Inuyasha Who Wants to Be a Millionaire
Rating: PG 13
Warnings: Cursing, Obnoxiousness, some Character-bashing
Disclaimer: Okay, I'm a 16-year-old student now but that still doesn't mean I have time to own Domon W or Inuyasha.
Alicia's Uncle Mark sat impatiently fiddling his thumbs as he waited at center stage for the show to begin. He wasn't much of a television person but Alicia had asked him to do the show so here he was. The opening music played and Mark tried his hardest to stop his nervous fidgeting.
"Hello ladies and gentlemen," he began timidly. "Welcome to Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, Inuyasha edition. Our ten contestants are here to compete for a million dollars."
The crowd cheered wildly and Mark suddenly felt a little more at home. He relaxed a bit.
"Anyway, let's meet the competitors. First we have the main man himself, Inuyasha."
The crowds applauded loudly but Inuyasha gave a smirk and tuned them out.
"Next, we have the girl who can pack a serious punch with a boomerang of bone - Sango!"
Many women in the audience cheered for Sango saying she was their idol. However, most of the men cheered her on because they secretly had certain fantasies in mind.
"Our third contestant is the wolf tribe leader Koga!"
The crowd was mostly silent and that pissed Alicia off so she ordered them to applaud under the threat of a brutal death. Koga responded to the forced cheers with a nervous laugh.
"The fourth contestant is a lecherous monk. Please welcome Miroku!"
Surprisingly, the feminists from last time had come back and they had brought tomatoes they had purchased from Allenby during the last show with them. Within seconds, Miroku was covered in fresh tomato paste. He wiped some off his cheek with his pointer finger and then licked it. "Yummy… Thanks ladies!"
"Fifth competitor - Sesshomaru!"
The crowd spewed forth a mix of approbation and verbal abuse. Sesshomaru remained silent and dignified through it all until a lanky girl with wild brown hair jumped into his booth beside him.
"Who the hell are you?" he demanded.
"I am Rem, Lord Sesshomaru. Alicia has allowed me to tag along with you as your advisor, Lord Sesshomaru," she grinned wildly.
"Rem, is it?"
"Moving on, sixth contender - Naraku."
Booing, hissing, and a hell of a lot of tomato-throwing - that's the best way to describe what transpired when Naraku was introduced.
"Next contestant, Kagura!"
"Rock on with your bad self, girl!" one of the more enthused fans cried as the audience roared. Kagura murmured something about "the incompetence of the fools."
"Eighth contestant - Ginta!"
The crowd was silent until someone finally asked, "What the hell?"
"Listen, Alicia thinks his stupidity will serve as entertainment," Mark explained. "Anyway, our ninth contestant is Yura of the hair!"
"I thought we killed you!" Inuyasha shouted, pointing at the skimpily dressed master of hair.
"You did! Thanks for reminding me you heartless bastard!" Yura began to cry loudly.
"Okay, moving on," Mark tried to talk over Yura's bawling. "Our final contestant was supposed to be Myoga but he was disqualified for knowing too much so then we brought in Miss Rin."
"Hello Lord Sesshomaru!" Rin leaned over the front of her booth and waved to her master as the audience "aw"ed at her cute childishness (wow, that's actually a word!).
"Time for the first fastest finger question! Whoever can put the four choices in the correct order the fastest--," Mark was cut off by an agitated Inuyasha.
"Hey! Where the hell is Kagome!?" he demanded.
"Alicia is a very extreme Kagome-hater[1]. She has informed me to disqualify anyone who says her name beyond this point," Mark explained.
"Okay. That sucks," Inuyasha murmured.
"Anyway, fastest finger question coming at ya. Put these in order of creation - A. Naraku, B. Tetsusaiga, C. Tokijin, D. Hiraikotsu." Mark waited for the contestants to punch in their answers and a winner to be chosen. "Yura, you're up."
"Tee hee, I knew stalking Inuyasha after he killed me would pay off," Yura laughed as she skipped down to the hot seat.
"Okay, first question for you Yura. Who had one jewel shard in each leg and a third shard in their right arm? A. Naraku, B. The one we are forbidden to speak of, C. Kikyo, D. Koga."
"What kind of stupid question is this? D. Koga."
"Correct. Question two - Who disguised himself as Inuyasha to trick Kikyo into thinking he had betrayed her? A. Naraku, B. Kikyo, C. Hakkaku, D. Hojo."
"Oh shoot. I always tune them out when they talk about this crap. Hm… well, it can't be Kikyo, since she's the one who was tricked and she's a girl. It can't be Hakkaku because he's too stupid to pull off something so clever. I don't think it's Hojo because I have no idea who the hell he is. A. Naraku."
"Congrats. On to question three. What is the object of a major plot hole controversy in Inuyasha? A. Rin, B. Naraku, C. Tetsusaiga, D. A Shikon shard."
"What the hell is a 'major plot hole'!?" Yura screeched. "Fine, I'd like to phone a 'friend'!"
"Who would that be?"
"The bitch who wrote this damn question!"
"I'm sorry. You can't phone Alicia."
"Fine, I'll pick A. because it's a letter in my name."
"I'm sorry. The plot hole controversy is about a Shikon shard that was found in present time. If the shard was found then and then brought back to the past, that means there's an extra shard to the Shikon Jewel. When it's all put together, the jewel will actually be a jewel and a shard. See the problem?"
"I see now," Yura nodded thoughtfully. "Well, I must get going now. Hell's expecting me back in five minutes. Bye." A cloud of red dust burst forth and Yura disappeared.
"Fastest finger question two - Put these people in order from oldest to youngest. A. Rin, B. Sesshomaru, C. Inuyasha, D. The one we do not speak of." Mark awaited the answers. "Oh my. Only Rin got the right answers."
"What the hell!? Hey kid, what did ya write!?" Inuyasha demanded.
"B., C., A., D. I am older than the one we do not speak of because she wasn't born until a couple hundred years later. She may look older but I'm really an old hag compared to her," Rin explained as she hopped out of her booth and threw herself into the hot seat. "Why is the hot seat not hot, Mister Man?" she asked.
"Um well… because it's just a figure of speech. And my name is Mark."
"That's a funny name," Rin giggled. "May I have my question?"
"Okay. First question-- oh my, this one is an easy one for you. Who allowed the wolves to kill Rin? A. Sesshomaru, B. Koga, C. Naraku, D. Kikyo."
"Lord Sesshomaru!"
"Did you even listen to the question?"
"Nope but Lord Sesshomaru is the answer."
"I suggest you listen to the question. Who allowed the wolves to kill Rin?"
Rin, upon actually listening to the question, broke out in a terrible screaming fit. She suddenly hushed and replied with a smile, "The answer is B!"
"Correct. Question two - Who killed Kikyo? A. Inuyasha, B. Naraku, C. Sesshomaru, D. Kanna."
"I dunno so I'll say LORD SESSHOMARU!"
"I'm sorry. You're mistaken," Mark said. "You don't get any money when you lose this early in the game but since you're such a cute little girl and you remind me so much of my daughter Sarah when she was younger I'll give you a little consolation prize." He handed her a box of assorted candies and Rin skipped off into the audience where she sat behind Sesshomaru's booth and stuffed her face with candy.
"Third fastest finger. Put these people in order from shortest to tallest. A. Miroku, B. Shippo, C. Myoga, D. Kaede."
The answers were quickly typed in and Sesshomaru was chosen as the next person to take the hot seat. Rem came down with him and sat at his feet.
"Question one. How many times does Kikyo die? A. 1, B. 2, C. 57, D. Never."
"B is the answer. B," Rem insisted.
"B," Sesshomaru responded.
"Are you allowed to do this?" Mark looked down at Rem.
"She said I could accompany him as advisor until question three."
"Okay. Other than before the series begins, when does Kikyo die? A. Episode 120, B. Episode 57, C, Episode 134, D. Episode 125."
"What is the answer?" Sesshomaru asked Rem.
"Damn it all, I forget. It's in the hundreds I know that. Well, 134 is too late. I don't think it's 125… but I'm not sure. Ask for fifty-fifty."
"May I have a fifty-fifty?"
"There you go. Your remaining choices are 120 and 125."
"Damn the random selection. Just go with 120," Rem advised.
"Episode 120."
"I'm sorry it's 125," Mark stated. "Oh and Rem, Alicia asked me to give you this. She says thank you." He handed over a stack of Yu Yu Hakusho tapes and Gravitation mangas.
Rem walked off to find Alicia and Sesshomaru went in the opposite direction, grabbed Rin, and left.
"We're down to seven contestants and Alicia got sick of writing up fastest finger questions so we're just going to go in alphabetical order from here on out. Ginta, come on down."
"Hello," Ginta nodded as he sat down in the hot seat.
"Hello Ginta. Here's your first question. Who is the leader of the wolf tribe? A. Ginta, B. Koga, C. Hakkaku, D. Naraku."
"Koga."
"Question two. Of the following characters, who does Alicia like the most? A. Koga, B. Naraku, C. Miroku, D. Jakken."
"Um… Koga."
"Question three. Who does Rem claim is the most feminine-looking man from this series? A. Sesshomaru, B. Naraku, C. Koga, D. Miroku."
"Um… Koga?"
"What the hell are you saying, you damn traitor!? You sayin I look like a girl!?" Koga shouted.
"Well no, of course not Koga. But Rem does… quite frequently."
"Question four. Who does Alicia claim is the most feminine-looking man from this series? A. Sesshomaru, B. Naraku, C. Koga, D. Miroku."
"Um… now this one I don't know… may I phone someone?"
"Sure, who would you like to call?" Mark asked.
"May I call Rem? She seems to know Alicia well."
Before Mark could 'phone' Rem, she appeared out of thin air and stated simply, "It's C."
"I'll agree. It's Koga," Ginta nodded.
"I'm sorry Ginta but Rem lied. It's Sesshomaru. However, you still get to walk away with fifty bucks," Mark handed Ginta a check for fifty dollars and Ginta left to find out why Rem had lied to him. "Inuyasha, come on down."
Inuyasha took the hot seat and Mark began immediately.
"Okay, question one. Who is the only homosexual character in Inuyasha? A. Inuyasha, B. Miroku, C. Kanna, D. Jakotsu," Mark read.
"Jakotsu of course."
"Question two. What is the square root of -144? A. 12, B. -12, C. 12i, D. ± 12."
"What the hell!? What does this have to do with the show!?"
"Nothing. Your answer?"
"Um… let's see… I'd like to phone a friend," Inuyasha nodded thoughtfully.
"Sure. Who would you like to call?"
"Kagome," Inuyasha said. As soon as the name left his lips he remembered the threat of instant disqualification. However, it was too late. Alicia came out of nowhere dressed in a white tank top, sunglasses, and camouflage jeans with Millie Thompson's (this is a Trigun reference, for anyone who doesn't recognize the name) gigantic stun gun. She fired a shot at Inuyasha and he was knocked out of the hot seat and fifty feet back by the metal X that had been fired from the gun.
"Okay, since Inuyasha was just disqualified… and is also now unconscious I believe, we'll be moving on now," Mark sweat-dropped.
"Sorry if I scared you Uncle Mark. Oh, will you tell Inu-san I'm sorry for knocking him out when he comes to?"
"Sure Alicia. Okay, next contestant, Kagura come on down."
"Let's get this over with," Kagura murmured as she sat down and flipped open her fan. Mark gulped. "I'm hot. I'm using the fan to cool myself. I don't intend to kill you," she explained, fanning herself.
"Alright. Let's see. Question one. Which of Naraku's incarnations do we actually see being created in the series? A. Kanna, B. Goshinki, C. Musso, D. Kagura."
"C. Musso."
"Correct. Question two. What episodes of Inuyasha is Jakotsu in?--"
"Episodes 102-120, if I'm not mistaken."
"Question three. What is the most popular romance pairing on ?--"
"It appears to be Inuyasha and the one we don't speak of, though Alicia was too lazy to take the time to confirm it."
"Question four. What is the name of the teenage boy from the time of the one we do not speak of who doesn't seem to realize he's being rejected by her and bamboozled by her grandfather? A. Inuyasha, B. Miroku, C. Koga, D. Hojo."
"Well, if he's from her time, I wouldn't recognize the name, so it's obviously Hojo."
"Question five. Who is Sango's little brother? A. Kohaku, B. Souta, C. Koga, D. Naraku."
"It's Kohaku. Listen, Mark, I prepared for today. You can't come up with a single question I can't answer. I came here today with all current Inuyasha information memorized. You may as well hand over the check now," Kagura leaned back and let a smug smile cross her face.
Mark sent a message to Alicia through the hi-tech podium before him and quickly received a response. "It seems Alicia is willing to vouch for your intellect. Congratulations, Kagura, here's your million dollar check," Mark handed over the check.
As soon as Kagura had taken the check and begun to walk off, Naraku took her heart and squeezed it. Kagura fell to the floor, gasping for breath.
"The check is mine, my dear. I made you after all," Naraku insisted.
"BITE ME!" Kagura responded bitterly, sticking out her tongue. Naraku, stunned at this reaction, loosened his grip on her heart and almost dropped it. Kagura took this opportunity to run away. As soon as he recovered from the shock, Naraku grasped Kagura's heart firmly again and took off after her, leaving the studio.
"Another disqualification," Mark sighed. "Leaving the studio during the show is forbidden. Koga, would you come down here please?"
"Okay, Mark, let's get going. My question?" Koga asked.
"What was the original Inuyasha manga series called? A. Inuyasha, B. A Feudal Fairytale, C. Inuyasha the Half-breed, D. Inuyasha A Feudal Fairytale."
"D," Koga responded simply.
"How old is my niece Alicia? A. 22, B. 37, C. 18, D. 16."
"Damn this one is hard. I don't really know this. Well, let me think… 37 is way too old… she can't drink yet so 22 is too old as well… hm… 18 or 16…"
"Remember, you do have lifelines. 50-50, Phone a Friend, and Poll the Audience," Mark insisted.
"I believe I'll poll the audience then."
Unfortunately for Koga, nobody in the audience knew for sure Alicia's age either, and Alicia has been told many a time that she looks much older than she is. The polls came back with a sixty-one percent vote for her being eighteen and Koga agreed.
"I'm sorry Koga but Alicia is only sixteen years of age. She looks older though, doesn't she?"
"Hell yeah. She looks like a college freshman."
"She's been mistaken for a college junior before," Mark admitted. "Anyway, moving on. Miroku, come on down."
Miroku began to descend the stairs gracefully but he was pelted in the head with another tomato after which he fell down the stairs and landed on his face.
"Miroku! Miroku!" Mark called.
There was no response. Miroku lie there on his face, unflinching.
"Koga, will you go see what's wrong with Miroku?" Mark asked.
Koga went over to the young monk and swiftly flipped him over onto his back. "Yo! Lecher!" Koga slapped him across the face a few times. "He's out cold, Mark."
"Well, aren't we accident prone today," Mark chuckled nervously to himself.
Several nurses entered the studio just then and Miroku twitched. Still lying on the floor, Miroku had to choose between the million dollars he could easily win or these beautiful ladies tending to him in the medical booth. In a heartbeat he chose the ladies and he continued to fake unconsciousness until they had carried him out of the studio.
"Alrighty then. Sango dear will you please grace us with your presence?"
"Certainly, Mark," Sango hopped out of her booth, boomerang in tow and sat down in the hot seat.
"Oh my… we're almost out of time. Will you submit to a Lightning Round?"
"What's a Lightning Round?"
"I ask questions with no choice of answers and you answer them as quickly as you can. Seven consecutive correct answers in under a minute will win you the million dollars."
"Okay. It sounds simple enough."
"What is the name of the Higurashi family cat?"
"Buyo."
"What did Grandpa Higurashi give his granddaughter for her 15th birthday?"
"A kappa's hand."
"Name a member of the Shinchinin-tai."
"Bankotsu."
"Name one of Naraku's incarnations."
"Kageromaru."
"Who is Alicia's favorite female character from Inuyasha?"
"Kagura."
"Second favorite?"
"Me."
"Final question for the win, who was the host for the Domon W version of this game?"
"Stalker. Yay! I win! I win!" Sango jumped up and down giggling.
"Wonderful job, Miss Sango. You certainly earned this," Mark handed over a check. "Please join us next time for another themed episode of Who Wants to be a Millionaire!"
Producer: Alicia Maxwell
Director: Alicia Maxwell
Writer: Alicia Maxwell
Almost every other important job in the making of the show: Alicia Maxwell
Show host: Mark Maxwell
[1] For anyone who cannot understand why I hate Kagome, it's because I can't stand girls who always seem to be nagging somebody or complaining about something. (I'm sorry if this explanation seems superfluous but I got a lot of hate mail for saying that I hate Rain from G-Gundam and not listing a reason.)