Suilad, mellyn-nin! ;) Yes, the plot is thickening…goodiness! :P And I'm TERRIBLY sorry about how confusing this has been for some- well, for most of you. I know, there was a HORRIBLE space between Nefredal and this one, so keeping all the all-ready-confusing elves straight has GOT to be rough. I'll try to clear it up a bit soon. :D
Don't worry, there aren't any new characters for awhile, and, well- many of the old characters are dead now anyways. "nervous laugh" soo, hopefully that'll make it simpler. (morbid, no? ;) And now- onto the responses!
Deana: LOL! Yes, the thing with Legolas' letter is confusing, but no you didn't miss anything. You just don't know about it yet. ;) As to the prequels, there ARE three other stories before this one, that you may or may not have read (Iston, Erfier, Nefredal) if you haven't read them, you can find them on my profile, since this story won't make much since without them. ;) But, if you want to go ahead and read regardless, carry on! :) LOL!
LOTRFaith: LOL, thanks! Yes, I think "emotional turmoil" about pegs it, all right. ;) Yup. Foeg Legolas…"sighs" ah well. He'll live, this we know, because he has to be in FOTR. He'll just need COUNCILING is all…:P
Stridergal: LOL! Garaer's got a hate-fandom-following. How cool! :P LOL!! Yeeeah, well, every kingdom has it's Rule-Book-Thumpers, huh? :D
The Thief Kuronue/Jenny: JENNY!!! "squeezes reader" It's so great to see you! Of course I remember you. ;) I've missed you too, and I'm so glad you made it! :D And yes, I remember the Silver Tears poem. "nod nod" thanks again for that, it really added to that chapter. "sigh" as though Legolas' life needed to be angstier. ;) Welcome back!
LegolasLover2003: LOL! I'm sorry, the note WILL be explained, and it actually WAS hinted at in Nefredal as well. You'll find out what it's about eventually, I promise! ;) And yeah- it's kind of nice to have Aragorn grinning at the obnoxious guy, ain't it? :P
Firn: OH goody! I love calling you Firn. "nod nod" And, I'm guessing you won the 'please' contest, yes. ;) LOL! WOOHOO! So glad you like the story! An authoress' biggest fear tends to be, not being outdone by other readers, but by her other stories. It's really hard, keeping up a 'good writing' streak, especially in a series. I'm so glad it's working!! ;)
AM: LOL! ;)
Sadie Elfgirl: LOL!! "blushes Stop-Sign-Red" Well, I'm so glad you think I write well! And- well, so sorry it's driving you mad. ;) It'll get better- eventually. "nod nod" :D
Helluin: OH, it's okay if you can't always review. I know computers can be picky. ;) And thank you for your question! I'll make this as sort of a general announcement later, but there will, in fact, be ONE MORE fic after this one. :D I won't tell you what it's titled yet, but there should be a preview/text-trailer/cover at the end of this fic by that time. ;)
Dark Borg Drone: Okee, I think I'll stick with Borg, cause it's all ready in your name. ;) And ea le govonen! It's cool to have a fellow Sindarin around. ;) LOL!
Maranwe: AGH! I'm spelling my own OC's NAMES WRONG!! Oh…oh it was Garaer? Well, that's okay then. :P LOL! Yeah, probably "opposing" would have been clearer, thinking on it. "shrug" You're so much more observant than I am usually, it's so cool! ;) Hey, good luck with the writing! And I know what you mean about writing too long too. "rolls eyes" it's annoying; I have to FORCE myself to keep vignettes from being novelettes. ;) And, sorry, Hannah and Sarah don't have a decided contact email right now, but I know they ARE currently working on it, and will pass along your "encouragement"…then brain them with something blunt, because I want to read it too!! LOL! "goes off to pester sisters" :P
Leralonde: LOL! Well, bring on the weirdness, mellon nin! ;) And yeah, you're right, I can't answer any of that, BUT, I will say that you will GET the answers before the end of this series. "nod nod" which- doesn't really help a JOT. :P
Elvingirl: LOL! Yeah, questions questions…you'll just have to wait and see, I guess! ;) Thanks for keeping up!
Legolyn fay: "toes nervously at dead reader" ACK! "grabs mega-phone" reader down, I repeat, we have a reader down! :P LOL! Sorry, but it'll get better, I promise!
ImaginaryWhisper03: Oh, I'm so glad you like it! "nod nod" yes, I like Aragorn too. "squeezes Ranger" always there for his mellons. ;) LOL!
Well, guys, thanks for sticking with me! The roller-coaster's about to take another turn, so hang on! "passes out Anti-Cliffie pills" don't ask, just eat. :P LOL!!
Here we go!
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Chapter 5
Adda
A screaming young man
Falls to his knees
His broken heart
Inflicts the pain
…One mistake
And he's lost in shame
"Troubled Heart" , Kutless
Legolas was marched quickly to the end of the hall, towards Thranduil's room. "Thank you, mellon nin, thank you," Legolas whispered softly to Aragorn who strode carefully beside him. "However did you do it?"
"I said, 'Majesty, who is it that you seek?' and he said 'My son, I cannot see my Greenleaf.' He said other as well, but I couldn't decipher it. Tirniel says that your father had been speaking that way for awhile, but no one directly asked him if he wanted you. The king never officially said he wanted you, so, Garaer ignored it." Aragorn shook his head and snorted, disgusted on his friend's behalf.
To Legolas' surprised, he wasn't furious with Garaer as he'd expected to be, but rather proud of Aragorn, a feeling that covered up all malice. You are good, Estel. He smiled.
Before Garaer had a chance to open the door, it swung back, and Tirniel stepped out. "As a Healer, Garaer, I ask that you remove Legolas' ropes in order to not frighten his father, who is indeed in critical state as it is."
"Explain," Garaer murmured warily, glancing sidelong at Legolas.
"The king is traumatic, he is wavering between sanity and madness, and I fear the affect that the sight of his son bound may have on him." Tirniel nodded understandingly. "I know he is under suspicion, and you are welcome to enter with him if you wish, but I must insist on this matter. Untie him."
Garaer stood still a few moments, and then reluctantly, turned to undo the knots surrounding Legolas' wrists. The prince nodded appreciatively at Tirniel, who returned the gesture, and then stood back for Legolas, Aragorn and Garaer to enter.
Legolas looked over his shoulder at that moment. "Edren-"
"He must stay outside, he has not been summoned." Garaer's response sounded rehearsed. It probably was.
"I'll be all right, Legolas," Edren said quietly, but the prince could tell it was killing him to stand still. Thranduil was every bit as much Edren's father as he was Legolas', in some ways.
But Legolas could only bite his lip and nod, walking into the dark room ahead of Garaer and Aragorn.
The minute the door closed behind them, Legolas darted to the great bed standing at the center of the dim bedroom. "Father?" he whispered quickly, falling to his knees beside the king's bed, and reaching in the dark for his father's hand. "Father, it is Legolas."
The king's breath rasped softly into the empty air. "L-Legolas? Is it…is it you? I think I see you…I thought…maybe…" His silver-gray eyes were pale and roved unseeingly around the room. It tore Legolas' heart to watch those frightened eyes try and rest somewhere familiar. He knew what it was like to see nothing and feel nothing but the cold of your own fear.
Bengwiil. An evil thing indeed. He squeezed his father's hand tighter. "I am here. I promise, I'm here to stay with you. I am…so sorry that I left."
At last, Thranduil's blank gaze rested and then focused on Legolas' face. He smiled. A true, relieved smile. "Legolas. Oh, thank…I'm glad you…it's so cold, you know?"
Legolas swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded numbly. "Yes, it's cold. It's very cold…"
"I wish…I wish that you had not made it into the Precaution. Wish you hadn't seen the Bengwiil I was growing…I wish I hadn't hurt you, I know I did. I wish…well, I want to make it up to you."
Aragorn felt Garaer tense beside him at the admission, and the human felt a spark of righteous satisfaction. It was about time Garaer got at least most of the whole truth.
"I want- I want to make it all right for you, Legolas, and-"
Legolas shook his head fervently. "No, no it's all right. You don't need to make a thing up to me."
"No, I'll…I'll tell Meltha to come see you, yes? Won't it be nice…the three of us together again. Wouldn't that be something grand, Legolas?"
"Father, Naneth is go…" His throat closed. He couldn't say it. Couldn't bring the truth that far forward. Not now, not with his father like this, never. He nodded. "Yes, Father. Yes, that would be very grand."
Thranduil smiled happily, like a child who's been congratulated on some small matter- 'small' being so big in the childish world of ignorance. "Good, then." He patted Legolas' hand and nodded. "Good, we'll do it then. But…maybe later. I'm a bit tired now, you know? Maybe I should sleep."
"Yes, yes rest." Legolas squeezed the king's hand and nodded quickly, trying to swallow back the painful lump still.
"No…no not rest, Legolas. Sleep." Thranduil's eyes widened slightly, and for the first time, he seemed to truly understand what he was saying. "Eternal sleep. It will be quite a quick journey to Mandos, I think. I'll rest when I get there." He smiled sadly.
Legolas froze. He was shaking his head, but couldn't feel it. "No…no, Father, you can't die. Bengwiil is only a real lie. Estel didn't die from it, and neither shall you, I c'n-" his throat cut him off again, but he swallowed it painfully back. "I can save you," he whispered.
Thranduil shook his head in response. "No, Legolas. No you can't. I…want to go. I keep seeing her, staring down at me, her eyes so blank. I don't want to see Meltha anymore. I hate her for haunting me." His jaw seemed to be trembling with the effort of not crying. "I hate her. I hate her…"
"Father, you do not." The prince leaned close to his father, eyes wide in the dark. "You do not hate her, and she does not haunt you."
"She stares blankly, and offers me no comfort. She wishes I were better, and is ashamed of what I've done…she…she hates me, and so do I her!"
"It is Bengwiil, Father!" Legolas' emotions were slipping out of control. Tears were rolling quickly down his cheeks, as he pulled his father's trembling hand against them. The king's knuckles were cold against his son's tear-sticky cheek. Legolas was unsure what he could do but wait and hope for truth to break through to Thranduil.
But there was no sign of acceptance in the king's weary face as he shook his head again. "No. I have to go now, Legolas, and I do it gladly, so do not wake me. Do not use that accursed plant again…I don't want Bengwiil to keep me alive. I go freely. Willingly you may say. But you know?" And now the king pushed himself up off the pillows as far as he could to see Legolas better. "I will always regret not being the father to you that the Lord Elrond was to Estel." His throat chocked with emotion, and he sank down again.
Legolas shut his eyes, closed his mouth, and shook his head. "I'm sorry…I'm sorry I did not love you as I should have. I…should have been here. Valar, where was I when you're heart ached so?" Legolas opened his eyes slowly, eyes sparkling with tears.
Over his shoulder, the king's words sank into another heart very deep. Aragorn did not turn to hide his tears as they fell silent down his cheeks. Oh, Legolas…I'm sorry.
"Legolas?" Thranduil's voice was becoming more and more faint. "Everyone wishes a last word or two to the one he loves…I just wanted to tell you, I…"
Legolas' eyebrows furrowed in an attempt to be steady as he leaned forward to listen closer. "I'm here, Father."
Thranduil pulled his hand from Legolas' cheek, and closed his shaking fingers around the elf's palm. Pulling it close to him, he kissed his son's hand gently, and then looked up. "I love you, my son." He smiled. "I love you…all right?"
Legolas opened his mouth to speak, and then clenched it shut to cry. He shook his head over and over, trying to grip himself. "I love you too, Father." It was a whisper. "I…I always really…"
The hand that closed on Legolas' hand loosened. Fell away. A sigh of breath did not echo, but fell and landed empty on the air from the king's slackened mouth.
"Father?" Legolas whispered, a tear slipping from his flushed cheek to tap Thranduil on the shoulder. The king did not respond. His eyes were half closed, unfocussed, but blank. With no sign of life or dream. Gone. Faded. Even now he ceased to glow faintly. Darkened. Dead.
"Father? No…ADDA!" Legolas was screaming. "Adda- Umi us-eriol, meleth le im…baura le im…Adda."
"do not leave me alone, I love you…I need you…Father."
Legolas lay his head down numbly, resting tear streaked cheeks in the king's tunic. "Adda…meleth le im…" His voice shook, and his throat hurt from trying to sob so hard after holding back the erg for so long.
"The king is dead." Garaer's tone was faded of all emotion. "Shall I inform those outside the door?"
"But- he is not dead," Tirniel shook his head, eyes snapping quickly to Legolas. "As Legolas said, Estel was not killed by this plant, so neither shall the-"
"My father's last request was for Bengwiil not to be used on him to keep him alive! Were you not listening?!" Legolas' voice shook all over, and his tone wavered in and out. "He's GONE! By his own volition, he's leav- he's leaving me alone, like Naneth! He's LEAVING ME!" Breath gushed from his mouth in a painful gasp as he laid his head on Thranduil's still chest.
"Legolas," Aragorn pleaded, running from the shadows to lean over his friend, pressing one hand on his shoulder. "Legolas, please- it's not over yet. We can still help him, we can-"
"We can what?!" Legolas demanded. "His last words-"
"I know that, but- even to save his life?"
"Even!" Legolas cried, and then his voice broke into a whisper, as though he'd used up too much energy to yell. "I can't do it, Estel…" he squeezes his father's hand, and sobbed softly, closing his eyes. "I'm trying so hard to find him, to get his permission to bring him back…he isn't letting me in anymore." Legolas shuddered, and turned his face away from Aragorn, to bury it in Thranduil's tunic. "Where was I…where was I when you started dying, Adda? Where…?"
"You were with me." Aragorn's hand fell limply away from Legolas' shoulder. "You were saving me instead, Legolas…"
Tirniel turned away quickly, emotion and realization taking a firm hold of him finally. "W- we…we shall at least inform the closest friends of the king and prince. I believe Edren and Thernad have a right to know as soon as possible. Come, Garaer…we shall leave our prince in peace."
The Healer left.
Garaer followed to the doorway, then paused, turning to face Legolas' trembling shadow. "Your highness…I was wrong. Very, very wrong. I pray someday, you can forgive me…Edren will be set free at once. I…I'm sor-" He shook his head, and stepped quickly out the room, before Legolas could look up and see that he was crying.
The door shut quickly and all was still.
Legolas rested his head against his father's chest, heaving and hiccupping with tears. He wished he could stop, but he was afraid if he did, he would know what to do with himself. Everything became a blur. Maybe an hour passed- maybe two. Maybe just a second.
His chest was sick of crying, and his eyes tired of shedding tears. He was exhausted.
And alone. Legolas suddenly felt a new emotion burn inside of him; anger.
Thranduil had gone to be with Naneth, and left Legolas all alone!
Amidst the pain, you're not alone
Though you can't see through the haze
His eyes of love are staring down
And he heals your troubled heart!
"Troubled Heart" , Kutless
"L-Legolas…?"
The prince started at the voice, and looked around.
In the shadows, a small figure sat hunched against the wall, trembling all over. Legolas was surprised to find hope smiling into him for the briefest moment as a comforting thought nuzzled him. He wasn't alone. "Estel."
"I'm…I'm so sorry," the young man whispered, his head bracing against the wall and messing up his already messy hair.
"It's not your fault, mellon nin." Legolas tried to sound encouraging, through his shaky breath, and found that it made him feel just a bit better to have someone to comfort. He didn't want to be comforted himself. "It's-" He swallowed hard, and crawled across the floor to where Aragorn sat. "It- it's Bengwiil, and neither of us can stop it."
"N-no…no, I'm sorry I took you away from him. I'm s-sorry we went to Rivendell." His voice began to weaken with barely controlled tears. "I showed you my family, and I- I took you away from your father with my father, and…and now h-he's gone, and you- you didn't know him as well as you wanted to." The voice faltered and then faded to quiet rasping sobs.
Legolas found his tears driven away by confusion as he stood up from the bed, and came to kneel beside Aragorn. "What do you mean, Estel? What's wrong?"
"H-he apologized for not being as g-good a father as my father, and he-e said that you…I…I'm sorry that I took you away from him, and that- that when he was dying, that I was dying. Maybe- maybe you could have saved him, and- you'd be better off if you- d-didn't…didn't know me…"
"Shh…" Legolas squeezed Aragorn's shoulder reassuringly. "Don't say things like that, Aragorn, it's all right. I love your father greatly, and I love you. But I promise I- have always loved my father. Perhaps not as much as I should have, as his son and as his prince, but that was my fault, not yours. And it had been that way long before I ever met you or truly knew Lord Elrond." He smiled, shocked that he could. It felt good to admit all of this.
"But I…he said- you said that you…I…sorry…" Aragorn's head shook from side to side fitfully as he tried to focus on what he was saying. He couldn't seem to grasp a thing.
"Aragorn?" Legolas shook his friend's shoulder. "Aragorn, what's wrong?" His hand slid to the young man's forehead, and then shot back instinctively. The Ranger's head was cold with sweat. He was sick. No…not a fever. The word slipped coldly from Legolas' lips: "Bengwiil."
Aragorn's eyes closed, and his eyebrows furrowed with confusion as he seemed to watch pictures fly through on the inside of his eyelids.
"Oh, Estel, how could I be such a fool?! You need healing, mellon nin, you are still infected with Bengwiil!" Legolas pulled his friend against the elf's chest, and let Aragorn pant madly into his shirt sleeve. "How could I forget that? How?" The prince's mind began to work furiously. Some voice in the back of his mind demanded why he was able to worry about something like this after his own father's death. I lost Father. If I lose Aragorn?…I may as well send myself to Mandos right now.
He gripped the sweating human's shoulders tightly, and thought hard. "Hold on, Estel. Hold on…"
More Bengwiil? Well, it worked before. But somewhere Legolas trembled all over at the very thought of poisoning his friend again. What if with too much poison in him, there'd be no getting it out again? What if he made matters only worse? He had to get to Rivendell. That was it! But…Aragorn didn't have enough time as it was.
It seemed the only answer was to poison the human once more, and then ride hard to Rivendell…and hope not to be caught by the barricades of orcs that perimetered Mirkwood currently.
As if answering his thoughts, Aragorn's voice shook quietly from somewhere beneath Legolas' chin. "Don't save me with it, Legolas…your father, my father, they were right. It is poison- you were right, I should not have ever used it…even though Mornaeg attacked me, I shouldn't…please, I'm sorry for using it."
"Sh, it's all right, it's not your-"
"Don't use it, Legolas." The human's voice was firm. "Please don't use it again, I hate it, I never want to see it…Bengwiil…ple-ease don't…" He coughed, and shuddered into panting hoarsely again.
Legolas' throat closed as the walls seemed to close around him. His options were dwindling. Well, Aragorn didn't know what he was saying!
"Please…please, Legolas…I would really, honestly, rather die…I w-would…"
"I…" Legolas' eyes closed tightly and he hugged his friend close. "I won't, Aragorn. You have my word."
Oh, Ilúvatar! Show me, please. Tell me what to do, I don't want to lose him. I can't. I can't lose him, not Aragorn. Not again. I've already lost him too many times.
Legolas' sense reached out as far as they could reach. Something. Anything. Show me, oh please help me!
A door. A door opening slowly. Was he imagining it? And yet he could almost hear it…three images. Three beings, all glowing with the light of the firstborn. And one looked up, and smiled sadly. "Legolas."
The prince's eyes snapped open. "Estel, I'll be right back. Hold on, all right?" The human did not respond as Legolas sat him gently against the wall again and stood up.
He was opening the door when, "Legolas- please don't go? Don't go, it's so dark…dark here…" Aragorn's eyes were half-open as he watched his friend walk out the door.
"Hold on, Aragorn. Hold on." And the door closed.
- - - - - - - - - -
Legolas came into the hall to find a cheerless scene. Garaer, as well as his four guardsman were standing together by the wall, some staring blankly at the floor, and some whispering Elvish, eyes closed. Tirniel appeared to be missing.
Only one elf stood out from the rest, and this was the hardest sight of all for Legolas to gaze at. Edren was no longer bound, but looked every bit as vulnerable. He knelt on the floor, his palms pressed to the sides of his head as he rocked back and forth, eyes opened yet unfocussed.
"Edren?" Legolas barely dared to speak, afraid of looking into his friend's eyes.
The other elf looked up quickly, and upon seeing Legolas, looked away. "I'm so, so sorry my friend, I'm so sorry that-" Edren cut off, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion as he swung his gaze back to Legolas' face in a double-take. Had he seen what he thought he saw? Sure enough, the moment Edren resumed eye contact, he spotted the excitement in Legolas' eyes, only slightly dampened by the shock at seeing Edren on the floor.
"Legolas? What- what is wrong with you?" It was all he could think of to say, and to that, Legolas very nearly smiled.
"There's hope, Edren, I can feel it…there's still hope. Here, I'll be right back." And to the astonishment of all the elves' assembled there, the prince stepped carefully past Edren, and took off down the hall once more.
- - - - - - - - - -
Legolas' feet pounded loudly against the wood floor again and again. Never, it seemed, had he felt so heavy and slow. Hurry up! Hurry up! If there was an easy way to silence that annoying voice in his head without stopping his descent down the first flight of stairs, Legolas would have done it in a heartbeat. But unfortunately, he had to keep going, keep running, keep holding on to that precious thought of hope that seemed to be growing stronger every step. And the result was having to listen to the nagging screaming that drove his heart to panic. Hurry up! Hurry up!
He seemed to half tumble down the stone staircase leading to the empty room that lay like a crossroad between the stairs, two hallways, and the Great Hall. At long last, his slid onto the step fourth from the bottom, and without a second thought, he leapt over the last of the stairs, and stood still.
It was so quiet. Too quiet. Had he heard wrong? Was he holding to false hope? No, he couldn't believe that, he'd felt- he'd been sure…Legolas' heart seemed to stop beating.
No. Hope was waiting somewhere, he was sure. He would not give up. He would not give up! "Hello?" he called on an impulse. "Who is there?" Silence ensued once more, deafening the prince with its emptiness. "I know someone must be there, if only it be Ilúvatar himself! I know, someone must be there! Hello?"
Still no answer. His ears strained in the still, but were met by cold, dead air. Nothing. No one. Just a false hope. A fool's hope.
Legolas stood for so many heartbeats, trying to think of what he would do now. Go upstairs? Give his father and his friend Bengwiil against their wishes?
"I would really, honestly, rather die…"
How could he move against a plea such as this? How could he do anything? How was he even going to make it up those stone staircases again without giving up? How could he face Edren…
And yet he backed slowly, step by step, stone by stone, up the stairs. He was already half way, he realized numbly. Already too close. Too soon. Why did Ilúvatar trick him with such false hope? Why would he torture Legolas so?
click
Legolas froze. The door…the door on the other side of the Great Hall had opened, and now footsteps were echoing across the hall itself. tih tih tih tih boots scuffing over the stone floor. Quickly. Very quickly. Just one set of boots. One person.
A figure appeared in the doorway of the Great Hall. A scarlet robe hung from his shoulders, but was cockeyed, as though he hadn't fixed it since dismounting from a like-as-not completely worn-out horse.
He looked up, and smiled sadly. Panting slightly, he whispered, "Legolas."
The prince's heart seemed to have stopped beating, and he had no idea what emotion the look on his face took the form of, nor did he care about anything less. His knees nearly gave out as he began to step back down the stairs.
"Lord Elrond."