Somewhere between Arthur complaining about the potential loss of his life and demanding Merlin to pull over his car at once so they could switch, on top of being a giant, grumpy prat, the two had decided that instead of going home right away, they would head to the mall instead, as Arthur nor Merlin had really done any Christmas shopping yet. As they pulled into the car park Merlin had to take pause, as he turned off the engine of Arthur's car, he took pause because he couldn't help but think about the fact that this was so out side of the normal for them. Of course going to the mall with your husband was painfully domestic and normal, however for the two of them...it felt strange and kind of out of character.
And then Arthur was yanking the car keys out of Merlin's hand just before they got out of the car and Merlin frowned, annoyed by this. He got out and so did Arthur, he made sure he locked the car too, before pocketing the keys. As they headed for the door Merlin glared over at him. "You have to learn to trust me," he said and Arthur only looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "I'm serious..."
"I do trust you," retorted Arthur, in a way that said he very much didn't want to talk about this, but Merlin didn't care. Merlin also didn't want to lecture Arthur, because he knew Arthur's fears were coming from a place of care. He cared about Merlin and wanted to protect him, and it manifested in the form of driving because of how his ex faience died, Merlin understood that completely, but he also understood that Arthur couldn't live this way forever.
"You can't save me from dying...if I am meant to die, it will happen with or without you not allowing me to drive you home from a shopping mall," Merlin told him, sternly, but he wasn't trying to be mean, he thought Arthur at least understood that bit. "You can't control that even if you want to, Arthur. I'm not going to let myself live in fear of what could happen and you shouldn't either, you have to allow yourself to live, even if it's scary. You have to allow yourself to trust me..." They walked inside the mall at this point, Arthur had held open the door for Merlin, and Merlin turned around as soon as Arthur came through the door, too. "I know I am just your fake husband," he continued the conversation, because Arthur hadn't said a single word, and Merlin wasn't entirely sure he was going to. Too often Arthur shut himself down rather than talking it out. "You haven't got any reason to trust me...maybe you never really will. But I'm only saying this because I care about you, I really do and I-"
"I know, Merlin..." Arthur held up his right hand to stop Merlin from carrying on like an idiot, he had long since lost his stern tone and instead sounded like a rambling moron. "I know you care about me and I know...I know I need to listen to you but-" Arthur cut himself off, taking in a sharp breath. "...it's hard for me."
"I'm here," countered Merlin, offering his hand out to Arthur, who didn't take it. "I'm sure it will be hard, but that's why you need to trust me," he offered a smile but then he shrugged a little, lowering his hand. "I'm not saying you need to give up all control either, but maybe just a little, tiny bit?"
Arthur looked at Merlin for a long moment, and then pulled a face. "...I'll think about it," he said in a casual tone and Merlin knew this was Arthur blowing off the conversation and yeah, it was a little hurtful, because Merlin wanted Arthur's trust more than anything. But at least this idea was in Arthur's head now, Merlin knew he would be thinking about it. Merlin didn't say anything else and then just started walking, Arthur followed after him.
They walked for a long while, not speaking, not going into any stores either. They walked all the way to the food court, which was on the other end of the mall from where they had parked. It was kind of awkward between them, for Merlin it was that he was thinking about the conversation that they just had, and how it wasn't probably going to change anything anyway, and the other part was how odd he felt about being out in public with Arthur, without anyone else. How were they supposed to act? They weren't around anyone they knew, so they didn't have to act married, but if they weren't acting married how were they supposed to act? Like friends? Were they friends...?" None of this seemed as detrimental at home, it all just sort of made sense there. Even though nothing made sense there either, it was just shrouded by Merlin's computer and keenness to be ignorant to everything around him, even if it was killing him slowly, he just sort of ignored it. Out of his element of PJ bottoms and Doctor Who reruns, he couldn't be ignorant.
"You want a pretzel?" asked Arthur, seemingly out of nowhere. Merlin had barely paid attention to where they were walking at all, and then Arthur asked this and Merlin blinked a few times, looking over at him. "Or an ice cream...? I'm fine with either, I'm sort of hungry."
"Because you're fat," Merlin retorted, almost on que, like it was just part of his natural ability to actually have no idea what was going on, but cut Arthur a nice insult without thinking about it. It was a good skill, it kept things interesting. Arthur's mouth fell open and then he slammed it shut, and glared at Merlin.
"I'm not fat!" Arthur argued, almost on que himself.
"No, I suppose you're just fluffy?" offered Merlin, with a smirk and Arthur's glare changed a little, into a challenging gleam. He eyed Merlin.
"Ah, and here I was thinking you thought I was cute?" he huffed dramatically. "Suppose I was wrong..."
"I never said you weren't cute," offered Merlin with a grin. "Just fat...that's alright, at least you'll be good for body heat during the apocalypses...or to shove toward the zombies."
"...I fucking hate you," said Arthur offhanded, as he walked toward the pretzels shop. Merlin, who was highly amused with himself, followed after him.
They both ordered a soft pretzel, that Arthur paid for without question. Merlin's was cinnamon sugar and Arthur's was plain, but he got a cup of fake cheese to go with it. They sat down at a table with benches, but both sat on the same side. They sat there and ate for a few moments in complete silence. About half way through eating Merlin looked over at Arthur, and he had cheese on his upper lip, so Merlin took the napkin that was wrapped around his own pretzel and wiped his lip. This struck Merlin after he did it, because it was just very...married of him to do that, and also because it reminded him of something Gwen would do, and the fact that Arthur didn't mention it at all and only continued on unfazed told Merlin this was obviously very familiar for him, too. He supposed he shouldn't really be alarmed either, because he was related to Gwen, they would have similar characteristics, but for obvious reasons this bothered him. For many reasons, the thought of Gwen bothered him in general...
"Have you talked to her?" he suddenly asked, without adding who the her was that he was asking about. Arthur paused, mid-chew and looked at him.
"Guinevere?" he asked over a mouth full of pretzel. Merlin nodded. "No..."
"Are you going to?"
"God, I hope not," he said as he swallowed.
Merlin frowned at this, "She still doesn't know how you feel?"
"No, I doubt she does..." said Arthur, and then set down his pretzel on the table. "Or, I think she does...deep down, but we haven't spoken. Not since my parents arrived. She's doing that on purpose because she thinks it's punishing me. It's really not. I feel it's easier this way, I am not going to break up with her over a holiday, that's cruel, and especially not with my parents nosing around, but I am going to do it. There is no question, it's been coming for a long time now...I tried to hold on to her, but there is nothing there, she's not the kind of person I want to be with."
Merlin nodded, more slowly this time. "I get that..."
"I know you do, and...um," Arthur said then, a bit more solemnly. "I understand that our deal was we do this in the hopes that she and I could be together, and I am changing the end result here, and I wouldn't blame you if..." Arthur shrugged, turning toward Merlin a little bit, but didn't exactly make eye contact. "I would understand if you want to call off this arrangement, I know you're doing it for her, just...wait until after my parents leave, I don't need them getting involved in this."
Merlin sat there, face crunched up in confusion. Was he serious? "I'm not sure why I'd do that," he retorted, but it was also kind of softly that he spoke. Arthur's eyes shifted then and they met Merlin's, looking a little surprised. Arthur was a bit thick, he really was, and he had the audacity to say anything about Merlin, ever. "I don't really want to be anywhere else..."
"I don't really want you to be anywhere else, if I'm being honest," said Arthur and Merlin smiled at him, maybe a little bit too keenly.
"Good," he offered back. "Because I'm not going anywhere else." Arthur nodded, but his eyes didn't move from Merlin's, nor did the smile leave Merlin's lips as he continued, "It's not really been about Gwen in a long time for me, you know that right?"
"I had thought maybe..." Arthur said, very slowly, like he was picking words that didn't have any real meaning on purpose, Merlin really wasn't sure why. "But you did just call me fat a few moments ago, so..."
Merlin's smile still didn't leave, but he did laugh a little. "Well, that's because you are..."
(A/N: I know I have not updated this story in literal MONTHS, I have had this chapter just sitting for awhile, but I have been dealing with other stuff/working on other stuff, I have no sense of urgency, you can say that. But I hope this chapter was worth it...the end part is kinda important, they're evolving from pretending to be fake married to just...being married. So, yeah. Enjoy!)