The Oracle Engine room was the same as ever. Liv trudged up the stairs, her offering at the ready. No one else was ever in the chamber when she made her reports. She couldn't say whether that was intentional or not, seeing as the Oracle Engine was never the most popular of places among the Guardians.

As she presented her offering, Rhys piped up. "Let's hope she has something more useful to say this time around."

She sighed. "Tell me about it." Last time, all Mara had done was belittle Cayde's death and talk disparagingly about her brother.

The rings moved into alignment and the portal appeared. Taking one last steadying breath, Liv crossed the gap and stepped through the portal.

At first, she didn't notice anything amiss. Mara's court looked the same as it always did. There were never any changes to suggest the presence of a day-night cycle.

Her eyes alit on the throne, only to find it empty.

Liv blinked in shock. Mara wasn't there. Nor was there anything to indicate that she had been there recently. The Queen had never been absent when Liv had visited her court before.

She looked around the space, as though waiting for Mara to pop out at her from somewhere. "Where is she?"

Janus was pacing the edges of the court. "Clearly, Mara Sov has more important things to do than to listen to your report," he said, "She must not be taking the curse very seriously."

"We don't know that," snapped Liv, "For all we know, whatever she's doing right now could be about the curse."

"I'm sure," said the Ahamkara sarcastically, "...Honestly, I'm surprised that she didn't do this sooner. She has a great affinity for letting others solve her problems, I've noticed."

"Oh, shut the hell up," she retorted, "What do you know anyway? You've been stuck in some random data drive for centuries. You and your opinion can butt out."

"You know, you've been constantly hostile ever since you found out about the whole 'draining your life force to create a body for myself' thing… It's very unbecoming."

"I'm beyond tired of your shit, Janus. You're lucky you don't have a physical form right now or I'd shoot you to pieces. And to think I was actually starting to like hearing your stupid comments… Shows what a fool I am."

Crossing over to the throne, Liv slumped into the seat. Mara wasn't likely to be back anytime soon, and she didn't want to leave yet, not with all the effort she'd put in to get there. Besides, Mara's court was one of the best places in the Dreaming City to think without being disturbed. She only wished it applied to certain annoying Ahamkaras.

What she had told Janus was the truth — Liv genuinely had been starting to enjoy their company. Well, aspects of it, at least. And she had thought the Ahamkara had started to like her too. But it turned out that it was all just part of Janus' end goal to regain their physical form. That's all she was to them. A means to an end.

Liv groaned and slumped further into Mara's throne. Her life lately had been feeling like some colossal prank the universe itself was playing on her. She'd given up doing Mars missions with Kai to help the Awoken recover from the carnage that Uldren had wrought on the Reef, just to have any good that she tried to do undone. She had led the team that killed Riven, but all that had done was kick off a neverending curse loop. Every mission she ran was rendered meaningless by the time the next loop rolled around.

She had virtually no contact with her clanmates, and she had been in the middle of processing Cayde's death when she'd learned that Harley was also gone. Then, by some random twist of fate and piss-poor luck, she'd wound up getting an Ahamkara stuck in her head. An Ahamkara that was now draining the life from her.

All in all, life sucked.

"How are you doing?" asked Rhys sympathetically.

"Everything is garbage."

Her Ghost sighed. "I know," he said, "But hold on just a bit longer. The Techeuns will get back to Petra soon. We were supposed to hear from them in two weeks maximum, remember? And I bet they'll be even faster after hearing the update."

"I guess… But what if they don't know how to get Janus out of my head? This is unprecedented, remember?"

"They'll figure it out," said Rhys confidently, "No precedent doesn't mean no hope. Besides, just because this exact case has never been seen before doesn't mean that there aren't other examples to draw from… I bet Hive corruption can't be too different to extract. Or Taken essence, like what happened to Har- I mean, uh… Look, my point is it isn't so straightforward."

Liv appreciated the sentiment, even if Rhys' unexpected mention of Harley's name made her wince.

She sighed. "You can say his name, Rhys."

"Are you sure?" her Ghost asked, "I know you don't like being reminded…"

She shook her head. "No, it's fine… Really. I mean, it's not like I can avoid it forever, right?" She tried for a laugh but fell miserably short.

Suddenly, she wanted nothing more than to deal with it then and there. If she couldn't control anything else in her miserable life, maybe she could at least make it easier to talk about her dead friends. Avoidance would only take her so far.

"Rhys?" Liv hated how uncertain her voice sounded.

"Yeah?"

"You know how you kept saying I should talk about them — about Cayde and Harley?"

"I remember…" His voice sounded cautious, like he was worried he would scare her off by replying too fast.

She took a deep breath. "...I think I want to try it."

There was a small flash as Rhys emerged from phase, hovering at her eye level. "Right now? Are you sure?"

She nodded, a sharp jerk of the head. "Yeah, right now… Don't really have much else going on at the moment."

"Alright, as long as you're sure," he said. His shell segments twitched slightly. "Um… is there anything in particular you'd like to say about them?"

Liv almost considered backing out, just as she had whenever Rhys had broached the subject in the past. But she stopped herself. She needed to do this, and who knew when she would get another opportunity after this — or whether she would be able to go through with it.

"I miss them," she stated simply, "...I miss them a lot ." Her voice cracked on the last word. "I know Cayde was my boss, but he never felt like it, you know? He was my friend first. Even after he became Vanguard, he always had time for a card game or a drink. He always had time to listen to my rants and he always knew how to make me laugh when I got pissed over some dumb shit. And now he won't be there to do any of that…"

She realized that she'd started crying at some point, but didn't bother trying to stop it. There was no one else around to see anyway.

"I was so… so angry after he died," she continued, "I'm still angry, but it used to be worse. It was like my own anger was… was choking me. I walked around just so mad at everything and I couldn't get rid of it…"

"But it's better now?" Rhys prompted.

Liv nodded. "It's better now, yeah… I still get mad when I think about how he died, and I think part of it is me being mad at him for being so fucking reckless… But I don't feel like I'm choking on it anymore. Instead, I just feel… sad, I guess. Every time I think about him being gone, it's like this pit opens up inside me — this black hole that's trying to suck in everything around it… Like it's trying to suck my heart in and crush it."

"...Did running into Uldren make it worse?" asked her Ghost, the words hesitant.

She thought about that for a moment.

"...You know, I don't think so," she said, a note of surprise in her voice, "When I saw him, all my rage came rushing back in. I thought it was gonna overwhelm me… But you managed to pull me out." She sighed. "...I don't think I'll ever stop hating Uldren for what he did, but I can separate the new Uldren from the old one… When I stopped being angry at him, I think that helped me let a lot of my anger go."

"I'm glad." Rhys' voice was warm. "Anger burns you out. It uses you up. I'm glad you didn't let it consume you."

She shot him a halfhearted smile. "Thanks, Rhys… I'm probably going to be sad for a while and I know it'll be worse on some days, but I think I'll pull through."

"You won't have to do it alone," he reassured her, "I'll be there. And there are a lot of people out there who miss Cayde just as much as you… You're not alone."

Liv nodded. "That's what I tell myself when it gets bad… Being in the Dreaming City doesn't help, but once this curse stuff is over and done with, I'll be able to talk to people back at the Tower again."

"Yeah, things are rough now," Rhys agreed, "But I'm glad you can see a way through it… Thank you for telling me. I generally have a decent sense of what you're feeling thanks to our bond, but it helps to hear it out loud."

"Mm-hm… Just don't get used to it," she said wryly.

"Oh I fully intend to enjoy it while it lasts," he said, "Now…" He paused. "You've told me about Cayde… Do you think you can do the same with Harley?"

Liv inhaled sharply.

"It's ok if you don't want to right now," her Ghost hastily assured her, "I don't want to push you. Talking about Cayde took a lot out of you."

She shook her head. "No no, I will… I'm going to. I just… I dunno. It hits differently, you know? I mean, the anger's there, but it's not the same. I'm mostly angry at Shin Malphur and at the Praxic Order for letting it happen."

"That's perfectly understandable," said Rhys, "It was a major failing of the system… If you're not angry over the… the event itself, what do you feel about it?"

She bit her lip. "...I'm not really sure. Disbelief, mostly? I mean, I know it happened, but it's just hard to wrap my mind around it… It's so unfair. So fucking unfair, Rhys. How many years was he around? Three? Four? I've been a Guardian for centuries. I know other Guardians who have been around even longer… He was just a fucking kid. Him, Jade, Fyr… They're all basically still New Lights. So how does he end up being the one to die? Tell me how that makes sense, Rhys."

"It doesn't, Liv," the Ghost said softly, "It doesn't make sense and it won't ever make sense… He should have gotten to live much longer than he did."

"Yeah, he should've," she muttered. She took a breath, trying to release the tight ball of tension that had wound itself up inside her chest. "...I don't think I'm going to get past that for a while."

"That's perfectly fine," said Rhys, "You don't have to get past it yet. Everyone grieves at their own pace… I'm just happy you were comfortable enough to share all of that with me."

Liv scoffed. "'Course I'd share it with you… I was always going to, doesn't matter what I said before. We're partners for life, buddy. You have to put up with my shit whether you like it or not."

"That's a two-way street, I hope you know," he teased, "...But thank you anyway."

Given how much the events of the day had tired Liv out, she was hoping that she'd be able to sleep uninterrupted for once. But although she managed to drop off with relative ease, she found herself pulled back to the waking world an unknown number of hours later. It was frustrating, but she was unfortunately used to it.

As she was lying there with her eyes closed, seeking to recapture the sleep that had once again evaded her, she became aware of a pair of hushed voices in the room.

At first, this sent a spike of alarm through her at the thought of unknown intruders in her quarters. Then, she recognized the voices.

"You know, being able to hear one another has made my life a whole lot easier," remarked Rhys. He was speaking quietly, but Liv's keen ears placed him across the room from her.

"I was always able to hear you," said Janus dismissively. Like the Ghost, the Ahamkara was also keeping her voice low, though not, Liv was sure, out of any personal regard for her.

"So? Who asked," Rhys retorted, "...Anyway, I don't know if you've caught on to this, but I don't like you. You're trying to harm my Guardian. I'm not about to just sit by and let that happen."

"And what exactly are you going to do to stop me?" Janus inquired, "You have about as much control over this situation as the Awoken do over the curse on this city."

"Oh I'm sure I can think of something," hissed Rhys, "We both have a neural symbiotic bond with Liv… Well actually, I have a symbiotic bond with her. You're just a parasite that's draining her life force to make a body of your own."

"Ouch." Janus didn't sound very put out. "You know, you're acting like I have control over what happens."

"You do! Let me remind you that you were the one who inserted yourself into her head."

"Fine, that much is true," the Ahamkara admitted, "But just because I set it in motion doesn't mean I can control what happens now… I couldn't change this even if I wanted to."

Rhys scoffed. " Please… Why would you want to change anything? This is your free ticket back to corporeality. Don't act like you're doing this against your will."

"Alright, so I want a body again! You've got me. But I didn't think it would kill her!"

"You expect me to believe that?"

"...Ok, I figured it might and I didn't care. Not at the time… Look, you try being trapped in a data drive for centuries and see how you like it. Why should I care about some random Guardian? The Guardians were the ones that hunted my race to extinction."

"What do you mean 'not at the time'?" her Ghost asked suspiciously.

"What?"

"You said you didn't care at the time … Does that mean you suddenly care now?"

Liv was fighting to maintain the appearance of sleeping at this point. She was intensely curious to hear the Ahamkara's answer. It was lucky that Rhys was so wrapped up in the conversation that he hadn't yet sensed she was awake.

"I'm not sure I would go so far as to say that," said Janus, "But I suppose there are worse heads to be stuck in. As Guardians go, Livayla has been… bearable. It's possible that I find myself regretting the circumstances I've placed her in."

"How nice of you," Rhys snarked, "If you regret it so much then stop doing it."

"I can't," Janus replied, "I know you like to think of me as some callous, irredeemable creature, but the only choice I had in the matter was deciding to leave the data drive when she discovered it… As soon as I bound myself to her, the damage was done."

"Well, that's just great… You know, for the record, I didn't think of you as evil until we learned what your presence was going to do to Liv. You were annoying, sure, but you didn't try to grant any wishes, which puts you above pretty much every Ahamkara we've ever met."

Janus was silent for a long moment.

"...That may not be… entirely accurate," she said eventually.

"...What do you mean?" The Ghost's voice had gone sharp.

"Well… do you remember reporting to Mara Sov two loops ago?"

"Yes," said Rhys flatly.

"You might also recall your Guardian wishing that she had a 'friend.'"

Dread pooled in Liv's stomach. She remembered that. She mentally berated herself for being so stupid. Having been around during the Great Hunt, she should have known better than to say those words in proximity to an Ahamkara. Granted, she hadn't known that the voice in her head was an Ahamkara at the time, but the Dreaming City was not a place for idle words.

"Traveler above…" Rhys' voice was thick with horror. "You're not telling me you granted that wish?"

"I'm an Ahamkara." Janus sounded slightly offended. "It's in my nature to grant wishes… Besides, I think it went rather well."

"What in Light's name are you talking about?"

"Do you not remember? It happened later that same day."

Liv stifled a gasp when she realized.

She had made that wish before visiting Mara's court. Afterward, she had decided to go exploring. That decision was what had led to her running into a revived Uldren Sov.

"Are you actually telling me that you were the reason Uldren was revived?!" Rhys whisper-shouted.

"Not in the slightest!" Janus protested, "That was your Traveler. I had nothing to do with that… My part just ensured that he and Livayla would meet."

"They aren't friends! Liv barely tolerates him!"

"So?" The Ahamkara sounded indifferent. "She also said 'companion'... Between those two terms, there's a lot of ambiguity… Anyway, her real wish was to be less lonely. And she got it."

"You twisted the wish!" Rhys accused, "You know what she meant and that wasn't it!"

"Maybe I did. So what? It happened, it's behind us now… I fail to see the significance regarding what we were just discussing."

"You mean the fact that you regret making the bond but can't stop it? Your regret doesn't buy us anything. Our only option now is to get the Techeuns to extract you from Liv's head… You can say whatever you want about your only choice being to leave the data drive. That's still one more choice than Liv got."

"That doesn't have to be the only option," said Janus, "You could get them to return me to my original body instead."

Rhys laughed incredulously. "Why in the world would we do that?! You think we want another Ahamkara walking around, wreaking havoc?"

"Obviously, it would be conditional," said Janus impatiently, "Listen, pure extraction is dangerous… If the Techeuns pull me out with nowhere to go, the energy unleashed by my death could very well harm your Guardian… On the other hand, if they put me back into my original form, there would be no raw transference of energy."

"You're just trying to get us to spare your life," said the Ghost.

"Can you blame me for wanting to survive? Besides, I did mean what I said about Livayla, you know… I regret the cost of my actions and I don't wish her to die."

"How would we know we wouldn't be putting people in danger by letting you have a physical form? There must have been a reason the Techeuns trapped you in that drive… A real reason, not whatever you told Liv before."

"The Awoken don't like things that they can't control," said Janus, "Ahamkara are one of those things. We're unpredictable and we serve no master… The Awoken might have worked with our kind before, but they never controlled us."

"What about Huginn and Muninn?" said Rhys skeptically, "...What about Riven ?"

"Huginn and Muninn are loyal to the Dreaming City… As for Riven, did you not notice how Mara Sov ordered her killed as soon as she was no longer doing what Mara wanted? The Awoken did not oppose the Great Hunt when it happened… In fact, many took part."

Rhys was silent, likely considering the Ahamkara's words.

"...Even if Liv agreed to your plan, I doubt you'd have an easy time convincing Petra and the Techeuns," he said finally.

And Liv knew from his response that her Ghost was open to Janus' idea — or at least not entirely opposed to it. She still had to sort out how she felt about it, as well as her feelings on the rest of their discussion, but the fact that Rhys — who had been opposed to Janus from the moment Liv started hearing their voice in her head — was actually considering the Ahamkara's plan gave her a lot to think about.

"I would take unfavorable odds over death any day," Janus replied.

A/N: AAAAAA sorry for the super late chapter! I was so caught up in the euphoria of posting my whumptober oneshots that for a moment I lived in a world where this fic was already completed. (If you haven't checked out the oneshots, you should pop over and see if you vibe with any wink wink).

Anyway, Janus seems to have changed their mind about Liv. What do you guys think? Would you trust an Ahamkara with your life?

P.S. The oneshots are over on ao3 (same author name). I haven't decided whether to cross-post them here yet.

See you this weekend!