Disclaimer: Naturally I own none of these characters, so don't sue me!
Orientation: The beginning of this story is set back when Liz lost her eyesight. Everything has happened more or less the same as the show since. The story takes up again just after Liz crashes her car after confessing to killing Zander.
PROLOGUE
She lied. What else could she do? Aiming her blind eyes at what she hoped was Courtney's face, she said, "It's okay that we didn't make it as a couple. I miss him as a friend. And Jason would want me to forgive you. So I'm willing to forget about this." Liz could hardly listen as Courtney babbled her thanks. She only came to attention when Courtney added, "Ric's here."
Elizabeth turned and faced him. This man who had lied to her, nearly killed her, who claimed to love her. All she wanted was for him to go away. She was so tired. The miscarriage, the pulmonary embolism, the hit and run, and most importantly, the shattering of her heart left her unable to fight. To stand against him the way she should. She even felt bad for misleading him. Letting Ric think he had a chance to fix the past. There wasn't. Elizabeth had learned the hard way that there was no going back. Ever. But she was tired, so she let him talk. She nodded as he spoke, as the woman who had blinded her said goodnight, as the doctors told her that they were hopeful her sight would return, but that they could make no promises. She nodded when the nurse came and talked about rehabilitation, about how she might have to learn to live all over again. She nodded as Bobbie told her to sleep well, and she lay in the dark with the lights on.
She thought about the lie she had told Courtney. It wasn't that she couldn't forgive. It wasn't that it was for Jason that she could. But that it was okay that they hadn't made it as a couple. It sounded so trite. "Didn't make it." It sounded so tame. It was also potentially the biggest lie Liz had ever told. "It's okay..." But it wasn't. Of course it wasn't. She had loved him. Still did, in fact, with every little bit of her soul. So much that she could forgive his fiancée, who had stolen the means for Liz to express her passion, to paint. Who had blown in Elizabeth's life and somehow into Jason's. Between them. Something was always between them. "It's okay..." she had said. And boy, did she wish it were true.
CHAPTER ONE
"Damn it! God damn it!" Normally Liz wouldn't be standing on the docks cursing as loudly as she could, but normally she hadn't gone blind and fallen down a flight of stupid, stupid stairs. "Elizabeth?" The query was concerned, voiced as one hand cupped her elbow and the other her face. "Jason." His wonderful voice surrounded her, made her safe. "Are you alright? Do you need me to take you to the hospital?" "No! No. I'm fine. I just...fell." He voice expressed her frustration with her inability to do the things she used to take for granted. She could feel the wood of the docks under her hand, the wind on her face, smell the salt in the air and hear her favorite voice, but damned if she could see where she was going. She could make out his silhouette, but not the details of his beautiful face...She mentally checked herself. It wasn't right to think of him that way now. When he loved someone else. "Liz? Are you sure you're all right?" She immediately reconfirmed. "Yes. Absolutely. If you could just point me away from the water..."She joked feebly. Jason didn't smile, but then he wasn't exactly one for humor. "You shouldn't be out here by yourself. It's dangerous." "Ugh. If I had to be cooped up for another second I was going to kill myself." "That would be a shame." His voice was softer than he'd intended and he saw the subtle change in her face. There was a moment of awkward silence. "So, how are you-"Her clichéd question was interrupted by his abrupt tone. "Listen Elizabeth, I never got a chance to thank you." She cocked her head to the side. "Thank me for what?" "What you did for Courtney. Forgiving her. That was... it was very kind of you." The word 'kind' sat awkwardly in Jason's mouth. Elizabeth's smile felt forced at the reminder of her and Courtney's conversation two weeks ago. "Jason-" "I know you did it for me." He added. "She told me what you said. And so I just... wanted to thank you." Just get it over with, she told herself, change the subject. "Well, you're welcome, for what it's worth. How is Sonny?" The question was irrelevant and slightly inane, as if it mattered right now how Sonny was. Jason, typically, ignored her. "Courtney also said that Ric was here with you when she came." Elizabeth exhaled heavily; the degree to which she did not want to be having this conversation was incalculable. It managed to get continually worse. She paused a moment, framing the sentence. "He wants my forgiveness." She said carefully. She felt the air shift as Jason made a violent movement, rejecting this statement. "People like Ric don't deserve forgiveness. He should pay for the things he's done to you. He should-"He was stopped by her soft tone. "Jason. Don't worry about me. Really. Go home to your fiancée, I've kept you long enough." He knew she was only trying to give him an escape from a rapidly intensifying conversation, but he felt rejected. As if she knew, she reached her hand out, searching through the air for him. He caught her hand in his. She used the connection to move closer, saying gently, "Thank you for caring." She lightly slid her hand up his arm to his face, and he froze as she stepped in and pressed a chaste kiss on his cheek. Involuntarily then, his head moved so that their foreheads touched, and they remained this way, for one eternal second, before abruptly stepping apart.
"Goodbye Jason." And with that she walked away, swinging her stick thingy steadily back and forth. "Goodbye Elizabeth," he replied, to softly to hear, before beating his own retreat in the opposite direction.
CHAPTER TWO
Jason stared at the studio door, vacillating, even at this late moment, whether or not he should visit Elizabeth. Annoyed with his own indecision, he knocked quickly. He voice rang out, "It's open, come in." He entered, surprised to see Liz sitting on the couch, music in the background. He couldn't figure out why it seemed strange to him, until he realized that in all the time they had spent together in her studio, he had never seen her so reposed. Normally she was flitting about, painting or fussing with an arrangement, or some such thing.
"Who is it?" She asked, her face questioning. Idiot, he thought, angry with himself for making her ask. He cleared his throat. "It's Jason." She seemed startled.
"Jason! What a lovely surprise." She paused. "Is anything wrong?"
"No. I just...uh...wanted to check and see how you were doing. I was in the neighborhood..." He trailed off lamely. Idiot, he thought again.
"Everything is fine. I was just listening to some music. I hang out here while Gram is at work." She added, "I've been living with her while I adjust, but I couldn't bear to let my studio go. It seemed like giving up." Her words, innocent enough, caused a spurt of bitterness to run through him. She'd given up on him, hadn't she?
"Yes." His head jerked up, and he stared at her, appalled to realize he had spoken aloud. She continued, "I did give up on us. But I guess it was for the best, right? Now you have Courtney."
"I apologize Elizabeth. I shouldn't have said that. I don't know why I did."
"It's okay. It's true."
"And you're right; of course. Now I have Courtney."
"She obviously loves you."
"Yes. She does."
"And you love her."
"Right."
"So it was for the best."
"For the best."
There was an awkward pause. A long one. As the silence stretched out, they could hear sirens from the street, heralding someone's bad day. Elizabeth's voice was strangely loud as she broke the silence, despite her speaking softly.
"I am sorry though. For giving up. I hope you...that is, I wish..." she broke off, started again, "Anyway, like we said: it doesn't matter anymore. I'm just glad to have you as a friend again. I missed it."
"I missed you, too." He hesitated, then asked, "What do you wish?"
Elizabeth's brows drew together, and her hands fluttered distractedly. "To be honest, I-"the moment was interrupted by the ringing of Jason's cell phone.
"Sorry, I have to get this." She nodded as he activated the phone and answered. "This is Jason." He listened. "Now? Okay, I'll be right there." Jason hung up. "Elizabeth, I'm sorry, I have to go. Will you be alright?"
"Of course! Go ahead. I'm glad you came by."
"I'll see you soon. Take care." She listened to his footsteps, to the closing of her door, before sagging on the couch and sighing with relief. Thank god his phone had rung. Just in time to stop her from saying something really dumb, like, "I wish I had never left you," or something equally stupid.
Orientation: The beginning of this story is set back when Liz lost her eyesight. Everything has happened more or less the same as the show since. The story takes up again just after Liz crashes her car after confessing to killing Zander.
PROLOGUE
She lied. What else could she do? Aiming her blind eyes at what she hoped was Courtney's face, she said, "It's okay that we didn't make it as a couple. I miss him as a friend. And Jason would want me to forgive you. So I'm willing to forget about this." Liz could hardly listen as Courtney babbled her thanks. She only came to attention when Courtney added, "Ric's here."
Elizabeth turned and faced him. This man who had lied to her, nearly killed her, who claimed to love her. All she wanted was for him to go away. She was so tired. The miscarriage, the pulmonary embolism, the hit and run, and most importantly, the shattering of her heart left her unable to fight. To stand against him the way she should. She even felt bad for misleading him. Letting Ric think he had a chance to fix the past. There wasn't. Elizabeth had learned the hard way that there was no going back. Ever. But she was tired, so she let him talk. She nodded as he spoke, as the woman who had blinded her said goodnight, as the doctors told her that they were hopeful her sight would return, but that they could make no promises. She nodded when the nurse came and talked about rehabilitation, about how she might have to learn to live all over again. She nodded as Bobbie told her to sleep well, and she lay in the dark with the lights on.
She thought about the lie she had told Courtney. It wasn't that she couldn't forgive. It wasn't that it was for Jason that she could. But that it was okay that they hadn't made it as a couple. It sounded so trite. "Didn't make it." It sounded so tame. It was also potentially the biggest lie Liz had ever told. "It's okay..." But it wasn't. Of course it wasn't. She had loved him. Still did, in fact, with every little bit of her soul. So much that she could forgive his fiancée, who had stolen the means for Liz to express her passion, to paint. Who had blown in Elizabeth's life and somehow into Jason's. Between them. Something was always between them. "It's okay..." she had said. And boy, did she wish it were true.
CHAPTER ONE
"Damn it! God damn it!" Normally Liz wouldn't be standing on the docks cursing as loudly as she could, but normally she hadn't gone blind and fallen down a flight of stupid, stupid stairs. "Elizabeth?" The query was concerned, voiced as one hand cupped her elbow and the other her face. "Jason." His wonderful voice surrounded her, made her safe. "Are you alright? Do you need me to take you to the hospital?" "No! No. I'm fine. I just...fell." He voice expressed her frustration with her inability to do the things she used to take for granted. She could feel the wood of the docks under her hand, the wind on her face, smell the salt in the air and hear her favorite voice, but damned if she could see where she was going. She could make out his silhouette, but not the details of his beautiful face...She mentally checked herself. It wasn't right to think of him that way now. When he loved someone else. "Liz? Are you sure you're all right?" She immediately reconfirmed. "Yes. Absolutely. If you could just point me away from the water..."She joked feebly. Jason didn't smile, but then he wasn't exactly one for humor. "You shouldn't be out here by yourself. It's dangerous." "Ugh. If I had to be cooped up for another second I was going to kill myself." "That would be a shame." His voice was softer than he'd intended and he saw the subtle change in her face. There was a moment of awkward silence. "So, how are you-"Her clichéd question was interrupted by his abrupt tone. "Listen Elizabeth, I never got a chance to thank you." She cocked her head to the side. "Thank me for what?" "What you did for Courtney. Forgiving her. That was... it was very kind of you." The word 'kind' sat awkwardly in Jason's mouth. Elizabeth's smile felt forced at the reminder of her and Courtney's conversation two weeks ago. "Jason-" "I know you did it for me." He added. "She told me what you said. And so I just... wanted to thank you." Just get it over with, she told herself, change the subject. "Well, you're welcome, for what it's worth. How is Sonny?" The question was irrelevant and slightly inane, as if it mattered right now how Sonny was. Jason, typically, ignored her. "Courtney also said that Ric was here with you when she came." Elizabeth exhaled heavily; the degree to which she did not want to be having this conversation was incalculable. It managed to get continually worse. She paused a moment, framing the sentence. "He wants my forgiveness." She said carefully. She felt the air shift as Jason made a violent movement, rejecting this statement. "People like Ric don't deserve forgiveness. He should pay for the things he's done to you. He should-"He was stopped by her soft tone. "Jason. Don't worry about me. Really. Go home to your fiancée, I've kept you long enough." He knew she was only trying to give him an escape from a rapidly intensifying conversation, but he felt rejected. As if she knew, she reached her hand out, searching through the air for him. He caught her hand in his. She used the connection to move closer, saying gently, "Thank you for caring." She lightly slid her hand up his arm to his face, and he froze as she stepped in and pressed a chaste kiss on his cheek. Involuntarily then, his head moved so that their foreheads touched, and they remained this way, for one eternal second, before abruptly stepping apart.
"Goodbye Jason." And with that she walked away, swinging her stick thingy steadily back and forth. "Goodbye Elizabeth," he replied, to softly to hear, before beating his own retreat in the opposite direction.
CHAPTER TWO
Jason stared at the studio door, vacillating, even at this late moment, whether or not he should visit Elizabeth. Annoyed with his own indecision, he knocked quickly. He voice rang out, "It's open, come in." He entered, surprised to see Liz sitting on the couch, music in the background. He couldn't figure out why it seemed strange to him, until he realized that in all the time they had spent together in her studio, he had never seen her so reposed. Normally she was flitting about, painting or fussing with an arrangement, or some such thing.
"Who is it?" She asked, her face questioning. Idiot, he thought, angry with himself for making her ask. He cleared his throat. "It's Jason." She seemed startled.
"Jason! What a lovely surprise." She paused. "Is anything wrong?"
"No. I just...uh...wanted to check and see how you were doing. I was in the neighborhood..." He trailed off lamely. Idiot, he thought again.
"Everything is fine. I was just listening to some music. I hang out here while Gram is at work." She added, "I've been living with her while I adjust, but I couldn't bear to let my studio go. It seemed like giving up." Her words, innocent enough, caused a spurt of bitterness to run through him. She'd given up on him, hadn't she?
"Yes." His head jerked up, and he stared at her, appalled to realize he had spoken aloud. She continued, "I did give up on us. But I guess it was for the best, right? Now you have Courtney."
"I apologize Elizabeth. I shouldn't have said that. I don't know why I did."
"It's okay. It's true."
"And you're right; of course. Now I have Courtney."
"She obviously loves you."
"Yes. She does."
"And you love her."
"Right."
"So it was for the best."
"For the best."
There was an awkward pause. A long one. As the silence stretched out, they could hear sirens from the street, heralding someone's bad day. Elizabeth's voice was strangely loud as she broke the silence, despite her speaking softly.
"I am sorry though. For giving up. I hope you...that is, I wish..." she broke off, started again, "Anyway, like we said: it doesn't matter anymore. I'm just glad to have you as a friend again. I missed it."
"I missed you, too." He hesitated, then asked, "What do you wish?"
Elizabeth's brows drew together, and her hands fluttered distractedly. "To be honest, I-"the moment was interrupted by the ringing of Jason's cell phone.
"Sorry, I have to get this." She nodded as he activated the phone and answered. "This is Jason." He listened. "Now? Okay, I'll be right there." Jason hung up. "Elizabeth, I'm sorry, I have to go. Will you be alright?"
"Of course! Go ahead. I'm glad you came by."
"I'll see you soon. Take care." She listened to his footsteps, to the closing of her door, before sagging on the couch and sighing with relief. Thank god his phone had rung. Just in time to stop her from saying something really dumb, like, "I wish I had never left you," or something equally stupid.