The Heart Brings You Back
Chapter 7
Previously: Abbey worried that Jed's symptoms could be indicative of a more serious illness as she waited for his test results to come back
Summary:
Abbey waited nervously outside the bedroom. She had spoken to Admiral Hackett and now she had to get herself ready for the hard part -- telling Jed the news. It wouldn't be easy and she knew that, but she hoped and prayed it wouldn't be as difficult as she was imagining. She opened the door, slowly peeking her eyes through the crack to see if he was still asleep.
"Abbey?" he called. "What are you doing?"
"Nothing, I didn't want to disturb you," she replied, walking in to the room. "How do you feel?"
He shook his head as she approached the bed, sitting on the edge.
"What is it?" he asked her, seeing the confusion and pain in her eyes.
"You've had multiple attacks in the past year...and there's some sign of progression. There's a possibility that what you're experiencing is the M.S. getting worse."
No surprises. They knew that.
"It could be the start of Secondary Progressive M.S.," she continued.
"Could be?"
"Some of the tests were inconclusive since you're having a relapse right now. Hackett wants to wait a month or two, then do a few more tests...including another spinal tap. In the meantime, he wants you to start a course of prednisone...very low dosage...just to see if it helps with the discomfort, relieves the inflamation."
"What else?" he asked.
"What do you mean?"
"Abbey, what aren't you telling me?"
Abbey looked down, not able to look at his face. He was searching for answers and she didn't have them all. She felt helpless.
"Because of the pain and tingling in your leg, we need to think about the possibility that you may need help getting around." Jed's eyes shifted, freezing on a spot on the wall. "I want you to start using a cane to help you. I'm also ordering a wheelchair just in case things get worse..."
"No," he said softly.
"Jed, I'm so sorry."
"I said no. I'm not going to wheel myself around this place. It's not going to happen."
Jed lifted himself off the bed against Abbey's protests. He began getting dressed, pushing Abbey's hands away when she tried to assist. His pride took over, casting all logic aside. He was bound and determined to get out of the room and away from the woman he loved before he broke down in front of her. When he finally managed to put on a sweatshirt and pair of pants, he left the room, leaving his wife sitting on the bed, clutching his pillow.
It would be hours before Abbey would see Jed again. He needed to be alone and she understood. Her heart broke for him and for what he was facing. She couldn't imagine the physical pain he was going through, or the emotional betrayal he felt everytime he realized his body was turning on him. His immune system -- the very thing that was supposed to protect him against outside disease -- was now attacking him and causing his body to deteriorate. For Abbey, the worst part was that she couldn't do anything to help him. She was a doctor, but this was out of her hands. The only thing she could do was sit back and watch, a role that devastated her.
When Jed walked back into the Residence that night, Abbey had dinner waiting on the table. She hoped that he had absorbed the information enough to have a rational discussion with her about it. If he was just open to what this meant, she was convinced they could get through it together. But to Jed, ending up in a wheelchair signaled the end of who he was. He felt defeated. He always knew this day would come, but he prayed he'd be out of the White House and away from all the public scrutiny when it did.
Jed walked over to the table, looking at Abbey sitting at the opposite end, then he walked away, turning away from her. Abbey slowly rose and walked over to him, putting her hand on his shoulders.
"We can get through this. Let me help." She got no answer, so she continued, "Jed, we knew this was eventually going to happen. Now that it has, we're prepared. We can handle it."
We? There is no we he thought, as he shrugged her hand away.Something was different, she thought. He wasn't just upset. He was angry. He wasn't talking, he wasn't even looking at her.
"We're a team, remember?" she continued.
Still no response. Abbey walked around him so she could look at his face. He stared coldly at the wall behind her, as if looking right through her.
"Jed? Talk to me, please," she begged.
Before Jed had a chance to answer, he looked to the corner, where he saw the wheelchair Abbey had ordered. She wanted to make this easier on him and figured he'd come around. She knew the last thing he needed was to shop for the chair himself. The timing couldn't have been worse. Jed looked at her, surprised by her actions. He had told her he had no intention of sitting in a wheelchair and yet, she went ahead and bought one.
"You really think you make all my decisions, don't you?" he said. "First you tell Leo to cancel my meetings..."
"I did that for your own good," she interrupted.
"I still get a say in what's for my own good, Abbey. You don't get to decide everything."
He had a right to be upset. He had a right to lash out. But she worried that his temper would cause his disease to flare. She tried to end the discussion and keep things civil, for his sake. But he didn't want that. He wanted to fight. Not because he really was angry with her, but because taking his frustration out on someone gave him the distraction he needed to continue to deny what was happening to him. It was a strategy they had both perfected over the course of their marriage.
"Why won't you just let me help you?" she asked him.
He turned away from her once again.
"Don't push me away. Not now," she pleaded.
Still no answer, no sign that he was even listening.
"I love you," she said finally, hoping that would provoke some response.
Jed knew she loved him, even if she hadn't said it in more than a year. He didn't need to hear it. All he had to do was look into her eyes to see the love she had for him. She said she would never be back to the White House. And yet, here she was, where he needed her to be. Sure, she left him when he needed her last time, but that wasn't as much about him as it was about her. This time, she was there and he trusted her to stay there. So why was it so hard, he wondered. Why couldn't he admit he was getting worse, that he needed help -- her help? She had taken care of his MS for more than a decade. Why couldn't he turn to her when he needed her the most?
He didn't know the answer to those questions, but when he turned to face her and looked into her hazel eyes and saw the tears beginning to form after her declaration of love, he melted. He silently and quietly chastised himself for being so hard on her when all she wanted to do was be there for him, to support him, and to love him. He couldn't bring himself to let her in, but he couldn't stand there and try to hurt her either. He loved her too much to do that.
Flashback
Jed had reached the end of his rope. Dealing with Abbey's depression, his duties as President, and his broken heart since Zoey's death a month earlier had taken its toll, both physically and emotionally. He wanted to reach out to his wife. She was the only one who could comfort him now. More than anything, he wanted Abbey to tell him she didn't blame him for his part in Zoey's abduction. He needed to hear those words from her in order to believe them himself.
When he went back to the Residence that night, he prayed he'd see a different Abbey. He wanted his wife back to her old self again. He didn't recognize the person she had become and he wasn't sure he wanted to get to know this new side to her personality. He walked through the door and felt optimistic upon hearing her first words.
"I'm sorry about before. I'm sorry I hit you," she said sincerely.
"Yeah. I'm sorry about the things I said," he replied. But when he approached her, her reaction was cold. "Abbey..." he began, trying to reach out to hold her. She moved away to avoid his touch.
He sat down on the edge of the bed and watched her retreat into the bathroom.
Remembering the pain he felt, Jed was determined not to repeat Abbey's mistake. Instead, he scooped her up in arms, whispering "I love you too" in her ear.
TBC
Previously: Abbey worried that Jed's symptoms could be indicative of a more serious illness as she waited for his test results to come back
Summary:
Abbey waited nervously outside the bedroom. She had spoken to Admiral Hackett and now she had to get herself ready for the hard part -- telling Jed the news. It wouldn't be easy and she knew that, but she hoped and prayed it wouldn't be as difficult as she was imagining. She opened the door, slowly peeking her eyes through the crack to see if he was still asleep.
"Abbey?" he called. "What are you doing?"
"Nothing, I didn't want to disturb you," she replied, walking in to the room. "How do you feel?"
He shook his head as she approached the bed, sitting on the edge.
"What is it?" he asked her, seeing the confusion and pain in her eyes.
"You've had multiple attacks in the past year...and there's some sign of progression. There's a possibility that what you're experiencing is the M.S. getting worse."
No surprises. They knew that.
"It could be the start of Secondary Progressive M.S.," she continued.
"Could be?"
"Some of the tests were inconclusive since you're having a relapse right now. Hackett wants to wait a month or two, then do a few more tests...including another spinal tap. In the meantime, he wants you to start a course of prednisone...very low dosage...just to see if it helps with the discomfort, relieves the inflamation."
"What else?" he asked.
"What do you mean?"
"Abbey, what aren't you telling me?"
Abbey looked down, not able to look at his face. He was searching for answers and she didn't have them all. She felt helpless.
"Because of the pain and tingling in your leg, we need to think about the possibility that you may need help getting around." Jed's eyes shifted, freezing on a spot on the wall. "I want you to start using a cane to help you. I'm also ordering a wheelchair just in case things get worse..."
"No," he said softly.
"Jed, I'm so sorry."
"I said no. I'm not going to wheel myself around this place. It's not going to happen."
Jed lifted himself off the bed against Abbey's protests. He began getting dressed, pushing Abbey's hands away when she tried to assist. His pride took over, casting all logic aside. He was bound and determined to get out of the room and away from the woman he loved before he broke down in front of her. When he finally managed to put on a sweatshirt and pair of pants, he left the room, leaving his wife sitting on the bed, clutching his pillow.
It would be hours before Abbey would see Jed again. He needed to be alone and she understood. Her heart broke for him and for what he was facing. She couldn't imagine the physical pain he was going through, or the emotional betrayal he felt everytime he realized his body was turning on him. His immune system -- the very thing that was supposed to protect him against outside disease -- was now attacking him and causing his body to deteriorate. For Abbey, the worst part was that she couldn't do anything to help him. She was a doctor, but this was out of her hands. The only thing she could do was sit back and watch, a role that devastated her.
When Jed walked back into the Residence that night, Abbey had dinner waiting on the table. She hoped that he had absorbed the information enough to have a rational discussion with her about it. If he was just open to what this meant, she was convinced they could get through it together. But to Jed, ending up in a wheelchair signaled the end of who he was. He felt defeated. He always knew this day would come, but he prayed he'd be out of the White House and away from all the public scrutiny when it did.
Jed walked over to the table, looking at Abbey sitting at the opposite end, then he walked away, turning away from her. Abbey slowly rose and walked over to him, putting her hand on his shoulders.
"We can get through this. Let me help." She got no answer, so she continued, "Jed, we knew this was eventually going to happen. Now that it has, we're prepared. We can handle it."
We? There is no we he thought, as he shrugged her hand away.Something was different, she thought. He wasn't just upset. He was angry. He wasn't talking, he wasn't even looking at her.
"We're a team, remember?" she continued.
Still no response. Abbey walked around him so she could look at his face. He stared coldly at the wall behind her, as if looking right through her.
"Jed? Talk to me, please," she begged.
Before Jed had a chance to answer, he looked to the corner, where he saw the wheelchair Abbey had ordered. She wanted to make this easier on him and figured he'd come around. She knew the last thing he needed was to shop for the chair himself. The timing couldn't have been worse. Jed looked at her, surprised by her actions. He had told her he had no intention of sitting in a wheelchair and yet, she went ahead and bought one.
"You really think you make all my decisions, don't you?" he said. "First you tell Leo to cancel my meetings..."
"I did that for your own good," she interrupted.
"I still get a say in what's for my own good, Abbey. You don't get to decide everything."
He had a right to be upset. He had a right to lash out. But she worried that his temper would cause his disease to flare. She tried to end the discussion and keep things civil, for his sake. But he didn't want that. He wanted to fight. Not because he really was angry with her, but because taking his frustration out on someone gave him the distraction he needed to continue to deny what was happening to him. It was a strategy they had both perfected over the course of their marriage.
"Why won't you just let me help you?" she asked him.
He turned away from her once again.
"Don't push me away. Not now," she pleaded.
Still no answer, no sign that he was even listening.
"I love you," she said finally, hoping that would provoke some response.
Jed knew she loved him, even if she hadn't said it in more than a year. He didn't need to hear it. All he had to do was look into her eyes to see the love she had for him. She said she would never be back to the White House. And yet, here she was, where he needed her to be. Sure, she left him when he needed her last time, but that wasn't as much about him as it was about her. This time, she was there and he trusted her to stay there. So why was it so hard, he wondered. Why couldn't he admit he was getting worse, that he needed help -- her help? She had taken care of his MS for more than a decade. Why couldn't he turn to her when he needed her the most?
He didn't know the answer to those questions, but when he turned to face her and looked into her hazel eyes and saw the tears beginning to form after her declaration of love, he melted. He silently and quietly chastised himself for being so hard on her when all she wanted to do was be there for him, to support him, and to love him. He couldn't bring himself to let her in, but he couldn't stand there and try to hurt her either. He loved her too much to do that.
Flashback
Jed had reached the end of his rope. Dealing with Abbey's depression, his duties as President, and his broken heart since Zoey's death a month earlier had taken its toll, both physically and emotionally. He wanted to reach out to his wife. She was the only one who could comfort him now. More than anything, he wanted Abbey to tell him she didn't blame him for his part in Zoey's abduction. He needed to hear those words from her in order to believe them himself.
When he went back to the Residence that night, he prayed he'd see a different Abbey. He wanted his wife back to her old self again. He didn't recognize the person she had become and he wasn't sure he wanted to get to know this new side to her personality. He walked through the door and felt optimistic upon hearing her first words.
"I'm sorry about before. I'm sorry I hit you," she said sincerely.
"Yeah. I'm sorry about the things I said," he replied. But when he approached her, her reaction was cold. "Abbey..." he began, trying to reach out to hold her. She moved away to avoid his touch.
He sat down on the edge of the bed and watched her retreat into the bathroom.
Remembering the pain he felt, Jed was determined not to repeat Abbey's mistake. Instead, he scooped her up in arms, whispering "I love you too" in her ear.
TBC