Disclaimer: I don't own the show or any of the characters. If I did, I'd be putting it into the script instead of into a fanfic. I don't own the song either. I don't even sing it...well. Rascal Flatts does though, and it's very good.
This is my first songfic ever. I was just listening to it and I wondered if I could make it work with Hawkeye. PLEASE REVIEW!
I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons,
Finally content with the past I regret.
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness.
For once I'm at peace with myself.
I've been burdened with blame,
Trapped in the past for too long.
I'm moving on.
Ghosts. Hawkeye had never believed in ghosts. They were just figments of people's imaginations. Well, he was right. They do come from people's own minds, but that doesn't make them any less real. He'd never known he could feel so...haunted. He'd been home for 7 years now, and he still saw the faces of patients he'd lost. He saw them in the faces of people everywhere. People he had known all his life. The mangled faces of those poor kids that he couldn't save. He didn't know how he had managed to pull himself out of the pit that he had dug for himself. Even looking back on it, he didn't know where he had found the strength. He'd decided that he'd had enough. This terrible feeling of guilt, like it was his fault that the kids never got home to their families. He hadn't been able to pull himself out of the past...away from his days in Korea and into the present where he wasn't at fault. He'd had enough of it.
I've lived in this place and I know all the faces,
Each one is different, but they're always the same.
They mean me no harm,
But it's time that I faced it...
They'll never allow me to change.
I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong.
I'm moving on.
Crabapple Cove. This was his home. Where he'd grown up. This was where his family lived. Where his friends lived. Where all the people he knew lived...except for the people that knew what it was like. The ones that knew what he'd been through. All the friendly folks in the sleepy little town expected him to come back to them exactly as he had left. Well, sorry to disappoint, folks, but he couldn't do that. They loved him, he knew, but at the same time they were trying to force him back into the mold that he had fit into before. He had changed. He didn't fit anymore. There was no longer a place for him here. This was no longer a place where he was welcome. Well, he was welcome...but as he was then...not as he is now.
I'm moving on.
At last I can see.
Life has been patiently waiting for me and
I know, there's no guarantee
But I'm not alone
He understood now. There was a life for him out there, somewhere. There was a place where he could make his home...where he could someday even be happy. But it couldn't be anywhere where he was trying to return to his old life. The life that awaited him was a new one...complete with the experiences he'd had in Korea. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't go back to the way he was before.
There comes a time
In everyone's life
When all you can see
Are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind
That those days are gone
He'd had enough of just sitting there, watching his life go by. He knew it was time to go out there, to find where he fit now. He couldn't sit there on his front porch wishing that he had back the time he's spent in Korea. He wouldn't go on wasting more time. Those days were lost...and no matter what he did they weren't coming back. He'd finally decided to claim his life back.
I sold what I could
And packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should,
But lived like I shouldn't
And I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road.
He'd said goodbye to them. They didn't understand, but then, he hadn't really expected them to. If they'd understood, he wouldn't have to go. He hadn't tried to explain it to them, he'd just told them he was going. He'd tried to offer some kind of explanation to his Dad, but in the end he'd just told him he'd call when he got wherever he was going...then he'd packed up and left. He needed to quit just existing and start to live again. He pulled out onto the highway without looking back.
I'm moving on.
Author's note: Well, what did you think? Really, I need to hear from ya'll. Thanks to everyone who's reviewed my previous stories.