Author's Note: Okay, originally this was supposed to be the last chapter, but when I wrote the whole thing it turned out to be about twice as long as a normal chappie anyway, and I'm not quite sure I'm completely happy with the ending yet, so I wanted to tweak it a bit more. Anyway, I decided to cut it in half so I could give you this part now while I put the finishing touches on the end (though there will also be an epilogue following that, just so you know). But a lot of you have been asking me to make it longer anyway, so I suppose you'll be happy with that at least!
Also, as some of you may have noticed, the first chapter of Father's House, Husband's House (and yes, I eventually decided to go with that title after all) is posted, so please read it and review!
Well, from the sound of things I've got a regular sob-fest going on out there…tissues all around! Hope you all enjoy the last few chappies and thank you so much for the reviews!
Izayoi: (--Hugs--) Thanks!! Glad you like it! Can't wait to hear about the new project you're considering and hope the move goes alright.
a fan –duh: A sequel? Hmmm…maybe… I'd love to do one, and actually I've thought about the possibility, but I haven't been able to come up with anything in the way of a plot so far (and it's really hard to write a story with no plot – lol). I'll keep it in mind though. Any ideas?
Crazyblade: Actually that gave me an idea – the random meetings thing…hmmm…maybe I can do something with that. Thanks!
Miko Ariko-901: lol! Yeah, I know, I guess I kinda use the "--" a lot don't I… I used to use asterisks for some of the things I use it for now, but the quick-edit on ff.net doesn't like asterisks, so it kept taking them out. Oh well!
Chibi Horsewoman: Beware the ChibiUsa clones…I don't think I want to risk suffering that fate, so I'll be sure to write a good ending – lest I provoke your wrath. lol!
Kirro: You know, I used to avoid AUs like the plague – obviously I've changed my mind on that one! I'm glad you like it though, and I look forward to hearing what you think of my other stuff.
angelwarrior2: Well, it's a little longer…that's good, right? I'd extend it further if I could, but I hate it when stories get dragged out simply for the sake of being dragged out – that's no good. If people want me to I might consider trying to figure out a sequel, but like I said above, I don't even have an idea for a plot – if you have any ideas I'd be glad to hear them!
antisocial mint: A San/Inu pairing? (--winces--) Probably not…sorry. I just have trouble seeing them with anyone but the people they're supposed to be with – if I wrote it it would come off awkward and shallow, most likely. I'm flexible with Sess sometimes, but other than that I pretty much stick to the canon (pairing-wise). Love your penname by the way, though!
reader: Thank you! If my career in showbiz fails, writing is my next choice.
Fallen-Snow: Yeah, Kag may be a bit more forgiving in the canon, but keep in mind that she's about ten years older here, and if I recall correctly, the canon Inuyasha never tried to trick her into bed (lol). And as far as what Sango bribed Miroku with…I wonder too! I mean, I know the 'category' but I'm not sure of the specifics…(--grin--)
sailor-scribe: Folks, we have a celebrity in our midst -- sailor-scribe, acclaimed author of The Ad! (--grins like an idiot--) Thank you sooo much! Man, you're really fast though…you've done like four chapters in the time it takes me to do one (that last one was awesome by the way – I'm gonna review it as soon as I post this)
Alter EgoChapter 10: Introspection
Kagome sighed quietly, leaning her head back against the seat and gazing unseeingly out the window at the countryside as it rushed past, the steady rumble and sway of the train lulling her into reflection.
"Are you sure about this Kagome?" asked Sango for the hundredth time that morning as the two women and Miroku stood at the platform before the train.
"I'm sure," she answered yet again, "This is the way things have to be."
"There isn't anything we can do to change your mind?" The woman gave her a searching look, but Kagome refused to waver. "No, Sango. I have to go; it's best this way, really it is."
Her friend sighed. "Alright then, if you're sure. Goodbye Kagome -- we'll miss you."
The two women embraced tightly. "I'll miss you too Sango, and you Miroku," she replied, her throat tightening a bit in sorrow.
"You'd better come back and visit us, though, okay?" Miroku said with a sad smile. "And remember, if you don't, I'm the one who's gonna get punished for it."
Sango shot him a glare, but Kagome merely laughed and wiped away a small tear that had escaped her eye as she nodded. "Don't worry, I won't forget. But you two have to promise to visit me in Kyoto, alright?"
"Deal," the man answered.
After a moment's hesitation, she gave Miroku a hug as well, knowing that with Sango in range his self-preservation instincts, if nothing else, would prevent him from groping her.
"Well," she said somewhat sadly as she pulled back once more, "I guess I'd better be going now. Bye." With that she readjusted her purse, took hold of the handle on her suitcase, and headed off toward the train's entrance, turning back just before boarding to give one final wave and seeing Miroku place a comforting arm around Sango's shoulders...
She'd feel better once she reached Kyoto -- at least she hoped she would. All she needed right now was to be home, with her family, and everything would be alright. It always had been before.
Weariness began to overtake her; she'd hardly slept a wink the night before, what with all the packing she'd had to do -- not to mention the fact that her argument with Inuyasha had left her feeling somewhat anxious, no matter how much she tried to deny the fact that thoughts of him could keep her up at night. Now, feeling the effects of that sleep deprivation, she gave in to the urge to rest awhile, allowing her eyelids to drift closed and sleep to come upon her.
-- -- --
The house where Kagome had grown up was the same as it had always been. It wasn't a mansion, or at least Kagome had never thought of it as such, but it was large enough that her friends had often commented on it when they first came to visit. Although the Higurashis were undoubtedly on the higher end of the middle class in the financial sense, enough so that money was never a concern, they weren't so very wealthy and powerful as to be conspicuous.
Kagome had always felt that, although she suspected she'd been slightly spoiled in her youth, they were a very healthy and loving family overall. Her father was a bit overindulgent at times, her mother occasionally somewhat cross, and her younger brother slightly over-angelic (when compared to her in her teenaged years) resulting in a bit of jealousy on her part; but when all was said and done, there had always been love among them.
Considering the turmoil of her social life of late, Kagome was quite relieved to be home. Nonetheless, even after nearly a month spent in the company of her loved ones, there still seemed to be a sort of gloomy cloud hanging over her head that simply would not leave her alone. There were times when she could keep it at bay to some extent, but it always returned, and no matter how she tried to hide it she highly suspected that her family knew something was wrong.
She hadn't told them exactly what had happened, preferring instead to push it from her mind completely, hoping that if no one new about it then it would cease to haunt her so. All she had given in answer to their queries was that she'd felt she needed a change of pace, that perhaps she would go back to school for a while and finish her degree -- a notion that pleased her father greatly.
The afternoon sun illuminated the world outside her open window, the breeze rustling in the trees, and she simply lay there on her bed, fully clothed, but utterly lacking in the motivation to go and do anything. For the first week or so she had been able to distract herself quite effectively with things around the house like unpacking and helping out in the kitchen, but these tasks had gradually decreased in potency at staving off that pesky gloom.
Finally it had come to this, just lying here, doing nothing but allowing her mind to wander. She was weary from the effort of locking everything away inside her, and she had eventually given up. If her mind insisted on pondering things that would only destroy her further, so be it.
Little snapshots and images from over the past month and a half, during all this mess, floated incongruously about in her brain. There seemed to be no order to them, no reason for their coming to the surface, so she merely let them wash over her numbly.
..."-stop by and see if you needed any-" she broke off abruptly when the door swung open to reveal a particularly haggard looking Ryoga, rumpled pink apron tied at an odd angle, some sort of red sauce splattered in his dark hair, as well as on the end of his nose, covered from head to toe in baking ingredients, with a rather large smudge of flour on his cheek to top it off. She had to bite her lip to keep from laughing out loud at his comical appearance...
...Kagome met Inuyasha's gaze with a grin, shaking her head. "Come on, let's get this cleaned up and start over. Something tells me you haven't done a whole lot of cooking -- am I right?"
"Whatever gave you that idea?" he answered with a raise of the eyebrow and a wry smirk...
.
...Her eyes narrowed, boring into him. If looks could kill, he'd be one very dead doggie by now. "Thank god not all men are like you. Ryoga's sweet and kind. He would never-"
He interrupted her with a laugh, "Feh. Never what? Be as rude or as stupid as me I suppose? You've got a lot to learn, bitch, if you think any man's a saint. Even your precious Ryoga."...
.
..."This really isn't necessary, Ryoga. It's just a little burn," the woman argued, but she allowed him to take her hand once again and begin applying a thin coat of clear goo to the abused skin. She drew in a short breath with a hiss at the first sting, but as he gently massaged the injury she felt the skin going pleasantly numb.
"Thanks," she said quietly, smiling at him as he met her eyes. For a moment they just held each other's gaze, her hand still enclosed within his...
.
...without a second thought he bent his head and captured her lips with his. The kiss was at once sweet and hungry, asking, demanding, pleading. She accepted him willingly, so deep was the trust and the need radiating from within her. He could feel it, taste it in her kiss.
"Ryoga..." she breathed, her fingers entangling themselves in his hair, trying to pull him closer, pressing herself more firmly against him...
.
...It was slow at first, tentative and beseeching on his part, but with her eyes closed like this, the taste and feel of him so familiar, she soon found herself being drawn in, her arms moving of their own accord to wrap around his neck and pull him deeper. She had wanted this -- she had needed this, ever since that day. In that instant, everything felt so right that she could almost convince herself that this really was Ryoga, that he was real and he was here in her arms, as if nothing had ever happened...
.
...She shoved herself to her feet, eyes still locked on the hanyou, breath coming in tense gasps, her entire body beginning to shake with fury. "You'd better have one hell of an explanation, Inuyasha," she ground out, barely managing to control herself. "What the hell do you think you're doing?! I can't believe...I..." Tears were springing to her eyes in her utter confusion, but she fought them back.
Inuyasha stood slowly, anxiety written all over his face. He was at a loss for words. Finally, swallowing, he managed to say, "I never meant for you to find out this way..."...
.
..."No, I mean right before that, I thought I heard you say...nevermind," she finished with a shake of her head. 'Really, it can't be that uncommon, can it?' she thought. 'But I would have sworn Ryoga sounded just like Inuyasha a moment ago...'...
.
...'But even though I was pretending to be someone else, I found myself being more myself around you than I had ever been with anybody'...
Inuyasha's words seemed to hang in the air like an echo, as if they had only just been spoken. No, she thought firmly, I refuse to give in to a moment of weakness. I did the right thing in leaving, I know I did. I have to try to move past this...but why is it so difficult?
Just then there came a soft knock on her door, bringing Kagome out of her reverie as her mother entered the room to come and sit on the edge of the bed.The elder Higurashi observed her daughter with a look of worry mingled with sympathy. "Kagome dear, you've been moping around the house for three solid weeks now; it's not healthy. Can't you at least tell me what the trouble is?"
Kagome sighed heavily. "It's nothing Mom, really. I just needed a change is all, like I told you before."
"That's a load of bull and you know it sweetheart," she scolded. "Alright, fine, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to -- I completely understand and respect your right to privacy, but I just can't stand to see you like this. You should get out for awhile, go for a walk or get together with some of your old friends."
"But Momma, that's not going to help. I just want to be alone for awhile; it'll wear off."
"No it won't, not like this. You have to at least make an effort to rejoin the living. Sulking alone in your room will never solve anything for you, that much I'm sure of.
"I know," she continued, eyes lighting as an idea began to take shape in her mind, "Do you remember Akari Takumi?"
"She was a friend of yours, wasn't she?" Kagome replied. "What about her?"
"Well, she has a son about your age, and last I heard he was visiting her-"
"Mother please tell me you're not suggesting what I think you're suggesting," the young woman groaned, dreading the answer that she knew was coming.
"Well why not? A blind date might be just what you need right now to get you back on your feet again."
"If there's anything I don't need right now, it's a date," she protested, adding under her breath, "and I've had quite enough of 'blindness,' when it comes to men, to last me a lifetime."
"Oh don't be silly, dear."
"No, Mother, absolutely not."
Mrs. Higurashi let out a frustrated sigh. "Kagome please, if not for yourself, at least do it for me, hm? For my peace of mind?"
The young woman eyed her mother, debating whether or not to stand her ground on this one, but at the look in the older woman's eye she finally conceded defeat. "Alright Mother," she said wearily, "If it'll make you feel better I'll go on a date with him. One date -- will that make you happy?"
"Immeasurably," she answered, smiling and rising to move toward the door. "I'll call over there and ask him to pick you up around seven this evening, alright?"
"Whatever you say Mother -- I'll be ready then."
As the door clicked shut, Kagome released a bemused sigh. A grown woman being set up on a blind date by her mother -- had she really sunk so low as all that?
-- -- --
The young man -- who's name, Kagome soon learned, was Edward Rojenko Jean-Pierre Takumi IV (apparently his family was very proud of their mixed heritage) -- arrived at precisely seven o'clock; in fact, by the looks of him, he was one of those people who was so punctual that the military would call him up before an operation in order to be certain that all operatives' watches were synchronized to correspond to the exact positions of all the heavenly bodies in the cosmos at a given moment.
He greeted her formally at the door, bowing and even taking her hand to kiss it chastely, while she could do nothing but gape at him. Oh my lord, she mused, Is this guy serious? I mean, I'm all for chivalry and manners and all, but this is ridiculous...
It's gonna be a looong evening, she thought as he escorted her --for there was no other word for it -- to his waiting car and they set off for the restaurant.
They were seated immediately, Edward of course insisting on holding Kagome's chair for her before taking his own seat and ordering a fine bottle of Chateaux Briand for the pair of them. Within the first fifteen minutes of their conversation the woman learned that her date had graduated summa comme laude from Oxford, double-majoring in philosophy and political theory, with a minor in British literature; that he was the five-time winner of the Platinum Cork, the most prestigious wine tasting award in the world; that he had published his first book on the impact of Marxism on the Eastern world, as compared and contrasted with that upon the Western world, and the resulting Cold War, tracking it's roots back through thousands of years of cultural history and differences; and that he was widely considered to be the world's youngest expert on the life and works of Edgar Allen Poe. She learned all this, however, without uttering a single word in reply or encouragement.
Once Edward had started in on his personal interpretation of Poe's "The Pit and the Pendulum," and it's significance in today's world, she realized that he was quite content to continue rambling to himself whether she was listening or not, so she took to nodding along politely and tuned him out, retreating into her own thoughts.
It wasn't long before a certain silver-haired hanyou managed to wander lazily into them. Before her glazed-over eyes, an image of Inuyasha sauntered up out of nowhere, arms crossed casually in front of his chest as he observed the man continuing to jabber away at Kagome, though it was as if the rest of the world were on mute, and only she and Inuyasha could be heard.
"Seriously Kagome -- this guy?" he said, quirking a questioning eyebrow. "You've got to be kidding..."
"I'll have you know that Edward just happens to be an intelligent, well-educated, responsible, and courteous gentleman," she retorted primly, silently adding, Not to mention a complete bore...
"I heard that," Inuyasha said with a smirk. "I'm a figment of your imagination Kagome; do you really think you can hide anything from me?"
"Arrogant jackass..." she muttered in response.
"Hey, you're in no position to be calling anyone arrogant, wench -- not when you're dating a turkey like this," he jerked his head to indicate Edward. "Your judgment of personality is obviously severely out of whack."
Kagome crossed her arms, slouching back in her chair to regard him ironically. "Oh, and this from the guy who invented a second personality -- the polar opposite of himself -- in order to seduce his worst enemy, and then wound up becoming so confused that he couldn't remember which was which? I'd say if we're going to be analyzing anybody's character judgment, it should be yours."
"I'm not the one who's confused here, wench," he responded with a shrug, "I know exactly who I am and what I want. It's you who can't seem to see past the illusions in front of you to the truth. After all, whatever else might have happened, I am and always have been a single individual playing multiple roles. 'Ryoga' has no more substance than that which I, Inuyasha, gave him, and therefore everything he was must have come from within me, right? But did it ever occur to you that maybe the Inuyasha you think you know so well -- the 'arrogant jackass,' if you will -- is no less of an illusion than Ryoga was?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" Kagome retorted skeptically, to which the imaginary Inuyasha shrugged again and replied, "You know exactly what it means -- I'm in your head, after all...wait, you do know that, don't you?"
She shot a glare in response to his teasing smirk and said dryly, "Indulge me."
Inuyasha sighed patronizingly and said, "Alright, fine, I'll break it down for you if you insist: You only know me as the 'arrogant jackass,' slimeball, hanyou drink-slinger, right? The one you loathe, who hurls insults at you and provokes you non-stop, berating you for your non-existent sex life and your prissy, stuck-up attitude. Sound about right?"
"Yes," she conceded carefully.
"Then there's Ryoga, on the other hand, who -- in your own words -- is so different from me that I 'couldn't even begin to understand someone like him,' -- correct?"
"Yes," she said again, still cautious.
"Yet both are 'played' by the same person. The only reason you believe that the 'arrogant jackass' is the real me is because that's the one you met first -- not to mention the fact that you associate that side of my personality with my true appearance, as opposed to my human form."
"Okay, you are officially way too profound to be Inuyasha," she criticized.
"Duh, that's because I'm not Inuyasha -- I'm a figment of your imagination, remember? I only look like Inuyasha because you can't get him off your mind."
"Well it's not for lack of trying, that's for sure," she grumbled sarcastically.
"Actually, if you think about it I'm really more you than him -- or more specifically, the part of you that is him."
"Now you're just confusing me," she complained.
"I know," he grinned mischievously, "It's so much fun!"
Her patience was growing ever thinner. "Whatever -- were you planning to make a point anytime soon?"
"Haven't I gotten to it yet? Oh, guess not. Well anyway, the point is that if you really think about it and look back at all your experiences with both sides of me -- the Inuyasha me, that is; not the me that is the part of you that is him-"
"I get it already," she interrupted impatiently, "Let it drop, will you?!"
"Right -- okay, so if you look back you'll see that there are more commonalities between the two sides than you think there are. The overlap -- the parts of both personalities that are the same -- that's the real Inuyasha right there. And once you look past the illusions to the real him -- or rather, the real me...sort of -- I think you'll find that everything you really loved about Ryoga is still there."
"And how do you know that, exactly?" she huffed defensively.
"Because you've already seen it, or else I couldn't exist. I told you, you already know all this deep down -- I'm only here to connect the dots."
Her first instinct was to protest, but then she realized that he was absolutely right. Hell, she could have come to the same conclusion long ago, if it hadn't been for the all the defenses she had built up unwittingly around her heart and mind in order to protect herself from further hurt.
"Love means risk, Kagome," Inuyasha said, as if reading her thoughts -- which wouldn't be difficult, considering he was part of them. "If you're going to go swimming, you've got to get wet -- so why not take a chance? Just one more chance? You can't keep running forever."
The woman drew in a deep breath, letting it out slowly in resignation. Finally she conceded softly, "You're right -- I can't. And I'm not going to."
Inuyasha grinned at her in a satisfied manner. "Good girl," he said with a quiet sort of approval; and with that he winked at her and turned to wander off, fading into nothingness before he'd even gone ten paces.
That was when the sound around her seemed to come back on, and she realized that the man in front of her was still happily chatting away, completely oblivious to the fact that she had been zoned out, staring into space for nearly twenty minutes. Feh, she thought jokingly, an inward sort of smile spreading across her lips.
-- -- --
A/N: Well, what do you think? By the way, I have no idea how to spell either 'Chateaux Briand' or 'summa comme laude' so I took a guess. Hope I got close! Anyway, you get the idea…
Also, I've had a request for a sequel, but as I said in the review replies, I don't even have an idea for a plot, and I kind of tend to think that this story works better as a stand-alone. I guess what I'm asking is, would people be interested in a sequel, and if so, any ideas as to what it might be about? If I get inspired, I may consider it…
Other than that, please review (and read FHHH, pretty please!)…