ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!!
Sobbing I can pretend cant I?
Kamui: Yes...You can if you want.
Me: youre so nice...
Kamui: I know...
Hugglez
Me: (Jumps up)Now on with the story!!!!!!
Kamui: that was sudden...
"Remus!" Pettigrew squeaked, turning to Lupin instead, writhing imploringly front of him. "You don't believe this...wouldn't Sirius have told you they'd changed the plan?"
"Not if he thought I was the spy, Peter," said Lupin. "I assume that's why you didn't tell me, Sirius?" he said casually over Pettigrew's head.
"Forgive me, Remus," said Black.
"Not at all, Padfoot, old friend."
But it isn't that easy to forgive...not that easy at all.
Remus Lupin stared into his reflection which glared sadly back at him. "He's come back to me." He said in what sounded like a self-conviceing voice. "He's come back. He never did any of the things he was put in Azkaban for. He's innocent. It was Peter who betrayed us...not Sirius." No that was a lie. Sirius had hurt him.
Wounded him deeply. Remus laid his hands flat against the mirror's cool surface. He wished longingly that he could go through the mirror itself. Just fade away into nothingness. Make the pain go away. Just escape this harsh reality, that he hated so. He put his forehead gainst the mirror as well, so his eyes were level with his reflections.
"Tell me this has all been a very bad dream," Remus said speaking to the mirror. "Please gods tell me this. Tell me none of this ever happened. Tell me it's a nightmare that I'll wake up from it any minute. Tell Me James and Lily are still alive. Tell me Harry still has parents. Tell me Peter is still on our side. But most of all ... tell me Sirius didn't betray me. He didn't abandon me or doubt me. Tell me this. Please. I beg of you make this a dream!" He yelled as he banged his fists against the mirror causing it to shake. A small twinkle sounded against the glass. Remus looked down to the star and moon pendent swinging round his neck. Causing the memory of when Sirius had first given him that pendent in their sixth year at Hogwarts to flood back into his mind...it seemed so long ago now...
"Sirius! What are you doing?" Remus asked hotly. Sirius had caught him but his robes and was trying to force something over his head. "SIRIUS!" Remus yelled struggling against Sirius's grip and failing miserly. "Would you bloody hold still Moony?! It's not gonna hurt you." Sirius said with a small chuckle.
This however did nothing to stop Remus's squirming. "That's what you said last time Padfoot. And I ended up with a lit dung bomb round my neck,"Remus said wriggling harder.
Sirius laughed heartily at the memory. "Ah, good times...but seriously." Sirius's voice turned quiet. "It wont hurt you Moony. I promise. Cross my heart hope to die. Stick my wand into my eye. If the werewolf hears me lie."
Remus laughed and relaxed a bit. Sirius never used that stupid idiotic rhyme unless he really meant it.
With Remus no longer struggling, Sirius easily slipped the
leather thong over his head. " There; that wasn't so hard now, was it?" Sirius said, trying to hold in his laughter to avoid hurting Remus's feelings.
"What is it?" Remus asked turning round.
"Don't be daft Moony! It's a pendent. I have one that matches. See." He said holding out his own. It was a simple pendent with a copper star and moon charm, which hung loosely from a leather thong.
"I can see that it's a pendent Padfoot. I mean what's it for?" Remus said in a tone, which Sirius had dubbed "Professor Lupin"
"It stands for us! You see the star is me, and the moon is you.
As long as we wear these we'll be together. Pack brothers." he said smiling. Pack brothers. Remus seemed shocked and then smiled squeezing his pendent. Pack brothers.
"Thank you Padfoot, I love it. I promise I'll never take it off. Ever."
Sirius smiled, if possible, even bigger. "Me as well; but I also promise that I'll never leave your side. I'll never let anyone hurt you, or make you cry. Ill protect you from anyone causing you pain. Just you and me, Moony. Pack brothers till the end."
"Just you and me.... pack brothers till the end."
The words rung in Remus's ears like a loud taunting buzzer. That's right we were pack brothers. Yet Sirius betrayed him. Him. His Moony. Not only did Sirius betray him but he had also lied, distrusted, and abandoned him. Abandonment. That's what hurt the most. Like a hard slap in the face, but the sting still seemed fresh. He had promised hadn't he? Hadn't he promised that he'd never leave his side?
"YOU PROMISED!!"Remus yelled so loud he thought his lungs might burst and his throat might tear. He punched the mirror as has as he could causing it to shatter. He winced as bits of mirror embedded themselves in his hands and arms. He didn't care. This pain was nothing compared to the way Sirius had and still was making him feel.
Remus sat on his bed ripping the mirror bits from his now bleeding flesh. He stared at his freshly scarred hands, as warm blood dipped to the floor like crimson rain and onto the broken mirror. He imaged Sirius from long ago walking in. Sirius bending down to met Remus's eyes. Sirius's icy blue-gray eyes drinking in Remus's golden ones. Sirius cupping Remus's hand in his. Sirius, and his face of concern as he asked, "Does it hurt Moony?"
"Yes. Yes, it hurts Padfoot." Remus cried tears spilling down his pale face. He imaged Sirius's face, as it grew sadder. Sirius as he touched Remus's face to wipe away the tears. Sirius as he asked gently, face full of concern; the question he had asked many times before, "Where Moony? Tell me where it hurts."
"It hurts right here, Padfoot," Remus whispered clutching his chest. " It hurts Padfoot. It burns and it stings. My heart it aches so. You left me Padfoot. You've left you're Pack brother. After you promised not to. You left me alone for twelve long years. Alone, lost, confused, sad, and broken. You left me. Then you come back...you come back innocent." Remus reached out to hug Sirius wanting to sob into Sirius's strong shoulder, wanting to take in the smell of his overpowering muggle cologne, wanting nothing more than just to be held...but Sirius vanished. Leaving Remus grabbing at the empty air before him. His tears became harder as he buried his head in his hands. "You're innocent. Peter did it. Peter betrayed us all. You changed secret keeper without telling me.
You didn't tell me...because you thought I was the spy. You thought I was working for him. For Voldemort!"
Remus's words were becoming louder and more bitter as he continued, but he didn't care."You thought I was a spy. Me. how could you think that? I never suspected you. Even after you went to Azkaban I couldn't believe it. I tried to convince myself that it was you... but couldn't. You were my pack brother, Sirius. My Dearest friend. I trusted you with my life. As did you. And you threw away all that trust on some stupid made up story!" He clutched his head in pain and sorrow as he sank from the bed to his knees. Hot bitter tears poured from his pained face. "DAMN IT PADFOOT!!! How could you! How Could You!?" He screamed, as he looked down at a large bit of broken mirror. He stared at his reflection. His graying amber hair was in disarray; His face paler than normal, and smudged with blood from his hands. His golden eyes filled with sorrow and hatred as tears flowed from them non- stop. Then he noticed the pendent
"I also promise that Ill never leave your side. I'll never let anyone hurt you, or make you cry. Ill protect you from anyone causing you pain. Just me and you Moony. Pack brothers till the end."
Sirius's voice filled his head, causing the carefully locked away memories to rush back; like a monstrous flood threating to consume him. As the painful memories of long sense past times echoed in his mind, he ripped the pendent from his neck and raised it above his head." WHY PADFOOT?!" He raised his arm higher, ready to throw the damn pendent into oblivion; but instead he let it slip to the floor with a soft twinkle. Remus buried his face in his bleeding hands and sobbed into them. "Why? How could you do this to me Padfoot? You promised. You promised. You said you'd never leave. You promised on the pendent that you'd never let anyone hurt me or cause me pain or make me cry."
He grabbed the pendent from the pile of broken mirror bits, causing him to tear open more flesh on his hands. Crawling into a huddled mass on the floor as he wept. Not caring about the mirror bits digging into his flesh. Drawing warm blood, which pooled around him. Not caring about the hard floor or the coldness of the night. Not caring that it was nearly morning and he'd been crying all night. Not caring about anything but the pain his heart felt. For everything else had gone numb. Broken and sobbing he whispered, "Now I'm hurting. Padfoot. I'm in pain and crying. And it's all your fault..."