GORDON-GORDON

I must admit to being quite impressed by the insights Agent Booth had gleaned prior to our next meeting. When one's been hiding from oneself for a long spell, it can take months before they're prepared to confront whatever precipitated their crisis. Of course, in this particular case, the defining event is quite obvious: Agent Booth's rejection by his lovely Dr. Brennan. What was confounding him were the choices he'd made in the aftermath, in many cases because he'd refused to acknowledge what was right before his eyes.

"So, tell me, how did Dr. Brennan take the arrival of your paramour?"

"You know Bones. She's not like other people. She was curious about Hannah, of course. I took them out to lunch and they really hit it off…" He laughs and shares a conversation between the two women.

"Seeley tells me you're the best partner he's ever had."

"Well, I'm sure that's true. I'm not only gifted intellectually and internationally known, but I'm also highly skilled in various methods of self-defense."

"I like a person who isn't hampered by modesty. I have two Peabody's, a National Press Award, and I've been wounded three times getting stories. I kick Christine Amanpour's ass."

"We are both quite impressive."

"And you didn't see this tete-a-tete as two alpha females vying for a mate?" The question catches him off guard, his eyes widening slightly as they land on me.

"What? No. No," he insists without confidence. "Why would you think that?"

"I should think the reason's obvious," I return. I give him several second to consider the suggestion, plowing ahead when he remains silent. "Two women, sitting with the man they both desire, sharing their accomplishments, accolades earned and espousing their physical prowess? It's as classic as a peacock showing its plumes." He groans and leans forward to rest his forehead against the table while shaking his head.

"Anthropology?" He sits back up. "Now you're sounding like Bones, not a shrink."

"Chef, if you don't mind," I interject. "Let me ask this instead: If it were two men listing their attributes whilst seated with a woman they both wished to have, what would you think?" He leaps to his feet and paces several steps away, shoving a hand into a pocket and pulling out his sobriety chip.

"You know, Hannah and Bones got pretty close," he begins with his back to me while fingering the chip. "They'd go out to get drinks together. The three of us would have lunch together and… and dinner sometimes… and… and Bones even had a dinner party at her place. Me and Hannah were there and Angela and Hodgins. The night Hannah moved into my place, it was Bones who'd told her about this… this… Bakelite phone that I'd wanted for like years and when Hannah got shot, if Bones hadn't gone to the hospital with me and hadn't seen the x-rays, Hannah would have probably died."

"Hmmm, yes. As difficult as many of these acts would have been for Dr. Brennan, it's quite apropos for the woman who'd once said…"

"I can't think of anything I wouldn't do to help Booth."

His laugh is one of a man in a great deal of pain.

"I once told Bones that loving someone meant putting them before yourself. So, how didn't I realize that's exactly what she was doing until it was too late?" My brow quirks upwards at the last.

"Too late, for what, precisely?" I prod. I watch as he battles with his normal reticence to speak of personal issues and, I suspect, his instinct to protect Dr. Brennan, even if only from possible judgment. He returns to his chair then with a heavy sigh, slumps into it.

"Bones had what I guess you could call, um, a breakdown. She wasn't sleeping or eating. She was having conversations about static-… staticky messages from the universe with a security guard that, um, doesn't exist and talking to the remains from our case and… and, she, uh, thought they were answering her. She shut herself off from everyone." I'm positively gobsmacked by this news about the normally ultra-rational, tightly controlled Dr. Brennan.

"Yourself included?" His eyes slant away from me and I can see his Adam's Apple bob when he swallows hard before looking at me again.

"Things weren't like that between us anymore," he shares, once more gaining his feet. "I couldn't be that person for her anymore."

"Well, that certainly explains why Dr. Brennan turned to these imaginary personas for support, doesn't it?" I ruminate aloud.

"What do you mean?"

"You caught me doing a bit of woolgathering, I'm afraid," I apologize. "What I meant is simply this: Just as you were once creating a family around Dr. Brennan, she was doing much the same around you. Without your guidance and support, it would be difficult for her to sustain those relationships she was building. I imagine she felt quite alone and the subconscious creation of the two different entities provided a means of coming to some form of resolution to the conflict she was experiencing." I pause to pour some more scotch in our glasses. "Please, do go on."

"Bones solved the case on her own and didn't even tell me. Instead, she went alone, in the pouring rain to confront the suspect by herself. If I hadn't gotten there when I did, she would have been hit by a car, just like the victim. I managed to get her into the truck and on the way to her place she… Bones… she told me she'd… made a mistake. That she… That she wanted to be with me." He stumbles on the words and his words are sprinkled with a healthy dash of regret and a big helping of guilt.

"There's a time you wished to hear those words more than anything else."

"Yeah, there was."

"But not then," I assess.

"No, not then," he confirms, returning to sit and enjoy a sip of his scotch. "That's not entirely true. A part of me was happy… thrilled, but not the bigger part. It made me angry. She'd broken something in me when she refused what I was offering. I didn't even know who I was anymore. I'd been so angry and so… so…"

"Hurt," I offer again.

"Yeah," he confirms, continuing as though I hadn't spoken at all, "For so long. I was lying to Bones and Hannah, even myself. I was cheating on Hannah, in a way, because I still loved Bones and no matter how upset I was, I didn't want to lose her. I'd already gotten a taste of what it was like not having Bones around and it had been bad. Really, really bad. I wasn't there for Bones when she needed me, didn't explain the things she didn't understand. I just left her out there on her own. But I didn't… I didn't…" He draws in harsh breath then pushes the words past his lips "…trust her… I couldn't trust her not to change her mind, to do it all again."

"Did you tell her this?" I ask. Staring at his scotch glass, he slowly shakes his head in the negative.

"No." He looks up at me. "I told her I was with Hannah now and I loved her." He takes another drink and sets a cup down. "Bones took off for the Maluku Islands again and I went fishing for a week, trying to figure out how everything had gone so wrong."

"Did you come to any conclusions?"

"Yeah. I did. Angry, hurt, whatever. I was still in love with Bones. When I realized she'd been chasing me ever since we got back, I fell in love with her even more. But I also realized it didn't matter. She'd left. Again. And after dropping the kind of thing she did on me?" He shook his head. "I was with Hannah. I loved her. I'm not a guy that dumps one woman to move on to another."

"So things remained status quo?" His eyes dart away from mine. "Ahhh, I see. What happened, then?" He shrugs as though what he is about to say is of no consequence.

"I told Hannah Bones had said she was still in love with me."

"I see." And I did see. "What of your agreement with Dr. Brennan? What was it again? What happens between you is…" I purposefully leave the sentence hanging. He looks at me. I was expecting to see anger, instead I see defeat.

"Ours. I know. I know. I was angry and hurt that she'd left. Again! Who does that?! You can't just dump that kind of news on a guy and disappear!"

"What did you hope telling Hannah would gain?" He shifts in his seat, uncomfortably.

"A... a part of me wanted Hannah to take a stand and… and… confront Bones… or, or, or… that she'd break up with me, so it would all stop. I was hurting Bones. I was lying all the time. I was cheating on both of them." He's clearly embarrassed by the admission.

"Did she?"

"No. They talked. She knows Bones isn't like everyone else." He sighs heavily.

"Forgive me, but I find it odd a woman who makes her living as essentially an investigative reporter didn't press you for more. You had, after all, previously lied about yourself and Dr. Brennan having anything more than a professional relationship."

"She did." His eyes flit away again. "I… lied… and told her whatever I'd once felt was in the past."

"So, Hannah didn't provide a barrier to Dr. Brennan or end things between you and her. It would seem your confession did little to solve your situation but caused you to resort to duplicity once again."

"I know. I know," he answered, frustrated.

"Yet, unless I've misread the situation, you are without either woman now." I wait a couple of moments for a denial that never comes. "Do continue."

"A week later, the Gravedigger was assassinated and we began our pursuit of Jake Broadsky. Jake and I were snipers with the Rangers together. I didn't want to believe he'd become a hired assassin but all the evidence was heading that way. I found out he'd bought a parcel of land outside D.C. in my name. When I confronted him, we ended up in a foot race. As I crossed in front of the trailer he'd been living in, he blew it sky high. It was a really strong blast. I mean it literally took me off my feet and for a second there, I thought 'This is it.'" He lifts his drops his hands. "The last thought I had before I hit the ground was of Bones." He sighs. "To make matters worse, Max, Bones' father was in town and he really gave it to me, good. He—"

"Dr. Brennan and her father are doing better then?" I couldn't help assuaging my curiosity in this regard.

"Better, yes, but she still doesn't trust him to stay clean and I don't know if she'll ever be able to forgive him completely for abandoning her." I nod my head and hum my understanding. "Please, continue."

"He must have sat at the coffee stand Bones and me go to for hours. When I saw him, he tried to pretend he'd just gotten there, but it wouldn't take an FBI agent to realize his coffee was stone cold, not a hint of steam to be seen. Then, when I ordered my coffee, the guy asked if 'my friend' wanted another round…."