Harry Potter Meets the Insane Writers

Megami: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Watcher of Darkness: --;;; Did she get into the coffee?

Megami is running around madly holding her laptop. In the meanwhile she is temporarily writing updates for this story.

Yami Me: .... Hell yea

Megami: I shall write this chapter!!! ::insert psychotic laughter here:: READ FOOLISH MORTALS! READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Watcher of Darkness: Best part is you'll be learning some cool Japanese terms from this!

P.S. Chapters will be in 3rd person narrative form; it's a bit easier when Watcher of Darkness and I are taking turns writing this.

Ch. 5 Mission PROBABLE:

Potter Reconnaissance Oath By Authors, Being Liable Experts

Here in the middle of Little Whinging, three teenagers stood in shock in the presence of one of the most powerful wizards in the history of magic.

In the meanwhile, the kindly, yet cautious wizard was briefly scanning their minds to find any connection to Voldemort and the Death eaters. He found no evil intentions (for the most part) ...only confusion. Dumbledore decided to break the awkward silence. "Well, well... I did not expect three strangers to find their way into Harry's home. May I assume all of you are not Muggles?"

Watcher of Darkness scratched his head in thought. "Well, not really, but I use a different branch of magic than wizards of this world. I'm Watcher of Darkness or Konton, by the way."

Megami shifted her feet nervously. "My penname's Anime no Megami... Um, I'm not sure really... my Yami has Shadow Powers and I'm just.... not normal, as an ff.net Authoress... but I don't think I've displayed any REAL magical abilities..."

The old wizard contemplated this new turn of events. "I see.... in any case, I believe you are the individuals that Harry described as the "Dementor Defeaters" in his letter, am I right?"

Yami Me scoffed. "Of course; do you take us for helpless children? I'm the great Yami Me---" Megami proceeded to elbow her in the side to cease the arrogance. Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "Of course not, I must apologize; I briefly used Legilimency on you----" Yami Me made an angered gesture at the thought of being mind-read... "—But I had to be sure you weren't in league with the dark forces. Your abilities might have a purpose in this reality. But come, let us talk of these matters else where."

Megami squealed in excitement. "Oh! Are we going to the O--- uh, You-Know-Where!?" Dumbledore only smiled in response. "We are!!!! COOL!!! ..Or should I say 'Wicked' now that we're in Britain?" Yami Me and Watcher of Darkness rolled their eyes. "Come on you guys, it's not everyday you get to LIVE the Harry Potter series."

"Yes, about that, I believe you do owe an explanation on these... books, but later." Dumbledore pulled out a rather... random object: a stapler. "What's that for?" asked Yami Me. Realization dawned on Watcher of Darkness. "It's a Portkey! Is it taking us to... uh, your bird-watching clubhouse?" Megami giggled at his thought-up code name. The Headmaster smiled and nodded.

"Quickly, all of you touch the Portkey; it will take us to our destination in about... three... two..." They all quickly grabbed---the stapler. "...one."

Instantly, a jerking sensation occurred right below each of the teenager's navels. Watcher of Darkness accidentally squeezed the stapler in surprise.

"OWWW!!! Idiot, my finger was there!" All of them tried desperately to keep their grip on the stapler (except Megami, as she was stapled) and as quickly as it had come, it had passed. The ending result was an amused Headmaster standing over a very tangled pile of disgruntled minors. They had landed messily in the kitchen.

"Yami.... your foot is in my ear!"

"Megami! You're crushing my spleen!"

"Baka [1], your spleen is nowhere near there! Now get off my back!"

All the commotion attracted some residents of Headquarters, including the Weasleys and Sirius Black. Sirius proclaimed, "Albus! Who are these children that you've brought!? What if they jeopardize the Order!?"

Megami looked up and squealed. "AHHH!!! It's Sirius Black! AWESOME!!!" Sirius looked slightly disturbed but flashed one of his dazzling smiles nonetheless. Megami pretended to swoon. ("Dork." "Shut up.")

Dumbledore replied, "They are trustworthy enough. You know them better as the individuals who vanquished the dementors that attacked Harry last night. I have brought them in for questioning as well for their protection; they have nowhere else to go." Mr. Weasley offered Dumbledore a chair.

By then the Authors had disentangled themselves from their pile. They all straightened up their appearance. "So I take it the Order would like to hear the reason why we've been brought here?" asked Watcher of Darkness.

Albus Dumbledore waved them aside. "I believe the best time you should answer our questions would be later, when all of the Order members are here. It will save you the trouble of repeating your story to everyone. But that is only my opinion." His eyes twinkled.

We all shrugged. "Whatever," said Megami. "But do you guys want to know anything, off the top of your heads? I mean, before the Advance Guard comes back with Harry?"

Mr. Weasley became suspicious. "How do you know this?"

Watcher of Darkness cleared his throat. "We're from another reality, where this world is fiction and is written by an author named J.K. Rowling. A few years ago she started writing her Harry Potter Series, which is supposed to be a collection of 7 books, one for each of the years that Harry is at Hogwarts. These books have become famous in our world, so therefore we know about the plotline, or what's happening in this world. Apparently we've been transported into the world of the 5th book, 'The Order of the Phoenix'. We also have out own special abilities as authors. I'm a mage with a variety of magic abilities, Yami Me has an arsenal of weapons at her disposal, not to mention her dark powers; and Megami.... can kick ass I guess..."

Megami glared at his 'enthusiastic' description of her abilities. "You're just jealous that you're not a black belt," she muttered.

Dumbledore's eyes held a gentle mystery to them. "I would not worry, Megami. Each and every one of you holds power, and that includes you." Megami's pout lifted a little into a smile.

Hermione was astonished. "Are you really from another reality? That's amazing!" We smiled and nodded.

A dingy wizard raised the hand holding his beer bottle. "How in blazes did you kids kill a dementor?"

"I think we'd all like to know that, Mundungus."

"Sent them to the Shadow Realm," answered Yami Me. "But come to think of it... would that be a good thing or a bad thing, as these things feed off of negative energy?"

Watcher of Darkness promptly concluded, "Well for better or worse, they are out of this physical plane and are not a threat to humans on this realm."

"...Right. Whatever."

"What's with the accents?" questioned George.

"They're Yanks," answered Fred.

Megami raised an eyebrow, "Nani [2]? Yanks? What're those? You're the ones with the accents!"

Ron answered. "You mean you're not Americans? And what does 'nani' mean!?"

Hermione whacked him upside the head. "Honestly, Ron, how rude. And I believe that was Japanese, am I right?"

"Hai! Nihongo o hanashimashita! [3]" the three teenagers replied simultaneously. "Yea, we're Americans, but Yami Me and I know Japanese... We're trying to teach Watcher of Darkness a bit."

"Really? Wicked... "

Everyone was silent, as they were kind of awkward about meeting these new people. Watcher of Darkness sighed and decided to start the introductions. "I'm Watcher of Darkness, but call me Konton. This---" He pointed to the girl with brown eyes, long blackish-red hair, and Army Brat attire, "is Anime no Megami, but everyone just calls her Megami..." Megami flashed them the "rock-on" gesture. "And this is Yami Me; Megami's her reincarnation... long, very complicated story." Yami Me played with a strand of her long silver hair while flashing the Order a smirk.

Mrs. Weasley looked disapprovingly at Yami Me's hair. She noticed this however. "I like to experiment with hair dyes and my eyes are naturally red and gold, okay?"

Ginny gave her an appraising look. "If you and Megami had the same hair color, you couldn't tell them apart; but I think silver with red streaks looks nice on you."

Konton muttered, "She probably uses blood for the red streaks... don't you?" "Heh... wouldn't you like to know?" commented Yami Me while lightly tracing the edge of her Glaive. The Aurors backed away a bit after that. "Kidding..." Yami Me rolled her eyes at their gullibility.

Ginny giggled. "I'm Ginny, by the way. This is Hermione Granger. And these immature gits are my older brothers: Ron, and Fred and George, the twins. ("We are not immature gits!") That's my oldest brother, Bill. My other brother, Charlie is working somewhere else. This is my mom and dad!" The authors noticed that she did not include Percy into her list of brothers.

"Pleasure."

"What's up?"

Yami Me nodded in acknowledgment. "We know each of your names; we've read the books and watched the movies."

"I'd shake your hand but---" her hands were somewhat cut from Hedwig's pecking. "Wait, there are movies of Harry in your world?" asked Hermione interestedly.

Megami went into fangirl mode. "YEAH! They are so awesome! Everyone goes to see them when they come out! The newest movie was the 3rd book, 'Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban'; it's where we first see Remus Lupin and Sirius Black!"

Sirius spoke up. "So is that how you recognized me, Megami?"

She scratched her head. "Yeah, but also you're the hottest, ahem, I mean most attractive male here with extended black hair, which is the literal description of Sirius Black, so I concluded that you were the said character." Many looked at her in confusion. But Sirius, the twins, Hermione, and Dumbledore started laughing. "Heh... what's so funny?"

"You sounding intelligent..." retorted Yami Me as she continued to laugh, until she was pinched in the arm.

Konton managed to stop laughing. "What would Yami say if he heard you admiring guys in this world?"

"You know... I don't even think he really likes me; he only stays with me from fear of Yami Me and for convenience if the others threaten him. Honestly, I think I'm losing interest in him... " Yami Me scoffed at her self-pity. "Well I haven't exactly been updating any of my YGO fics lately, have I!? At least I didn't date a Tomb Robber who you find to be so pathetic."

"Shut up. Anyways, I believe we have an hour until Harry and the others arrive. What are we going to do?"

"Perhaps we should get started on figuring out what to do with you," suggested Dumbledore.

"What do you mean?" asked Konton.

"I believe your talents would best serve the Order if you attended Hogwarts. Let me give you an idea of your tasks. You are to be secretly watching out for Harry; make sure 'she' doesn't do anything---"

Konton interrupted. "Wait, you mean Dolores Umbridge, the toad hybrid?!"

"Yes, unfortunately she has been assigned to the DADA position. Secondly, if you cough 'come across' any information concerning the Ministry's plans, Voldemort's plans, or merely schemes between rivaling houses," he winked, "please report to the Order, other professors, or myself, whatever choice seems appropriate for the info. Now, how old are you?"

"I'm 15 and they're 14... I think."

Megami corrected him. "I just turned 15 in June and Yami Me turned.... 5015, literally. But she looks like she's 15. Why?"

His eyes twinkled in their mysterious way. "You are just old enough to be disguised as transfer 5th year students."

Sirius turned to the Headmaster. "Transfer students? From where?"

"Japan, quite possibly Americans from Okinawa, a military base in Japan. That would explain their appearance and their ability to speak Japanese."

"Quite brilliant, Headmaster," chorused the twins, imitating prim and properness. "See? We're not immature gits." Ginny sighed.

Megami raised her hands. "Problem: what are our aliases going to be? Americans may have strange names but no parent is crazy enough to REALLY name their children Anime no Megami, Yami Megami, and Watcher of Darkness."

"What does 'Megami' and 'Yami Megami' mean anyways?" asked Mr. Weasley.

"They mean 'Goddess' and 'Dark Goddess', respectively," answered Yami Me.

Sirius had a look like the answer was obvious. "Why don't you just go by Konton, Megami, and Yami Me?"

"---And our last names?" asked Konton dryly.

Megami thought for a moment. "We--- could be the Kagayaki's. It means 'glorious', and it fits with the whole goddess thing. Your last name can be Mahotsu, which means sorcerer. Well, we can't just explain to the school that I'm Yami Me's reincarnation, so why don't we pose as twins? We can pull it off easily. Besides, we are Gemini's," she said proudly.

"Megami Kagayaki. Yami Me Kagayaki," Yami Me experimenting the feel of the names.

"Sounds good."

Dumbledore clapped his hands together. "Well, if you are happy with your new aliases, I'll go inform the rest of the staff of the new 'transfer' students. I believe you should start shopping for your supplies tomorrow. You can withdraw money from this vault. Just give this signed note to the goblins at Gringotts and they'll understand." He winked and handed a paper to Konton. Then he was gone with a pop.

Megami pouted. "I wish I could Apparate and Disapparate. That'd be neat..."

Ginny was excited. "Wow! You three are going to Hogwarts! Do you have any ideas on what houses you'll be in?"

Konton scratched his chin in thought. "Gryffindor, I'm hoping. Right, Megami?" Megami grinned and nodded.

Yami Me shook her head. "If I can predict anything, I'll guess I'll be placed in Slytherin."

The Weasleys looked thunderstruck. "Why!?" asked Ron. "How could you side with THEM?"

"Well, I'm not exactly Miss Congeniality, here! Besides, it'll be a good thing! In fact, I'll make sure that the Sorting Hat places me in Slytherin." Yami Me retorted. [4]

"And how will being placed with the Slytherins be a good thing?" inquired Hermione. Even Konton and Megami looked at Yami Me expectantly.

"For one thing, if I'm working for the Order---"

Ron interrupted, "AHA! You're going to spy on the Order and pass it on to Malfoy and the Death Eaters!"

Yami Me crossed her arms in defiance. "ACTUALLY--- I was going to say you could count on me for inside info from the Slytherin House... that would include info Malfoy would have from his father, who works for Voldemort!" she snapped. There was a collective shudder at You-Know-Who's name.

Ron flushed. "Sorry. Can't be too careful, you know."

"Apology accepted," she said disdainfully. Sirius grinned. "That's a brilliant idea. Now I'll go check up later; I've got to go feed Buckbeak," he said while leaving.

Something clicked in Megami. "Wait... did Dumbledore say we're going shopping tomorrow!? YESSS!!!!!! WOOT WOOT!" Everyone else had on thought across their mind: Another shopaholic girl to deal with...

"Nah, he only said that 10 minutes ago," said Yami Me, her voice dripping in sarcasm.

"Why are you so cynical?" glared Megami.

Yami Me shrugged. "Comes naturally; and it makes good practice for being a Slytherin." She was interrupted when the door was opened. Konton glanced at the doorframe. "I'm guessing Harry's here."

Sure enough, Harry and his bodyguard team of Aurors stepped through the doorway.

"Who the hell are you!?" roared Moody.

Harry, however, recognized them instantly. "Hey! It's you guys! What're you doing here?"

Konton sighed. "Let's start from the beginning..."

AN--- [1] Baka- Idiot, stupid

[2] Nani- What?

[3] Hai! Nihongo o hanashimashita! – Yes! We spoke Japanese!

[4] Actually, you'll see her placement will come in very handy when Um- bitch takes over the school.

Megami: And TA-DA! A chapter that actually took less than a week to compose! ::witch cackle::

Yami Me: -- Stop eating my supply of Pixi Stix...

Konton: PLEEEEZE REVIEW! Ciao!