Hullo, everyone! :D YUP! Finally some answers are being found. ;) And there are a few more, believe me, so don't get bored yet. ;) LOL!
And here we go with the responses!
Deana: Congrats! I think you've been first-review on almost all my chapters! LOL! "blush" glad you're liking it! :D
Anonymous: Sorry, I don't know what else to refer to you as, cause you haven't a signed name. ;) Thanks so much for reading! LOL! Yeeah, poor Legolas. Not a good day. ;) And as to your question- yes, I am going to answer it in this chapter. :D
Lady Laswen: OH goody! I was hoping I could add a second dimension to Mornaeg's formally-twisted character. I'm glad it worked! :D I heard the Ring was very interesting, if you can get past all that- iggy stuff. ;) LOL! Right now, I still want to see Unbreakable even though almost everyone hates it, cause otherwise, I haven't seen all of Night's films! ;) LOL!
Legolyn Fay: Awww, "pats reader on the shoulder" it's okay. Legolas will be fine…I think. Actually, I haven't decided yet. ;) LOL! Yeah, poor guy, I'm not nice. LOL! Thanks for reading, Fay!
Leralonde: LOL! Oh I'm so glad you're proud of me. "blush" ;) Yes, those questions will be answer I PROMISE. :D LOL! Oh yeah! Great idea, I think Legolas could use a cat. "pats Zoe on the head" I have a cat, and I lover her to pieces! Despite the fact that she's fat, moody and picks on her little sister. ;)
Dark Borg Drone: Thanks for reading, Borg! Hm, I haven't seen Nightmare on Elm Street, I'm afraid. :( But I'm sure you've done a great job! I REALLY hope you get reviews, mellon-nin! :) Maer galu, a hebin tietha! (good luck, and keep writing!)
Sielge: LOL! Yes, this is Legolas-Lindo's story, but it'll become Aragorn's I promise. ;) Sorry if I kept you waiting!
Stridergal: LOL! Yes, Legolas-Hunting is a common sport in Fanfiction… :P And I LOVE Mt. Dew! Caffeine and yellow dye #5. :P LOL! Hope to clear things up for you, Strider!
Elvingirl: "blushes madly" Hannon le, Elvin! :D YES! Even as the writer, it was sort of a relief to get a few things out in the open. ;) Thanks a TON for reviewing!!
Cassia: "starts getting that giggly 'Cassia's reviewing my story' air" Hola! ;) PoorLegolas? WHERE? "looks around wildly" Oh, oh you mean the pathetic little blonde kid shivering in the corner? Golly, what happened to HIM? :P LOL! Thanks for coming to review, Cassia! :D I'm glad you've been able to read it, even if you're ever too busy to review. And I'll be sure to pass on your compliments to Hannah! :D Didn't it work so WELL?! I mean- she hadn't even read the chapter when she wrote it. Scary, huh? ;)
Well, guys, I've been doing HTML all morning, and ended up putting this off a bit, so I'm sorry it's coming late. But thank you ALL for your reviews! They mean a LOT to me. :D Talk to y'all later!
And let the chaos pick up where it left off…
.
.
.
.
.
Chapter 11
Edren
How now will your story end?
With all the many broken strands
Words spoken from an old friend
You begin to understand.
"Your Story" , Hannah/Siri
"Your memory has served you far better than your father estimated, Legolas." Edren's voice was low as he opened his eyes. His own memories of the whole, horrible affair mingled so seamlessly with Legolas' voice, he couldn't even recall now how Legolas had recounted the story. But it was told. It was there. At long, such long last, he knew the truth.
"He should not have concealed this from me," Legolas answered quietly. "Why did my father keep from me the truth? It was my memory, Edren how could he?" Legolas couldn't explain why he felt suddenly so upset. Perhaps because for the first time, the full gravity of the situation made sense to him, as it never had before, when he was young.
"Your father…wanted to protect you," Edren said slowly.
"So he lied?"
"He didn't lie."
"Well someone lied to me-"
"Legolas,"
"They did!" Legolas insisted angrily. His past, HIS past, and it had been kept from him? Hidden from him over centuries?
"I know you were lied to, Legolas, I know how it must feel, but-"
"And my father-"
"It wasn't your father."
"Someone did, someone had to!"
"But your father did not…"
"Then who DID?!"
"I DID!" Edren shook his head, and looked away from Legolas' surprised eyes, the sound of his uncharacteristic shout still ringing in the room. "I did," he repeated quietly, his chest settling to a slow panting.
There was silence in the room for a long time. Finally, however, a voice broke it- though it was such a silent voice, it seemed more of a ripple than a tear. "I don't blame him." Edren and Legolas both turned to Aragorn, who was still sitting with his head leaned against the bedside table.
"Who?" Legolas asked.
"Your father. I don't blame him from concealing this truth from you, as it appears he has for many, many centuries. If something such as this had happened to my son…" Aragorn shook his head, meeting Legolas' eyes at last. "Legolas, don't you see how it would have changed you, growing up?"
Legolas shook his head. "It would have hurt, aye, but I have a right-"
"I know you do, and your father should not have kept that truth from you, but Legolas you must see you cannot blame him either."
"I don't…blame him," Legolas said carefully, "I'm- I'm disappointed in his distrust. Hurt by what he said to me all those years ago…'you do not know what you have done'. Those words still haunt me, Estel."
"Still?"
"I know he did not mean them-"
"Then why do they haunt you so after almost a lifetime?"
"How can I say? Perhaps it is hard for you to understand, but my father and I-"
"I understand your father, and I understand you, Legolas."
"Maybe, Estel, but the fact is, there is an unexplainable bond between a real father and son-"
Aragorn stood up suddenly, his eyes fixed on Legolas in disapproval. "Well be glad you have a father at all, Prince Legolas Greenleaf," he snapped. "Especially a real one."
Legolas froze. "Estel, what- I'm sorry…" Aragorn had never, never brought up the subject of his own father like this, and the idea of him speaking of Lord Elrond- so bluntly calling him an unreal father -was preposterous once.
"You're sorry." Aragorn nodded curtly.
"Aragorn, forgive me, I didn't- I wasn't thinking my friend. You're right. I know you're right, I'm sorry." Legolas felt like he was aimlessly repeating himself. The idea of trying to appease his friend was an entirely alien one, and it made Legolas feel uneasy.
Aragorn just stared back at the other for a long moment, then with a scoffing hiss, turned on his heal, and muttered, "I'm going to clear me head…" as he left the room, closing the door behind him.
Edren stood up, but Legolas caught him by the wrist. "No, Edren. Give him a chance to calm down a bit, then we will go after him." As Edren turned to look at the prince, he could see his silver eyes sparkled with concern, but better sense overwhelmed that, and soon Edren sat beside him once more.
It was Bengwiil, and Legolas knew it…he was wasting time, wasn't he? No. No, he had to believe this was worth it. He had to know!
But really, he couldn't completely blame Bengwiil for the outburst either. 'A real father and son'?! How dare he have said that? The feeling that he was beginning to lose touch with Estel, his father and even himself was growing inside Legolas' chest like a nervous shudder.
What was he doing? What had he been THINKING putting off Aragorn's healing yet again?
…but he had to know the truth first. Then he would go after Aragorn.
"Finish the story," Legolas whispered at last. "Tell me why I don't remember any of this, my friend, for there must be a reason. I cannot have simply forgot such an emotional calamity, can I?"
"No," Edren's voice was somewhat dull as he responded. "No, you can't have."
"Then- please tell me."
"All right…though you must understand, this will be- it's harder for me to talk of this than…well…you've a right to know it all, Legolas." He sighed, and adjusted his weight on the bed before he began. Legolas never took his eyes off of him. Not once.
Tell me, Edren. Surely the truth can hurt me no more.
"After what happened with Mornaeg," Edren began, "you were not the same. You would not go near your father, though he only tried perhaps twice to be near you, so afraid was he of your pain. We moved you away from your bedroom, in fact you refused to go up even to help carry your things down, for every now and then, we could all hear Mornaeg's pounding against the trapdoor- which your father ordered to be kept closed until all your things were safely moved.
"But even in a new room, you could not sleep. You'd lay awake for days, speaking to no one, eyes focused tightly on the ceiling, refusing to eat, drink, or do anything to break your blank stares other than cry. And then when exhaustion took you, and you were forced to sleep, it was a restless, nightmarish thing for you. You would wake up in the night, screaming, and clawing at the bare floor you always ended up rolling onto. In such times, no one could wake you. And once awake, only I seemed to be able to console you.
"Well, one of these times, I remember clearly. I heard from my room your screaming, and I ran to your bedside to find you once again on the floor, whimpering and moaning to unknown figures that 'it wasn't your fault'…" Edren's tone turned less 'story-telling' but more gentle. More emotional. He was remembering more vividly now. Facts as well as feelings intact.
"Well, I was there holding you in my arms, whispering what I thought you may find comforting as quickly as I could, when your father entered. He watched me a long moment, and then asked if I would lay you back in your bed, and come to speak with him in his room…"
- - - - - - - - - -
"I'm confused, Majesty," Edren admitted as he followed in the king's wake, up the stairs, down the hall, and into a dark bedroom.
"I know, Edren, but…I have something I must ask of you."
Edren's heart became just a bit lighter. The king had something to ask of him. So not only was he not in trouble, but the answer to the question was on him. He was at least sort of in control, which relieved him greatly. And yet, something nagged at his heart…what was he here for?
He couldn't stand holding the question in any longer. "What do you want, your Majesty?"
"Edren," Thranduil murmured uncomfortably, "will you not call me Suuleth anymore?"
Edren shifted on his heals silently, then made himself to meet the other's gaze. "Forgive me, Suuleth…I've been around Legolas so much lately, I've fallen into such habits…he's really the onlyone I talk to anymore. I've rather forgotten how to talk with anyone else."
"I am…sorry, Edren. I suppose I never considered how this may be affecting you as well as Legolas." Thranduil's eyes were misty with regret, but he blinked the mist away before Edren could be sure he'd seen it there. "Well, to the matter I'd been meaning for you here."
The king sat down heavily on his great bed, but Edren did not follow, and stayed standing before him instead. Sighing, Thranduil began to speak quietly. "Edren, I'm sure you of all people know just how serious Legolas' condition has become. He won't eat or sleep, leastways he won't rest, he will not leave his new room, and he refuses to truly notice anyone but you."
Edren nodded, still standing stiffly on the wood floor, and still waiting to understand.
"I'm beginning to…to become very worried about him. He can't go on like this much longer before- it becomes more than worrisome."
Edren's eyes widened slightly as a horrible truth that children, not even elven children, are used to considering. "Is Legolas going to die?" His own words seemed to freeze in his throat after he spoke them. No, that wasn't even possible.
"I don't want him to, Edren…but I don't know how to pull him back from the shadow he's in right now. His despair has become half of him, and the other half…well, it's become you. You're the only one he can speak to or be near anymore, Edren." Thrnaduil was trying to keep his emotions in check. The foot of all his words shook vaguely, but he was doing admirably, considering the thoughts going through his head.
Thoughts he would never tell Edren, as the boy knew well.
Edren shook his head. "I don't understand…"
"All right, I'll put it simpler for you…I'm asking you to take Legolas' despair. I'm asking you to make him- make him forget it."
"F-forget it? Forget it?" Edren's voice was indignant. "That's impossible, Suuleth. I think perhaps you don't know just how upset Legolas is! He's…he's not just afraid, hurt and confused, you know. He's more…he's not glowing anymore. His skin is so dark and pale, and sometimes his eyes grow so dark as well, they don't look blue anymore…they're dark as wet earth. And sometimes I think he can't see me…" Edren let the rest of the breath out of him, sitting down on the wood floor, and covering his face in his small, trembling hands.
He hadn't meant to say all that. It was true, but it all scared him so, he didn't actually want to hear the words spoken. And now it seemed that not even Thranduil, the grown-up, the one meant to be wiser knew when to do. It wasn't fair!
Rubbing his knuckles tightly against closed eyelids, Edren simply whispered, "I can't make him forget, Suuleth…I wish I could."
There was silence a moment. Then, "What if you could…would you?" Thranduil's voice was suddenly closer, and when Edren opened his eyes in surprise, he found the king was sitting on the wood floor just in front of him.
He blinked. "I…yes, of course I would."
Thranduil nodded. "Because you can do it, Edren. I know you can."
"How?" It was the obvious question.
"Convince him it never happened. The Bengwiil, Mornaeg, Minaeg…none of it."
Edren's look of expectancy turned to skepticism. "He doesn't trust me that much. Legolas is no fool!"
"I know that, Edren, I know. But I think you can do it. Over time…a little now, a little later. Every time he wakes up with a nightmare, you try. Every time he asks you about what happened, you try. Every chance you get, you try, and over time…"
Thranduil's words were gently vague, but somehow, Edren began to understand. Yes, perhaps it was possible…perhaps. But then- "What about Mornaeg and Bengwiil and all that? Legolas will leave his room eventually, if this works, and the moment he sees Mornaeg it will all come flooding back!"
"I've spoken with Mornaeg," Thranduil said slowly. "He is to be pardoned as long as he stays in that tower-room of his."
"You mean Legolas'," Edren corrected spitefully. "And what do you mean you've pardoned him?! He tried to kill Legolas!"
"Edren, he was grieving."
"And?"
"Please, understand. You've never lost a brother."
"I've lost Father and Mother both, though. I know how much it hurts for someone immortal to die unexplainably, but Father said it's never all right to use hurt as an excuse. It is weakness and folly to turn hurt into such a reason. There is no excuse for evil, Suuleth, and Mornaeg was cruel and he hit Legolas…and…and…he hurt him so much." Edren's words seemed to spill from unwilling lips. He wasn't sure if that was because the words weren't meant to be said, or they were but he was reluctant to disclose them.
He could still hear his father's voice in his head the moment he quoted him…
"Stop crying, Edren."
"I didn't mean to- it just hurt so much…" Edren held his bloodied finger tight against his palm.
"And so, since your finger was in pain, your finger, Edren- because of that, you have broken your mother's favorite pitcher. Do you suppose she'll be happy?"
"No."
"What?"
Edren sobbed quietly. "No!"
"No. And do you suppose she'll understand when your excuse is that you have sliced a finger on the broken glass? Do you?!"
"N-no…"
"No, she won't. Hurt is never, never an excuse, do you understand."
"Yes."
"Then stop crying!"
His throat contracted with the effort of stopping his tears on command. "Okay."
"I mean it, ion, NOW!"
"I'm trying, Adar-"
"STOP IT!"
Edren still flinched at the memory…he must have been angry indeed just a moment ago, to quote his father like that. He'd swore once he'd never do any such thing.
"I'm sorry, Edren," Thranduil whispered, reading the boy's face with quiet understanding. "I know your pain. I know you've been hurt deeply- beyond the understanding of any. But I cannot send Mornaeg away…not since I myself have felt what it is that drove him to his madness. He says he would ask Legolas' forgiveness, but he is afraid of how Legolas would react, seeing him again. I have spoken with him, and he has agreed to stay in what I've given him as his room now."
Edren stood up quickly, his face disgusted. "He tries to kill your son, and so you pardon him, feel for him, and give him Legolas' room?! Tell me why, Thranduil!"
The disrespectful use of his real name made the king pause, but he was not angry. He rose slowly to kneel before Edren, for there, he was on the boy's level. "Edren, listen to me, please. Hear me out. You've every right to hate me and Mornaeg both…but there are things about Mornaeg that you may never understand. He has been hurt deeply through this death, and I cannot bear to send him away as well. It is not that I think his actions right, nor his motives justifying those actions to any extent. I cannot send him away, Edren…I can't do it."
Edren bit his lip, and leaning forward, gripped Thranduil's shoulder so his young face was close to the king's. "You want me to deceive Legolas. To lie to him. I, his only friend left at this time- that is what you ask of me, can you tell me otherwise?"
Thranduil shook his head. "No, I cannot. I ask you to do something terrible, I know this…but I ask you to do it save Leoglas' life."
"The ends do not justify the means, Suuleth. Don't you see that?"
"I do."
Edren stood silent for a long moment, weighing everything in his thoughts. Lie to save Legolas's life, or do what he could…and potentially watch him die instead. The choice seemed like it should be easy to make. It was either Legolas' life or Edren's conscious. What was the selfless choice? What would be best for Legolas…and was there another way?
"I cannot make you say yes, Edren, and I would not seek to. I only…I only want to save Legolas. Trust me when I say I'd go to him myself, and take the lies and the blame upon myself in an instant. Valar knows I never, never wanted to make you do it, and have debated over the wisdom in this choice for days. But each day I considered it, Legolas has become weaker. Now he is fading…his screams become quieter every time, the strength he pulls to him for his struggles against the nightmares is ebbing. I can think of no other way."
Edren sat down on the floor slowly, and all ready his knees were trembling at what he was about to say. Just say it. Just say it, before you can think. What is best for Legolas. For Legolas, Edren…Legolas.
"I'll do it."
Thranduil did not smile, but nodded gratefully. "Hannon le, Edren. You…you know that I'm very proud of you, don't you?"
Edren's face lit up for the first time. Years had he hoped Thranduil would say that- say what his father never had. Then, a thought hit him. "But I've a request, Suuleth."
"Name it," Thranduil said quickly.
"Bengwiil. We must get rid of it. All of it. It only hurts people, and takes lives away. We don't need it."
Thranduil nodded slowly, sitting down in front of Edren. "Yes. You're right…I thought perhaps, someway, we'd keep it alive. But…it's not real. It never was. And I know that."
Thranduil's eyes were suddenly reflective, and as Edren stared into them, he couldn't see but his own expression, and none of the king's feelings. Blocked out, he simply waited for Thranduil's attention to come back to him.
At long last, the king's eyes fixed on Edren. "Anything for Legolas," he whispered, and nodded. "I'll destroy it, Edren. All of it is thus outlawed from Mirkwood- even in the forest. I shall ride with my best hunters and search it out. All this plant shall be destroyed. I swear it." Thranduil's voice had turned to not only resolve, but determination. Almost vindictive. Edren realized that despite whatever it was that made the king hold to Bengwiil for so long, he'd given it up now whole-heartedly. He knew its poison full-well.
"I'd best go help Legolas back to sleep, then, before he decides he's too frightened to."
Thranduil nodded, and the two stood up. "Thank you once more, Edren. I promise you that I will help in any way I can. Only ask, I'll assist you if need-be, all right?"
Edren smiled faintly, and turned to walk away. But for a moment, he paused in the doorway, and looked slightly over his shoulder. "Suuleth…did you tell Legolas it was his fault? Bioren's death…it wasn't his fault."
Thranduil stood slowly up, his eyes fixed painfully on the back of the youth's head. "Yes. I told him it was his fault. I know it was not, I- I know it was not his fault…I don't know why I did that to him. I was…"
"Grieving," Edren finished tonelessly.
Thranduil nodded half-heartedly. "I suppose."
"Ah." Edren walked slowly away.
"Edren!"
He paused, and turned. Thranduil had followed him into the hall. "Edren…you're right. Hurt is no excuse for wrong-doing. I see that now…I only ask your understanding, and perhaps, someday, your forgiveness."
"True," Edren agreed slowly. "But if indeed hurt was your motive, Majesty…I all ready forgive you. And I'm sure Legolas will as well, sooner or later. I…" Edren paused, his mature mystique falling away, and his eyes filling with the concern of ignorance. "Is there any peace, your Majesty, found in lies? Truly, really…any peace?"
Thranduil watched the younger elf gently, and without breaking eye-contact, shook his head. "No."
"Only in the truth?"
"Yes, Edren. Only within truth. But this-"
"It's the only way," Edren nodded, as though this were a phrase he'd grown up with. "I just- I only wish I could give Legolas true peace. I-" the boy eyes fell to the floor in a moment of thought, and then rose smiling shyly. "I'll try hard, Suuleth, if only that Legolas will know your love once more. He's so very fortunate, with such a father. As am I."
Thranduil smiled back, faintly, his eyes prouder than the rest of his face could convey. Edren glowed at the satisfaction he saw there, and turned at last to find Legolas.
- - - - - -
"Don't- don't I didn't mean it! I didn't- I don't know! I don't know! Please- ah! Saes hauta han! H-hauta- stop…stop Adda, DON'T!"
"Legolas, Legolas, shh, mellon nin! Legolas?"
Legolas was still thrashing half-heartedly in Edren's arms when his deep, silver-blue eyes opened. He was sweaty, as he often was after such a dream, and his fingers twitched to grasp for something reassuring.
"Edren," he gasped, pressing his head against the other's chest. "He's back…he sees me and he can't…see me…ah! No, no, stop- you can't…can't…not my fault…it's- please, Edren, believe me!"
"I believe you, I believe you, Legolas, I believe you!" Edren whispered quickly, holding his friend tight. "Legolas, please see me. Legolas!" Panic struck his voice as Legolas eyes danced unseeing across the ceiling. "Legolas, see me! See me!"
Legolas shuddered with shock, and finally, the deep pools of blue swirled until his pupils were visible once more. "Edren…please…not me…it wasn't me, it wasn't!"
"Istón, istón, Legolas, istón I know."
"Edren, it's all my fault, but I didn't mean it…I didn't- didn't…didn't."
"I know."
"I tried."
"I know, mellon nin."
"I told Mornaeg, but he would not come…he would not come…he-"
"Yes…he would not come."
They sat for several long moments, Edren battling within himself. What now? What must he say now? How could he force himself to begin…how. Hannon le, Edren. You- you know that I'm very proud of you, don't you?
His mind was made up.
"Legolas?"
Legolas just paused in his rapid breathing as response.
"Legolas…are you sure Mornaeg knew?"
"Knew?"
"Well, recall…recall that we tried to bring him out of the hideout, but he would not come."
"Yes."
"Well he didn't know Minaeg was dying, see. If he'd known, he would have come."
"But…he did know…I told him, Edren, you told him. Why wouldn't he know?"
"Because no one told him, Legolas."
"We told him."
"No, we didn't."
Legolas sat up quickly. "Edren, what is wrong? Tell me, because I don't understand what…we- we told Mornaeg, we warned him that Minaeg was dying, and he would not come! I remember that- why are you telling me this? Why…we told him…I remember it, we…we said…we told him."
Edren's heart throbbed and all he'd promised to Thranduil almost fell apart as he watched Legolas' sleep-confused eyes dance over the floor, while he muttered to himself about the now uncertain truth.
Edren realized now why this was even possible. For one, Legolas was so sleep-deprived that his mind was not working full-well…but for another, and this the thing that broke the young elf's heart, the prince had thought of that one nightmarish day over and over and over…thinking and re-thinking of the terrible things that frightened him most about it, asking himself 'why' at each moment…
The details were all ready fogging into unbelievable fantasies. Left to himself, it was possible Legolas himself would stop believing them all on his own. But he would die.
At last, he met Edren's eyes again; his gaze was nothing but pools of bewilderment. "Why did we not tell Mornaeg that his brother was dying, Edren? If we had, surely he would have come! Indeed, I'm sure we did! Didn't we?"
Silence a moment.
"Edren, didn't we?"
"N-no, Legolas," Edren answered hesitantly. "We didn't tell him."
"Why? Why not, Edren?"
"Because, Legolas…we didn't know."
"We- we didn't know? We didn't know Minaeg was dying?" His voice was so small…
"No, Legolas, we didn't know."
Legolas froze, leaning against Edren stiffly, his eyes glazing over, and his body beginning to tremble. "Edren…I'm so afraid."
"What is it, mellon nin?" Edren inquired kindly, pressing a reassuring hand against his friend's shoulder, and feeling like a liar and traitor as well as a coward.
"Because…I keep remembering things that never happened. My nightmares are becoming real. So, so real. Mornaeg telling me it's my fault…Minaeg dying…Adda. Adda saying I don't know what I've done. All so many things…I don't know what of it is real anymore. I don't remember what- I don't remember what Naneth smelled like." At this, Legolas crumbled into tears, and leaned fully and confidently on Edren's chest.
Edren smoothed the prince's hair back like he remember his mother used to do, and whispered all the elvish he could think would heal Legolas' pain.
"I don't remember…I don't know what's right anymore, Edren, I don't…I can't remember anything! I don't know what to do, a-and I'm scared! I'm so frightened, how will I ever sleep again?!"
"Sh…" Edren soothed, recognizing the prince's wild rants as partially the fault of his lack of sleep. He was lost as though still in one of his dreams…it would take a lot, Edren suddenly realized, to ever convince Legolas out of his pain. But it could be done. It was possible.
Anything for Legolas.
"I'll help you, Legolas. I'll help you remember, I'll show you what's real."
"Hannon le," Legolas whispered against his friend's chest. His face was still pale, but not so tense anymore, as he lifted his thumb and ran the back of it down the length of his nose.
Edren smiled, and doing the same, hooked his thumb around Legolas' at the end of the gesture in their 'secret' handshake. "Look," Edren whispered, his thumb tightening reassuringly about Legolas', "I know your nightmares are so real to you, but every bad dream goes away eventually."
"But I'm sure that we knew…I saw Minaeg, and Adda said to bring Mornaeg…no, I saw Adda, but then Minaeg said he needed to hear Mornaeg's flute! Yes, that was it…no…no it wasn't." He shuddered, and shut his eyes tight. "Help me, Edren…please."
"Count on it, Legolas. But first, you've got to sleep. Go to sleep, okay?"
"Hm." Legolas was just noncommittal enough for Edren to know he was all ready falling asleep. His thumb relaxed, and let go of Edren's, and there was silence in the room.
- - - - - - - - - -
"Every opportunity, I did just what Thranduil said. I lied to you, Legolas. Over and over I lied to you, convincing you that it wasn't as bad as you remembered it."
Legolas was silent, his eyes fixed on the wood floor before him. Edren went on.
"I made up stories about things that did happen that I could not erase. One of these things being the scratch across the back of your hand, from where Mornaeg hit you with the swing. No matter what we tried, it refused to go away, and I was forced to tell you all sorts of falsehoods about it and why it would not disappear…I don't even remember them, now. It all blurs into one, long, lie. As for our old game, the Worthy Heroes…well, it was a one thing we had to give up permanently, for fear of your memories. But when Daurrè came to the Halls, we created a sort of new game, in which we were each a different bird."
Legolas smiled faintly, as a comfortable memory surfaced, and he took comfort in the pure familiarity for a few moments. And then, Edren continued.
"I'd finally convince you of one thing, and then move on to the next. Soon, you trusted me enough, that you didn't even notice when we left your room and wandered to your favorite balcony, nor when we had an evening meal with your father. I had persuaded you into thinking that he'd not been angry at you, only he'd been gone on a hunting trip. This was the easiest thing to tell you, since I was eager for the rift between you and Suuleth to be mended, and also, this time it wasn't completely a lie. Your father had, in fact, been out hunting."
"Hunting Bengwiil," Legolas finished.
"Exactly. He spent nigh over a few years in the depths of Mirkwood, searching it out. Burning it all. Finally, he returned, and to his unexplainable joy, he returned to a son who still loved him." Edren smiled. "That day, all my lies very nearly seemed worth it. Yet, I couldn't help thinking that you had not forgiven Thranduil, that you only thought it did not happen…it wasn't really over.
"Well, about a century, I suppose, it took. Maybe. I don't really remember, actually. But one thing I do recall with perfect clarity is the last day you remembered at all. You were young, but not a boy anymore, yet not grown up either. I cannot say what day, but the season was spring, and you awoke in the middle of night for the first time in several years."
Legolas' eyes shut slowly. This he remembered…very, very clearly.
- - - - - - - - - -
He ran as fast as he could, though nothing perused him. He reached the hill. That hill. He dared not cross it, but his legs forced him to. He knew what he would see over it. Somehow, he knew. Somehow he'd been here once, a long time ago.
As he reached its top, everything turned red. Fire rose from the already-dead trees. Indeed, he knew he would find this, but it still seemed impossible to believe.
Once again, his legs carried him towards the smoking woods. All dead. All gone. He ran to the stone halls, and they crumbled when he touched them. "No!" he shouted, but no words came out.
They blamed him. They all blamed him. It was his fault the woods were burning- his home wilted because of him. All his fault.
Then, the very worst, he knew, had to occur. He ran to the familiar bedroom, and knelt beside the bed, lifting his father into his arms. "No, no!" the words were not indeed words, but essence. The sound of regret echoed in the silent room.
"Father!" he tried to say, but could only convey the word through his tearful eyes.
His father would not look at him. He turned away, staring into the burnt trees of Mirkwood.
"Father, please." he felt tears slip down his cheeks, and touch his father's robes. As they hit, they spread into an ugly blood-stain.
"Father!" He cried through his tears.
Then, the king closed his eyes. "You do not know what you have done." And his words were the only ones that could be spoken in the dark room, lit red from the fires outside. The breath went from the old elf, and his son could almost hear his spirit escaping the room.
"Father no!" He tried to shout, but could only cry more tears. A silent whisper insisted 'You've killed him! Your people! Your weakness has killed them all!'
"No. No." he tried to argue, but the tears came too quickly, and landed again and again on his father, spreading into huge stains.
He turned away, though he could still see his father, as though he were imprinted on his eyes. He had no one else to turn to. Nothing else to try and say.
He shouted as loud as he could, but it only came as a whisper. "Someone heal me! Someone find me! Please! I'm dying…"
"Legolas, please…please, see me. See me, Legolas."
His eyes opened. "Edren."
"What's wrong?"
"I had…" he blinked hard against the pale light of the moon. "…had a nightmare."
"And…?" Edren seemed nervous for a strange reason. Legolas focused on him as the other held his hand tightly.
"Adda was dying…and he blamed me, everyone blamed me, because Mirkwood was burning. Because I was running as fast as I could, and I came over a hill, and the fires sprang up everywhere. I touched the walls of my home, and they crumbled. And…Adda hated me for it. 'You do not know what you have done'…I don't understand what it meant, but I felt it. I could tell…I was all alone. It hurt so badly."
Edren was silent.
"It was so real, but it didn't just look real, but it felt real. As though those emotions were in my heart all along, but the dream used them for its own means…I'm not making sense to myself, Edren, you must think I'm mad."
Edren smiled, trying to look reassuring, but Legolas didn't believe his expression. "It was just a dream, Legolas."
"I know."
"Do you?"
Legolas nodded. "I think so."
The guilt that had relieved itself of Edren the day that he'd married Thernäd came sneaking back to his heart. "Well, Legolas, you should…trust your instincts…" for a terrifying moment, Edren was afraid he was going to tell him. To give everything away, just so the guilt would be gone.
But Legolas saved him from a further word.
"I trust you." He didn't know why he said it, perhaps because he'd unintentionally read Edren's troubled thoughts, but the words made Edren's face deepen with pain.
"I know you do."
"Hey," Legolas whispered, sliding his thumb down his nose, and clasping it with Edren's. "You have never let me down, Edren."
Edren finally smiled, his original reasoning behind his lies surfacing. Though his conscious still ached, the words soothed him a little. Anything for Legolas.
It worked. Legolas was saved.
That night, all memory Legolas had ever had of Thranduil's anger, Mornaeg and his twin, Arasen, Lindo, or Bengwiil faded away, never to surface again. And strangely, the next morning, the scar that had marked the back of the prince's hand for so, so long…it was gone. But only Edren noticed.
Legolas' memory of the whole incident had been entirely deleted, replaced with millions of fantasies about things that never even half happened…never once did he wonder, never once did he awake with another strange dream…
…never, until one night, when he and a young human took a hunting trip into Mirkwood, and stumbled across a strange poison that gave him nightmares, and caused the stars to disappear…
- - - - - - - - - -
"I'll ask your forgiveness, Legolas…but I shall not give it to myself."
Legolas's head jerked up, and his eyes hit Edren's. The other's words had startled him out of his thoughts, and he was surprised to see, as he took in Edren's features once more, as though awaking from a deep sleep, that Edren's eyes were suddenly worried, and apologetic.
Legolas realized, to no small amount of self-frustration, that there were tears on his cheeks. He scrubbed at them quickly, muttering, "I'm sorry…I don't know why- I didn't realize they were there," he finished awkwardly.
Edren sighed quietly, running a weary hand over his face. "I do not resent you your tears, Legolas. You've a right to them."
"No I don't."
"It was a very hard thing for you, my friend," Edren soothed kindly.
"Yes, and no wonder. All that hurt…all those lies. Over and over. All those poisonous lies. Edren…" Legolas' eyes raised to meet Edren's once more, wounded and confused. "Why? Why, Edren, why did you do it? How- could you…" He looked away.
Edren's eyes shut, and his breath shuddered within him. "I am so, so sorry, Legolas-"
"Edren!" Legolas cried, his voice strangled by something stuck deep in his throat, as he stood quickly to his feet, and whirled to face his friend. "Don't- ask me for my forgiveness. Please don't- I don't…I cannot forgive you, I-"
He shook his head slowly, backing away a step at a time…and then, he left the room quickly to go find Aragorn, leaving his friend with haunted echoes of memory.
"Is there any peace, your Majesty, found in lies? Truly, really…any peace?"
"No."
"Only in the truth?"
"Yes, Edren. Only within truth."
Edren sat alone, completely still in the room for a very long time. But he couldn't force himself to be strong enough for it all, and at last his shoulders shuddered, and he buried his face in his hands.