Yeah, I know the dialogue is a bit corny, but I was sick of the First Couple fighting every other day.
The Heart Brings You Back
Disclaimers: See Chapter 1
Chapter 14
Previously: Leo and Abbey made amends and she considered joining him in his AA meetings
Summary: Jed and Abbey talk about her problem, Abbey has one more secret left to tell, and Emma confuses CJ
CJ, Josh, and Toby stood in the Leo's office, waiting for the Chief of Staff. They had all heard what happened to the President through the White House grapevine. When Leo came in, they were eager to find out the real story. Was the President hurt badly? How was he now? Why wasn't his wife able to help him? Leo answered what he could, telling them that the President suffered a mild concussion and a cut above his eyebrow. He was resting comfortably in the Residence and that he would be taking the rest of the day off.
"And Abbey?" CJ asked.
"The First Lady is fine. She's with the President."
"Is he having another attack?" Toby wanted to know.
"I don't know."
"Were they having a fight, Leo? I heard the First Lady was half-dressed and they were screaming at one another just before..." Josh trailed off.
"Don't listen to gossip, Josh. Abbey was in the office and they weren't 'screaming.' They were having a discussion. When he fell, she did what she could to help. It didn't matter anyway because Admiral Hackett was there within a matter of minutes. Look, it's over. He's okay. He'll return to work tomorrow. CJ, take care of it in the press room. That's all."
"Absolutely," CJ replied as she, Toby, and Josh walked out.
Meanwhile, Abbey approached her bedroom door. She hesitated for a moment before turning the knob, but eventually made her way inside.
"Abbey."
"How do you feel, Jed?"
"I have a headache." He signaled her to come closer to the bed. "Come here."
Abbey walked to him. He reached out his hand to touch hers, urging her to sit down on the edge of the bed.
"We need to talk." He began to gently rub her back. "I just want to help. Tell me what I can do."
"Nothing. Jed, it's under control."
"Abbey, look at me." He put his hand under her chin, lifting her face up. "Honey, it's not. You know it's not."
He was right, of course. In her heart, she knew it wasn't under control. She didn't consider herself a drug addict. She told herself she didn't get "high" from her pills. She told herself she didn't walk the streets looking to score. But just as Jed implied, she had been lying to herself all along and he knew it. As always, he knew her better than she knew herself.
"It helps me."
"I know it does. How long have you been taking them?"
"Since last year."
"Leo hit it right on the nose."
Abbey stood up, not able to sit with him any longer. "I couldn't tell you."
Jed stared at his wife, seeing all the hurt and pain. She was the strongest person he had ever met and nothing would change his opinion. So she needed some help to deal with the death of her daughter. That was understandable. She got herself into trouble, but he wasn't convinced it wasn't partly his fault.
"I know. This is bigger than the meds, Abbey." He paused to look at her. "We need help. We both need help. We never dealt with Zoey's death the way we should have, we never even dealt with each other. We just jumped into bed and hoped it would solve everything."
"It usually does."
"Not this time."
"I know," she whispered.
Jed extended his hand to her once again. Abbey took it and crawled into bed next to him, laying down cradled in his arms. He held her close, not wanting to let go. The truth was that Abbey wanted to stop. She didn't just come back to the White House to take care of Jed. When she spoke to CJ the night of the State of the Union, she saw an opportunity for herself too. She knew that Jed was the only person who could help her before she lost herself completely.
"There's something I have to tell you," she said. "I didn't resign from the hospital willingly. I was forced to resign."
Jed looked at her, surprised by her confession. Abbey went on to tell him about that night in Boston. The story started on the morning of December 24 -- Christmas Eve. Abbey had decided she wanted to stop taking her pills. She knew she was relying on them way too much, but she underestimated her body's dependence on them. She went into withdrawal, and her denial kept her from realizing it.
She went to work that night on the midnight shift. The hospital was severely understaffed because of the holiday, so calling in sick wasn't an option. She hid her shaky hands from co-workers, every now and then running to the ladies room to get herself together, or to throw up. When an accident victim came in with severe chest injuries, it was Abbey who had to tend to him. She moved him to the operating room and before she began the procedure, she froze.
She soon brought herself out of the trance. Looking at the bleeding patient on the table, Abbey thought she could do it, she wanted to do it. His life depended on her being able to do it. But she was too sick. Just minutes into the surgery, she ran out of the room, not able to handle the shaking and the nausea. Another doctor had to step in. The patient died before the procedure was completed. She blamed herself, wondering if she hadn't wasted time, if she had just done what she was trained to do, if she could have saved him.
It was a miracle the news never leaked to the press. She was sure someone in the hospital would have called a reporter, but the only people who knew she froze during the operation were the ones in the room and her immediate supervisors, and they all vowed to protect her.
But a man died and the family was asking questions. The hospital chief-of-staff warned Abbey that he couldn't protect her forever. People were talking and, eventually, someone would start digging around and discover she was too sick to operate that night. They'd wonder what was wrong with her, why she even came in to work in the first place. Abbey knew it would get much worse because what the chief-of-staff didn't know was that her state of mind was the result of anti-anxiety drugs. Everyone thought it was the flu. They thought that when she ran out of the operating room, it was because she was about to pass out from a stomach virus. No one suspected the First Lady was in withdrawal.
Losing a patient was always hard on her, but this patient was different for Abbey. She never got over the guilt. And while it may have been enough to convince her to give up her pills, the stress of it all stopped her from doing that. But it got harder. She couldn't handle the fear building inside her, the fear of losing control. That's why she needed Jed. She felt safe with him. She wanted to tell him about her fears so many times, but she always chickened out. Now that he found out, it was almost a relief to her. If she could get past the shame, she could let her husband help her, just like he let her help him.
"When I saw you on the floor of the Oval, I felt like it was happening all over again. I'm supposed to take care of you, and I couldn't. Just like I couldn't take care of him..." she broke off, not able to look at Jed. "If that had been you, if I would have lost you..."
Jed raised her face up once again. He wiped her tears away, then pulled her head in to rest against his chest.
"Never," he simply said. Somehow, that, coupled with his embrace, was enough to ease her fears -- for now.
Back in the press office, CJ gave Emma her first big assignment -- wave the press off the rumors about the President and First Lady's fight right before his collapse and the rumor that while he laid there, bleeding from a head injury, she stood by and didn't help him.
"If it's true, maybe we should..." Emma started to say.
"It's not true," CJ replied. "I just talked to Leo."
Emma nodded. "Abbey Bartlet always lands on her feet, doesn't she?"
CJ looked at her quizzically, not sure what to make of her comment.
Not this time, Emma thought. This time, everyone would know that Abbey isn't the sweet, innocent First Lady the White House tries to portray her to be. In Emma's mind, she convinced herself that Abbey wouldn't have the chance ruin anyone else's life, ever again, not the way she ruined hers.
TBC in the sequel, "Sweet Revenge"
The Heart Brings You Back
Disclaimers: See Chapter 1
Chapter 14
Previously: Leo and Abbey made amends and she considered joining him in his AA meetings
Summary: Jed and Abbey talk about her problem, Abbey has one more secret left to tell, and Emma confuses CJ
CJ, Josh, and Toby stood in the Leo's office, waiting for the Chief of Staff. They had all heard what happened to the President through the White House grapevine. When Leo came in, they were eager to find out the real story. Was the President hurt badly? How was he now? Why wasn't his wife able to help him? Leo answered what he could, telling them that the President suffered a mild concussion and a cut above his eyebrow. He was resting comfortably in the Residence and that he would be taking the rest of the day off.
"And Abbey?" CJ asked.
"The First Lady is fine. She's with the President."
"Is he having another attack?" Toby wanted to know.
"I don't know."
"Were they having a fight, Leo? I heard the First Lady was half-dressed and they were screaming at one another just before..." Josh trailed off.
"Don't listen to gossip, Josh. Abbey was in the office and they weren't 'screaming.' They were having a discussion. When he fell, she did what she could to help. It didn't matter anyway because Admiral Hackett was there within a matter of minutes. Look, it's over. He's okay. He'll return to work tomorrow. CJ, take care of it in the press room. That's all."
"Absolutely," CJ replied as she, Toby, and Josh walked out.
Meanwhile, Abbey approached her bedroom door. She hesitated for a moment before turning the knob, but eventually made her way inside.
"Abbey."
"How do you feel, Jed?"
"I have a headache." He signaled her to come closer to the bed. "Come here."
Abbey walked to him. He reached out his hand to touch hers, urging her to sit down on the edge of the bed.
"We need to talk." He began to gently rub her back. "I just want to help. Tell me what I can do."
"Nothing. Jed, it's under control."
"Abbey, look at me." He put his hand under her chin, lifting her face up. "Honey, it's not. You know it's not."
He was right, of course. In her heart, she knew it wasn't under control. She didn't consider herself a drug addict. She told herself she didn't get "high" from her pills. She told herself she didn't walk the streets looking to score. But just as Jed implied, she had been lying to herself all along and he knew it. As always, he knew her better than she knew herself.
"It helps me."
"I know it does. How long have you been taking them?"
"Since last year."
"Leo hit it right on the nose."
Abbey stood up, not able to sit with him any longer. "I couldn't tell you."
Jed stared at his wife, seeing all the hurt and pain. She was the strongest person he had ever met and nothing would change his opinion. So she needed some help to deal with the death of her daughter. That was understandable. She got herself into trouble, but he wasn't convinced it wasn't partly his fault.
"I know. This is bigger than the meds, Abbey." He paused to look at her. "We need help. We both need help. We never dealt with Zoey's death the way we should have, we never even dealt with each other. We just jumped into bed and hoped it would solve everything."
"It usually does."
"Not this time."
"I know," she whispered.
Jed extended his hand to her once again. Abbey took it and crawled into bed next to him, laying down cradled in his arms. He held her close, not wanting to let go. The truth was that Abbey wanted to stop. She didn't just come back to the White House to take care of Jed. When she spoke to CJ the night of the State of the Union, she saw an opportunity for herself too. She knew that Jed was the only person who could help her before she lost herself completely.
"There's something I have to tell you," she said. "I didn't resign from the hospital willingly. I was forced to resign."
Jed looked at her, surprised by her confession. Abbey went on to tell him about that night in Boston. The story started on the morning of December 24 -- Christmas Eve. Abbey had decided she wanted to stop taking her pills. She knew she was relying on them way too much, but she underestimated her body's dependence on them. She went into withdrawal, and her denial kept her from realizing it.
She went to work that night on the midnight shift. The hospital was severely understaffed because of the holiday, so calling in sick wasn't an option. She hid her shaky hands from co-workers, every now and then running to the ladies room to get herself together, or to throw up. When an accident victim came in with severe chest injuries, it was Abbey who had to tend to him. She moved him to the operating room and before she began the procedure, she froze.
She soon brought herself out of the trance. Looking at the bleeding patient on the table, Abbey thought she could do it, she wanted to do it. His life depended on her being able to do it. But she was too sick. Just minutes into the surgery, she ran out of the room, not able to handle the shaking and the nausea. Another doctor had to step in. The patient died before the procedure was completed. She blamed herself, wondering if she hadn't wasted time, if she had just done what she was trained to do, if she could have saved him.
It was a miracle the news never leaked to the press. She was sure someone in the hospital would have called a reporter, but the only people who knew she froze during the operation were the ones in the room and her immediate supervisors, and they all vowed to protect her.
But a man died and the family was asking questions. The hospital chief-of-staff warned Abbey that he couldn't protect her forever. People were talking and, eventually, someone would start digging around and discover she was too sick to operate that night. They'd wonder what was wrong with her, why she even came in to work in the first place. Abbey knew it would get much worse because what the chief-of-staff didn't know was that her state of mind was the result of anti-anxiety drugs. Everyone thought it was the flu. They thought that when she ran out of the operating room, it was because she was about to pass out from a stomach virus. No one suspected the First Lady was in withdrawal.
Losing a patient was always hard on her, but this patient was different for Abbey. She never got over the guilt. And while it may have been enough to convince her to give up her pills, the stress of it all stopped her from doing that. But it got harder. She couldn't handle the fear building inside her, the fear of losing control. That's why she needed Jed. She felt safe with him. She wanted to tell him about her fears so many times, but she always chickened out. Now that he found out, it was almost a relief to her. If she could get past the shame, she could let her husband help her, just like he let her help him.
"When I saw you on the floor of the Oval, I felt like it was happening all over again. I'm supposed to take care of you, and I couldn't. Just like I couldn't take care of him..." she broke off, not able to look at Jed. "If that had been you, if I would have lost you..."
Jed raised her face up once again. He wiped her tears away, then pulled her head in to rest against his chest.
"Never," he simply said. Somehow, that, coupled with his embrace, was enough to ease her fears -- for now.
Back in the press office, CJ gave Emma her first big assignment -- wave the press off the rumors about the President and First Lady's fight right before his collapse and the rumor that while he laid there, bleeding from a head injury, she stood by and didn't help him.
"If it's true, maybe we should..." Emma started to say.
"It's not true," CJ replied. "I just talked to Leo."
Emma nodded. "Abbey Bartlet always lands on her feet, doesn't she?"
CJ looked at her quizzically, not sure what to make of her comment.
Not this time, Emma thought. This time, everyone would know that Abbey isn't the sweet, innocent First Lady the White House tries to portray her to be. In Emma's mind, she convinced herself that Abbey wouldn't have the chance ruin anyone else's life, ever again, not the way she ruined hers.
TBC in the sequel, "Sweet Revenge"