Harry Potter Meets the Insane Writers
Watcher of Darkness: ...What IS your worst fear, Megami!?
Megami: Not telling.... We should be asking Yami Me that question. What in the HELL should she be afraid of!?
Yami Me: How should I know...? As far as I'm concerned I don't fear anything!!!
Watcher of Darkness: ...Oh yeah!? We'll see.... we'll see....
Disclaimer: STILL don't own anything that J.K. Rowling does. Disclaimer lasts throughout whole fic.
Aliases---- again...
Watcher of Darkness Konton Mahotsu aka Chaos
Anime no Megami Megami Kagayaki, Hikari = Light (Yami Me's POV)
Yami Megami Yami Me Kagayaki, Yami (Megami's POV)
Ch. 7 The Horrors of Spring, um, Summer Cleaning
It was the dawn of a new day. The occupants of the darkened house were still sleeping soundly... for the most part...
Two figures were stealthily creeping through the hallway, diving past doorways like Mission Impossible agents. Both of them leaned against opposite sides of the doorframe, telepathically signaling each other. They silently opened the bedroom door and slipped inside.
The 'mysterious' duo silently crawled into perfect position when the brunette one started to giggle quietly. Harry started to stir slightly. Both girls froze in tension. But Harry only rolled over to his side and stayed asleep.
"Shut up, Megami, you'll wake them up..." Yami Me muttered, making Megami stifle her snickers. 'That's better,' she relayed through their mind links. 'I suppose you should wake Chaos while I tend to Harry and Ron?' Her mischievous smirk was hidden in the shadows. Megami nearly squealed in delight and crept closer to Konton's bedside.
Meanwhile, Yami Me calmly made her way between Harry and Ron. She looked down at their sleeping forms. 'Awwww, aren't they precious when they're sleeping...? Hehe, time for a wake up call, boys...' With a wave of her hand, she conjured two buckets of ice that hovered dangerously over the boys' faces.
Megami took out her Aqua amulet given to her from Chaos. 'How ironic that I'm using it against him,' she thought. 'Good thing Yami Me's not using the amulet he gave HER; we don't need to set the house on fire...' She glanced at Yami Me and nodded. She pointed her palm at Konton and summoned ice cold water that shot at him. At the same time, Yami Me flicked her finger and both buckets immediately emptied their contents into Harry and Ron's pajama shirts.
The boys immediately shot awake. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" they screamed while trying to empty their night shirts or wring their clothes.
Harry was glaring at Yami Me while taking off his shirt, letting the ice dump on the floor. Ron was cursing under his breath as he did the same. "That was bloody cold, Yami Me!"
"It's still dark outside, you two..." Harry muttered while suppressing a shiver.
Konton was ticked off. "This had better be a reasonable time to wake us up, Megami---" He was dripping onto the bedroom floor. The clock on the bedroom wall said 5:35. "You are so dead...." he stalked his was over to her when their door burst open.
Apparently, the boys' cries had alerted the other house members. Bill and Charlie shook their heads at their antics. Fred and George sniggered at the others' misfortune. Hermione and Ginny blushed at seeing Harry and Ron without their shirts on. And the adults looked annoyed.
Sirius ran a hand through his hair. "Do you kids have any idea what time it is?" he demanded. "We thought Death Eaters were kidnapping you or something."
Lupin rubbed his eyes. "What were you doing anyways? And what are the guys doing wet?" he asked tiredly.
"We were having a wet T-shirt contest," Megami answered innocently.
The boys glared at her. Harry was still wringing his shirt. "Well, if everyone would kindly get out, we're gonna change into some dryer clothes."
Megami and Yami Me gave a mock-salute and exited between the other exasperated adults.
Mrs. Weasley flicked her wand, and the boys' bed sheets were now dry.
"Thanks mum," said Ron.
The adults started to leave, muttering about lack of sleep.
Hermione and Ginny were still gaping at the soaked boys. Harry, Ron, and Konton smirked at each other.
"Like what you see, ladies?" Konton teased. Ginny and Hermione blushed furiously. In an instant, a combat boot flew at his face. "HEY! What was that for?"
Megami and Yami Me had come back. Megami was tapping her (bootless) foot. "That was for being a baka no hentai [1], Chaos."
Yami Me rolled her eyes. "Come on girls. There's nothing worth seeing here..."
"HEY!" the boys said indignantly.
"Gimme my boot back, Konton!" She had to duck after he threw it back at her. "Oohhh... I swear, if you scuffed it, I will make you polish it with your tongue..." she muttered while exiting again. The other females exited as well.
Harry flopped back on his bed and sighed. "Hey, do they always change into their day clothes so early?"
Konton thought about it. "I dunno, maybe it's a girl thing."
Ron yawned again. "I'm going back to sleep you two. We'll need it; since we have to help clean the house today..."
All the boys groaned.
At around 7:45....
Everyone had already eaten breakfast and was getting ready to clean up the house. Mrs. Weasley asked the children what they would like to do first.
Megami went into military mode, being an army brat and all. "I say we divide and conquer, troops! TEN-HUT!!!"
The kids immediately snapped in attention. The adults merely raised an eyebrow. Megami started to pace her way down the line.
"We WILL tackle what this house has to offer; we'll form 5 parties along with 5 assignments. Here are your orders: Mrs. Weasley---" She raised an eyebrow in response. "You have clean up duty in the kitchen and the female bedrooms. Mr. Weasley, Fred, and George, you have living room tasks. Be careful; there's a nest of dead puffskeins under the couch. I will not have any of my soldiers lost to enemy forces! Remember: we ARE in a WAR here... even if the enemy is a house..."
Yami Me rolled her eyes. 'Who made her the boss of everything...?'
She continued on. "Hermione, Ginny, and Yami Me have floor scrubbing duty." The girls nodded. "Harry, Ron, Konton will disinfect the bathroom." The boys groaned in disgust. "Sirius and Remus can start to sort out all the junk. And I will sweep the floor with..." She started digging through Konton's magical backpack in the other side of the room.
"Can I help you with something?" Konton inquired impatiently.
Megami gave a cry of delight and extracted a Swiffer sweeper. "With this!"
Mr. Weasley looked excited. "Is that what Muggles use to clean floors!? How amazing! What's it called? How does it work?"
Megami grinned. "It's called a Swiffer sweeper, and you just... run it across the floor..." She cleared her throat. "Anyways, all parties are to rendezvous here after their primary tasks are completed. Your next assignment will be given at that time. DISMISSED!"
The teens gave a mock-salute and scattered to do their jobs. The adult shook their heads at their antics and went to work as well.
Megami took off her boots and kept her socks to make her job easier. "When there's a floor you can't ignore: You need Swiffer! Picking dirt and dust galore: YOU NEED SWIFFER!" she sang while skating across the floor. "WEEEEEEEE!!!!" she squealed as she started dusting the floor.
Meanwhile
Yami Me had summoned some buckets of soapy water and scrubbers. She used her fire amulet (from Konton) to heat up the water for sterilizing purposes. She then quickly put her hair up into a messy bun. "Let's get to work," she said, while rolling up her sleeves.
Ginny sighed. "I still say it would be easier to clean magically."
Hermione answered, "Sometimes Muggle clean-up is more effective in disinfecting and cleaning... and cleaning by hand gives you this feeling of satisfaction and relaxation!"
Ginny shrugged in defeat and dipped her hand in a bucket to get a scrubber. "At least the water's warm... and we have each other to talk to while working!" The girls smiled.
Yami Me was busy using her Pyro amulet to heat-dry up the clean areas. "So Hermione... do you fancy a certain red head who goes by the name of Ron?" She was answered by a splash of soapy water. "HEY! I tied my hair for a reason! So my hair wouldn't get wet! ...I'll take that as a yes..." she smirked. Ginny giggled and Hermione rolled her eyes. They continued to scrub the floors of all the main rooms of the house until they reached the dining room, with Sirius and Remus.
Sirius looked up from sorting out all the junk. "Are you girls almost done already?"
Hermione wiped her forehead with her sleeve. "We just have to finish scrubbing this room, and then we will be."
Just then, a sleazy figure crept slowly across the floor. The girls stopped scrubbing to stare at him.
Hermione sighed. "It's only Kreacher, you two..."
Ginny scoffed. "Yeah, ONLY Kreacher...."
Kreacher started muttering incoherently under his breath. "Why my mistress would be so ashamed to have so many blood-traitors and mudbloods destroying her house with mudblood means..."
Ginny growled. "Don't call them mudbloods!"
Hermione tried to mollify her. "Ginny, he doesn't know what he's saying! You can't blame him..."
Sirius glared at Kreacher with antipathy. "Don't even try, Hermione, he knows perfectly well what he's saying..."
Kreacher turned towards them and glared. "Why these vermin aren't worthy enough to clean the scum off mistress' shoes..." he mumbled.
Sirius made a gesture to throw Kreacher out when a sinister witch cackle rang through the hallway.
Kreacher whipped around. "And what was that, my Precious?" [An- hehehe, couldn't help it...] "What my Mistress would say if she knew such evil was in her house..."
Yami Me rolled her eyes. "Yea, and if you don't get out of our way, I'll give you to that 'evil' that just ran through the hallway," she threatened.
Kreacher gave a hateful glare at them and stalked out of the room.
Hermione gazed reproachfully at Yami Me. "Now was that really necessary, Yami Me?"
"Yes..." said Ginny. "He gives me the creeps!"
Yami Me nodded and replied, "Come on, it was only Megami who came by; she likes to cackle when she's hyper. What harm could she do to that thing?"
Just then, Megami skated by while dusting again. "HI GUYS!!!" she greeted and she was gone.
Remus shook his head in amusement. "Okay you girls, the sooner we finish, the sooner the everyone can go start shopping for school supplies." The girls grinned at the thought of the prospect of shopping and went back to work.
Just then their work was interrupted again by a shout.
At the same time
"Oh god... Tell me I'm not seeing what I'm seeing..."
Harry, Ron, and Konton were gaping in shock at their assignment. The bathroom was FILTHY! The bathtub had all sorts of scum (and it wasn't soap) in it, the sink was clogged, the floor was brown with age, and there was the toilet....
Harry peered a little into it. "Uh, guys? I think something's breeding down there...." he grimaced.
Ron made a face. "Knowing Fred and George, it's probably something they smuggled in to use for their Weasley Wizard Wheezes."
Konton whipped out the plunger. "So... who's going to do the honors?" He looked at Harry and Ron followed his gaze.
Harry sighed as he took it from Konton. "Why do I get the messy job...?" He used his foot to lift the seat. He made a face of disgust. "Even Voldemort isn't this ugly... Someone bring the toilet bowl cleaner?"
Konton dug through his magical backpack. He took out a Lysol Ready Brush complete with its foam spray. "Here you go; I think you just push that button to make the cleaning stuff come out, let it sit, then scrub." He also took out 3 gas masks and 3 pairs of rubber gloves and handed them to each of them. "This will help, I don't know how much longer I can stand the smell here..." Harry and Ron nodded and equipped their masks as well; it was more like Harry did and tried to help Ron put his on.
"Thanks," replied Harry. "You two better get started on the floor," he said in a voice that would make Darth Vader proud.
Konton then brought a bucket of hot, sudsy water with a couple of scrubbing brushes. Ron and Konton carefully squatted while cleaning the tiled floor.
"UGH! This is disgusting!" said Ron. The area he had been scrubbing furiously at had started to turn whiter, while the soap suds on the floor turned browner.
Konton gagged. "Tell me about it. Are the Dursley's bathroom as bad as this?" He moved to kneel in the clean spot he just finished.
Harry applied a large quantity of Lysol foam to the toilet. "Never like this; thank god this stuff disinfects as well as cleans..." He set the brush down and picked up the plunger.
"Here goes nothing," he stated while proceeding to unclog the toilet. "Come on..." he urged as he tried to force down the sludge to be flushed properly.
Suddenly, all the dirty water and dirty foam started to drain down the toilet. "YES!" Harry cheered in victory; he then started to use the brush to re-foam and scrub the sides of the bowl. Just as most of the stains were coming off, the water rippled ominously...
All of a sudden, a ghoul popped out of the toilet [AN- that sounded wrong] and made a grab for Harry. Harry shouted while Konton and Ron sprang up to pull Harry back from the ghoul's grasp.
"SIRIUS!!! REMUS!!!!!" they screamed through their masks.
[Downstairs]
"SIRIUS!!! REMUS!!!!"
"That came from the bathroom..." Lupin said to Sirius in fear.
Sirius turned towards Hermione, Ginny, and Yami Me. "Stay here, girls---"
The two Marauders dropped what they were doing and raced to the bathroom. When they burst in, they saw a malevolent ghoul trying to drag Harry and drown him, and the valiant Ron and Konton trying to pull him back.
"IMPEDIMENTA!" Sirius shouted, causing the ghoul to release Harry, who fell back on top of Ron and Konton. The ghoul shrieked in anguish as Lupin hit it with some curse. It disappeared with a pop.
Sirius and Remus turned towards the boys, who were breathing heavily through their gas masks. "Are you boys okay?" asked Lupin.
"Yeah," replied Harry shakily.
Sirius sniggered. "What are you three WEARING?" he said, staring at their bug-like masks and bright yellow gloves. They looked like detoxification specialists.
"Muggle gas masks, Sirius; don't tell me YOU enjoy the smell?" inquired Konton.
Sirius frowned. "Of course not."
Lupin looked at them. "Are you sure you can finish this without us?" The boys nodded. "Fine then. Meet downstairs when you're done, okay?"
Sirius and Lupin left, leaving the door open behind them in case of an emergency.
Ron gulped and looked at the now exorcised toilet. "I am never going to look at a toilet the same ever again..."
Konton nodded. "I am sorely tempted to vow never to use one again... but that would be wrong..."
At around 1 pm
Everyone had completed their primary tasks. After an early lunch, the groups were rearranged and reassigned.
Yami Me was busy helping Ron, Harry, and the twins tackling the Doxy infestation behind the curtains. It was more like helping the twins collect Doxies for their Skiving Snackboxes. Also, Konton was helping Ginny, Hermione, Sirius, and Remus in the task of throwing away all sorts of junk.
In the meanwhile, Megami had wandered into an upstairs room while dusting everything. She was singing more Japanese songs to herself while working.
"Sotto mezameru... hakanai omoi zutto, donna toki demo negau yo... anata ni todoku you ni to..." [2] she sang while doing the Swiffer dance. She finished cleaning the bookshelf when she spotted a dusty trunk along the side of the wall. Megami paused in thought, but let curiosity take hold of her. She slowly opened it when something came bursting out.
Megami backed off in surprise when she realized it must be one of the boggarts Mrs. Weasley suspected resided in the household. She closed her eyes in dread of discovering what her deepest fear was, until she realized she had to deal with it if she ever wanted to make it in Gryffindor. Breathing deeply, she slowly opened one eye and looked at her boggart's form in absolute horror. She opened her mouth into a terrifying scream while trying to defend herself with the feather duster.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
Upon hearing her screams, Yami Me and Konton (Konton in the lead) dashed ahead of everyone else to the rescue. When they burst in, they saw quite possibly the most disturbing sight ever....
"What the hell...?"
In front of their very eyes, it was a little boy dressed in a Spongebob Squarepants costume wearing a sign with 'I am Megami's brother!' in big bold letters. It was doing a VERY disturbing victory dance while singing in a nasally voice, "I'M READY! I'M READY! I'M READY! "
Megami cowered against the wall, leading to her Boggart-brother to laugh Spongebob's annoying laugh.
"UAHAHAHAHaHahahahaha---" Megami twitched in repulsion and remembered she LOATHED Spongebob with a passion; unfortunately her brother recently has become obsessed with it and threatens to humiliate her in public. 'Oh, the mortification...'
[AN- Of course we are aware that there are plenty of Spongebob fans out there. This is merely for humorous purposes in the story. Besides, Megami really does dislike Spongebob]
Megami's boggart-brother started singing annoyingly, "Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!"
Konton stepped up. "HEY! Leave her alone! You... Spawn of Satan..."
Yami Me looked at him. "If you're calling HIM a Spawn of Satan, you're also saying that Megami is..." She raised an eyebrow.
He ignored her, while the Boggart turned towards him.
CRACK
It now morphed into the form of.... SAILOR MOON!
[AN- Haha, no offense to anyone who watches that; to each his/her own fear ]
Konton dropped his staff in horror. It clattered on the floor. "NOT HER!!!" In a split second, he had fallen to the ground on his bum. He just barely dodged her Moon Tiara attack, which she caught on the rebound. Regrettably, his shoulder was grazed.
The fake Sailor Moon did her little pose. "In the name of the moon, I will punish you!" she cried in a ditzy voice. She sprang towards him, but suddenly stopped midway. She immediately transformed again. Konton was still shielding himself from fear.
CRACK
In the Sailor Scout's place, stood an old hag, wearing black and red. Yami Me gasped in recognition. This was supposed to be Yami Chaos! [3] Supposedly, she WOULD look pretty, except she was wrinkled and disfigured. 'I guess it sensed Yami Chaos' fear from within Konton; hey.... she's afraid of being ugly? ...How vain... and she's supposed to be as, if not "more" fearsome than I... [4]' she thought. "Right, no one's as fearsome as me," she assured herself.
"Time to end this... HEY! Leave them alone!" she commanded while she stepped closer. The boggart drew its attention from Konton and his Yami, and turned towards her. Konton started to collect himself slowly.
CRACK
Yami Me face faulted. The boggart was... Yami Bakura!? But something was different about him...
Boggart-Bakura smirked a menacing sneer and waved his hand at Yami Me. "WHAT THE---" Yami Me exclaimed as she was magically thrown across the room. She hit the floor and rolled into a painful landing. She tried to pick herself up. "He doesn't have the power to do that..." she groaned.
The Boggart-Bakura cackled as he stepped closer to her, brandishing his knife. "Yami Me, how could you possibly think you were the most powerful of all?!" The boggart changed shape again...
CRACK
Yami Me couldn't believe her eyes. "There is no way in hell that I am afraid of Bakura AND Marik!!! They are pathetic Yami's compared to me!"
She back-flipped herself up again and went into her combat stance.
Boggart-Marik laughed more manically than possible. "You have no power over us, DEMONESS--- no power at all...." He stalked his way over to Yami Me, who withdrew the Millennium Glaive. Boggart-Marik just sneered and summoned the Glaive into his own hand.
Yami Me couldn't believe the predicament she was in. "That's not possible," she murmured. "It only answers to ME or Megami!" She conjured a demonic fireball of immense power. "Yea, well? EAT THIS!" She hurled it at the boggart.
But Boggart-Marik took the full blast of it and stayed standing. "Ouch. Was that all you've got?" He transformed his Millennium Rod into its dagger form. The Sennen Eye glowed on his forehead. "Now you know what it is like to be the weaker Yami..." A psychotic gleam flashed across his eyes as he used Shadow Magic to conjure chains of dark energy. Yami Me flipped out of the way but the chains grabbed hold of her nonetheless.
She was instantly frozen in place, with all her powers negated. All she could do was slump to floor helplessly while the chains covered her mouth as well. 'I can't... move!' Yami Me thought in frustration. 'Curses! Why don't my powers override or affect him!?'
"Like shooting fish in a barrel..." Boggart-Marik muttered while running his tongue across the blade. Yami Me was struggling helplessly while throwing all sorts of mental curses at Boggart-Marik.
The boggart was about to stab her when there was a rampage of feet at the door.
"EXPELLIARMUS!!!" Remus' voice cried out. Boggart-Marik's Rod (the Millennium One... --;;;) was thrown across the room, barely missing Megami's head, who was still shaking in the corner.
"THANKS..." Megami retorted sarcastically in a random moment of sanity. Then she went back to twitching and muttering about sponges that wear underwear.
The others had arrived. Sirius held the others back to give Remus some space. Lupin glanced from between the Yami's, the fallen Konton, and the twitching Megami. Understanding flitted across his face as he whipped out his wand and bellowed, "RIDDIKULUS!"
The fake Marik, which had turned into a moon, became a shiny, bald Snape's head. Sirius laughed so hard, the boggart exploded into oblivion.
Remus pocketed his wand and rushed over to Yami Me. "Are you all right? Who WAS that?"
Yami Me did not look at him. 'I can't believe I am so afraid of losing my powers... to the point where even my weakest enemies could get me...' she thought. [5] She opened her mouth to answer Lupin. "Feh, of course I am... do you think that NOBODY could get to me so easily?" Remus rolled his eyes at her arrogance.
Meanwhile, Mrs. Weasley went over to Konton. She immediately magically wrapped his scrape in bandages.
Sirius went over to Megami, who was still sitting against the wall. "Ugh, I HATE that show... God knows my brother makes it worse..." she muttered, while running her fingers through her hair.
"You alright?" Sirius asked concernedly. Megami looked up at him.
She heaved a heavy sigh. "Yeah...." she replied, bouncing back up. "I seriously think we should get our wands soon, in case something like this happens again... we can't even fend off a boggart properly without a wand." She kicked her boots on the floor in agitation.
Sirius chuckled. "I think Dumbledore will take care of that later today, before you guys go shopping---" He was interrupted by a knocking at the front door downstairs.
"I believe that's him now," Mr. Weasley commented.
Everyone, whose shock had worn off, rushed downstairs to greet him. When they settled in the cleaner living room, Dumbledore approached the Authors.
"I believe I may have found a solution to your predicament. You do have the choice to stay or the opportunity to go home immediately."
The Authors' jaws dropped in disbelief. "What!? How?" Konton asked.
Dumbledore waved his wand and conjured two bottles of potion: one red, one blue. "Now, there are 3 servings in each bottle. Professor Snape," ignoring the faces made by Sirius and the other kids, "brewed these with the possibility of you returning to wherever you belong. The blue will, presumably, let you leave this reality. The red one..."
Everyone waited for an answer. "...Will allow you to use magic undetected from the Ministry of Magic."
Ron pouted. "How come you can't give those to US, then? Or at least to Harry, he could have used it, seeing as he's being tried in a couple days!" Harry was thinking this himself, but he did not have the heart to confront Dumbledore for some reason...
Dumbledore continued. "However, it binds you to this world until whatever supernatural reason you are here has been fulfilled."
Megami looked at her fellow Authors. "This sounds suspiciously like the Matrix... which 'pill' should we take then, guys?" she chuckled.
Konton thought out loud. "I dunno.... I mean, just by being here, we could change the fabric of time and history... wouldn't it be best to leave before we cause damage? But then again... we were sent here for some reason... it'd be wrong to waste the opportunity, right?"
Yami Me sighed exasperatedly. "Let's just flip for it or something! Personally, I'd like to stay here and kick some Dark wizard arse!" The adults looked reproachfully at her for her language.
Dumbledore looked solemn. "It is completely your decision."
Hearing that, Konton and Megami looked over to Harry and the others.
Ginny was looking pitiful. "Please stay," she mumbled. "We'd all have so much fun at Hogwarts!"
Harry nodded in agreement.
"Your knowledge could come in very handy," reasoned Hermione.
Konton looked unsure for a few moments. He sighed. "Well, I'm afraid this will be for the greater good..." He walked over to the table with the potions on top. He reached out his hand for....
AN and Slight Spoilers
[1] Baka no hentai = stupid pervert
[2] "Quietly awakening... I always, always wish... that these fleeting thoughts... would reach you..." -From the beginning of "My Will" by dream, the 1st ending theme song of Inuyasha. WE DO NOT OWN THIS... of course.
[3] So we finally meet Yami Chaos! ::witch cackle:: Yes, in case you didn't realize, Konton's dark side IS a female... we MIGHT find out more about her in the later future.
[4] And you all thought Yami Me is the biggest bad$$ there is... She has a partner in crime--- hehehe
[5] Yami Me's fear of losing her power becomes very significant in the distant future at Hogwarts (if they go...). Now she'll do anything to make sure this never happens....
Yami Me: WHAT!? We don't get to find out what YOU choose!?
Watcher of Darkness: We will in the NEXT chapter, Yami Me.... rolls eyes
Megami: ::twitch:: Spongebob....
Yami Me: Megami... why did you write that my fear is losing my powers!? (Unsure voice) That is SO not true... OO
Watcher of Darkness: Right.... anyways... PLEASE REVIEW! We'd like at least 30 reviews.... onegai?
/ PRESS IT.... OO Or else you will see a naked Snape doing ballet with marshmallow peeps in your dreams....