"Starve a cold, feed a tumour." Mark pulled up the covers, his head sinking luxuriously into the pillows as Susan walked in with a laden tray.
"You should try to eat something."
"I'm just gonna sleep."
She put the tray down on his bedside table and sat beside him. "Mark…"
He forced his eyes open and edged over, resting his head on her chest. "I love you."
She couldn't speak. Seeing him like this was too much. She stroked his head and kissed it, biting back tears. His breathing deepened as he relaxed into her. She held him softly, fondly, carefully, adoringly and all too sadly. She couldn't mourn him – she shouldn't. But in some way she was preparing herself for the worst.
Mark could feel her chest rising and falling rhythmically under his head. Her heart was thumping away, perfectly peaceful. He lifted himself tentatively and lay back down beside her, watching her face. She was smiling.
He grinned, watching her smile. She'd been so quiet lately – keeping her sorrow to herself as best she could, but it was still clear to him. Now in sleep, she could forget sorrow. He knew he was the cause of her sorrow. But right then she was smiling… and maybe he was the cause of her joy too.
She turned her head to face him. "What are you doing?"
"Just watching you."
"How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine. What were you dreaming?" he smiled sleepily while he spoke softly.
She looked back at the ceiling, took a deep breath and tried to remember. "Children, playing." She smiled, "They asked me to their tea party. There was a girl and she was a year or two older than her brother." She shut her eyes to remember her dream, "Alice… and the boy was called Mark."
"Was it me?"
She shook her head and rolled on her side to face him.
He swallowed and looked into her eyes, "Were they our kids?"
She took a moment before she nodded.
"Was I there?"
She smiled, "You were watching. Just watching." She stroked the back of her hand up his chest and touched his chin with her fingertips. "I love you."
"I know, weird huh?"
She laughed and kissed him. "Not really."
"The mind boggles."
"No."
"God, you're beautiful."
"You're delusional." She was quietly but outright laughing at him.
"I'm fine."
"You've had several hundred beams of radiation zapped into your brain. That ought to do it."
"Lets hope so." He didn't mean to turn serious. He was enjoying this light flirty banter. They'd been too serious lately. Considering how much he loved her smile and her laugh he hadn't been eliciting either a hell of a lot. But what they were both thinking slipped out.
"Yeah." She looked at his chest then nestled into him like a frightened child.
Mark broke the pensive silence that ensued. "You were happy in your dream?"
"Of course." She spoke into his chest.
"You want to have kids?"
She knew he was very serious so she pulled back to look at him when she answered, "Yeah… do you?"
He smiled, "As long as they get your hair."
She smiled for his sake but he could see her heart wasn't in it.
"What if I'm not around?"
She took a deep controlled breath before she spoke. "Yeah." She smiled and nodded, "Yeah."
He looked at her awestruck. "Are you sure?"
"This is hardly the kind of thing I'd joke about."
"I know, but it's kind of huge."
She took another deep breath and found his hand under the covers, "I feel like I've missed so much. I had no idea what I walked away from five years ago, but now… it might be walking away from me and I can't let it go."
"You might not have a choice."
She held his eyes like a lifeline. "I know." She lifted his hand to her lips, holding it fondly in both her hands. "I want to marry you and have a family and grow old with you." She swallowed, "I'll take whatever I can get."
He gathered her to him, "What did I do to deserve you?"
She was crying and smiling all at once.
"I wish I could make you happy."
"You have." She hugged him tightly. "I am happy."
"Susan, you're crying."
"I just don't want it to end."
"I know."
"I know." She grinned and pulled out of his tight embrace to kiss him.
"You should try to eat something."
"I'm just gonna sleep."
She put the tray down on his bedside table and sat beside him. "Mark…"
He forced his eyes open and edged over, resting his head on her chest. "I love you."
She couldn't speak. Seeing him like this was too much. She stroked his head and kissed it, biting back tears. His breathing deepened as he relaxed into her. She held him softly, fondly, carefully, adoringly and all too sadly. She couldn't mourn him – she shouldn't. But in some way she was preparing herself for the worst.
Mark could feel her chest rising and falling rhythmically under his head. Her heart was thumping away, perfectly peaceful. He lifted himself tentatively and lay back down beside her, watching her face. She was smiling.
He grinned, watching her smile. She'd been so quiet lately – keeping her sorrow to herself as best she could, but it was still clear to him. Now in sleep, she could forget sorrow. He knew he was the cause of her sorrow. But right then she was smiling… and maybe he was the cause of her joy too.
She turned her head to face him. "What are you doing?"
"Just watching you."
"How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine. What were you dreaming?" he smiled sleepily while he spoke softly.
She looked back at the ceiling, took a deep breath and tried to remember. "Children, playing." She smiled, "They asked me to their tea party. There was a girl and she was a year or two older than her brother." She shut her eyes to remember her dream, "Alice… and the boy was called Mark."
"Was it me?"
She shook her head and rolled on her side to face him.
He swallowed and looked into her eyes, "Were they our kids?"
She took a moment before she nodded.
"Was I there?"
She smiled, "You were watching. Just watching." She stroked the back of her hand up his chest and touched his chin with her fingertips. "I love you."
"I know, weird huh?"
She laughed and kissed him. "Not really."
"The mind boggles."
"No."
"God, you're beautiful."
"You're delusional." She was quietly but outright laughing at him.
"I'm fine."
"You've had several hundred beams of radiation zapped into your brain. That ought to do it."
"Lets hope so." He didn't mean to turn serious. He was enjoying this light flirty banter. They'd been too serious lately. Considering how much he loved her smile and her laugh he hadn't been eliciting either a hell of a lot. But what they were both thinking slipped out.
"Yeah." She looked at his chest then nestled into him like a frightened child.
Mark broke the pensive silence that ensued. "You were happy in your dream?"
"Of course." She spoke into his chest.
"You want to have kids?"
She knew he was very serious so she pulled back to look at him when she answered, "Yeah… do you?"
He smiled, "As long as they get your hair."
She smiled for his sake but he could see her heart wasn't in it.
"What if I'm not around?"
She took a deep controlled breath before she spoke. "Yeah." She smiled and nodded, "Yeah."
He looked at her awestruck. "Are you sure?"
"This is hardly the kind of thing I'd joke about."
"I know, but it's kind of huge."
She took another deep breath and found his hand under the covers, "I feel like I've missed so much. I had no idea what I walked away from five years ago, but now… it might be walking away from me and I can't let it go."
"You might not have a choice."
She held his eyes like a lifeline. "I know." She lifted his hand to her lips, holding it fondly in both her hands. "I want to marry you and have a family and grow old with you." She swallowed, "I'll take whatever I can get."
He gathered her to him, "What did I do to deserve you?"
She was crying and smiling all at once.
"I wish I could make you happy."
"You have." She hugged him tightly. "I am happy."
"Susan, you're crying."
"I just don't want it to end."
"I know."
"I know." She grinned and pulled out of his tight embrace to kiss him.