Don't Call me Mary Sue.
I don't own Legolas, Frodo, or Arwen – they belong to J. R. R. Tolkien, I only own myself, Dani. I don't own Mary Sue, all of you Suethors do. I own the particular one mentioned, though...
I am no princess, nor do I ever hope to be a princess, however I sit here with an incredibly lovely person called Legolas, a lady named Arwen, one particular hobbit named Frodo, and Mary Sue. Mary Sue is someone we all know, and may have cast for our fan fics. Mary Sue is very friendly, beautiful, charming, everyone loves her, and she has a million great things to do she uses to save the world! Mary Sue wonders why the world hates her, as she joins us here today in all of her beauty.
"Well of course I am angry." Mary Sue said, to start the conversation. Her long, silvery blonde hair fell to her waist. Her cerulean, large eyes shined in the light, and her long eyelashes fluttered. Her framed was suited against the chair to show off her curves, no slouches on her part! Her pale skin seemed to shine as well. "I want to be loved again! No one loves me!" She whimpered, crystalline tears flowing down her cheeks. "I don't want to be loved in your silly little fan fictions. I... I have feelings, too." She mumbled.
Even I felt sympathetic for Mary Sue, as Arwen frowned slightly, placing a hand on her shoulder. Frodo peered over Legolas's shoulder, who was eyeing the girl, then turned his head back to me.
"It is fine, Mary Sue. It isn't your fault these girls keep casting you're for such horrible roles... Dani – she needs help!" Arwen said, her eyes not lifting from the sobbing blonde.
"I agree." Legolas said, after his being silent. "We should do something."
Frodo said not a word, his eyes on me the entire time. I had to move to the other side of the room when he stopped blinking. "I have an idea." He finally admitted to my ear, in which I giggled and shifted a bit, falling from my chair.
"Not everything should be private!" Legolas commented to Frodo, who was already giving up on the idea that telling me only would be the proper way. He stepped over me, still giggling entirely too loud, Arwen still trying to calm the crying Mary Sue.
"We shall give her a new look. She will no longer be as beautiful as you are, Arwen" Arwen smiled at this comment "or as interesting or appealing to you" Legolas seemed delighted by this "but she will she be as stubborn, hard headed, untalented, lazy, bossy, nosy, or—"
"Alright already!" I demanded.
"Oh!" Mary Sue said, her cheeks and eyes were not puffy at all.
"Excellent." Legolas said, and Arwen nodded in agreement.
I was the comparison object of the day, all of a sudden. Maybe that was a good idea. I was the living proof, anyway, blonde hair and blue eyes did not equal beauty. I had shoulder length dirty blonde hair, deep bluish eyes with brown flecks – a horrible match! I was short, slouching all the time: Large feet, imperfect body, and crooked yellow teeth. They all loved me.
"Hmm... let's stop from the top down." I said from inside my glass tube.
Legolas and Arwen were doing the job for her to change her appearance, and Frodo was directing it. He stared at me again. It gave me the heebie-jeebies. Could someone with eyes that large possibly look at only one person? Repulsive! However, I was honored to work with Frodo.
"That silvery blonde hair the loveliest possessions she has – chop it off." He cried out. Legolas tapped the magical hair button, and her hair was chopped to be just above her shoulders. It was also now brown.
"Blue eyes and eyelashes!" I screamed from behind the glass. "Blue eyes and eyelashes!" Frodo nodded, and Arwen happily pressed the magical eyes button. Suddenly, Mary Sue's eyes shrunk a bit, and her eyelashes were not as long either. They were not blue, they were instead greenish brown, a hazel shade, leaning to the brown side, and they were suddenly not very perfect at all.
"Your posture is too perfect..." Arwen mumbled, leaning her forward a bit. "And your frame is too beautiful." She added, and pressed the 'curvy no more' magical button. She still had curves, but they weren't as full, and her body wasn't as fair and beautiful. Her feet were larger, too. Her teeth were no longer extraordinary.
"Talents... talents... let's see..." Frodo smiled at me. "Sing for us, Dani of Earth!" And I did. The singing was horrible, like I was coughing. I can guarantee you, it was not music. "That's it!" He exclaimed, and Legolas pressed the 'Cat hack' button.
"What did you do to me?!" Mary Sue asked, and though her voice was still great, she sang. "BRItANEEY! 11 SPERRS IS ZEE OH BABY babeh!1" her voice cracked and she squealed excitedly. "Thank you! May I leave, now?" she asked.
"Of course, the now named Tamuríl! Though you may not want to leave horseback – you can't—" but Mary Sue was gone, and I was out of my tube as well.
"She can learn from experience..." I added, and everyone nodded in agreement as a short haired brunette was thrown from the flowery saddle of a bay gelding.
Author: This isn't the end; Mary Sue has many more lessons before the end! This is only the start! Chapter two should be up at some point...