughed out loud...

I hate Mrs. Monroe. She's such a... a.... a tramp! You know... Edward didn't do anything to her. He didn't "rape" her; I don't think that he even can! If anything, she attempted to rape him! Wouldn't you guess it.... This morning, I saw her hitting on the MAILMAN! The Mailman... he's like 50 and fat.

Edward was so scared that day. He didn't know what was happening. I don't know what was scarier... what she tried to do... or the fact that Mrs. Monroe took off her clothes!

I hate all the women here. I hate Suburbia... I mean, none of these people remember Edward... they all went to a "real" beauty salon to get their hair fixed. And I must have seen 5 landscaping trucks cutting down Edward's bush creation things... I don't understand. Are they trying to erase him? I don't think that they ever will.

He was a fad to them. They didn't deserve to have even met him.

Listen to me. I'm crazy. I'm obsessive. I deserve to be put away. Guess this is what heartache feels like.

Oops! I gotta go... family just got back... have to hide tape!"

Kim didn't think she had ever hurried that fast... she ran to put the tape in it's box... I'll rewind it later, I guess... she thought. And put her diary under her mattress. She slipped under the covers and grabbed a book off her floor.

"Hello Kim" Mrs. Boggs said, smiling at her daughter. She recognized the pain in her daughter's eyes. She walked over to the bed and bent down kissing Kim's pale cheek. "I miss him too," Mrs. Boggs whispered. She patted Kim's hand and left, closing the door quietly behind her.