Author's Note: Okay, I know I took a bit too long with this chapter – but I have good news! I'm done with school for the year (yay!) and I'm planning to concentrate mainly on this fic for the next week or two so I can finish it off. Sound good? Oh, by the way, I'm pretty sure that unless something changes drastically while I'm writing (which won't happen, I don't think) this story should end up being 10 chapters total, which means two more after this (I really mean it this time). Anyway, I gotta keep this note short, 'cause I just took some cough medicine for a cold and I'm bound to fall asleep at any moment…
Thank you thank you thank you for all the wonderful reviews! I really do mean it when I say they are often the highlight of my day, and I read each and every one of them gratefully. My replies will be short today, however, since my brain is already beginning to get hazy…(--blinks dazedly--)
Fallen-Snow: This chappie is for you, since your review gave me a couple ideas for it! (--hugs--)
Hououza: I'm about halfway through watching the Kenshin anime and it's awesome! I think I'm falling in love… You should definitely see it if you have the chance.
Glyor: Yeah, I've heard Miroku and Sango described as having black hair, but in the anime, at least, they both have dark brown hair, so that's the one I'm following. Oh, and I'll try to keep up on the updating – death by muffins does not sound pleasant! lol
Amanda Trinh: Yep, Kikyo (a.k.a. the Slut – lol) is there, but have no fear – she plays no romantic role in this fic. Three cheers!
Oh, those of you who read MIA already know this, but I'm trying to figure out what story to start after this one is finished (in addition to A Noble Mind, sequel to Fortune's Fool, which I will start soon), so I'm attaching a few summaries at the bottom and I'd appreciate your opinions on which you like best. Thanks!
Alter EgoChapter 8: Questions and Answers
"Kagome, I want you to marry me; to be my mate."
It still didn't seem real to her. Kouga Ookami, the man who'd captured her heart and then cast it aside, had actually come to her apartment the day before and proposed.
Kagome gaped at him, her mind a complete blank, and yet at the same time it seemed to be racing faster than the speed of light. Was he serious about this? Was this just some sort of sick joke that fate was trying to play on her?
"Kouga, I...I don't know what to say..."
What could she say? That she'd fallen in love with a fiction who'd disappeared and left her with the most loathsome man she'd ever had the misfortune to meet? Inuyasha, that -- that vermin, that scum, who'd toyed with her affections for his own sick, twisted pleasure...
Why did he have to come back now, when she could hardly think straight? Who was it that said, 'Love and stoplights are cruel'? Whoever it was, they must have known Kagome Higurashi.
Or was it just the opposite of all that? Was fate finally offering her a reprieve, an opportunity for happiness in the wake of her most recent romantic failure? Perhaps this was her chance for an escape from the pain Inuyasha had caused her, a chance to recapture a lost love, heal an old wound.
"Say yes, Kagome; say that you'll come with me and be my wife, and I promise to make you the happiest woman in the world. I have an apartment in Kyoto -- I'm a doctor now, and I make a good living in my own right, enough for us both to live quite comfortably. You wouldn't even have to work at all if you don't want to, especially not as a waitress in some bar."
"I...I just don't know; it's so sudden..." she said, still somewhat dazed.
"I know it seems out of the blue, but you know how I am -- impulsive. I've actually been thinking about this for a long time, and I was going to call you first and try to take it slow, but a few days ago I just decided I couldn't wait any longer; I had to come tell you -- had to make you mine. You're the only woman I've ever really loved, and the only one I ever will, from this moment on -- I swear it."
She was entranced by those eyes of his -- bright green and boring into her own with as much intensity as she could hear in his voice. A part of her, long forgotten, was stirred to life once more at the sight of those eyes, and she realized for the first time how much she had really missed him. There was a certain comfort in the familiarity between them, and she couldn't help but feel drawn to him, tempted by his offer and his impassioned words.
But her logical side refused to allow her to fall blindly into his arms and let him whisk her away without a care. Twice now she had opened her heart, and twice she had been betrayed; she refused to allow the same thing to happen to her a third time. She needed to think this through carefully, needed to be sensible and rational, lest her heart be damaged beyond repair.
"I...I need time, Kouga; I need to think about it for awhile, alright?" she said softly, giving him a look of entreaty, willing him to understand. "It's just too soon; too fast. Please?"
He bowed his head in concession before returning his gaze to hers and saying, "As long as you need, I can give you. But for both our sakes, don't wait too long; don't keep us apart. I love you Kagome Higurashi." And with that he leaned in and captured her lips with a kiss, hands gently caressing her cheeks, his mouth moving sensuously over hers to draw her in deeper, charming her, reminding her of the passion that they had shared and offering to her the chance to have it once more.
She closed her eyes with suppressed longing, trying to hold back, to pull away, yet seemingly unable to do so. Was this love? Was this -- the very impulse she was trying so hard to resist -- exactly what she had been searching for all along?
But then, as with the colored spots that seem to dance before ones eyes after a burst of light has hit them, a pair of deep brown eyes -- or were they amber? -- flashed through her mind's eye, and she pulled away suddenly.
He merely smiled at her, amused by her timidity, but understanding her need for time. At any rate, he knew he'd left an impression; she wouldn't soon forget a kiss like that.
"I'll be waiting for you Kagome," he said softly, and slipped a card with his cell phone number on it into her hand, before rising to retrieve his jacket on the way to the door. But as he reached it, he paused and looked back at her, lips quirking in a smile. "Though I can't promise I'll be able to stay away..."
She watched in silence as he slipped through the door, his last, velvety words sending a sort of warm thrill up her spine, making her breath catch in her throat.
How was it that he had still managed to have such an effect on her after such a long time? she thought, as she collected a couple of empty glasses from a vacated table, and carried them back toward the bar to be put in the wash. The place was relatively uncrowded at the moment, since it was a weeknight and quite late, just as things were winding down. This was good, because it afforded Kagome time to think about her current dilemma, with which she was quite preoccupied, to say the least.
She was so confused. One part of her -- admittedly, the larger part -- was still terribly attached to Ryoga, although she was well aware that he was not an option, seeing as he did not exist. On the other hand, another part of her, which had been reawakened only the night before, was drawn to Kouga. He was right -- they had been good together while it lasted, and indeed there was once a time when she had been sure, beyond any doubt, that he was the only man for her. But did that part of her still exist? Had it ever really existed, or was that love no more than an illusion, even as Ryoga himself had been? She had believed in both, and both had been proven false. How, then, was one to tell truth from illusion? If each new love felt truer than the last, how could one ever know that they had found the very truest?
There were far too many questions with only a fair few answers, and her head was beginning to spin with the lot of them.
There's only one question I must ask myself at this moment, only one answer I must have: Am I in love with Kouga, now, today? And the answer...I don't know...
"Hiya, Beautiful."
Kagome gasped and whirled around at the sound of that low, sexy, and all-too-familiar voice. "Kouga? What are you-"
"Sorry to startle you like this, Kagome, but I just had to see you..."
-- -- --
Inuyasha's eyes had hardly left Kagome all evening, though he remained obediently in his place behind the bar, in accordance with Sango's advice to give her space. She ignored him, and he had expected no more, but even so it seemed as though she wasn't quite all there -- as if there were something praying on her mind. Perhaps it was him, he thought, not sure whether that would be a good thing or a bad thing. But somehow he got the feeling that that wasn't quite it.
At any rate, he watched her intently, not entirely sure what it was he was watching for.
"Hey, hey! Watch it man!" The customer's outburst brought Inuyasha's attention back to the drink he'd been pouring, which was now overflowing the glass and spilling onto the counter.
"Oh, shit!" he cursed in a grumble, hastily putting aside the bottle of whiskey and snatching the towel from his back pocket to clean up the mess. "Sorry about that; I'll get you another."
"No, that's okay, I'll just, uh, get one from the other bartender," the man answered, eying the hanyou as if he were insane, as he made his way over to Miroku.
Inuyasha released a frustrated sigh, containing a hint of a growl, and threw the soaked towel irritably into the nearby laundry bin under the bar, before resting against the counter with his palms pressed flat and his silvery head hung low. This was getting ridiculous; he wasn't sure how much more of this 'space' thing he could take. It was impossible for him to concentrate on anything, especially with Kagome looking so very troubled and knowing that he was most likely the cause -- at least in part.
He raked a hand through his snowy tresses and took a breath, pulling himself together. But when he looked up, an unwelcome sight met his eyes. Not too far away stood Kagome -- but she was not alone. A lean muscled, dark-haired man was with her, talking to her, and the scene was just a bit too intimate for Inuyasha's taste.
The hanyou's amber eyes narrowed in mounting suspicion and his ears perked forward, concentrating on picking out the couple's conversation from the surrounding noise. He couldn't make out much, but he did manage to catch the name 'Kouga' on Kagome's lips.
Kouga...where had he heard that name before?
'...I was living with this guy named Kouga -- my boyfriend at the time. We'd been going out for about a year and even sort of talked about marriage a couple times. Anyway, apparently he fell for this other girl, so he dumped me...'
His amber eyes filled with pain and dread, locked on the couple across the room. So this was Kouga; the man who'd hurt her so badly when he left her for someone else. So why was she looking at him like that -- as if she were happy to see him? Inuyasha's youkai senses could see her eyes dilate, hear her pulse begin to race -- she was still attracted to this man. Very much so.
"No..." he whispered helplessly.
A low growl began in his throat, amber eyes beginning to flash with rage. He hurt her, that son of a bitch...I'll kill him...
At the other end of the bar, Miroku took notice of his friend's odd expression as well as the presumed cause of his rising temper. It didn't take a psychic to recognize catastrophe on the horizon.
"Um, excuse me for a moment folks," he said to the customers that had slowly collected at his end of the bar during the evening, due to Inuyasha's rather unpredictable mood. Not wasting a moment, he moved quickly forward to restrain the hanyou when he made to vault over the bar with the likely ambition of tearing out the other man's throat.
"Inuyasha, calm down," he said sternly, with a firm grip on the man's arm.
The hanyou shot an angry glare at him, growling, "Get the hell off me, houshi!"
"No, not until you calm down. You can't just go around killing people for talking to Kagome-"
"You don't understand!" he interrupted, "That son of a bitch is the one who deserted her! He hurt her and now I'm gonna hurt him right back!"
"Don't you think that's just a tad hypocritical? After all, you hurt her too," Miroku pointed out reasonably.
"That's not the point! It's -- it's different with me," he countered, though with somewhat less conviction.
"How so?"
"It just is, okay? Now get off me," Inuyasha grumbled, and Miroku allowed the hanyou to shake him off, knowing that he had gotten through to him enough to stop him from doing anything foolish -- well, at least anything that would get him arrested.
Inuyasha's gaze returned to the couple once more, though this time, the rage was replaced with a sort of quiet despair. "I can't just sit here and watch this," he mumbled, his voice betraying only a fraction of the pain he was experiencing, "I'm no use here tonight anyway -- too distracted. I've got to get out of here."
Miroku made no reply, only observing silently as the hanyou snatched his coat from just inside the staff room and pushed his way hastily out of the bar, carefully averting his eyes from the sight of Kagome and the dark-haired man who stood before her.
-- -- --
A flash of silver caught Kagome's eye, and she watched with a slight frown on her face as Inuyasha made his way swiftly out the door, pointedly not looking at her.
"Kagome? Is everything alright?" Kouga drew her attention back onto him.
"Hmm? Oh, yes -- it's nothing. I'm sorry Kouga, but it's only been a day; I don't have an answer for you yet."
"I know, I know, I just wanted to ask you to come with me and get a bite to eat. I know you said you needed time, but I thought we could at least catch up with each other -- I haven't seen you in so long."
She smiled lightly at his words, reminded of the way things had been with them before. This was so like him, so familiar, for him to be this way -- unable to let her out of his sight. Though it could be stifling at times, it was also a comfort and a great compliment that he should worship her so.
"I can't right now; I'm working. But I can meet you afterward, if you like."
"I'd love to. Where?"
"The diner on the corner," she said, without a thought, "It's the only place open this late. I'll meet you there at three, alright?"
"Alright; at three," he repeated, and pressed a light kiss to her lips, that nonetheless sent her head spinning with it's sweetness, before exiting the bar himself.
-- -- --
Inuyasha glared down at the cracked cement of the sidewalk upon which he walked, fists jammed into his pockets. Who did that guy think he was -- showing up like this, now of all times? He'd seen how she was looking at him, and it was like a knife in his gut. How could she have forgiven that wolf for what he did when she refused to even listen to him, Inuyasha, for an explanation? He had half a mind to go back in there and beat the crap out of that jackass before pulling her aside and forcing her to listen -- but somehow he thought that probably wasn't the best way to get her to forgive him.
'Just trust me on this one, alright? Give her time, give her space, and then try again.'
"Feh," he scoffed irritably. "If I give her too much more time that fucking wolf will make a move, and who knows what will happen."
-- -- --
"So anyway, I finished medical school and landed a residency at Kyoto General. I've been there for about a year now."
"Mm," Kagome nodded. "And how are your parents?"
"They're both doing just fine -- still living in that same old house just outside the city. You know they've added another wing on."
"Another? How many rooms this time?" she asked quirking an eyebrow.
"Just two -- a smallish one," he responded with a wry grin. "It's got a summer porch and a new den, for my father. They had to convert his old one into an exercise room when my mother went on this fancy new 'miracle' health regimen, or something. Of course she barely used it at all after about the first month. You know how it is."
"Oh yes," she replied, laughing, "That I do. You remember when my mother decided she wanted to be a photographer, and she convinced my father to have one of our bathrooms converted into a darkroom? It was only after he'd spent all the money that she discovered she was useless with a camera."
Kouga chuckled softly in remembrance. "Yeah, I remember. Every time we would go over to your family's house for a holiday dinner or something your father would bring it up, muttering under his breath about how she never even brought out the camera, much less developed any film."
"That's right," Kagome replied with a grin, laughing fondly. Soon her smile began to fade into thoughtfulness, and she lowered her eyes to the milkshake that sat before her. It was chocolate -- her favorite. He'd remembered after all this time.
Idly, she began to swirl her straw around in the sweet, creamy, milky-brown liquid, saying nostalgically, "We did have some good times together, back then, didn't we?"
Kouga laid a hand over hers, which rested upon the tabletop. "We can have more, Kagome," he said sincerely, "All it takes is a word."
She lifted her eyes to meet his searchingly, finally resolving to voice the question that had been floating unanswered in the back of her mind since the man's arrival. "Kouga, why do you want to marry me?"
"Because I love you," he replied, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"No, besides that. I mean -- why do you love me?"
He frowned slightly with a small shrug, thinking. "I...I don't know why I love you...I just...do. Isn't it enough that I love you and I want to be with you, without having to explain it and analyze it to death? It's just...a feeling."
"But...how do you know that's what it is?"
"I just know, that's all," he replied with a shrug.
She shook her head with an amused sigh, deciding that was the best answer she was going to get. Just then Kagome's attention was drawn to the music that drifted in from the radio in the next room.
See the stone.. set in your eye-es...
See the thorn.. twist in your side...
I wait... for you...
She felt as if her heart had stopped in her chest. Ryoga... she thought, despite her resolve never to think of him again -- but she couldn't seem to help herself. Instantly she was back in his arms, as they had been that night, dancing to this very song in his apartment.
"Kagome?" Kouga questioned, bringing her out of her reverie and back to the present.
She shook her head slightly, trying to ignore the song, but it seemed it wouldn't leave her alone. "I...I really need to be getting home now," she said with a weak sort of smile. "It's late."
"I'll walk you," he offered, starting to rise, but she stopped him.
"No, that's alright. It's out of your way, and I was going to take a cab anyway."
"Well, alright -- if you're sure."
"Don't worry about it, I'm sure." As she rose to leave, he caught her arm, and she turned back to look at him.
"Can I see you again tomorrow?" he asked.
She smiled back at him warmly. "Sure."
-- -- --
Inuyasha, having already dressed for bed, but not being particularly sleepy as of yet, shuffled into his kitchen to fix himself a snack, flipping on the radio as he entered.
Sleight of hand.. and twist of fate..
On a bed of nails.. she makes me wait..
And I wait... without you...
He stiffened, freezing mid-step in the middle of the kitchen as the melody sunk in, reminding him inexorably of Kagome. He could all but feel her pressed against him in a warm embrace as they danced to this very song in this very apartment.
Gods, he missed her. He braced a hand against the refrigerator, leaning his forehead against it, eyes closed, and letting the melody wash over him as the words took on a new depth of meaning.
My hands are tied....
..My body bruised, she's got me wi-ith,
Nothing to wi-in, and,
Nothing left to lo-ose...
And you give.. yourself awa-ay..
And you give.. yourself awa-ay..
And you give...
And you give...
And you.. give.. yourself awa-ay..
With or without you......
With or with-out you, o-oh..
I can't live......
With or with-a-out you....
-- -- --
Over the course of the next week, Kagome spent almost every night with Kouga, at the wolf's insistence. She had to admit, she loved the way he pampered her, making her feel like the only woman in the room wherever they went. It was as though time had turned backwards, allowing them to pick up right where they'd left off, and the more time she spent with him, the easier she found it to forget about 'Ryoga' and Inuyasha, and the giant mess her love life had become because of him.
But even after a week, she still wasn't sure exactly what to do about Kouga's proposal. He made her happy in a way she hadn't been for a long time, except, perhaps, briefly, while Ryoga had been in her life -- but she preferred not to think of that. It seemed that Kouga had spoken true when he professed to loving her. But did she love him? Was whatever existed between them really enough upon which to build a successful marriage?
Certainly there was an attraction on her part, and she was happy when she was with him, but was it enough? Perhaps, she thought, that's what love is -- a combination of familiarity and passion. But if that's all there is to it, is it really worth the trouble? Or rather, is it simply better than the alternative -- to end up alone?
She took a deep breath, letting it out in a sigh. She had to make a choice sooner or later, and now she knew in her heart what she had been bound to choose all along. With determination, she picked up the receiver and dialed Kouga's number.
"Hello?"
"Hello, Kouga. I have an answer for you..."
-- -- --
A/N: (--winces--) Okay, I know it's a cliffy, but I swear it won't take nearly as long this time. Still, reviews always help a lot!
Oh yeah, here are the summaries. Tell me which one(s) you're most interested in:
The Best Man: AU -- Romance/Humor. Amidst preparations for Kagome's wedding, Sango, her Maid of Honor, is overjoyed when Inuyasha's brother Sesshomaru finally proposes to her. Only afterwards does Sango first encounter Miroku, who just so happens to be Inuyasha's best man, and things begin to get…complicated.
Father's House, Husband's House: AU -- Romance/Humor. Kagome, daughter of a wealthy and prominent businessman, finds herself engaged to Hojo, her longtime boyfriend and the heir to another large fortune. Feeling smothered, she escapes to see the world before being railroaded into a life as no more than her husband's wife. The real world is not quite what she expected, however, least of all a certain penniless, but streetwise hanyou with whom she makes acquaintance…
Type Casting: AU -- Romance/Humor. Kagome is making her directorial debut on London's West End with a somewhat non-traditional production of Romeo and Juliet, and despite her better judgment she casts the arrogant Inuyasha Takahashi opposite Sango Kuonji in the lead roles. There is definite friction between the young director and her leading man, but will the fire between them serve to keep them warm, or simply burn down the house?
Far From Home: AU – Romance/Humor. In Ancient Greece, Kagome and Inuyasha, separated by war, wish only to be together once again. Unfortunately for them, fate seems to have made other plans, and Inuyasha gets slightly sidetracked…(based on The Odyssey)
What do you think? Ooooh…my head feels like it's floating and sinking at the same time…cough medicine is taking over…must go to bed now before I start spouting complete nonsense…