DISCLAIMER & A/N: I don't own anything from the Naruto universe. Keep in mind that just because a character has an opinion about something doesn't necessarily make it so!

You'll also find that there's a lot of jealousy regarding at LEAST one of the characters in the story, too.

Thinking (+ flashbacks, "Mito speaking to Kurama in her mindscape," etc.)

Emphasis

Bijuu, etc. speaking

Bijuu, etc. thinking

Mito should have known that this type of "neighborhood" existed in Konoha but it kind of pissed her off. She had no doubt that the yakuza was flourishing (and poverty: that bothered her far more than anything) here and wasn't sure it was a good idea for her and Anko to be here - especially with her "status," such as it was. –As much as that sucked. "Anko, I don't know about this…"

"Meh, it's cool, Mito," Anko said as she led her forward through the Red Light District. She frowned when she realized that her friend had henged as soon as she looked around. "I guess that's a good idea." The snake summoner figured that they might look like stiff but high-class hookers, considering how dressed up they were so she henged her hair, too. "Ha! I'd love to see the look on our honored hosts' faces seeing us here so soon after having their tea!"

Mito snorted. Yeah, she doubted that Homura would be very impressed with them right now. She grabbed Anko's kimono sleeve and made her stop at a tattoo parlor. "Check this out: this guy's AMAZING!" There were all kinds of designs and art that he had created posted outside. A burly man came out and thanked them, looking both women up and down. The snake summoner internally dared him to comment on their formal kimonos.

"You don't seem the tattoo type but if you don't see something you like in the gallery, give us your ideas. We can accommodate just about anything." He also gestured toward some books where more of his art must be.

"Wow," Mito breathed, tilting her head as she observed the man's enormous tattooed arms. She then looked around to make sure that no one else was around. Not even Hideki was haunting her, yet. "Do you tattoo seals? Or OVER seals? And can a tattoo be henged over? I mean, would one have to consider that more when henging?"

Anko slapped her forehead and began muttering about idiots not caring to out themselves as kunoichis.

"Never done a seal on skin but I know a guy who says he's done it; he's a retired ninja that's on-call. As far as the henge, depending on the tat, there can be a few issues."

Mito eventually thanked him while Anko dragged her off; maybe this was a business opportunity for her or her clones here? –Tattooing seals? They saw some other active-duty ninjas wandering the streets along with a lot of other people and the stores here were really unique. There was a lingerie shop that also offered to tailor fur suits, a place that made heads for them as well as a bunch of play armor or robotic-looking gear. Ooooo: and a very interesting weapons shop. And then they found Anko's target. Anko started schooling her on what she might want to get as soon as the store's door closed behind them.

She realized Mito wasn't following her when she heard the laughter. Mito was looking at pervy greeting cards, laughing her ass off and wanting to share. "You can't laugh in here, idiot," she hissed, her eyes darting over to the uppity guy who manned the cash register. He was always such a buzzkill. "You've gotta be respectful and quiet!"

"I'm respectful! And laughing at stuff like this is part of the human condition, Annnnn," Mito continued drawling, realizing that she needed to keep their profiles low. "ANYWAY, show me what you're going to show me. I promise not to laugh… too much." She started laughing again.

The one guy working there came up to her and crossed his arms over his chest, looking very unimpressed with her. "What are you looking for?"

"Something… quiet," Mito responded after considering it more. Yeah, she didn't need her father or brother coming upstairs if they heard a weird noise. "And uh, maybe disguised as a shampoo bottle or something?" –She winced as she thought about how stupid she sounded; no wonder people got embarrassed about this stuff. The brief memory of her father and brother either flashing or bolting up toward her room sent her stomach churning. "Ugh. Dude, I have no idea." WHY couldn't she get the seals quite right in her quarters? It wasn't as if she couldn't, it was just that she had trouble verifying whether or not the seals she put on her part of The Residence interfered with the mountains of seals her father already had there.

Tonight she was definitely setting up clones for experimenting on that.

"A virgin then," he said knowingly.

"Fuck off," Mito said, her cheeks heating up. "Let's just say I'm interested in learning and a big believer in shops like yours."

The snooty man lifted his head and examined her more carefully. "Really?"

"Of course," Mito shrugged. In her opinion, the things here presented another outlet/alternative that was safer than other options, for sure. The store had all kinds of stuff; nothing really surprised her considering some of the books she enjoyed (they even sold the Icha-Icha series.) It was kind of neat to see all of these things ready to buy in front of her, though. She saw a slutty (but really well-made) abomination of a skimpy doctor outfit and HAD to buy it.

–For Halloween if nothing else. Bwahaha! That would make some of those patients behave. As if. BUT, Tsunade would probably have an aneurysm if she flashed her! Okay, maybe showing her the offensive thing wouldn't be such a good idea. "I'll take that but I don't know what size I need."

Anko's voice caught her attention. "Speaking of sizes!" She had a vibrator that would fit over a fingertip in one hand and a dildo that must've been made for the hard-core oral sex needs of a giraffe in the other. Blue like their tongues, too. She nearly fell over laughing and that's, of course, when Hideki came in and surprised her. He bonked her on the head, breaking her henge.

The shopkeeper's eyes widened. "I've heard about you. You're Princess Mito!"

Mito turned on her guard who had ruined her fun. "Sarutobi Hideki, you asshole!" If he was outing her, she'd out him, too. He wasn't wearing his mask.

"Wow. Two children of our Hokages in the shop this morning. Interesting. You ARE one of Lord Third's children, are you not, Sarutobi-sama?" The man following the princess looked like a tall but young Lord Third.

Mito thought the shopkeeper looked like he planned to publish their little sex-store escapade. Shit.

Thankfully, Hideki was already weaving the hand seals for a genjutsu that would cover their tracks and erase this guy's memories.

.

Ensui WAS interested in Mito-hime so when Minato asked, he gave him his honest assessment of where she should be placed.

"If she's as good as the Bingo Books say, she'd be an asset to ANBU, sir."

Minato sighed and went through the video with him, frame by frame. "She's capable of THIS and Tsunade-hime says she believes one day she'll surpass her - as she already has in battle. She's a very good medic."

Ensui was surprised he wasn't drooling. "Is she really a sensor?" Minato nodded and Ensui swore at first that he'd gotten a nosebleed. ANBU needed her.

"Mito's loyal to Konoha but has her own unique ideas about the Hidden Village system and other things that bother me," Minato admitted. ANBU were required to be loyal to HIM: so much so that it overrode their personal morality. "She thinks like a foreigner and… there are certain things she'd never do that we sometimes have to do as shinobis."

"I could keep an eye on her," Ensui offered. A close eye.

Minato eventually nodded, not hiding how concerned he was about this.

Ensui decided to pick Shikaku's brain about it while playing shogi. His cousin had already been teasing him about his supposed crush and maybe this would end that nonsense. He hadn't had a "crush" since he was a kid. He did like Mito-san, though. "Hokage-sama asked me to keep an eye on her. He can't be with her all of the time."

Shikaku was surprised but only hummed. "What's she like? 'Enquiring minds want to know!'"

"So they say. She's a free-thinker and open - rather reluctantly open," Ensui commented, not giving too much away. "She's seen some things."

Shikaku ignored that last thing: they'd all seen some things. "Makes sense," he said, figuring he'd have to keep pushing to get any real information. "She wasn't raised here, and from what Minato says, the Sannin and Kushina-chan (who was from Uzushio) raised her. Along with Lord Third."

"The Sannins aren't your normal shinobis." They're loyal but openly critical of a lot of what we hold dear.

Ensui sighed. "It's a drag but if a man didn't want his child growing up that way, perhaps he should've raised his own kid rather than someone else's. –Not saying a man can't raise someone else's kid at the same time; God knows yours did." He looked up at his cousin and raised his sake glass as a salute to his deceased uncle. "But it seems theoretically easier having two kids close to the same age than just one."

"Since you're the parenting expert, I can't wait to hear more of your theories," Shikaku teased.

"No thanks." Ensui began to make another move on the board and then thought better of it.

"Does that mean I can't look forward to a little second cousin soon?" The sour expression Ensui made cracked him up. "No? Oh, because it's easier to raise two at the same time, hm? So I'll be getting two little second cousins."

"You're such an asshole."

"Troublesome. You're lucky that you're my cousin Ensui. Sure wouldn't want to have to throw you in the brig for some kind of conspiracy."

"Oi! I'm just calling it as I sees it. Hokage-sama chose to raise Hatake and not his own kid. I'm just curious about why he did that."

"Right. And your interest in Namikaze Mito only extends to her strengths enhancing ANBU," Shikaku added with a smirk.

Ensui didn't deny it. "She's an interesting woman."

"And the reason you spent nearly two hours speaking with her after seeking her out at a bar is that she's interesting?" Ensui just shrugged.

"It wasn't that long. And who told you that?"

"Hatake. Well, he told Minato." Shikaku wanted to laugh at the very brief widening of eyes he detected as his cousin continued looking down at the shogi board.

Ensui yawned. "You know what they say? Hatake wears a mask made out of Minato-sama's underwear."

"Be nice," Shikaku scolded his cousin easily. That wasn't the only thing "they say" about Hatake's ever-present mask but it was one of the rather grosser jokes. "I don't know why complaining about Kakashi-kun reporting on hime-sama's acquaintances surprises you. For all we know, Minato asked him to report on her."

"Oh, well! THAT kind of thing should make her feel right at home in Konoha," Ensui snarked. "And anyway, we all know Sarutobi's watching her." And THAT, to Ensui, is what didn't make sense more than anything following his conversation with the Hokage. The Sarutobis were loyal as hell. Maybe Minato-sama was testing him? –What a drag!

Shikaku hummed. "Maybe you're complaining about Hatake because you're being overly sensitive!" He snickered at the deadpan look he got for that insinuation. "ANYway, just keep in mind that Minato can't look at a man and think he won't take his little girl away from him."

Ensui sighed. "If we were talking about someone else, I would say that that man needed to open his eyes. A woman like that? Mito-san's not been a little girl in a long while."

"Watch that," Shikaku complained, wanting his clansmen to live another day and many more beyond that.

"I'm watching alright," Ensui drawled. "Check."

.

Naruto walked in on his sister being weird at breakfast again. This morning she was trying to force their dad's eyes to focus on one of Ero-sennin's pervy books: his newest one. His father was whining and had his eyes shut tight. "Okaaaaay," the boy drawled quietly. Maybe he could grab ramen for breakfast at Ichiraku's today; there was a lot of awkwardness going on that he didn't need to be a part of.

His nii-san forced him to sit down before he could sneak out.

"Read it," Mito tried to genjutsu the Hokage as she held up the book over his neverending paperwork, layering levels of a suggestive jutsu, (as well as she could anymore.) "Read it! You WILL read it. You WANT to read it! Your ONLY desire is to read it!"

"Mito-chan," he snickered, "do you really think it's a good idea to genjutsu your village leader in such a manner? Or to jutsu me at all?" And to do it out loud?!

Mito learned this morning that her father had his student come by for breakfasts on Fridays so she maturely decided to ignore him - although she greeted him kindly, she'd like to think when he first strolled in. Apparently, whenever he's in the village this was a thing - but Kakashi pretty much sat there and read the hot new book, too. Just like her. Just like her father should! The new Icha-Icha was wonderful!

From this point forward, she was inviting Asuma to come on Fridays, too.

Mito clicked her tongue before putting her book down and returning to Momo-san (who was quickly becoming Mito's favorite person) to get a third helping of goodies. Today's breakfast was OUTSTANDING! Plus, her father was very skilled at avoiding genjutsus anyway. So she gave up. "I bought you that book so yes."

"Maa, Mito-chan: you sure are loose with your money."

"And you sure are loose with your tongue," Mito snarked back to their guest without thinking about it. "Anyway. I… didn't exactly BUY it." Naruto gasped and asked Mito if she was a thief and she just shrugged. After picking her book back up, she fell right into another steamy scene. Jiraiya really outdid himself with this one. And it was so thought-provoking!

"You stole it from the bookstore?"

Mito couldn't believe he'd asked that. What kind of person did he think she was? "I'm not a monster; I wouldn't take something from a small business that needs to profit so they can pay their employees and stuff. I stole a few copies from Jiraiya. That man pays me jack-squat."

"Oh," Minato said. "I don't have a problem with that. Good for you." As time wore on, Minato watched Mito and Kakashi look so enamored with their new Icha-Icha books (there were even a few other people openly reading this one in the village this time) and reluctantly opened his own new copy. Naruto gasped and pointed at him, making both of the older kids laugh at his expense as Naru scolded him. He quickly shut it again, feeling his cheeks heat up.

"Hey, Naruto, what's your schedule for taijutsu this week?" Mito asked. The story about the Hyuuga girl's injuries happening during taijutsu practice didn't add up - and don't get her started on that filthy curse seal that they use on their branch members: Ugh!

"Why, ane?"

"Because I wanna know!"

Naruto growled at his sister. "You asked that before. I don't know if I want you in my personal business!" His father watched their conversation as if it was interesting, he noticed.

"Whaddya sayin'," Mito began, wondering what important "personal business" a student had at the Academy. "Are you becoming a boss there?" She tilted her head and raised her eyebrows as she leaned closer to his face. Her brother looked intrigued: she understood that. "Naruto, I'm fine if you have a gang-ish entrepreneurship program going on or something like that but Don't Let Tou-san find out."

"Mito-chan," Minato scolded, biting back a laugh. Naruto's red face proved that she was really beginning to rile him up.

"Seriously, Naruto. Tou-san shut down my Pen Pal Forum."

Minato had forgotten about that. "You were placing mail-in bets and had a list of yakuza that you'd involved!"

"I was making money," Mito tsk-ed. Tsunade had given her the contacts.

"You were six! And you were racketeering!"

"Hardly!" At the time she didn't believe anyone really got hurt from gambling. She'd been young and innocent about so many things then. "You can ask Ero-ojii, though: it gave me a beginning flair for the books and creative accounting which is valuable for any ninja to know."

"Really? Why?" Naruto asked. He was always eager to be a better ninja and could admit that he didn't study math as much as he maybe should. He was pretty good at it but it just didn't seem cool.

"That's enough guys," their father interrupted.

Mito felt that he did that a lot. It was almost as if he didn't want them to get closer or even be around each other sometimes, so Mito had begun finding herself a place to go every night (usually a training field) so she didn't have to deal with it. She hoped that this was just part of them adjusting to each other but had serious doubts about them ever being the family she'd dreamt of. That idea had been naive to hope for, she supposed - especially without her mother here. She sighed and tried to smile at Naruto when he left for school. Kakashi and her father immediately began talking once he left, making her feel worse somehow. She left as soon as she'd washed and put away her dishes.

Minato watched Kakashi's eyes (well, he figured it was both eyes although one was under his hitai-ate) as they strayed from the pages of his book, toward his daughter as she moved around. He'd known of what he'd thought of as Kakashi's obsession with Mito for quite a while now. He rubbed the bridge of his nose, knowing that might not be entirely right about that. Kakashi had told him that he - Minato - had a problem when it came to Mito.

Kakashi had also openly said that he admired Mito for what she'd done the night of the Nine-Tails attack but he really felt there was more going on there. Kakashi may have said he was being ridiculous but his masked student rarely ever paid anyone so much attention or any type of compliment, ever. "You really think I'm overprotective?"

Kakashi pretended to think about it; he was into his book but heard him. "Maa, you shouldn't ignore your instincts."

"Thank you, Kakashi-kun." His student rolled his eye: what a brat. He let out a depressed sigh thinking about Mito again. "Between us, she's told me she suspects abuse taking place at the Hyuuga Compound. She thinks an investigation is in order. –Child abuse."

"Shocking," Kakashi said dryly, never looking away from his book. He couldn't wait to find out what happened next between Ray, the protagonist, and Ro: their relationship seemed destined for failure. So sad!

"Yes," Minato drawled as he considered igniting his paperwork: it was dull as hell. "I told her that it was a clan matter that I couldn't interfere in. I didn't expect her to go to the temporary Head of Police, though."

"Wow," Kakashi said, meaning it this time. He supposed Minato should be glad that the police force's reporting structure was in disarray at the moment (aside from the problems that it caused.) Had Fugaku still been alive and in charge, he was sure that the Uchiha would've PROUDLY marched into the Hyuuga Compound, looking for a fight and evidence.

"Let me pick your brain about Genin assignments. I'm not comfortable with the old Rookie of the Year paired with the 'Deadlast,' at least with this bunch."

Kakashi wasn't surprised about that although he thought the system worked. "How many graduates are going to be assigned to Jonin-senseis?"

"12 that I'm sure of. Asuma's agreed to take the Ino-Shika-Cho trio; I was thinking of creating a tracking team but want to make sure it has enough muscle and that some of that strength - such as it is for Genin - is distributed to all teams. Hmm. Maybe I'll have the four of you train your Genins together." He smiled at his student indulgently.

Kakashi wanted to die again. "If they don't pass my test, I won't pass them: I don't care who they are, sensei." It would make him sick to fail Naruto - he'd watched over his little brother figure since Day 1 - but he'd fail him if only to protect him if he didn't pass the teamwork test. Hopefully, Naruto wouldn't hate him for it. He was fairly sure that he'd told Naruto about the bell test when he was a little boy but doubted that he'd remember the story now. Surely Minato had told him about the test…

But that might mean that Naruto would tell his teammates. Oh God, no! That might allow them to pass!

"Your test was my test, if you recall, Kakashi-kun." Kakashi made a pained face after a beat that hurt Minato's heart. "Those were the good days."

"If you say so, sensei." Kakashi disappeared with a pop and Minato realized that he'd been dealing with a shadow clone all along.

"Well, that was annoying."

Their team 7 was also tragic. So tragic.

.

Tsunade smiled at her goddaughter as she entered an unconscious patient's room. "Well, what do we have here?" Ink was moving all over the man's torso.

"Something I've been thinking about. It's just a variant of what we use to stabilize patients during surgeries but this can be tweaked to provide nutrients, a steady stream of medicine, or chakra, that kind of thing. I hope you're not mad…"

"Don't be ridiculous! Was this something you found in Uzushio, Mito-chan?"

"No, actually. I only got into their medical scrolls yesterday - they were hidden - but I've only - so far - read through things that they must've shared with Konoha once upon a time. I was wondering if a compressed version of this could be applied to ninjas suffering from arthritis." Wear and tear on joints was a bitch when you were jumping around and down from the tops of trees every single day. "Actually… Yeah: I need to think of something more preventive for them, huh? Us, I should say." Hopefully.

Tsunade nodded and checked the patient's stats. "This is very good," she muttered to herself - even though her words seemed to please Mito. She and her staff had been working on this man, trying to get him well enough to go into a rehabilitation facility for hours upon hours each day. That or he'll end up in long-term care. Because he'd signed up for potentially lifesaving experimental techniques, Tsunade was afraid of what they might try with him over there.

"Do you have time to go over the new info after work?"

Tsunade raised an eyebrow at her. "Don't those scrolls potentially contain clan secrets?"

Mito leaned against the wall, propping one foot against it. "I'm not giving the scrolls to Konoha. I keep them on my person at all times but you're Uzumaki, too, baa-chan."

"Keh. Don't call me that." Mito only rolled her eyes which at this point in her life was just fine by her.

"If something can help people, I'd like to dig into the techniques as soon as possible. Two heads are better than one, ne?"

Tsunade hummed. She knew how surprisingly jealous, for lack of a better guess, Shizune had been when Mito finally came back to live in Konoha. Whether it really was envy or not, Tsunade wanted to mend their relationship. Both girls were important to her and they'd traveled and trained together for years. "Maybe we can have Shizune look at the scrolls as well."

Mito's brows pinched. "Maybe. …She's not an Uzumaki, though, so that might have to wait until I wade through them." She waited uncomfortably for several minutes while Tsunade checked her work and data. "Is there something else I can do to make things better between us? Hey, did she ever try to sign with the slugs? I bet she'd like that!"

Tsunade appreciated Mito's efforts at working things out between them. She'd seen Shizune all but running away when Mito was around lately. She'd even changed her schedule to (possibly) avoid her. Her two apprentices were very different from one another. Both were fierce but in different ways. Mito could be loud and ready to beat someone senseless - and let's not get started on those hellish chains of hers - while Shizune was one that plotted revenge but was sweet and demure - at least until pressed with a challenge. Then the senbon come out…

The slug sannin sighed. "Shizune's chakra isn't suited for the slugs. Sora-kun signed, however."

"Wow! That's great," Mito smiled. "Just like his… what? His great-great uncle? Something like that?"

"Add a great, and that's my grandfather. Yes."

.

Kakashi lowered his book slightly but raised an eyebrow at the nervous Friday Breakfast newcomer. "Asuma."

"Kakashi."

Naruto pointed his chopsticks at the new guy while their father ignored everyone entirely. Seriously, I think Dad's in love with paperwork. "Oi, Beardo. What are you doing here?"

Mito threw her head back and cackled at the stove. Asuma stuck an unlit cigarette in his mouth. "I was invited," he gestured toward Mito with his chin, deeply wishing his cigarette was lit. "More like I was baited. Dared. Scammed."

"Eat this and you'll want to treat me to ramen," Mito said, handing a plate of some weird foreign deliciousness to him. "This is Sarutobi Asuma, Naruto-kun. He tells me you two know each other." Naruto nodded but glared at the bearded Jonin anyway.

Asuma thought the food smelled good but that didn't matter when it came to Mito's poisons and/or detestable cooking. "You had nothing to do with making this, yes?"

"Asshole."

"Mito-chan."

"Tou-san." Her father clicked his tongue. "Did you even greet Asuma?"

"Of course," Minato exclaimed although he had to think about it for a second. "Forgive me for doing paperwork at the table, Asuma-kun." He couldn't explain what it was about in front of his son.

"No prob. My pops used to do the same thing."

Minato nodded and smiled but that idea threw him into turmoil. He'd heard from everyone around that a young Asuma deeply resented how little time Lord Third spent with him. He looked pensively at Naruto, wondering if he felt the same way. Frankly, he was afraid to see how Mito could be looking at him right now.

Mito narrowed her eyes at Asuma as soon as her father looked away again (after she winked at Naruto.)

Asuma slumped. "So. You got any cool new missions, Mito-chan?" –Her putting him up to asking that was pretty damn obvious if you asked him.

"Not. A. One." She looked at her father while Asuma began quickly eating.

Minato suddenly noticed an error in the report he was reading - a significant one that might not be an error at all.

Not considering WHO had complained about needing a mission (he was so used to Kakashi doing it) he answered rotely. "So go to the Mission Assignment Desk and ask for one."

Mito almost flashed away, she was so excited. Kakashi was looking at them all warily so Mito began signaling violent threats so that he'd keep his masked mouth shut. She quietly picked up her plate and chopsticks, quickly washed them, and then disappeared.

In the dining room, Asuma was attempting to slither away while Naruto watched the whole thing with great amusement.

Mito stepped up to the desk. "Namikaze Mito: registration #010890. Reporting with permission from Hokage-sama for a mission."

Her identity verified, the Chunin manning the desk scratched his head. "Hokage-sama okay-ed this?"

Mito nodded, beginning to sweat. "Just now."

"Okay. Um, what rank?"

"Oh," Mito said, not quite sure of how these things usually went down. She'd heard about this process but that was when she didn't have the rank of Jonin. "S. Short-term. If you've got intelligence or a mission on the Teleporter, I'll take it."

"I'm afraid… I don't. That's usually ANBU stuff BUT maybe this one relates? It just came in."

Mito quickly agreed, thanking the Great Ramen God (and Inari-sama, thinking Kurama would appreciate that) for being handed an ANBU support mission, signed for it, then flashed off again. "Kuchiyose no Jutsu." Shin showed up, meeting her outside the village and making her day. "Shin, I need you to go to the hospital to tell Tsunade-hime that I've got a mission. I'll contact her with details about when I can get back later. Don't say anything to anyone else. Well. Would you mind telling Asuma when he's alone? ONLY if he's alone!"

"That's it?"

"That's it! I'll see ya!" She had flashed away before he could ask for snacks. She'd pony up later. She had a mission to get to!