"Nice try Fudgy, but it's no use. I'm still utterly bored," Voldemort sighed.
"I'm very sorry, My Lord. You used to like my impersonation of a cursed Muggle," Fudge replied.
"Yes, I know. Where's Lucius these days?" he asked.
"Well, My Lord, the whisper is that Malfoy is spending all his time with a young boy in his service," Fudge said.
"Oh. Do you think he'd spend more time with me if I would still be a young boy?" Voldemort asked.
"Surely not, Master," Fudge said
"I heard that when you were born, they almost feared that you weren't human," Bellatrix suddenly interrupted.
"What?" Voldemort hissed.
"Yeah. Out you popped from your mummy's belly and everyone gasped and shouted 'it's a demon! It's a demon! And then someone said: "it has three legs!" And then medi-witch Simpson pointed out that it wasn't a leg but a winkle and everyone was really happy," Bellatrix explained.
"Yes, well, you see, she was a very perceptive woman, medi-witch Simpson," Fudge added.
"Oh what has happened to Lucius? There's something very odd about someone who spends all their time with a servant," Voldemort groaned.
It was late at night. Malfoy was seated in his chair by the fire and Tonks was pouring him a drink.
"Well, Bob, we're a couple of fine lads together, aren't we? Let's get ratted and talk about girls," Malfoy said as he slapped his thigh with false bravado. "Yes, we could sing some really dirty songs and… Oh, Merlin… I find you curiously pleasant company, young Bob," Malfoy continued as he kept gazing at her.
"I am honoured, and for my part want nothing more than be with you… old Goldielocks," Tonks sighed.
"Well, yes, of course, there's nothing more healthy and… normal… than… having a good… chum," Malfoy stammered as he kept his eyes fixed on her.
"What think you, master, of … love?" Tonks asked.
"You mean rattling pencils?" Malfoy asked with an arched eyebrow.
"What would you say, master, if I were to say I love you?" Tonks asked in return.
"Well, of course, it would depend entirely on who you said it to. If you said it to a house-elf, I'd presume you were sick, if you said it to Wormtail, I'd presume you were blind, and if you said it to me…," Malfoy answered rather nervously.
"Yes, master?" Tonks asked eagerly.
"Well, I'd naturally assume we were having a big lad's joke about backticklers, the way we healthy fellows often do, and so I'd probably grab you for a friendly wrestle and we'd probably slap each other's thighs like jolly good chums, and laugh at what it would be like… if we really did… fancy each other," Malfoy said, obviously in battle with his own feelings.
"In that case, master, I love you," Tonks blurted out.
Malfoy laughed unconvincingly as he jumped from his chair and grabbed Tonks. There was a half-hearted effort at wrestling but since Malfoy was so much stronger, Tonks fell on her back and he landed on top of her. There was a short pause and just as they moved closer together as if about to kiss, Wormtail burst into the room.
"Don't worry, Bob. He used to try and kill me, too," Wormtail said, totally misunderstanding the situation.
Malfoy quickly jumped up and straightened his robes. "Ah, Wormtail, Merlin, am I glad to see you. What do you want?" Malfoy asked.
"I was just wondering if I could sleep in the torture room. The Aurors said if I lay in the gutters, they'd send me to Azkaban," Wormtail explained.
"By all means, Wormtail, help yourself… I was just off to bed anyway… erm, goodnight, Wormtail. Goodnight… Bob," Malfoy said with a rather nervous tone.
"Goodnight, master,' Tonks said.
"Yes… oh Merlin," Malfoy said before he strode out of the room.