Malfoy sat opposite the famous Healer Cheese.
"Now then, what seems to be the trouble?" Healer Cheese asked.
"Well, it's my manservant," Malfoy said quietly.
"I see. Well, don't be embarrassed. If you've got the pox, just pop your manservant on the table and we'll take a look at it, shall we?" Healer Cheese asked matter-of-factly.
"No, it's my real manservant," Malfoy hissed through clenched teeth.
"And what's wrong with him?" Healer Cheese asked.
"Nothing is wrong with him. That's the problem. He's perfect. And last night I almost kissed him," Malfoy confessed.
"I see. So, you've started fancying boys then, have you?" Healer Cheese asked.
"Not 'boys', A boy," Malfoy hissed.
"Yes, well, let's not split hairs, it's all rather disgusting, and naturally you're worried," Healer Cheese said.
"Of course I'm worried," Malfoy shrieked.
"Well, of course you are. It's not every day a man wakes up to discover he's a screaming bender with no more right to be a Death Eater than one of the Weasley's offspring. Ashamed of yourself?" Healer Cheese said.
"Not really, no," Malfoy snapped.
"Bloody hell, I would be, still why should I complain, just leaves more rampant wenches for us real men, eh," Healer Cheese smirked.
"Am I actually paying for this personal abuse, or is it extra?" Malfoy hissed.
"No, all put in the service. Mmmm, I think you're in luck though, an extraordinary new cure has just been developed for exactly these kind of sordid problems," Healer Cheese said.
"It wouldn't have anything to do with cheese, would it?" Malfoy sneered.
"I had no idea you were a medical wizard," Healer Cheese replied.
"No, no. Just I've never had anything you Healers didn't try to cure with cheese. Parmazan in my ear for earache. Mozarella up my bottom for constipation," Malfoy said.
'They're marvellous, aren't they?" Healer Cheese asked.
"Well, the bottom one wasn't. I sat down and squashed it," Malfoy said irritated.
"You know, the cheese comes to us on the highest authority," Healer Cheese informed Malfoy.
"Yes, I can't spend all day gossiping. I'm a busy man," Malfoy said.
"As far as this case is concerned, I've had time to think it through and I can strongly recommend a course of…"
"Cheese," Malfoy finished his line. "Oh, just pop a couple of slices down my breeches before I got to bed."
"Oh, no, no, no, no. Don't be ridiculous. This isn't the Muggle world. No – just suck on a piece of Camembert in the morning, and let it dissolve slowly. Within a couple of weeks, you'll be beating your servant with your cane just like the rest of us," Healer Cheese explained.
"You're really just an old quack, aren't you?" Malfoy sneered.
"I'd rather be a quack than a ducky. Good day," Healer Cheese said with a dismissive wave of his hand.