warning: it's long, work is slow...

Rachel answered the door, "Oh, hey Susan, Dad's not home yet."

"Yeah, I know. But I thought we could hang out for a bit before he got home."

Rachel wasn't sure if this was a good idea or not – Dad had been pretty pissed when he'd left that morning. She was grounded for a week but she could handle that as long as she didn't get too many more predictable lectures.

"So, how's school?" Susan poured two hot chocolates and handed Rachel hers.

"Just the normal." Not interested.

"Oh," forget the pretences, "Look, your Dad told me about the smoking thing."

"I knew it. He doesn't trust me, no matter what I do." Rachel sat down dramatically.

Susan gathered her courage and patience and sensitivity and sat down without a clue as to what to say. "I smoke."

Rachel wasn't expecting that.

"Sometimes, when I'm stressed. Look, the thing is…" she sighed, "Is it just cigarettes?"

Rachel nodded.

Susan raised her eyebrows.

"You don't believe me either. I'm not a little kid. Why can't you guys just trust me?" She was rooting for a fight but Susan just sat there.

"Your dad wants to trust you. He's trying. But it's a two way street. When he finds cigarettes after you promised to give it up it's harder for him to believe you next time."

"Yeah, I know."

"So are you hooked?"

"No, I can stop if I want." She whined like a child.

"You don't want this habit, trust me."

"I'm fine."

"Well how about this. I want to quit. For good. But it'll be harder for me because I've taken years to perfect NOT being addicted." She dared Rachel to deny it again, "So how about you check up on me, you know, me make a deal that we have to be honest about how many smokes we have. And then we can work on it. What do you reckon?"

Rachel held Susan's eye contact. She had a point. Rachel had wanted a good dramatic fight, one that she could leave in a whirlwind and slam a door. But maybe this was a good idea.

"Look, I'm just asking you a favour. Your dad doesn't know what it's like but maybe we can help each other out."

"Okay." Rachel relented, "so how many smokes have you had?"

"Today? None. Yesterday, two. What about you?" She didn't want to push too hard.

Rachel sighed, "Okay. One today."

This was going better than Susan had expected. She had to keep trying – she was on a roll. So she opened her bag and pulled out a box, half empty and opened the rubbish bin. She stopped before she dropped them. "I've got a better idea." She turned on the tap and the garbage disposal unit in the sink, dropping one cigarette down.

A smile played on Rachel's lips and she opened her bag, pulling out a box and then one cigarette from the box and held it over the gurgling hole in the sink. "Are you meant to put these down the sink?" she laughed at her own question, dropping the cigarette.

"What are you doing?" Mark appeared at the door and Rachel looked guilty almost by default.

"Defeating a demon." Susan replied, tipping the box upside down over the sink triumphantly and turning to face him. "Figured burning them might be counterproductive."

Rachel laughed through tight lips, glad her box was already empty.

Mark looked confused but he was smiling like it'd be inappropriate to laugh.

"Madness or genius?" he kissed her when Rachel had left.

"Bit of both." She laughed. "I had no idea what the hell I was doing."

"Welcome to parenting."

Mark woke up and looked at his clock automatically. Three a-m. Why was he awake? He rolled over hoping Susan had stayed. She was sleeping soundly. He could hear the tv on so he pulled himself out of bed, trying not to wake her.

Rachel was watching Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, eating potato chips and peanut butter.

He sat beside her and helped himself to a chip. "This reminds me of when I'd get up at 5:30 in the morning to watch the Smurfs with you."

"You liked the Smurfs?"

"No, you liked the Smurfs – I liked the news. But it's hard to argue with a two-year-old."

He turned to the movie, wondering why it was still on tv, but then again, it was hardly prime time. "We need milk." He headed to the kitchen but spotted Rachel's boots, looking very wet by the front door. "Did you go out?"

"I just went for a walk." She tried to concentrate on the tv and downplay the whole 'you're not meant to go out when you're grounded' bit.

"At three a-m?"

"It's the only time I can." She stood up to have it out well and good.

"Except you can't." he tried to keep a hold on his temper.

"Dad, I just went for a walk. This place is like a flipping prison. I just needed some space." She shot back too defensively.

"With Andy? And your handy-dandy pack of cigarettes?"

"No." she yelled.

"Empty your pockets."

"No way, that's my private stuff."

"Which you don't want me to see because…?"

"There's nothing in my pockets," she tried, clearly grasping at straws.

"Don't lie to me Rachel."

"Fine!" she lost it and pulled out the contents of her pockets. "Drugs, Sex and fing Rock and Roll. I know, I'm ruining your life." She stormed off, slamming her bedroom door, leaving Mark gob smacked, staring at the condoms on the floor in front of him, nicely accompanied by a lighter and a small tell-tale plastic bag.

He only looked away when he felt Susan touch his arm lightly. She reached out to hug him, not knowing what else she could do. He let her.

"Is she serious?"

Susan couldn't answer him. "Come on." She let go but took his hand. "Leave it till tomorrow."

He nodded and followed her back into his bedroom, lying down exhausted but wide awake. "What am I supposed to do?"

Susan looked at him without any answers. "It's not your fault." She shook her head, knowing that it made no difference whose fault this was.

It was quiet when Rachel woke up. She opened her bedroom door and looked out to check that the coast was clear. Maybe she could take off without seeing anyone. If she could make it to school without another fight then Andy could distract her and tonight she could… she'd figure it out later. She'd come up with a line Dad would buy. She almost wished she'd kept her mouth shut but it had felt so good just to blow up in his face and get it exactly right – she knew he didn't trust her but now he couldn't deny it.

She was surprised to find her things on the floor where she'd thrown them last night. She picked them up and put them in her pockets.

"What's the point?" Susan's quiet voice shocked her.

"Oh, hi, I thought you guys had gone to work."

Susan shook her head. "I know you've been through shit, going from one parent to the other, changing schools, and trying to quit smoking is hardly easy but…"

"You have no idea." Rachel interrupted quietly, burying her hands in her pockets hoping Susan hadn't seen her pick up that stuff.

"Maybe not – my parents aren't divorced but they should be. But that's not the point. Why are you ruining your life?"

"My life is fine! Dad's only worried that I'm going to ruin his life."

"No, he's not." Susan felt her temper rising and took a deep breath. "You're barely fourteen. Give yourself a chance. If you get into this crap it fries your brain and it sucks your money down the drain and if you're not careful it'll kill you."

"I'm fine!"

"Yeah, now. But give it a year or two. I know it's your call and there's nothing I, or your Dad, can do to stop you from doing any of this. You're not a child, so stop acting like one. Having sex does not make you an adult, trust me."

"What? I'm…" Rachel realised argument was fruitless. She tried another approach, "How old were you?"

"Fifteen." Susan answered faster then Rachel was expecting – if she was even expecting an answer, let alone an honest one.

"See – hardly any difference? Plus, I'm careful."

"You think this boy loves you?"

"Well…" Rachel paused to long and she knew it.

"I'm not going to preach at you. But I was an idiot at fourteen and maybe you can learn from my mistakes rather than hurting yourself."

"I have to learn things for myself." She countered well.

Susan just looked at her. "So learn – boys will say anything if they think they've got a chance to have sex." Probably not the best thing to come from Dad's girlfriend.

"Yeah, I know."

Susan realised the conversation was over and looked at the clock. "You better get ready for school. I'll drop you off."

Rachel nodded and headed back to her room wordlessly.

Mark had been quiet all day – not quite sulking but brewing – and it was driving Susan crazy. She spotted him waiting in the ambulance bay so she pulled her coat around her tighter and joined him. "Nice weather for a picnic."

He smiled and then looked back out into the street.

"Did something happen?"

He sighed and shook his head. "I talked to Jenn this morning."

"And…?"

"She wasn't that shocked."

Susan smiled wryly.

"I was thinking that if this all happened when she came here then she should go back."

"But this didn't just happen since she got here."

Mark nodded. "We could sell her off to pirates."

Susan laughed and put her arm around him, pulling away only when the ambulance pulled up.

"Are you sending me back to Mum?" Rachel asked, not a little defensively.

"I talked to her this morning but no – you're staying with me."

Rachel seemed to ignore him.

"I've missed too many things in your life to let you leave angry with me. I'm your father, I'm not going to pass you off when things get rough."

"Okay." She said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"So can we try again?"

"I don't want to be treated like a kid."

"Okay, but I don't want to be treated like an old man."

"Okay,"

"So we both need to make an effort."

She nodded.

He shook his head with a smile, putting his arm around her protectively.

She resisted for a moment before falling in step beside him.

[just want to clarify my thinking here – it's the episode where Ella gets an overdose… only no Ella, so those pills would have gone to that party with Rachel… you'll see]

"The polar bear club?" Mark asked confused.

"Yeah." Susan laughed. "Crazy people who swim in the middle of winter in lakes that aren't quite frozen but pretty damn close."

"I never could figure Romano out – now I know why." He joined in laughing

"So now I'm taking on extra admin stuff – I'm not sure which is worse – helping Kerry out, or possibly selling my soul to the devil, aka. Robert Romano, in a thinly veiled attempt to get one leg over Kerry."

Mark was still laughing at her.

"Yeah, alright, keep laughing. You know I'll pawn some off on you."

He shook his head.

"You'll see." She wandered off to her next patient.

Susan rested her head on the cupboard, waiting for the coffee to do it's thing.

Abby pushed through the door into the lounge. "Um, you might want to come…"

Susan groaned, "Can anyone else do it?"

"Dr. Green's daughter has come in."

"What?"

"Overdosed."

"Oh my gosh…" she followed Abby back into the ER.

"Trauma one." Abby answered her unspoken question.

Susan stopped at the door. Kerry and Romano were working frantically. Rachel was intubated and they'd just shocked her heart back into action. Mark was standing at the foot of the bed. Susan could only see his back. She pushed through the doors and put one hand on his back, standing beside him. He turned to her for a moment, calmed ever so slightly by her touch and her presence. Everyone else was faceless – just frantic hands pushing one thing, then another into an IV bag, pumping charcoal into her stomach… But effectively they were all just waiting to see if it was too late.

"What was it?" Susan asked no one in particular.

"Ecstasy." Kerry answered

"On purpose?"

Mark shrugged and no one else answered.

Stable but frighteningly silent and still and pale. Mark was watching her face, perched on a stool by her bed.

"Do you want me to call Jenn?" Susan asked tentatively letting herself silently into the room.

"I'll do it." He stood and walked right past her and out of the room.

Susan sighed and took his post by Rachel's bed. "Come on Rachel. You gotta be okay."

"She's on her way." Mark broke the silence. The room was pregnant with anxiety, waiting…

Susan stood up as he approached, shoulders slouched. She silently wrapped her arms around him and he held onto her for dear life. She rubbed his back, acutely aware it was all she could do in the way of comforting him.

"How's Rachel?" Susan asked as Mark approached her.

He didn't answer her question, "What have we got?" he referred to Susan's patient.

"Ariel is having an allergic reaction to seafood. Why are you down here?"

"I'm on today."

"We've got it covered Mark."

"I'm fine." He snapped and turned back to the patient, ordering tests, "Fifty of Benadryl and 125 of Sol…"

"Solumedrol." Susan finished for him, concerned.

He kept calling for things, ignoring the stark anxiety etched onto her face.

"I've got this Mark." She took charge, nudging him aside and giving him a pointed look. He backed away emotionless and leant on the wall outside, his back to the trauma.

Susan joined him as soon as Ariel was stable. "We're okay down here – you should be with Rachel."

"She's fine." He insisted, "Never brush me aside like that. I'm doing my job and I was fine."

"No you aren't." her tone matched his but hers was in control.

He shoulders dropped as he ran out of fight.

"Mark, where is she?" Came Jenn's familiar voice. She was approaching them frantically. Susan stepped back.

"She's upstairs. She's fine, I'll take you up." Mark walked past Susan.

She watched him go, wishing there was something, anything she could do. Rachel would be fine but this seemed like the last straw for Mark. He was so tired and… no it couldn't be anything else. He was just tired. And fair enough.

"You let her go to a party with drugs?" Jenn demanded when they were alone in the elevator.

"Of course not! I was at work. She was home, in bed as far as I was concerned."

"So you let her sneak out."

"Yeah, I know, I'm a hopeless father. She got to Chicago before you realised she was missing."

"But she wasn't overdosing on ecstasy!" Jenn countered.

Mark was about to yell back but his jaw spasmed and he bit his toungue. He yelped with the pain and put his hand to his mouth.

"What happened?"

"I'm fine." He mumbled. "She's…" he pointed down the hall.

Jenn nodded and left him there. He got back in the lift and hit the ground floor button, frustrated.

Susan spotted him and followed him to the drug lock up.

He turned to her, frustrated tears pricking the back of his eyes.

She lifted her hand to his face, "Let me check it."

He stuck his tongue out to the right.

"Stick it out straight."

"I did." He said sadly quiet.

"Keep applying pressure." Susan tried to ignore that this could be a recurrence.

He nodded and walked past her, headed to the mens room.

She leant back on the wall of the drug lockup and exhaled, worried.

Mark looked into the mirror like it might hold some answers. He tried all the usual suspects – testing his symptoms. Everything was normal. Except his tongue.

He took a deep breath and turned on the tap, splashing water on his face and trying again. No change.

He pulled a couple of paper towels out of the holder and banged his head on it in frustration. Everything was just going SO GREAT!

"Cranial nerves two to eleven are intact." Susan put the tiny torch back on the tray beside her and sat on the bed beside him.

"But not twelve." Mark finished for her.

"It's an isolated dysfunction of the right hypoglossal nerve."

"It's recurrence." He replied flatly.

"Mark, you can't be sure." She took a deep breath. "Get an MRI if your worried – it might just be tiredness… or stress? Or even swelling from the treatments."

He shook his head ever so slightly.

Malik came in, "Doctor Green, they need you in trauma two."

Mark got up and Susan followed once she'd regained her composure.

She walked into the trauma. Mark was having a go at the patient's father for putting his kid in the front seat of the car.

"Lewis, can you assist?" Luka interrupted.

"Yeah, Mark, go check on Rachel, we've got this one."

Mark walked straight out wishing the door would slam behind him rather than swing silently.

"Hey." Susan whispered before approaching him in the dim hospital room.

He turned to face her, "Hey." He whispered, "You finished?" she nodded and walked over to him.

"How is she?"

He nodded, "She's doing better. She woke up before. She's just sleeping."

"You should do the same." She put her hand on his shoulder. When he didn't look at her she knelt down in front of him. "You don't have to be alone in this." She touched his face lightly.

He wasn't sure if she meant the Rachel thing or the PossibleRecurrenceOfBrainTumour thing. But either way, he needed her. He met her eyes. She could see the ache he hadn't been able to kick all day.

"Jenn checked into a hotel but I don't want to go anywhere in case she… wakes up."

Susan nodded and pulled him into an embrace. She wanted to ask him about the MRI but he had enough on his plate.

"I got the MRI." He whispered, letting her go.

He caught his eyes, desperate for an answer, "and…?"

"I don't know yet. I'll probably have to go to New York and see Burke again…" he sighed.

She held his eyes and nodded, trying to be reassuring but it was no use.

He touched her cheek softly. "Thank you for being here. You don't know how… I've been a jerk all day, I don't deserve you, but here you are." He smiled slightly – impressive under the circumstances.

"You haven't been a jerk – you've been through so much… I just wish I could do something."

"You have," he whispered, pulling her close to him again. Clinging to her like she was the only tangible thing in the world, "Thank you."

"I love you." She whispered in the darkness.

He pulled her tighter to him as the tears finally came.

"I'll stay up with her if you'll go get some sleep." Susan suggested when he eventually pulled back leaving a damp patch on her shoulder.

"Susan you just pulled a double."

"And you've just pulled a double with a family member in trauma amongst other things."

He relented with a sigh, "Okay. But if she wakes, or anything…"

"I'll come get you." She nodded.