DISCLAIMER: I have a feeling I've said this before: no, I don't own LOTR or any of its characters. But I do own Keikæ, Laila and Bex.

A/N:

Wow! I've got over 20 reviews. Thanx!

Jupiter's Light: O... thank you! Please keep reviewing and saying how I could improve... Argh! Swash, Swash, Buckle, Buckle!

MoovyLover: Ye've got a thing about reviewing every chappie I write 'aven't ye? Ok. Crappy pirate talk with a capital C. Sure she could do that to HER. You're forgetting 1 important thing, mate... She's capt'n Sparrow. Savvy? I have no idea if peeps can swim when they're drunk, but I no some1 who can do a back flip when drunk I no some1 (hem) who can walk a length of a ship.... I don't care 2 find out!

Allasea2: Hmmm.. yus, veeeeeery interesting... ok. Uh... glad you got at least some of it.

Kumarasgirl23: LOLlolLOLlolLOLlolLMAO!!!You will just have to wait and see... MwaHaHaHaHaHa!!

Ok, I don't know where that came from... By the way, this is all following the films. I've only read the books once and I can't be bothered to do so again. So everything's following the films and people speak English. Capish? Here we go:

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Chapter 6 - And Once Again, The Rum Has Saved Us

I crawled up onto the beach, soaking, swearing at two idiots grinning their heads off.

Keikæ: You scurvy (censored)! Why the hell did you do that? Why did you leave the boat?

Laila: Because it was sinking you dipstick! And, c'mon you did pretty well with that pirate talk.

Keikæ: I did? What was I saying?

Bex: Complete crap.

Keikæ: Oh well – that's ok then.

All 3 of us burst out laughing. Laila cut through my ropes with a penknife. A sudden serious thought crossed my mind.

"No!" I said suddenly.

"What?" they chorused.

"Why?"

"Keeks," Bex said, concerned, "Are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah, wozzup Keeks?"

"Why is the rum gone?"

I saw an expression of relief spread across their faces.

"Why?" I repeated.

They showed me 3 sodden bags with lifejackets strapped to them.

Bex: I present... the rum.

Now was my chance to practise my insane Jack Sparrowesque grin.

::I could get used to all this Jack Sparrow lark. It's already saved my ass twice, and I get to drink as much rum as I like. Oh yeah, and act like a permanently drunk pirate.::

Laila: Come on, let's get going.

Bex: Going where?

Laila: Anywhere.

We each grabbed a bottle of rum, seized a bag and set off. We didn't get very far.

"Let me guess – Keikæ Sparrow is it?"

Keikæ: Captain, captain Keikæ Sparrow

"Whatever pirate" He said, spitting out the word pirate like it was poisonous.

Keikæ: You say that like it's a bad thing.

Next thing I know, I'm on my back, focusing cross-eyed on an arrow 2 inches from my nose.

::Ok – Perhaps I shouldn't have said that.::

"Bad move, Sparrow."

At least I could see him from here. Not Random-Elf-Dude-#1. This guy was different. Looked a bit like Craig Parker. I think he played Haldir in the films, so I guess it must be him. Still, I decided to this guy Random-Elf- Dude-#2. I flipped onto my feet from my shoulders, in 1 kick I disarmed the elf and hit him on the chin, and held the fruit knife at his throat. Quite quickly, considering.

"You were saying?" I said calmly. I quickly familiarised myself with his face. I'm sure he was an extra in LotR, 1 & 2.

Ok, so it wasn't the best of moves. I felt someone grip my arm and I dropped the knife, willingly. Whatever I may seem to them, I didn't want bloodshed. I then had my hands tied (once again) behind my back, only this time, they were tied to Laila's. Bex was on the other side of the clearing, already tied and blindfolded. She was fiddling in her pocket. No one but me seemed to notice.

::Elves are very unobservant creatures, aren't they? Actually no, that's crap.::

I then heard that annoying vodaphone ringtone.

...................

Laila and Bex began sniggering.

....................

I was trying to work out who's it was.

....................

:;Shit! It's mine. It's a wonder it's still working – but it is mine!::

Laila began giggling uncontrollably.

::Must be the rum.::

....................

Keikæ: Sorry, it's ...er... mine.

The elves didn't look the slightest bit amused. I began to jump, trying to get my pocket with the phone in (which was at knee level.), to my hands (which were at waist level along with Laila's.).

.........................

Keikæ: Laila, could you just grab my phone please?

.........................

The ringing stopped. Some distraction. I then slid my hand into Laila's back pocket and grabbed the lighter there. Although Laila could feel it, Bex was the only person who could see it.

I whispered in Laila's ear; "3, 2, 1."

Bex began shouting and struggling wildly. She knew what she was doing. While she distracted them, I burnt through our bonds. Bex continued struggling and shouting a completely rubbish song in French, until she was hit over the head with something hard.

::Thanks Bex.::

Laila and I pretended our hands were still bound.

Laila: For Bex.

She said this quite loud, so that everyone could hear. If these were elves, then they'd be able to hear what ever we said anyway. If you say something that everyone can hear, it doesn't seem nearly as suspicious.

Keikæ: For Bex.

That was the signal. I back somersaulted over Laila, drawing the penknife from the side of her ski boot at the same time. We then ran, preferring the flight rather than fight approach. We stretch out the remainder of the half-burnt ropes between us. We brained 2, tripped up another 2, then dropped the rope.

Laila: Up!

Keikæ: Wait, wait! The Rum!

I quickly grabbed the discarded rum. We kind of, half ran, half climbed up 2 identical trees into the higher branches and stayed – mainly out of fear - completely still.

We could hear them shouting below us.

"They went this way!"

They turned and ran in completely the wrong direction. Bit strange, that. I thought they had seen us climbing.

::God, how stupid do you get?::

Laila started waving her arms around.

"Keeks! Hey! Keeks!" she mouthed.

I looked to where she was pointing. There were 3 others, which had broken off from the rest of the group, and were going slower, in a different direction.

"They've got Bex!" she mouthed.

I then saw her, slung across the shoulder of the third one. I drained the last of the rum.

Keikæ: C'mon! We can take them!

We leapt together, landing on the elves either side. I smashed the empty rum bottle over the head of the third one carrying Bex.

::And once again, the rum has saved us.::

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What d'ye think? Sorry one bit was censored. If it weren't, I would be allowed to write this story because it would probably have to be an R I've already written chapter 16. I'm making the chapters a bit longer. Let me know what you think! Thanx!

ASSBB!!

Kess ;P