Chapter 13

It's good to be seeing Lizzie and Mr Gregory together so often, I think to myself, as I watch them making moon eyes at each other on the other side of the dinner table.

I'm actively trying to repress my crush for Mr Gregory; every little thing he does is analysed, to prove he and I would not have suited. He sometimes chews with his mouth open, and he has a nervous tick which makes him lick his lips regularly. I definitely couldn't have gotten over that.

The most annoying part of it is that I still consider him one of the most agreeable men of my acquaintance.

Hopefully, with some distance between us, I'll feel better. The married couple will be off to Woolwich after the wedding breakfast, in a week.

I'm pretty certain Lizzie was supposed to end up with Darcy, which is also where my uneasiness stems from. Mr Gregory is an unknown – I have no prior knowledge of him, and despite my liking him very much (a little too much), I can't be sure he and Lizzie will suit as well as Darcy and Lizzie would have.

I guess I'll never know. It's strange. I've been anticipating Lizzie and Jane's happily ever afters for so long now, I can't really wrap my head around the fact that they won't happen as I had thought.

It's a week before the wedding, and the Gardiners have joined us for Christmas. Naturally, Mr Gregory, Mr Bingley & co are all invited to dine with us.

I'm now sharing my room with the Gardiner's daughter, Isabella, who is seven. She's a sweetheart, and absolutely idolizes me. We spent all afternoon playing together in the snow, the Bennet and Gardiner cousins all together.

"Yes," I hear Mrs Bennet screech from the head of the table. She has gotten shriller with the stress of organizing two weddings, even though Jane's will be in a month. I'm starting to think her shrillness is directly proportionate to her happiness. "I'm so happy for Jane and Lizzie. Such charming young men!" A few slightly uncomfortable smiles from Mr Bingley and Mr Gregory, and she forges on. "But I must say, sister, to think I could have had three daughters engaged by now, if not for Mary's stubbornness!"

I sense Mr Gregory looking at me. I carefully don't look up at him, and start cutting my potatoes in very even parts.

"That is not such a bad thing, if they did not suit," Madeline ventures. Bless her. It won't curb Mrs Bennet's ire, though.

Somehow, Jane's engagement reminded her that I have failed to catch a husband of my own. Three daughters married would have been better than two, apparently.

"Oh, nonsense. Happiness in a marriage is entirely a matter of chance. He's quite in love with her, you know – he sends her letters."

I blush.

"She hasn't answered a single one! I had to send him a missive of my own to reassure the poor man! She's too proper."

I grit my teeth and focus on dinner. It's tasteless. Everything is fine.

"I thought you did not wish to marry, Miss Mary," Mr Gregory asks, his tone polite.

"No," I answer in a small voice. "I value my independence too highly."

"I'm not sure I wish to marry, either," Lydia pipes up.

"Yes, nor I," adds Kitty.

There's a beat of silence at the table. I can see Mrs Bennet's mouth gaping open and closed, like a fish, until she explodes.

"What? You do not wish to marry? Where has this flight of fancy come from? Oh, do I really need to ask? Miss Mary, what have you been telling your sisters? You have infected them with your – your independent thinking!"

Mr Gardiner tries to calm Mrs Bennet. "I'm sure that it is just a phase, Fanny, surely all the young ladies are saying this. They are still young, give them time," he soothes.

"No, uncle, I'm quite decided," Lydia insists. "I have been thinking about this for a while, and unless I manage to find a husband of the quality of my future brothers," she sends a radiant smile to Mr Bingley and Mr Gregory, "then I do not wish to marry at all."

It just never ends, does it? I'm half proud and half exasperated at Lydia for making such a declaration in such a public setting.

"Oh, fetch me my smelling salts! My poor nerves!"

As Mrs Bennet devolves into a puddle of anxiety at the idea that three of her daughters don't want to marry, Mrs Gardiner turns to me.

"It seems relations with your mother may need some time to cool. Would you like to spend some time with us in London over the winter? It would give some time for the situation to calm down, and Isabella would love to have you around to play with. I'm sure George would be happy to have his cousin home, also."

"Oh, aunt, that would be wonderful! I must speak to mama about the idea. I think after Jane's wedding, in February, would be best."

The rest of dinner passes in gentle chaos. Mrs Bennet has retired to her room, so Jane took up the job of presiding, but she is too busy with Bingley. Miss Bingley and Mrs Hurst are whispering at each other, and it looks like Mr Bennet and Mr Hurst are in some sort of a silent competition to outdrink each other. Sorry, Mr Bennet, but I've seen that man go and I don't think you can beat him at his game. Lizzie and Mr Gregory are in their own little bubble, and Kitty and Lydia are busy arguing about who didn't want to marry anybody first.

January passes by all too quickly; Lizzie and Jane's marriages bracket the month nicely. I've been very busy, which is good – dress fittings, embroidery, general management of the house since Mrs Bennet was much too occupied with the weddings to take notice of the usual happenings at Longbourn.

Lydia and Kitty got promoted to caring for the tenants and the stillroom, respectively. The responsibility is good for them, though to Mrs Bennet's dismay they are still quite sure they will not marry. I'm not sure how much they are in earnest; their flirting with the officers certainly isn't over, although Denny has joined Wickham on the bench of disdain. (Lydia's expression, not mine. I don't know why it's a bench, but it mostly means she ignores them as much as she is able.) Last I heard from them, they are both pursuing Miss King, who has inherited ten thousand pounds. Good riddance.

Jane's wedding is considerably grander than Lizzie's. Lizzie, Mr Gregory and Mr Darcy share Mr Darcy's carriage in order to attend. They arrive just in time to stand up next to the couple – Lizzie with Jane, and Mr Darcy with Bingley.

I watch from my seat next to Mr Gregory in the pews.

It's a beautiful ceremony, but I admit my concentration is somewhat disturbed by his proximity. Nothing untoward happens, but I forgive myself for being a little flustered at seeing him again.

But I am glad; I see him more as Lizzie's husband now than as my old crush. I do have to avoid him when he's smiling, though. My heart does twinge a little whenever he does.

The wedding breakfast goes smoothly. Mrs Bennet is in her element, crowing to all who will listen about Jane's new status and Bingley's riches.

The newlyweds soon leave for Netherfield. Miss Bingley leaves with the Hursts soon after – they are headed for London.

"How long will you be staying with us?" I ask Lizzie who is sitting next to me.

"Only overnight, I'm afraid. Mr Darcy was kind enough to stay overnight also, and share his chaise with us again for the return trip. I daresay I have never traveled in such a well sprung carriage!"

"But where is he staying? I thought the newlyweds were alone at Netherfield for the evening."

"Oh, I did not think to ask Mr Darcy on our way here. I've been so busy getting settled at Woolwich that I admit, I slept almost all the way. This has all been arranged by Mr Bingley, you know. We probably couldn't have come if not for Mr Darcy. I asked Mama if we could at least invite Mr Darcy to dine with us tonight, to thank him for his generosity, but she never replied to my letter. I should go ask her now."

"It shouldn't be a problem; tonight's dinner is nothing overly fancy, but we did think to expect some guests after the wedding."

Lizzie rises, and in the space of a few minutes, the invitation is issued, then accepted. Mrs Bennet then understands Mr Darcy was planning on sleeping at the Meryton Inn, where his horses are being kept. Her sense of hospitality, already stoked by two weddings in the space of a month, flares up, and she suggests Mr Darcy sleep at Longbourne. Under Mrs Bennet's good natured offence, strongly seconded by Mr Gregory, he finally accepts the invitation. I'm curious; Mr Darcy never stayed at Longbourne in canon.

In the afternoon, I'm busy finalizing the household accounts for the past year, while the rest of the party goes on a walk. I'm leaving Longbourne to stay with the Gardiners soon, and I want to make sure everything will run smoothly while I'm away.

Dinner passes quickly. Mrs Bennet has placed Mr Darcy next to her, and I can see he is slightly uncomfortable with the placement. It probably helps that Mr Gregory – slightly more used to Mrs Bennet – is mediating the conversation.

Lizzie is seated next to Mr Bennet, with me on his other side. I'm far away from Mrs Bennet; she still blames me for Kitty and Lydia's anti-marriage stance.

I don't catch the conversation topic until it's too late.

"Oh, but you shall be travelling next to where my brother and his wife live! Such a shame Mary could not leave with you – she is set to travel in a few days."

"Oh? Is she going to visit them?"

"Yes, Mrs Gardiner has invited her for a season in town."

"I do not have any strong constraints, aside from needing to be in London by dark tomorrow. We could probably delay our departure for an hour or two, is Miss Mary feels she is ready to leave a few days early."

"Oh! That is generous, indeed, Mr Darcy! I don't think Mary will be opposed; she could be ready quite quickly, I believe. Mary! Mr Darcy has suggested you travel with him and the Gregorys to London tomorrow! What do you think?"

I've been listening in from the first mention of my name, so there's no need to holler that way, Mrs Bennet.

"I may have to retire early to pack, and write a few letters to explain my change of address a few days early, but I should be able to leave tomorrow, yes. When did you plan on leaving?"

"At noon. I have instructed my groom to drive the carriage directly here for our departure. It would truly not be an imposition; there is room enough in the carriage. Whereabouts in London does your uncle live?"

Awkward as it is to have a conversation with Mr Darcy over the whole dinner table, I soldier on.

"In Cheapside, at Gracechurch Street."

"That is not out of my way at all; besides, the Gregorys will take the carriage all the way to Woolwich."

"We won't be able to make a stop, however," Mr Gregory warns.

By now the whole table is involved. Lizzie pouts at the idea of missing seeing the Gardiners.

"Then it's settled," Darcy concludes. "Miss Mary will travel with us to London."

I wonder if his uncharacteristic generosity might come from a certain partiality to Lizzie. Well, he should have moved faster if he wanted her, I suppose. I do feel sorry for him, if that's the case. It can't be easy, seeing Lizzie and Mr Gregory together, if he's developing feelings for Lizzie.