Disclaimer: Sadly I do not Own Phantom!

A/N: Woo! This is my first attempt at a parody. I have no idea what was going through my head when I wrote this, but i've always wanted to make Raoul and Christine have a cat fight! It starts off normal then gets terribly INSANE! Enjoy!

Cat Fight

Christine was rehearsing on stage for a lead role she had in an upcoming production.

All around Christine were the many ballet dancers also practicing with Madam Giry.

"Come on girls! Work harder!" Mme. Giry said with rage as she slammed the bottom of her stick on the ground repeatedly, "And I expect you all to get this right! Now! Continue!"

Christine peeked to her left seeing a struggling Meg Giry, and she gave off a little laugh.

"I heard that Christine! You little..." Meg Giry was cut off by Mme. Giry, "Ahem."

Meg bowed her head and smiled a bit, "Sorry?"

Mme. Giry walked past her and continued on yelling at the other ballet dancers, "Sometimes I swear you all are a lost case! Why can't you all just work Harder! HARDER!" Mme. Giry spat furiously.

"I agree! You all are a hopeless case! So horrible that I don't understand how you made it in the show!" Raoul said loudly walking slowly onto the stage laughing at the poor ballet girls, "I don't understand why you are all here, maybe you need a better teacher?"

"Excuse me?" Mme. Giry said with curiosity as she approached Raoul, "what did you just say to me? Do you think you can do a better job than me?"

Raoul gave a short little laugh, "In face I think I can do better, I'm afraid a monkey could do a better than you madam..."

Mme. Giry quickly whipped the side of Raoul's leg with her stick, "You better shut your mouth Monsieur."

All the ballet girls stared in fright, and Christine stared in amusement.

"If I may be so kind to say a word or two, Mme. Giry?" Christine said softly as she walked into their conversation.

Mme. Giry shrugged and walked away furiously, "Thank you, Mme. Giry."

"Thank you, Christine! That woman is mad!" Raoul said rubbing the side of his leg.

"Sometimes I think you are pathetic Raoul, I mean really... Picking a fight with the ballet teacher? Really, have you no pride? And why are you here? I thought they banned you for that last encounter you had with the managers, if I recall you tried to shoot one of them? I'm afraid to tell you Raoul, but I think you've lost it; you've completely lost it. Now I want you to leave, okay?" Christine said grinning.

"Why do you want me to leave Christine? We are engaged to be married!" Raoul said laughing.

"Engaged to be married?" Christine said raising her eyebrow, "are you feeling well? We broke off that engagement three weeks ago when I left you for Erik! Really Raoul, you scare me sometimes, now, are you going to leave?"

"Sometimes you scare me, Christine! You don't even remember our engagement!" Raoul said with worry in his voice.

"Oh for gods sake leave me already! You stupid pathetic fop! You keep running back like the rat you are!" Christine said turning her back on Raoul.

"Don't you turn your back on me you...you... Ingénue!" Raoul said stupidly.

"What was that?" Christine said turning, "did you just call me an Ingénue? I'm surprised your small brain can process such a word as that."

Raoul was speechless and then out of nowhere pulled a strand of Christine's hair out.

"What was that! Did you just pull my hair out!" Christine said furiously, now inching closer to Raoul.

"Yes I did! What are you going to do about it?" Raoul said weakly.

"What am I going to do about it? What am I going to do about it? Oh you little!" Christine slapped Raoul across the face and pushed him on the ground.

"Oh!!! Did you all see that? She slapped me! Oh!! I'm going to sue you, you crazy little weird girl that sleeps with a, a freak!" Raoul said stuttering.

"Oh God! Why do you keep talking! I hate you!" Christine kicked Raoul in the side, "I hate you!"

"Well I hate you, you ugly pretty girl!" Raoul said quickly.

"Ugly pretty girl? Do you even hear yourself speak?" Christine laughed to herself and then turned away to continue practicing.

Raoul quickly rose to his feet and ran towards Christine, tackling her on the ground.

The ballet girls and Mme. Giry all stood there staring at them rustling on the floor with dumbfounded looks.

"Perhaps we should possibly leave them alone mother?" Meg Giry asked Mme. Giry.

"I know!" Said a random ballet girl, "Let's join!"

All the ballet girls jumped in pulling at Raoul's hair and kicking him in places that it hurts.

"Ah! Help! Crazy girls are attacking me!" Raoul yelped.

"Shut up you stupid man!" A ballet girl said hitting him in the face.

Mme. Giry stood their with a grin on her face, "Serves him right!" She thought to herself as she continued to watch this huge fight.

Raoul stood up throwing about five ballet girls off of him and then said breathing heavily, "You... are... all... mad!"

"Shut up!" Christine yelled running to tackle Raoul.

"Ah!" Raoul screamed as he was slammed on the floor.

Christine was pulling at Raoul's hair and chocking him and socking him, "You stupid idiot!" She screamed as she pulled a patch of hair off Raoul's head.

"Get off!" Raoul screamed kicking Christine in the stomach making her fly back a couple feet.

Raoul quickly got to his feet and then jumped on Christine.

"AH!" Christine screamed, as she was smashed as Raoul fell on her.

"AHHAHAHAHA" Raoul laughed hysterically as he started pulling Christine's hair.

The chorus girls ran away screaming as Raoul started going crazy.

"You don't mess with me! Nope! Not me! I'm the all-great god RAOUL! Ah ha! You dare defy me! Hm...? Dare to? Hm...! I asked you a damn question now answer it woman!" Raoul said pinning Christine to the ground.

"You've gone mad! Help! ERIK! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Christine screamed.

Raoul stood up straight, "Calling your LOVA are we? YOUR LOVA! HAHAHAHAH"

"You are really stupid Raoul!" Christine said as she kicked Raoul in his crotch. "Ow..." Raoul said as he fell the to the ground, "that really really REALLY hurt... I wonder if I'll be able to reproduce now... Curse you! CURSE YOU!!!!!!!!!! I will make sure my teddy bear attacks you! Beware the almighty RAOUL teddy bear! Teddy Bear! Attack!"

Out of nowhere an evil teddy bear appears, "GROWL"

"Uh... You really have a teddy bear?" Christine asked worriedly.

"ATTACK TEDDY BEAR!" Raoul screamed as the Teddy Bear charged towards Christine biting her arm.

"Ah! Get off! You evil stupid teddy bear!" Christine screamed ripping it's arms and head off.

"NO! TEDDY BEAR! ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? NO! YOU KILLED TEDDY! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Raoul said trying to sew the teddy bears arm back on.

"That was your secret weapon?" Christine asked curiously.

"No! THIS IS MY SECRET WEAPON!" Raoul said backing up and opening his mouth.

"OH GOD! NO DON'T SING!" Christine pleaded with him.

Raoul smirked as he began to sing like Carlotta, but fifty times worse.

"POOR FOOL HE MAKES ME LAUGH! AHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHHAHA"

"AHH!!!!!!" Christine shrieked as she covered her ears.

Raoul kept going higher and higher until he broke a nearby mirror, and then he suddenly stopped. "AHAHAH I WON!" Raoul laughed.

"MY EARS! OH GOD! MY EARS!" Christine screamed, "AHHHHHHH!!!! WHY! WHY WHY WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY" Christine ran out screaming covering her ears and crying.

"Hm...? I guess I won! But she killed teddy! There will be no END TO THIS! I WILL GET REVENGE FOR MY TEDDY!" Raoul laughed manically as Phillipe came in.

"Raoul?" Phillipe asked.

"WHAT?" Raoul asked raising his eyebrow.

"It's time to go home..." Phillipe responded worriedly.

"Oh is it now?"

"Yes! I already said that! You fop!" Phillipe said rolling his eyes.

"A FOP!?" Raoul asked.

"YES!"

"YOU SHALL REGRET SAYING THAT!" Raoul said running towards Phillipe.

"Oh no... He's gone mad..." Phillipe said as he closed the door on Raoul, making Raoul slam straight into it. "Now let's go Raoul..." Phillipe picked up Raoul and dragged him into a carriage.

THE END!

A/N: I hope you enjoyed! Please Review! And tell me how you liked it!!!!