-----------------------
"Zelda, please don't do this," Norma asked softly (that's her mother, remember?). "All you'll do is end up regretting it."
"It's too late now, mother," Zelda said, packing some things into a suitcase. "We've already signed the papers and everything!"
Norma sighed again. "I know I'm too late, but please! You will look back on this day and wish it had never happened! You're playing right into this Allen girl's hands, doing what she wants! And I know it's not what Link wanted! And no, now that I think about it, it is NOT too late! You can still not go through the divorce case!"
"Mother, please," Zelda sighed.
"You've got a child, Zelda," her mother said, voice trembling.
"I know."
"Have you told her yet?"
Zelda slowly closed the suitcase. "Yes."
"And what does she think of all this?"
Wiping away at a tear, Zelda made for the door, then stopped. "She ... she said that some of her friends' parents had divorces, and she felt bad for them. And when I told her that Link and I are divorcing, she ... cried a little ..."
"Oh, well that's surprising," her mother said sarcastically.
"Please don't reprimand me anymore, mother," Zelda said, opening the door. "Goodbye."
Norma sighed. "My dear, I hope it isn't long until you realize what a mistake you're making .... but goodbye."
--------------------
The train rattled along loudly, whirring past the countryside. Zelda sat on the seat wearily, her eyes closing now and then. Saria sat across from her, sniffling a little bit, wearing an angry expression. She began to rock back and forth slightly, and Zelda sighed and walked towards her.
"Dear, you've got to calm down," Zelda whispered, taking Saria's hand.
"I c-can't!" Saria sniffed. "I swear, Zelda .... if I hadn't made this train with you, I'd have jumped right in front of it." The two of them laughed nervously, then Saria looked at an envelope in Zelda's hand. "Is that letter from Link?"
"Oh, no," Zelda answered quickly. "It's just an old letter from an old beau."
"I guess you'll be having lots of beaus now, won't you, Zelda?" Saria laughed.
Zelda shrugged. "I .... guess so."
"Well I won't," Saria said, looking away with an angry expression. "I'll never trust another man again."
"Ah, Saria--"
"No, Zelda, you don't understand," Saria interrupted. "You don't know the things Jack said to me. Just because he can't have a car, I can't have a car. He can't afford anything anymore!"
"Dear, perhaps it was just jealousy," Zelda pointed out. "He didn't want you making more money than him--obviously--so instead of saying nothing and getting a better job, he took it out on you."
Saria was quiet for a moment. "Maybe you're right," she finally muttered.
"That's a girl." Zelda stood up and headed for the door of the cart. "I'm just going to the bar for a moment; you think about what I said." She watched Saria nod, then walked down the hallway. When she reached the bar, she nearly bumped into a woman and her young daughter.
"Mommy, is Daddy coming with us to Reno?" the daughter asked.
"No, darling," the mother said sternly.
"Mommy, where's Daddy going?"
"I don't know," the mother answered stiffly, taking her daughter's hand and leaving the bar. "But from now on, you will please refer to him as 'that heel.'"
Zelda frowned sadly at this, and was surprised when she heard someone laughing about it. She looked around the room and saw an older-looking woman chuckling. The woman was seated on a stool at the bar, and Zelda jumped when they made eye contact.
"Chérie, won't you join me in a drink?" the older woman asked.
A little awkwardly, Zelda stood up and headed towards her. This lady looked slightly familiar...
"You looked so desoleé sitting in the corner over there all by yourself!" the lady said, grinning.
"Did I?" Zelda asked in a soft voice, smiling an awkward sort of smile.
"My name is Impa," the woman said, holding out a hand. "More formally known as the Countess DeLave."
Zelda smiled and shook Impa's hand. "Of course, I've seen your picture in the papers." She knew she'd seen her somewhere before.
"And I've seen yours, too," Impa said, narrowing her eyes.
"My name is Mrs. Link Haines," Zelda answered, looking down.
"Ah yes, that's it!" Impa laughed. She paused and stared at Zelda's face. "Oh, my--my dear, those crummy newspaper pictures didn't do you half justice!"
"Thank y--"
"Let's all have a little party!" Impa announced, putting her arms in the air and dancing about in a circle. Addressing the only other person in the room, she cried, "You too, Chérie! Care to join us for some champagne?"
The girl looked up from the couch she was sitting on, and grinned. "Champagne? Right you are!" She stood up, setting down her stitching, and elegantly crossed the room towards the bar.
"This sweet little thing is getting her first divorce, too," Impa told Zelda. "She is a very good friend of mine--uh, what did you say your name was again, dear?"
Samus rolled her eyes. "Samus Aarons." (A/N: just 2 let u know, samus is not wearing her usual armor. no. not here in 1939. she's wearing a blue jumper).
"Ah, that's right! Well, Samus, this Mrs. Link Haines," Impa said. She leaned closer to Samus, reaching for a champagne bottle, and whispered, "You know, ripped the scalp off that Allen woman in the dressing room."
"Oh, yeah!" Samus said, realization finally kicking in. "Glad to know ya; I was afraid you were a wet firecracker, sister! Shake."
Zelda smiled and shook Samus' hand, murmuring that "it was nice to meet her, too."
"Ah!" sighed Impa, pouring champagne for them all. "Just wait until you've lost as many husbands as I have. Married, divorced; married, divorced ... l'amour, l'amour. That's French for love."
"Oui, oui," Samus laughed, taking her glass from Impa.
"But where love leads, I always follow," Impa said gallantly.
"Well, happy days!" Samus said, raising her glass and sipping from it.
"Happy nights!" added Impa, drinking from her cup as well.
"..........." Unable to come up with something to say, Zelda just nodded and smiled, gingerly tasting the champagne.
"Miss Aarons was connected with the stage," Impa told Zelda. "O-or was it the circus, dear?"
"It WAS the chorus," Samus said.
"Oh, the chorus! You must tell us all about it some time!" Impa said excitedly. She elbowed Zelda with a grin and said, "I'll bet you made some great hauls out of our New York boyfriends!"
Samus rolled her eyes as Zelda and Impa laughed. "If you mean diamond bracelets and boxes of orchids, that breed died out just before my time; thank you."
"Yes, isn't it a pity?" Impa asked bitterly. "But then I never got a shoe out of anyone except for my first husband, Mr. Strauss. He said the most touching thing in his will; I remember every word of it, he said--'To my dear wife, Impa, I leave all my estate. ...to be administered by executors, because SHE is an A-1 schlmiel.' Wasn't that sweet?"
"Any ladle's sweet that dishes out some gravy," Samus agreed.
"Isn't it true? None of my other husbands ever gave me a dime!" Impa said. "Ah, l'amour, l'amour ...how it can let you down." She smiled and hit Zelda playfully on the shoulder. "But then how it can pick you up again, too, dearie!" Suddenly, the train began rattling violently. "Good heavens!" Impa cried. "Where is this wretched train taking us?!"
"We're going through the mountains, darling," Samus said.
"I deTEST mountains!" Impa growled. "They always remind me of the day Gustave made me climb to the top of an Alp once--uh, Gustave was my, uh, third husband. You see, we had climbed all this way, when suddenly, it struck me that Gustave had pushed me. I went tumbling down half-way down the mountain before it dawned on me that Gustave didn't love me anymore." Zelda smiled ruefully as the Countess continued. "But, love takes care of its own mistakes. I slid right into the arms of my fourth husband, the Count."
Samus' brow furrowed. "Well, isn't that the bird you're divorcing now?"
"But of course dear, what else could I do?" Impa asked. "After finding out he was putting poison in my headache powders."
"Poison?!" Zelda asked incredulously. She laughed. "You're not a very good judge of character, are you, Countess?"
"No, I'm not," Impa said, nodding. "That's what's the trouble with me. I don't pick them for character." She looked up at Zelda. "Bet you picked yours for character."
Zelda was surprised at this assumption, but quickly said, "Well, in a way ...yes."
"And where does it get you? On the train for Reno," Impa said, waving her hand.
"On the train for Reno," Zelda repeated, looking ahead with a glazed look over her eyes.
"You know, I think it's cruel sitting around waiting for someone to die," Impa said. Then she turned to Samus. "What'd you pick yours for, darling?"
"Not for character," Samus said with an impish grin, finishing off her champagne.
"There, you see?" Impa said. "No matter what you pick them for, where does it get you? On the train for Reno." Sighing, Impa poured more drink for herself and Samus, then held up her glass for a toast. "But how exciting love is ... To Reno--the biggest little city in the world!"
"To Reno!" Samus added, smiling broadly and also holding up her glass. "Emblem of the great divide!"
The two of them looked over at Zelda, who was smiling but seemed troubled. Her glass was held about half as high as theirs, as if she was contemplating something rather important. "What's the matter dearie?" Impa asked with a smile. "Cat got your tongue?"
With that, Zelda seemed suddenly to realize where she was. "No, no," she said smiling. Then she nodded and held up her glass: "To Reno!"
-------------------------
Saria was looking about for the manager of their boarding house. She was a very odd looking woman named Ruto--anyway, this is the time of the day that mail usually came, so Saria knew she'd be coming back from the mailbox.
"Ruto!" Saria called out.
"Hiya, kid," Ruto called out to her in her hoarse voice.
"Have you seen Zelda?" Saria asked desperately.
"Sorry, no," Ruto answered, going through the letters in her hand as they walked into the boarding house. "But she should be here soon, seeing as how the mail's come." Ruto shook her head. "The way she waited for that man to write her, you'd think she wouldn't have ... ah, well, none of my business, I guess."
"No, you're right," Saria said quietly. "Zelda ought not to have gotten that divorce this morning."
"No, I suppose she shouldn't have," Ruto said casually. "So why didn't you get your divorce with her, too?"
"I'm still waiting for some papers from New York," Saria responded. "Have you ever been in love, Ruto?"
"Well, depends on your point of view," Ruto said thoughtfully.
"You mean you've never cared for a man?" Saria asked sorrowfully.
"I've had three!!" Ruto retorted hotly.
"Husbands?"
"Kids." Ruto's shoulder slumped. "I've been stuck with the same guy 'bout seven years. Miserable man."
"Well then why don't you get a divorce?" Saria asked. "Good heavens, Ruto! YOU could get one over night!"
"What're ya, crazy?" Ruto asked. "I've gotta keep my eye on that man. Seems ter be the only person who can care or understand, at times. But still, you know them red-headed men. They're fierce!"
"Oh, Ruto! He beats you!" Saria gasped, horrorstruck. "That's terrible!"
"Isn't it?" Ruto agreed. "'Specially when you think of the gals 'round here who need it more'n I do."
They both jumped upon hearing a loud "WOO-HOO!!" from outside. They stuck their heads out the window and saw Impa riding up on a bold stallion. "HELLO, RUTO!" she called out.
"HIYA, COUNTESS!" Ruto shouted back, waving her hand. She and Saria walked towards the entrance, and watched Impa dismount.
"Is Mrs. Haines around?" Impa inquired, speaking of Zelda.
"Nope, but she'll be here soon, cuz the mail's come," Ruto answered. "Come on in."
"Comma yip-ai-yay-dee and a YIIP ai yay dee," Impa sang to herself, following Ruto back into the boarding house.
"Oh dear," Saria said, sitting on the arm of a couch. "Now SHE wants to see Mrs. Haines too, and I-I've simply got to speak to her alone."
"Did you see the doctor, dear?" Impa asked. Saria, twitching nervously, nodded. "What did he say?"
"Oh, h-he said it was the altitude," Saria responded quickly.
"Dearie, you've just got a case of the Reno jumpsy-wumpsies," Impa laughed, walking over to a table. "Ruto, would you mind opening up this wee juggy and getting some bottles?"
"Sure thing, Countess," Ruto said, opening the liquor jug Impa had set down, and then walking over to a cabinet with glasses in it.
Samus came striding into the room next. "Hello, sunshine," she said to the thoroughly troubled Saria. "Hello, Countess. How're things out on the open range?"
"Simply divine, my dear," Impa answered, as Ruto came back with the glasses. She turned to Saria, who still looked quite distracted about something. "Come on, darling, and have some of this good corn liquor."
"Oh, no thank you," Saria refused politely.
"Is that invitation general, Impa?" Samus asked, while reaching for a glass.
"Yes, indeedy," Impa responded. Samus stared at her blankly, the jug in one hand. "...as we say on the range."
Smiling, Samus poured some of the liquor into her glass. Impa sighed happily. "It's such a wonderful feeling to be divorced. I feel free; free as a bird. Just as serenly as a chickadee ...." She stood up and grinned down at Samus. "But wither .... wither, shall I fly."
"Into the arms of our dear cowboy, dahling," Samus said, laughing a little into her liquor.
Impa gasped, a broad grin on his face. "Samus Aarons!"
"Oh it's obvious that the stable boy is mad about you," Samus went on, smiling. "He likes you almost as much as his horse .... and it's such a blasted fast horse, too."
"Now Roy Winston IS nice," Impa said, trying her best to be dignified. But that excited girlish smile crept back onto her face as she said, "Have you heard the play of his muscles? Musical, just musical!"
"Great guns, you don't mean to say his joints squeak?" Ruto couldn't help asking. Impa glared at her.
"He could crack a coconut with those knees," Samus said. "If he could get them together, anyway."
"True; true," Impa said, nodding her head. She smiled again. "Do you really think he likes me, Samus?"
"Why sure!" Samus answered, nodding. "You should take him out some time. But if I had your dough, I'd sell him to the radio first. Just imagine how that voice would sound, cooing over a microphone!"
"DiVINE!" Impa gasped. She smiled again. "Why not? I'll turn him into a radio star! And after that, I'll..." She frowned a little. "But then, I HAVE had four divorces. Dare I risk a fifth."
Samus paused, then asked, "What're you risking, Countess, or maybe I shouldn't ask." Before Impa could retaliate, Zelda strode into the room holding a basket of fruit.
"Hello, girls," she said.
"Darling!" Samus said, getting up and hugging Zelda. "How does it feel to be divorced?"
"Great!" Zelda laughed.
"You're lying," Samus said with a sly smile.
"Have it your own way," Zelda said softly.
"Zelda!" Saria called out. "Can I talk with you?"
"Sure, honey," Zelda answered. "Just a moment." She turned to Impa and Samus with her bowl of fruit and declared, "As an official act to commemorate my last night in Reno, I'm going to prepare dinner with my own little hands."
"Got a letter fer ya," Ruto said, taking an envelope from under her arm.
Zelda anxiously set down her bowl and took the note. She glanced at the address eagerly, and she frowned with a smile still on her face. "It's from Daisy," she said. She set down the note for a moment, asking Saria to help her put away some of the fruit.
"So Samus, do tell about the man in your life," Impa said. "After all, there must be a man!!"
She was surprised when Samus looked a little mad, and said "SHH!!!" This intrigued Impa greatly, especially when Samus dragged her towards a slot machine in the corner.
"Listen, I would've spilled it before," Samus said, nonchalantly putting a quarter into the slot machine. "But I just found out--his wife's a friend of our palsy walsies!" She nodded back at Zelda and Saria, grinning at the look on Impa's face. "Ever hear them speak of Peach Fowler?"
"Um, yeah, I think so."
"Well..." Samus grinned devilishly. "It's the dame's husband--MARTH Fowler!"
Impa gasped. "How sweet!"
"Yeah! And all we had to do to get rid of her was--"
"Ooh, look! You won the jackpot!" Impa interrupted, and their attention was immediately turned towards collecting the golden coins.
Saria, Zelda, and Ruto walked outdoors, as a bell suddenly rang out. Ruto pushed through them, saying, "Reckon that's the new border, ladies," she explained, rushing down the road. "Just came in earlier this afternoon!"
Smiling, Zelda took the letter out of his envelope and laughed. "Oh, my goodness! Saria, listen to this." She read the letter aloud while putting an arm around Saria's shoulders. "'Dear Zelda, that bumbling stork has just delivered to me another female!'"
"Good heavens!" Saria laughed. "That makes eight girls!"
"Eight little cherubs? How suh-WEET!" Impa said, who had just joined them with Samus. "L'amour, l'amour!"
None of them noticed the carriage approaching them coming up over the hill, but they did hear a sharp, familiar voice ring out, "Who the heck is paging l'amour?"
They all looked up, and Saria dropped the apple she'd been eating. "Peach!"
"Peach Fowler!" Zelda repeated incredulously. Samus and Impa stared at each other; Samus looked quite nervous, but Impa was smiling knowingly.
"Well, here I am dears, move over," Peach sighed, as her carriage came to a stop. She opened the door and got out, taking her luggage with her.
"What's THAT dude contraption?" Ruto asked, staring at something under Peach's arm.
"An English saddle," Peach responded. "I refuse point-blank to learn how to ride one of those Western things."
"Have you ever seen a horse laugh?" Ruto asked.
"I beg your pardon?"
"Well you're going to." Ruto pulled a note from out of her bra and handed it to Peach. "Here, this was waitin' for ya. You want to go up to your room now, or stay here and dish with your buddies?"
Peach dumped all of her bags onto the woman. "I'll be along," she said, waving her hand dismissively. Ruto rolled her eyes and walked away. Peach smiled at her friends and walked towards them.
"É tu, Brutus?" Zelda asked, her hands on her hips.
"Darling!" Peach laughed, embracing her.
"Isn't this the gathering of the clan?" Zelda giggled.
"Why didn't you send us a wire or something?" Saria asked, also recieving a hug from Peach.
Peach walked forward, saying, "I was going t--" She had been about to kiss the cheek of the next woman on line, who was Impa. Both women suddenly jumped, and Impa stared at her. "Another member of the big round-up?" Peach asked, nodding her head at her.
"Peach, this is the Countess DeLave, a.k.a. Impa," Zelda said.
"How d'you do?" Peach and Impa asked at the same time.
"And this is Samus Aarons," Zelda said.
"How d'you do?" Samus asked with a false smile, tucking one leg behind the other one shyly.
Peach looked at her quickly up and down. "How do YOU do?" she asked after a suspicious pause. She pushed Saria roughly down onto an outdoor couch, and Zelda sat down next to her. "Well, you would NOT believe it, but Marth Fowler has kicked me out, kicked ME out of the house for some filthy beazle!!"
"Oh don't go yet, dearie," Impa said with a smile, grabbing Samus' elbow as she tried to walk away. "Pour Mrs. Fowler a little drinky winky."
Samus glared at her. "Okay..."
"He one day picked very innocently and meekly a fight with me," Peach explained. "Did I know that he had dictographs hidden all over the place? Recordings me of me speaking to him with the most foul sounding language; it gave him complete grounds for incompatability! And so he said that if I didn't go to Reno to divorce him, HE'D go to Reno to divorce me! Divorce ME! Ruin MY reputation!!"
"But who IS the girl, Peach?" Saria asked.
"Nobody knows; not even Winchell!" Peach answered. Samus apprehensievely handed Peach a glass. "Oh, thanks." She shook her head and picked up the letter in her lap. "Hmm... probably a bill forwarded to me by Marth ..." Then a smile replaced her frown as she laughed, and said, "Oh, it's from Marin! How interesting .... haha, she's says Old Man Gidfrey is up to his old tricks again ..."
Peach was too distracted reading to notice a small clip from a newspaper fall out of the envelope. Curiously, Impa picked it up. Her eyes widened and she subtley held up the clip for Samus to see. Samus' eyes also widened, but in fear. She read the underlined clip, and quickly got up from the couch she was sitting on.
"Say, there's supposed to be a clipping in here," Peach said. She looked about her. "Where is it?"
"Oh, here it is," Impa said, pretending to pick it up from the ground. She smiled and handed it to Peach.
Peach scanned it, and her eyes bulged out of their sockets. "Hey--!" She pointed to where Samus had previously sat, then realized she wasn't there. She immediately saw Samus saddling a horse, and ran after her.
"HEY!! HEY, YOU!! ISN'T YOUR NAME AARONS?!" she shouted, grabbing the reins of the horse.
"What's it to ya, Mrs. Fowler?" she sneered.
Angrily, Peach held the newspaper clipping close to her glasses and read: "'Samus 'Vanities' Aarons is being Renovated. Three guesses, Mrs. Fowler, who she's going to marry.'"
"Why, Samus!" Zelda exclaimed, shocked at her friend.
"Ah, why can't those moldy rats leave a successful divorce alone?" Samus asked with a grin.
"How dare you, you--"
"Now, Peach," Zelda interrupted, something in her brain clicking.
"Did you know about this?!" Peach demanded.
"Why of course not," Zelda smirked. "But what do you care? You don't love Marth, you told me so yourse--"
"Oh, that doesn't matter!" Peach said impatiently. She turned back to Samus. "How much did he settle on you?!"
"I'm making him pay for what he wants," Samus said superiorly upon her horse. "YOU made him pay for what he didn't want!"
Peach was aghast. "Why, you filthy beaz--"
"DON'T start calling names, you Park Avenue playgirl!" interjected Samus with a hint of anger. "I know a lot more words than you do!"
Growling, Peach grabbed Samus' hip pocket and yanked her off the horse. Samus managed to land on her feet and raised a gloved hand and brought it close to the scared Peach's face.
"Don't you dare strike me!" Peach cried out. "I've got glasses on!"
"Well now ya haven't!" Samus shouted, snatching off Peach's glasses and slapping her hard across the face. She seemed pleased at Peach's shock.
"How d'you like that?!" Peach asked, taking a swing at Samus. She ducked, however, and Peach ended up smacking the horse's thighs. The scared animal obediently galloped off.
Impa approached Samus as she went stalking by her. "Now, really, dear, you needn't be so vulgar--"
"She was the on started it, I never did a thing!" Samus pouted; her back turned towards Peach (who was running straight for her). It was just then that Peach finally reached Samus, and grabbed her hair, pulling it as hard as she could.
"YEEOOW!!!" Samus screamed. She turned around and grabbed the brim of Peach's hat. She yanked down on it, causing it to break.
"My hat!" Peach shouted. "Well how d'you like that!!" She smirked when Zelda tried to control Samus by holding her hands behind her back. However, Peach was determined to have the last say on matters--she grabbed Samus' riding shorts and yanked down on them. "NYEH HE HEHEE!" she laughed.
Samus broke free of Zelda (or Zelda willingly let go; no one was really sure), and she kicked at her rival's ankle. Peach grabbed it and rubbed the spot Samus had hit, when Samus dove at her; and the two of them flew onto the couch, wrestling. They nearly forced the couch onto it's back; but then rolled the other way and ended up falling to the ground.
"Pretty well matched, ain't they?" Ruto asked, her elbow on Saria's shoulder.
"Ruto, DO something!!" Saria cried desperately.
"You kidding? Let 'em enjoy themselves," Ruto said. She watched a moment longer, then left and said, "I'll go get the smellin' salts fer the loser."
Finally, Zelda decided that enough was enough and she managed to heave Samus off of Peach. When Peach tried getting up, Impa sat on her.
"WHAT'RE YOU DOING?!" Peach shrieked.
"Now I'm only trying to help in my own way!" Impa said worriedly, as Peach writhed underneath her.
"OH, GET OFF ME, YOU BIG MOOSE!!" Peach shouted, punching Impa's rear. Howling in pain, the Countess tried to stand up. Peach did as well, but found she was a little weak. Panting, she made her way towards Samus.
"I'm sorry, I don't know what's gotten into her," Zelda apologized to Samus.
"She's a cuckoo!" Samus pouted, rubbing her arm.
Peach's eyes widened as she saw Samus' shapely leg before. Then she lunged at it and met it--with her teeth.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHOOOOOOOOWWW!" Samus screamed, yanking her leg from Peach's mouth. "OOOH, WHO'S GOT THE IODINE?!"
"In my bathroom; help her, Saria!" Zelda said worriedly.
"Yeah!" Samus said, staring icily at Peach. "Gotta be careful of hydrophobia!"
"WAAAAHH!!" cried Peach, still slumped on the ground. Zelda sighed and walked over, helping her up. She led Peach to a table and poured her a glass of cold water to calm her down. "How could you let her do that to me, Zelda?!"
"What did you expect me to do, turn the hose on you?" Zelda joked.
Peach gulped down some of the liquid. "You, my own cousin! And after all I've done for you!"
"Wha--?" Zelda stared at her. "And just what have you done for me?"
"I warned you!" Peach supplied quickly.
"Well, I'm not exactly grateful for that!" Zelda snorted.
"Oh aren't you?!" Peach asked. "Well if you ask me, you're getting exactly what you deserve!! JUST SEEING YOU ALL MAKES ME SICK; YOU LOT ARE TICKLED TO DEATH TO SEE ME LIKE THIS!!" Enraged, Peach picked up the jugs and cups and dishes on the table and crashed them as loudly as she could. "I HATE YOU!! I HATE YOU ALL!! I HATE YOU ALL!!! I HATE EVERYBODY, I HATE EVERYBODY, I HATE EVERYBODY!!" She concluded this statement by smashing the water jug on the table and having water spray everywhere.
"LISTEN, MRS. FOWLER!" Ruto said, coming up from behind her and holding Peach's hands behind her back. "You've got a case of they hysterics! Just you come to your room with me!"
"SOMEDAY YOU'LL NEED A GIRLFRIEND!!" Peach shouted hoarsely at Zelda. "AND THEN YOU'LL THINK OF YOUR TREACHERY TO ME!!"
Zelda blew out some breath, and waved her hand once Peach was gone.
"Ah, poor creatures," Impa said wistfully. "They've lost their equilibrium, because they've lost their faith in love." Zelda stared after her as she sang, "Oh a man can ride a horse to the plains above; but a woman has to ride on the wings of love. Comma-yip-ay-yay-dee comma-YIP ai yay dee..."
"Zelda, please don't do this," Norma asked softly (that's her mother, remember?). "All you'll do is end up regretting it."
"It's too late now, mother," Zelda said, packing some things into a suitcase. "We've already signed the papers and everything!"
Norma sighed again. "I know I'm too late, but please! You will look back on this day and wish it had never happened! You're playing right into this Allen girl's hands, doing what she wants! And I know it's not what Link wanted! And no, now that I think about it, it is NOT too late! You can still not go through the divorce case!"
"Mother, please," Zelda sighed.
"You've got a child, Zelda," her mother said, voice trembling.
"I know."
"Have you told her yet?"
Zelda slowly closed the suitcase. "Yes."
"And what does she think of all this?"
Wiping away at a tear, Zelda made for the door, then stopped. "She ... she said that some of her friends' parents had divorces, and she felt bad for them. And when I told her that Link and I are divorcing, she ... cried a little ..."
"Oh, well that's surprising," her mother said sarcastically.
"Please don't reprimand me anymore, mother," Zelda said, opening the door. "Goodbye."
Norma sighed. "My dear, I hope it isn't long until you realize what a mistake you're making .... but goodbye."
--------------------
The train rattled along loudly, whirring past the countryside. Zelda sat on the seat wearily, her eyes closing now and then. Saria sat across from her, sniffling a little bit, wearing an angry expression. She began to rock back and forth slightly, and Zelda sighed and walked towards her.
"Dear, you've got to calm down," Zelda whispered, taking Saria's hand.
"I c-can't!" Saria sniffed. "I swear, Zelda .... if I hadn't made this train with you, I'd have jumped right in front of it." The two of them laughed nervously, then Saria looked at an envelope in Zelda's hand. "Is that letter from Link?"
"Oh, no," Zelda answered quickly. "It's just an old letter from an old beau."
"I guess you'll be having lots of beaus now, won't you, Zelda?" Saria laughed.
Zelda shrugged. "I .... guess so."
"Well I won't," Saria said, looking away with an angry expression. "I'll never trust another man again."
"Ah, Saria--"
"No, Zelda, you don't understand," Saria interrupted. "You don't know the things Jack said to me. Just because he can't have a car, I can't have a car. He can't afford anything anymore!"
"Dear, perhaps it was just jealousy," Zelda pointed out. "He didn't want you making more money than him--obviously--so instead of saying nothing and getting a better job, he took it out on you."
Saria was quiet for a moment. "Maybe you're right," she finally muttered.
"That's a girl." Zelda stood up and headed for the door of the cart. "I'm just going to the bar for a moment; you think about what I said." She watched Saria nod, then walked down the hallway. When she reached the bar, she nearly bumped into a woman and her young daughter.
"Mommy, is Daddy coming with us to Reno?" the daughter asked.
"No, darling," the mother said sternly.
"Mommy, where's Daddy going?"
"I don't know," the mother answered stiffly, taking her daughter's hand and leaving the bar. "But from now on, you will please refer to him as 'that heel.'"
Zelda frowned sadly at this, and was surprised when she heard someone laughing about it. She looked around the room and saw an older-looking woman chuckling. The woman was seated on a stool at the bar, and Zelda jumped when they made eye contact.
"Chérie, won't you join me in a drink?" the older woman asked.
A little awkwardly, Zelda stood up and headed towards her. This lady looked slightly familiar...
"You looked so desoleé sitting in the corner over there all by yourself!" the lady said, grinning.
"Did I?" Zelda asked in a soft voice, smiling an awkward sort of smile.
"My name is Impa," the woman said, holding out a hand. "More formally known as the Countess DeLave."
Zelda smiled and shook Impa's hand. "Of course, I've seen your picture in the papers." She knew she'd seen her somewhere before.
"And I've seen yours, too," Impa said, narrowing her eyes.
"My name is Mrs. Link Haines," Zelda answered, looking down.
"Ah yes, that's it!" Impa laughed. She paused and stared at Zelda's face. "Oh, my--my dear, those crummy newspaper pictures didn't do you half justice!"
"Thank y--"
"Let's all have a little party!" Impa announced, putting her arms in the air and dancing about in a circle. Addressing the only other person in the room, she cried, "You too, Chérie! Care to join us for some champagne?"
The girl looked up from the couch she was sitting on, and grinned. "Champagne? Right you are!" She stood up, setting down her stitching, and elegantly crossed the room towards the bar.
"This sweet little thing is getting her first divorce, too," Impa told Zelda. "She is a very good friend of mine--uh, what did you say your name was again, dear?"
Samus rolled her eyes. "Samus Aarons." (A/N: just 2 let u know, samus is not wearing her usual armor. no. not here in 1939. she's wearing a blue jumper).
"Ah, that's right! Well, Samus, this Mrs. Link Haines," Impa said. She leaned closer to Samus, reaching for a champagne bottle, and whispered, "You know, ripped the scalp off that Allen woman in the dressing room."
"Oh, yeah!" Samus said, realization finally kicking in. "Glad to know ya; I was afraid you were a wet firecracker, sister! Shake."
Zelda smiled and shook Samus' hand, murmuring that "it was nice to meet her, too."
"Ah!" sighed Impa, pouring champagne for them all. "Just wait until you've lost as many husbands as I have. Married, divorced; married, divorced ... l'amour, l'amour. That's French for love."
"Oui, oui," Samus laughed, taking her glass from Impa.
"But where love leads, I always follow," Impa said gallantly.
"Well, happy days!" Samus said, raising her glass and sipping from it.
"Happy nights!" added Impa, drinking from her cup as well.
"..........." Unable to come up with something to say, Zelda just nodded and smiled, gingerly tasting the champagne.
"Miss Aarons was connected with the stage," Impa told Zelda. "O-or was it the circus, dear?"
"It WAS the chorus," Samus said.
"Oh, the chorus! You must tell us all about it some time!" Impa said excitedly. She elbowed Zelda with a grin and said, "I'll bet you made some great hauls out of our New York boyfriends!"
Samus rolled her eyes as Zelda and Impa laughed. "If you mean diamond bracelets and boxes of orchids, that breed died out just before my time; thank you."
"Yes, isn't it a pity?" Impa asked bitterly. "But then I never got a shoe out of anyone except for my first husband, Mr. Strauss. He said the most touching thing in his will; I remember every word of it, he said--'To my dear wife, Impa, I leave all my estate. ...to be administered by executors, because SHE is an A-1 schlmiel.' Wasn't that sweet?"
"Any ladle's sweet that dishes out some gravy," Samus agreed.
"Isn't it true? None of my other husbands ever gave me a dime!" Impa said. "Ah, l'amour, l'amour ...how it can let you down." She smiled and hit Zelda playfully on the shoulder. "But then how it can pick you up again, too, dearie!" Suddenly, the train began rattling violently. "Good heavens!" Impa cried. "Where is this wretched train taking us?!"
"We're going through the mountains, darling," Samus said.
"I deTEST mountains!" Impa growled. "They always remind me of the day Gustave made me climb to the top of an Alp once--uh, Gustave was my, uh, third husband. You see, we had climbed all this way, when suddenly, it struck me that Gustave had pushed me. I went tumbling down half-way down the mountain before it dawned on me that Gustave didn't love me anymore." Zelda smiled ruefully as the Countess continued. "But, love takes care of its own mistakes. I slid right into the arms of my fourth husband, the Count."
Samus' brow furrowed. "Well, isn't that the bird you're divorcing now?"
"But of course dear, what else could I do?" Impa asked. "After finding out he was putting poison in my headache powders."
"Poison?!" Zelda asked incredulously. She laughed. "You're not a very good judge of character, are you, Countess?"
"No, I'm not," Impa said, nodding. "That's what's the trouble with me. I don't pick them for character." She looked up at Zelda. "Bet you picked yours for character."
Zelda was surprised at this assumption, but quickly said, "Well, in a way ...yes."
"And where does it get you? On the train for Reno," Impa said, waving her hand.
"On the train for Reno," Zelda repeated, looking ahead with a glazed look over her eyes.
"You know, I think it's cruel sitting around waiting for someone to die," Impa said. Then she turned to Samus. "What'd you pick yours for, darling?"
"Not for character," Samus said with an impish grin, finishing off her champagne.
"There, you see?" Impa said. "No matter what you pick them for, where does it get you? On the train for Reno." Sighing, Impa poured more drink for herself and Samus, then held up her glass for a toast. "But how exciting love is ... To Reno--the biggest little city in the world!"
"To Reno!" Samus added, smiling broadly and also holding up her glass. "Emblem of the great divide!"
The two of them looked over at Zelda, who was smiling but seemed troubled. Her glass was held about half as high as theirs, as if she was contemplating something rather important. "What's the matter dearie?" Impa asked with a smile. "Cat got your tongue?"
With that, Zelda seemed suddenly to realize where she was. "No, no," she said smiling. Then she nodded and held up her glass: "To Reno!"
-------------------------
Saria was looking about for the manager of their boarding house. She was a very odd looking woman named Ruto--anyway, this is the time of the day that mail usually came, so Saria knew she'd be coming back from the mailbox.
"Ruto!" Saria called out.
"Hiya, kid," Ruto called out to her in her hoarse voice.
"Have you seen Zelda?" Saria asked desperately.
"Sorry, no," Ruto answered, going through the letters in her hand as they walked into the boarding house. "But she should be here soon, seeing as how the mail's come." Ruto shook her head. "The way she waited for that man to write her, you'd think she wouldn't have ... ah, well, none of my business, I guess."
"No, you're right," Saria said quietly. "Zelda ought not to have gotten that divorce this morning."
"No, I suppose she shouldn't have," Ruto said casually. "So why didn't you get your divorce with her, too?"
"I'm still waiting for some papers from New York," Saria responded. "Have you ever been in love, Ruto?"
"Well, depends on your point of view," Ruto said thoughtfully.
"You mean you've never cared for a man?" Saria asked sorrowfully.
"I've had three!!" Ruto retorted hotly.
"Husbands?"
"Kids." Ruto's shoulder slumped. "I've been stuck with the same guy 'bout seven years. Miserable man."
"Well then why don't you get a divorce?" Saria asked. "Good heavens, Ruto! YOU could get one over night!"
"What're ya, crazy?" Ruto asked. "I've gotta keep my eye on that man. Seems ter be the only person who can care or understand, at times. But still, you know them red-headed men. They're fierce!"
"Oh, Ruto! He beats you!" Saria gasped, horrorstruck. "That's terrible!"
"Isn't it?" Ruto agreed. "'Specially when you think of the gals 'round here who need it more'n I do."
They both jumped upon hearing a loud "WOO-HOO!!" from outside. They stuck their heads out the window and saw Impa riding up on a bold stallion. "HELLO, RUTO!" she called out.
"HIYA, COUNTESS!" Ruto shouted back, waving her hand. She and Saria walked towards the entrance, and watched Impa dismount.
"Is Mrs. Haines around?" Impa inquired, speaking of Zelda.
"Nope, but she'll be here soon, cuz the mail's come," Ruto answered. "Come on in."
"Comma yip-ai-yay-dee and a YIIP ai yay dee," Impa sang to herself, following Ruto back into the boarding house.
"Oh dear," Saria said, sitting on the arm of a couch. "Now SHE wants to see Mrs. Haines too, and I-I've simply got to speak to her alone."
"Did you see the doctor, dear?" Impa asked. Saria, twitching nervously, nodded. "What did he say?"
"Oh, h-he said it was the altitude," Saria responded quickly.
"Dearie, you've just got a case of the Reno jumpsy-wumpsies," Impa laughed, walking over to a table. "Ruto, would you mind opening up this wee juggy and getting some bottles?"
"Sure thing, Countess," Ruto said, opening the liquor jug Impa had set down, and then walking over to a cabinet with glasses in it.
Samus came striding into the room next. "Hello, sunshine," she said to the thoroughly troubled Saria. "Hello, Countess. How're things out on the open range?"
"Simply divine, my dear," Impa answered, as Ruto came back with the glasses. She turned to Saria, who still looked quite distracted about something. "Come on, darling, and have some of this good corn liquor."
"Oh, no thank you," Saria refused politely.
"Is that invitation general, Impa?" Samus asked, while reaching for a glass.
"Yes, indeedy," Impa responded. Samus stared at her blankly, the jug in one hand. "...as we say on the range."
Smiling, Samus poured some of the liquor into her glass. Impa sighed happily. "It's such a wonderful feeling to be divorced. I feel free; free as a bird. Just as serenly as a chickadee ...." She stood up and grinned down at Samus. "But wither .... wither, shall I fly."
"Into the arms of our dear cowboy, dahling," Samus said, laughing a little into her liquor.
Impa gasped, a broad grin on his face. "Samus Aarons!"
"Oh it's obvious that the stable boy is mad about you," Samus went on, smiling. "He likes you almost as much as his horse .... and it's such a blasted fast horse, too."
"Now Roy Winston IS nice," Impa said, trying her best to be dignified. But that excited girlish smile crept back onto her face as she said, "Have you heard the play of his muscles? Musical, just musical!"
"Great guns, you don't mean to say his joints squeak?" Ruto couldn't help asking. Impa glared at her.
"He could crack a coconut with those knees," Samus said. "If he could get them together, anyway."
"True; true," Impa said, nodding her head. She smiled again. "Do you really think he likes me, Samus?"
"Why sure!" Samus answered, nodding. "You should take him out some time. But if I had your dough, I'd sell him to the radio first. Just imagine how that voice would sound, cooing over a microphone!"
"DiVINE!" Impa gasped. She smiled again. "Why not? I'll turn him into a radio star! And after that, I'll..." She frowned a little. "But then, I HAVE had four divorces. Dare I risk a fifth."
Samus paused, then asked, "What're you risking, Countess, or maybe I shouldn't ask." Before Impa could retaliate, Zelda strode into the room holding a basket of fruit.
"Hello, girls," she said.
"Darling!" Samus said, getting up and hugging Zelda. "How does it feel to be divorced?"
"Great!" Zelda laughed.
"You're lying," Samus said with a sly smile.
"Have it your own way," Zelda said softly.
"Zelda!" Saria called out. "Can I talk with you?"
"Sure, honey," Zelda answered. "Just a moment." She turned to Impa and Samus with her bowl of fruit and declared, "As an official act to commemorate my last night in Reno, I'm going to prepare dinner with my own little hands."
"Got a letter fer ya," Ruto said, taking an envelope from under her arm.
Zelda anxiously set down her bowl and took the note. She glanced at the address eagerly, and she frowned with a smile still on her face. "It's from Daisy," she said. She set down the note for a moment, asking Saria to help her put away some of the fruit.
"So Samus, do tell about the man in your life," Impa said. "After all, there must be a man!!"
She was surprised when Samus looked a little mad, and said "SHH!!!" This intrigued Impa greatly, especially when Samus dragged her towards a slot machine in the corner.
"Listen, I would've spilled it before," Samus said, nonchalantly putting a quarter into the slot machine. "But I just found out--his wife's a friend of our palsy walsies!" She nodded back at Zelda and Saria, grinning at the look on Impa's face. "Ever hear them speak of Peach Fowler?"
"Um, yeah, I think so."
"Well..." Samus grinned devilishly. "It's the dame's husband--MARTH Fowler!"
Impa gasped. "How sweet!"
"Yeah! And all we had to do to get rid of her was--"
"Ooh, look! You won the jackpot!" Impa interrupted, and their attention was immediately turned towards collecting the golden coins.
Saria, Zelda, and Ruto walked outdoors, as a bell suddenly rang out. Ruto pushed through them, saying, "Reckon that's the new border, ladies," she explained, rushing down the road. "Just came in earlier this afternoon!"
Smiling, Zelda took the letter out of his envelope and laughed. "Oh, my goodness! Saria, listen to this." She read the letter aloud while putting an arm around Saria's shoulders. "'Dear Zelda, that bumbling stork has just delivered to me another female!'"
"Good heavens!" Saria laughed. "That makes eight girls!"
"Eight little cherubs? How suh-WEET!" Impa said, who had just joined them with Samus. "L'amour, l'amour!"
None of them noticed the carriage approaching them coming up over the hill, but they did hear a sharp, familiar voice ring out, "Who the heck is paging l'amour?"
They all looked up, and Saria dropped the apple she'd been eating. "Peach!"
"Peach Fowler!" Zelda repeated incredulously. Samus and Impa stared at each other; Samus looked quite nervous, but Impa was smiling knowingly.
"Well, here I am dears, move over," Peach sighed, as her carriage came to a stop. She opened the door and got out, taking her luggage with her.
"What's THAT dude contraption?" Ruto asked, staring at something under Peach's arm.
"An English saddle," Peach responded. "I refuse point-blank to learn how to ride one of those Western things."
"Have you ever seen a horse laugh?" Ruto asked.
"I beg your pardon?"
"Well you're going to." Ruto pulled a note from out of her bra and handed it to Peach. "Here, this was waitin' for ya. You want to go up to your room now, or stay here and dish with your buddies?"
Peach dumped all of her bags onto the woman. "I'll be along," she said, waving her hand dismissively. Ruto rolled her eyes and walked away. Peach smiled at her friends and walked towards them.
"É tu, Brutus?" Zelda asked, her hands on her hips.
"Darling!" Peach laughed, embracing her.
"Isn't this the gathering of the clan?" Zelda giggled.
"Why didn't you send us a wire or something?" Saria asked, also recieving a hug from Peach.
Peach walked forward, saying, "I was going t--" She had been about to kiss the cheek of the next woman on line, who was Impa. Both women suddenly jumped, and Impa stared at her. "Another member of the big round-up?" Peach asked, nodding her head at her.
"Peach, this is the Countess DeLave, a.k.a. Impa," Zelda said.
"How d'you do?" Peach and Impa asked at the same time.
"And this is Samus Aarons," Zelda said.
"How d'you do?" Samus asked with a false smile, tucking one leg behind the other one shyly.
Peach looked at her quickly up and down. "How do YOU do?" she asked after a suspicious pause. She pushed Saria roughly down onto an outdoor couch, and Zelda sat down next to her. "Well, you would NOT believe it, but Marth Fowler has kicked me out, kicked ME out of the house for some filthy beazle!!"
"Oh don't go yet, dearie," Impa said with a smile, grabbing Samus' elbow as she tried to walk away. "Pour Mrs. Fowler a little drinky winky."
Samus glared at her. "Okay..."
"He one day picked very innocently and meekly a fight with me," Peach explained. "Did I know that he had dictographs hidden all over the place? Recordings me of me speaking to him with the most foul sounding language; it gave him complete grounds for incompatability! And so he said that if I didn't go to Reno to divorce him, HE'D go to Reno to divorce me! Divorce ME! Ruin MY reputation!!"
"But who IS the girl, Peach?" Saria asked.
"Nobody knows; not even Winchell!" Peach answered. Samus apprehensievely handed Peach a glass. "Oh, thanks." She shook her head and picked up the letter in her lap. "Hmm... probably a bill forwarded to me by Marth ..." Then a smile replaced her frown as she laughed, and said, "Oh, it's from Marin! How interesting .... haha, she's says Old Man Gidfrey is up to his old tricks again ..."
Peach was too distracted reading to notice a small clip from a newspaper fall out of the envelope. Curiously, Impa picked it up. Her eyes widened and she subtley held up the clip for Samus to see. Samus' eyes also widened, but in fear. She read the underlined clip, and quickly got up from the couch she was sitting on.
"Say, there's supposed to be a clipping in here," Peach said. She looked about her. "Where is it?"
"Oh, here it is," Impa said, pretending to pick it up from the ground. She smiled and handed it to Peach.
Peach scanned it, and her eyes bulged out of their sockets. "Hey--!" She pointed to where Samus had previously sat, then realized she wasn't there. She immediately saw Samus saddling a horse, and ran after her.
"HEY!! HEY, YOU!! ISN'T YOUR NAME AARONS?!" she shouted, grabbing the reins of the horse.
"What's it to ya, Mrs. Fowler?" she sneered.
Angrily, Peach held the newspaper clipping close to her glasses and read: "'Samus 'Vanities' Aarons is being Renovated. Three guesses, Mrs. Fowler, who she's going to marry.'"
"Why, Samus!" Zelda exclaimed, shocked at her friend.
"Ah, why can't those moldy rats leave a successful divorce alone?" Samus asked with a grin.
"How dare you, you--"
"Now, Peach," Zelda interrupted, something in her brain clicking.
"Did you know about this?!" Peach demanded.
"Why of course not," Zelda smirked. "But what do you care? You don't love Marth, you told me so yourse--"
"Oh, that doesn't matter!" Peach said impatiently. She turned back to Samus. "How much did he settle on you?!"
"I'm making him pay for what he wants," Samus said superiorly upon her horse. "YOU made him pay for what he didn't want!"
Peach was aghast. "Why, you filthy beaz--"
"DON'T start calling names, you Park Avenue playgirl!" interjected Samus with a hint of anger. "I know a lot more words than you do!"
Growling, Peach grabbed Samus' hip pocket and yanked her off the horse. Samus managed to land on her feet and raised a gloved hand and brought it close to the scared Peach's face.
"Don't you dare strike me!" Peach cried out. "I've got glasses on!"
"Well now ya haven't!" Samus shouted, snatching off Peach's glasses and slapping her hard across the face. She seemed pleased at Peach's shock.
"How d'you like that?!" Peach asked, taking a swing at Samus. She ducked, however, and Peach ended up smacking the horse's thighs. The scared animal obediently galloped off.
Impa approached Samus as she went stalking by her. "Now, really, dear, you needn't be so vulgar--"
"She was the on started it, I never did a thing!" Samus pouted; her back turned towards Peach (who was running straight for her). It was just then that Peach finally reached Samus, and grabbed her hair, pulling it as hard as she could.
"YEEOOW!!!" Samus screamed. She turned around and grabbed the brim of Peach's hat. She yanked down on it, causing it to break.
"My hat!" Peach shouted. "Well how d'you like that!!" She smirked when Zelda tried to control Samus by holding her hands behind her back. However, Peach was determined to have the last say on matters--she grabbed Samus' riding shorts and yanked down on them. "NYEH HE HEHEE!" she laughed.
Samus broke free of Zelda (or Zelda willingly let go; no one was really sure), and she kicked at her rival's ankle. Peach grabbed it and rubbed the spot Samus had hit, when Samus dove at her; and the two of them flew onto the couch, wrestling. They nearly forced the couch onto it's back; but then rolled the other way and ended up falling to the ground.
"Pretty well matched, ain't they?" Ruto asked, her elbow on Saria's shoulder.
"Ruto, DO something!!" Saria cried desperately.
"You kidding? Let 'em enjoy themselves," Ruto said. She watched a moment longer, then left and said, "I'll go get the smellin' salts fer the loser."
Finally, Zelda decided that enough was enough and she managed to heave Samus off of Peach. When Peach tried getting up, Impa sat on her.
"WHAT'RE YOU DOING?!" Peach shrieked.
"Now I'm only trying to help in my own way!" Impa said worriedly, as Peach writhed underneath her.
"OH, GET OFF ME, YOU BIG MOOSE!!" Peach shouted, punching Impa's rear. Howling in pain, the Countess tried to stand up. Peach did as well, but found she was a little weak. Panting, she made her way towards Samus.
"I'm sorry, I don't know what's gotten into her," Zelda apologized to Samus.
"She's a cuckoo!" Samus pouted, rubbing her arm.
Peach's eyes widened as she saw Samus' shapely leg before. Then she lunged at it and met it--with her teeth.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHOOOOOOOOWWW!" Samus screamed, yanking her leg from Peach's mouth. "OOOH, WHO'S GOT THE IODINE?!"
"In my bathroom; help her, Saria!" Zelda said worriedly.
"Yeah!" Samus said, staring icily at Peach. "Gotta be careful of hydrophobia!"
"WAAAAHH!!" cried Peach, still slumped on the ground. Zelda sighed and walked over, helping her up. She led Peach to a table and poured her a glass of cold water to calm her down. "How could you let her do that to me, Zelda?!"
"What did you expect me to do, turn the hose on you?" Zelda joked.
Peach gulped down some of the liquid. "You, my own cousin! And after all I've done for you!"
"Wha--?" Zelda stared at her. "And just what have you done for me?"
"I warned you!" Peach supplied quickly.
"Well, I'm not exactly grateful for that!" Zelda snorted.
"Oh aren't you?!" Peach asked. "Well if you ask me, you're getting exactly what you deserve!! JUST SEEING YOU ALL MAKES ME SICK; YOU LOT ARE TICKLED TO DEATH TO SEE ME LIKE THIS!!" Enraged, Peach picked up the jugs and cups and dishes on the table and crashed them as loudly as she could. "I HATE YOU!! I HATE YOU ALL!! I HATE YOU ALL!!! I HATE EVERYBODY, I HATE EVERYBODY, I HATE EVERYBODY!!" She concluded this statement by smashing the water jug on the table and having water spray everywhere.
"LISTEN, MRS. FOWLER!" Ruto said, coming up from behind her and holding Peach's hands behind her back. "You've got a case of they hysterics! Just you come to your room with me!"
"SOMEDAY YOU'LL NEED A GIRLFRIEND!!" Peach shouted hoarsely at Zelda. "AND THEN YOU'LL THINK OF YOUR TREACHERY TO ME!!"
Zelda blew out some breath, and waved her hand once Peach was gone.
"Ah, poor creatures," Impa said wistfully. "They've lost their equilibrium, because they've lost their faith in love." Zelda stared after her as she sang, "Oh a man can ride a horse to the plains above; but a woman has to ride on the wings of love. Comma-yip-ay-yay-dee comma-YIP ai yay dee..."