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Title: Missed
Author:
Barbie Girl aka Becca
Feedback: or
R&R
CharactersPairings: Buffy, Xander (XanderAnya,
XanderBuffy implied)
TimelineSpoilers: Set during 'Hell's
Bells'
Summary: Buffy reflects on what she's lost
Missed
He's scared. He's absolutely terrified; no monster could ever frighten him so much. Marriage. Buffy smiles and helps him with his cummerbund. He knows he is in over his head. He loves Anya but all of this... and Buffy and she smells of vanilla. He loves how she smells. Anya smells of peppermint; she doesn't smell like vanilla.
They talk, her eyes get teary and she says that he and Anya give her hope. She's not sure if she means it. But it's a good lie, and he deserves to be happy, a good friend would be happy for him. She's not. He makes a quick joke about getting lucky but it is just that, a joke. Months, even weeks ago, there may have been something behind those words, hidden and tucked away beneath humor but still there. He would have looked at her in that adoring way and she would have smiled. Not anymore.
She misses that look, that spark of passion that would rise in his eyes when she entered a room. The way his hand would make small circles across her back when they danced, the way he made her smile. And she knows it's wrong to miss that look when she never returned it. Wrong to drape his affection for her around herself like a blanket, keeping her secure, warm in the feeling that she was worth something, but she can't help it.
She misses him.
He looks good in his tux but she already told him so. She would tell him again but it wouldn't matter. He's far too busy to notice the adoration and loss in her eyes.
She didn't know what she had till it was gone. Buffy sighs. She's gonna miss him.