Disclaimer: All you see that is familiar to you is either owned by J.K. Rowling or Shakespeare. I'm just a poor lowly paper shuffler.
Chapter 2—Perhaps Chivalry Isn't Dead
Draco Malfoy made his way up the moving stairways of Hogwarts to the Hufflepuff floor where the muggle studies classroom was located. As usual, he appeared cool and collected, even without his bodyguards, but he was nervous. He was a pureblood wizard who was required to take muggle studies but actually liked the class and this Shakespearean insults assignment was right up his alley. He had a dozen insults at the ready but hadn't been able to use them, because Slytherins weren't suppose to have anything to do with muggles and that included doing well on muggle studies homework. So far he'd muddled by, but he wanted to put himself into this unit. He enjoyed Shakespeare so far and he personally really liked Ms. Allen. If she was a good example of a muggle woman, Draco thought he might like them better even than the witches he knew. Of course, he couldn't act like he liked her in any way, and now he would disappoint his teacher yet again because he hadn't done his work and so no other Slytherin would either. Damn being a pureblood!
As he approached Ms. Allen's classroom, he saw Potter and Weasley chatting with Granger. The Weasel was eyeing Granger longingly and his hand began making its way toward her chest. Before Granger's attention was focused on what Weasley's hand was about to do, Draco decided to take action.
"Granger, you better watch it. A bawdy, fool-born barnacle is trying to break the wall that protects your maidenhead." Hermione slapped Ron's hand away and looked at him with her eyes full of fury. Within moments, Hermione's wrath had an audience of twenty some students standing in the Hufflepuff hall.
"RONALD WEASLEY! I THOUGHT WE'D BEEN THROUGH THIS YOU ROGUISH, COMMON-KISSING FLIRT-GILL! WE ARE JUST FRIENDS, AND WE WON'T EVEN BE THAT IF YOU KEEP THESE BEEF-WITTED MOVES UP!" Ron turned away to glare at Malfoy and in a challenging voice shouted,
"Thanks Malfoy! Just when I almost find heaven your droning, ill-breeding codpiece shows up! Why would a pureblood ferret like you want to protect the honor of a muggle-born anyway? What earth-vexing scheme have you come up with now?" With suspicion rising in his voice, Ron raised his wand. Draco raised his own wand and continued the insults with a trademark Slytherin smirk,
"For an artless, motley-minded horn-beast you honestly believe you could possibly touch a stunning, clever queen without so much as a compliment first? Your mind is full of weasel dun and you expect a lovely, wickedly brilliant maid to rut with your knotty-pated loins? What a joke?" Ron's face turned red as he began to understand the undercurrent subtly hiding beneath Malfoy's churlish words.
"So who is good enough for her? You? Ha, your mammering, yellow-livered food-trap wouldn't know what to do with our Gryffindor genius. Ridikulus!" Draco blocked the hex and quickly sent one of his own, which just missed Ron as he dove across the corridor. Before either of the dueling boys could shout out another hex, Harry and Hermione shouted, "Petrificus Totalis!" One charm hit Ron and the other Draco. Just as the crowd began to gather around the petrified boys, Professor Allen came into the hall.
"Well, it seems our Slytherin Head Boy has finally managed to finish a homework assignment. Miss Granger and Mr. Potter please end your magic." Professor Allen cut through the crowd and approached the boys crossing her arms when she stopped. Her apathic stance did nothing to comfort the boys. Instead it made her seem to tower above them. "So what do you two gentlemen have to say for yourselves?" Ron pointed at Draco and stammered,
"He . . . he . . . started it." Professor Allen's eyes rolled, as the sarcasm dripped in her reply,
"What a pleasantly mature response, Mr. Weasley. Do I look like I care who began this," she waved her hands in exasperation, "tom-foolery?" She held her right hand up as the boys began to respond, "The question was rhetorical. Fifty points from both your houses! Now! Get! In! class!"
The students made their way into her classroom astonished that their kind, popular professor could actually terrify them as much if not more as their venomous potions master when angry. Professor Allen waited for each student to enter. Hermione Granger, Head Girl, was last.
"Professor, thank you for being so impartial, but I think you should know that Malfoy was defending me from Ron's paws."
"Oh. A Slytherin defending a Gryffindor? Humm. Perhaps chivalry isn't dead. Thank you, Miss Granger. I'll keep that in mind."
Professor Allen began class by finding out what information her students found to add to their previous knowledge of Shakespeare. After some truly interesting discoveries, namely that Shakespeare had friends who were part of the wizarding world, and that he was rumored to have bedded one witch named Viola, who was forced to marry a count and move to America, the professor included the tidbits they hadn't mentioned.
Next, she reviewed some of the better insults that were used in conversation since the previous class. It seemed the Slytherins were actually doing their work, but it could be because they already tended to use the same bawdy language in private.
"Mr. Goyle's insult is rather intriguing. 'Professor Allen is nothing but a loose, dirty-blooded harpy.'" The Slytherins snickered at Goyle while the Gryffindors sat shocked that Professor Allen would even mention it. "Thirty points from Slytherin for that disrespect, Mr. Goyle. And Mr. Longbottom, though I imagine even Professor Snape would agree with your calling him a . . ." She looked down at her clipboard, "'Nefarious, venom-spilling demon,' the rules still apply. Thirty points from Gryffindor. And though the duel that came from the insults I continue to discourage, the insults themselves, particularly Mr. Malfoy's, were rather good. Ten point to Mr. Weasley and twenty to Mr. Malfoy. Oh, and Miss Granger's was also spot on. Ten points more to Gryffindor. Moving on . . . We are going to begin King Henry IV today. Any guesses to what the play is about? Put your hand down if you already started reading, please." Draco and Hermione's hands descended. "Okay, Mr. Finnegan. What is Henry IV going to be about?"
"Henry IV?"
"The obvious answer, right? Well, you're wrong in one. Henry IV is king during this play but he shows up very sporadically. He comes up often when speaking with his son. Who do you think King Henry IV's son is?"
"The prince."
"Obviously, Miss Parkinson. Any guesses to his name?"
"Henry."
"Good call, Mr. Zabini! Five points to Slytherin. Yes, there is a king Henry and a prince Henry in this play. The antagonist's name is Henry Percy, but lucky he is called Hotspur by most. Prince Henry is the protagonist, the most important character, and his friends call him Harry for the most part. We will only have time for Part I of Harry's journey to becoming king in this class, but you'll get the idea quick enough." Professor Allen passed out the playbooks and continued to speak.
"So to begin, each of you has at least one part in the play which you will be expected to act out for the rest of the class. Those of you with more than one part should notice that they are rather small parts and they do not overlap during the play. Professor Flitwick was kind enough to charm each of your playbooks to highlight your assigned part or parts. Well, let's open them up and get started.
After an hour of a first attempt at Shakespeare, about twenty seventh year minds were finding it hard to come back to reality, as they headed to their common rooms. Harry especially was having problems since he was reading the part of Prince Henry, also called Harry. There were already obvious similarities between himself and the fictional Harry. It was a shame that neither Harry could be just Harry for life. Both seemed to have no choice in what the world held for them. They had to become a king or a savior. There was no time to be just Harry. These similarities occupied Harry Potter up the staircases to the Gryffindor common room, where his real life Falstaff was devouring stolen treats and playing chess.
"So Harry, how's it feel to play yourself in Shakespeare?"
"You should know, Ron. If you weren't the picture of Falstaff, I'd eat my broom. I think Professor Allen chose the parts wisely. Even Hermione is Prince Harry's advisor, and Malfoy would have to be the clever antagonist. Ms. Allen definitely has a sense of humor about who we are. Too bad we can't have the same sense of humor for survivals sake." At that moment, Hermione walked into the common room and plopped her books down beside the table Ron was playing chess at. She listened intently to the boys noticing the seriousness of Harry's face.
"Yeah, well at least one class is a bit of fun, until Snape comes to teach it that is," Ron motioned as he took Collin Creevey's queen.
"Maybe it won't be so bad," Harry tried to sound convincing.
"It isn't as if we aren't used to Professor Snape's insults by now. Maybe with this Shakespeare unit we might see his insults in a more humorous light?" Hermione suggested out loud.
"Right, as if Snape has a sense of humor."
"It may not be the form of canary creams and toilet humor, but I think Snape is witty if you look from his perspective of things."
"Whatever you say Hermione. I still question his ability to be fun. Who knows."
"We will soon enough. Let's forget it for now."
"Good idea, Harry. Checkmate Collin!"