Disclaimer: All you see that is familiar to you is either owned by J.K. Rowling or Shakespeare. I'm just a poor lowly paper shuffler.
Chapter One—The Unfortunate Announcement"Good Afternoon, class."
"Good Afternoon, Ms. Allen," chimed the muggle studies students with genuine smiles. They looked to the teacher they had come to admire and respect in her two years as the muggle studies professor. Ms. Allen was from America and preferred being called Ms. Verses Professor or Doctor as her Double Doctorate in Biochemistry and British Literature would require. In her eyes, the title made her sound like an old stuck up prude, and thus the just 28-year-old professor, having outgrown the title Miss, (but just barely) decided Ms. was the most fitting. Thus, her students went against the traditions of Hogwarts and within her classroom called her Ms. Allen.
The students liked that Professor Allen didn't look her age and that she was just as mischievous when it came to rule breaking as the Golden Trio of Gryffindor. Her short, spiky, red hair was a perfect complement to her personality and gave her otherwise young, but wise and intelligent features a bit of flare. The designer frames on her glasses and fashionable robes helped a bit too. Though she was average height and a bit overweight, she carried herself with confidence and had the ability to light up every room she entered, except perhaps in the dungeons, even more so than the twinkling headmaster. As her students looked to her, anticipation on their cheery faces, she began class.
"As with every class I have a few announcements to make to start us off. First, I have finished reviewing your poetry portfolios and have made a collection of the poems with the most power behind the words. The collection has been edited and published along with a few of my own works. The original leather bound version is up for use in the library for all students and faculty. As a special surprise, I had Professor Flitwick duplicate copies for each of you. You will find that every one of you have at least one poem present in the collection. I am very proud of you all. The headmaster is currently reading the library copy and is considering making poetry a requirement of all Hogwarts students on the basis that the words conjure magic in a more emotional way," Professor Allen's eyes sparkled with a familiar mischief. "Yes, I am aware of what some of you must be thinking, and it's true, I am a muggle after all. I may not be able to use a wand to light my classroom, but I can provoke emotional magic in words. There have been many muggles throughout the centuries with this ability. They come from all parts of the world and have written and spoke in many different languages, but the concepts and feelings the words picture are so universal that they can be felt. Just as I imagine magic feels when you call upon it."
"Enough of my rambling. Because you all did so well using your own words to convey universal themes in poetry, our next unit we will look to possibly the most famous English speaking muggle writer/actor/poet/playwright/director/businessman who ever put words in ink. Is anyone familiar with the man called William Shakespeare?" Not surprisingly only one hand shot up. "Yes, Miss Granger. Could you tell us a bit of what you know?"
"He is very famous for writing a large number of plays and sonnets. He lived during the beginning of Queen Elizabeth the First's reign in England. He reflected on political life in his plays along with very universal themes. The universality and the history shown in the plays, along with the creation of new words, are some of the reasons so many people still read, understand, and at least appreciate his works. My favorite play is A Winter's Tale, and my favorite sonnet is number 116."
"Ah,
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no; it is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests, and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark;
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alter not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error, and upon me prov'd,
I never writ, nor no man ever lov'd.
That is one of my favorites also. For who can love completely a person of lesser mind even if the person is astoundingly beautiful. That love tends to be fickle and fades as beauty fades. And then your namesake in A Winter's Tale is a queen. A very intelligent queen."
"Yes, the play is actually how I came to be given the name Hermione. Mom was reading A Winter's Tale out loud while she was pregnant with me."
"How lovely. The name quite suits you. The original Hermione was Helen of Troy's very brilliant sister."
"Thank you, Ms. Allen."
"As usual, our esteemed Miss Granger is correct on all counts. 'Well said, Hermione.' Twenty points to Gryffindor! Mr. Shakespeare, or Willy the Bard as I like to call him, was one of many writers to create words to use when the current vernacular of the time didn't have quite the right word for the specific image or emotion his was trying to convey. Because of his accomplishments in word generation, the English language gained over 10,000 words, some say over 20,000, that didn't exist before him—at least in English. My first name's modern spelling was first used in Will's play The Merchant of Venice. He combined two Hebrew names from The Bible that looked nothing like Jessica alone, but together they created the vowel sounds in the name. He wanted an original name that sounded Jewish, and so Jessica became Shylock's daughter who ran away from home to be with her true love. And his words were not only about love. In fact, even more than the romanticism of Shakespeare's Middle English, the insults and fight scenes are very entertaining, once you can decipher the meanings. We will get the opportunity to see some of everything, as we will be doing a whole term full of Shakespeare." Not unexpected, groans came from a few of the students, specifically the few pureblood Slytherins.
"I have chosen to do this extended unit because I feel Shakespeare will challenge you to understand a culture that many of you consider so backwards compared to your own. You will see that life in the muggle Elizabethan Age, or Renaissance, was not so different from what you have here in the wizarding world right now. You will see that many ideas, themes, situations, and emotions are spot on to those you experience in everyday life. The characters in the plays could be the friends sitting right beside you."
"Over the term we will do a survey of his works. I have chosen one comedy, one tragedy, one history, and all of his sonnets for us to study and learn from together. By the end of term I expect to have you speaking like the Bard. And so, while we read our first Shakespearean play, your assignment for each class will be to create your own Shakespearean insult and use it in conversation during the week. Professor Flitwick has helped me by creating a charm that will keep track of your insults in a book and the specific time in which you use it. When we move to the comedy we will focus on romantic language, and during the tragedy the language of regret. Finally, while we study the Shakespearean sonnets, you will be focusing on writing your own plays and using sonnets within your plays to emphasis important pieces of the story." The professor looked to her audience and took a deep breath.
"And lastly but also unfortunately, I have one last announcement I'm afraid you aren't going to take too kindly." Professor Allen shrugged her shoulders in apology, "As you know, I am an expert in the field of muggle literature. Shakespeare and the age of the Renaissance is my specialty." She grinned, "That and I am an amazingly creative speaker. Because of this, I am usually looked to, to perform and speak at major Renaissance Festivals. The biggest festival, one joint between the magical and muggle communities, is coming up very soon. We will only be about half way into Henry IV before I need to leave you for about two weeks."
"I expect you to treat the professor that comes in to help you with the same respect you show me. The professor filling in for me was forced by the headmaster to do so, so I really would appreciate you to give him the benefit of the doubt. He already is an expert in insults and will pick up on the Shakespearean form quite readily. He has read all of Shakespeare's works and is reviewing the plays for class as we speak, so don't try to pull anything over on him. While he will be helping you with the history play, his forte is actually tragedy. If all goes well, he may come back at the end of term to help us with King Lear. Any guesses as to who is filling in?"
"Please tell say it isn't Professor Snape," whimpered Neville obviously noticing the professor's not so subtle hints. Professor Allen gave him a weak smile, but effectively holding back a giggle she replied with much sarcasm,
"Well, that is why I started with unfortunately." Moans encompassed the classroom as the students realized what the cynicism in her statement meant. Professor Snape was going to be teaching them Shakespeare, and helping them with Shakespearean insults.
"Do you have to go, Ms. Allen?" whined a justly reluctant Harry Potter.
"Please don't make us have an extra eight hours with Snape, Professor. Please, I'll do anything," cried Neville.
With the mischief back in her eyes, Professor Allen raised her eyebrows and rubbed her chin in thought, as if contemplating what Neville could do. But then with the mischief still in her eyes, she shook her head,
"Sorry, kid. What can I say? I'm irreplaceable." With her focus back on the class as a whole she gave out the assignment, "For Thursday I want you all to use this Insult Generation Guide to create your first Shakespearean insult. Use it in conversation and we will look through them all in class Thursday. Also read over Shakespeare's biography and the section about the Renaissance of the muggle world in your history texts." The students began to gather their things and leave the classroom. "Oh, and one last thing." Everyone sighed in exasperation. "Really, I promise this time. The headmaster and the rest of the faculty are aware of your assignment. Please refrain from disrupting any classes or using insults to any member of the staff. Points will be taken for those who are disobedient. That's all folks! Until Thursday."