Disclaimer: I Don't own Harry Potter...or so I'm told.

Tamago Sakitume

Harry, Hermione, and Ron sat at a row of marble tables as the class just started. A large sea turtle with a grey beard half the size of Dumbledore's stepped to the front of the class wearing green and yellow robes.
"Hello, students. It's time for defense against the dark arts, please pull out your wands...er, Mr. Longbottom, I meant the wooden one...I mean that it is LITERALLY made of wood. We shall practice the Carpe Retractum charm, which emits a lassoe of a color best suited for you and pulls you to something..."
He said the spell and a green rope latched onto the ceiling and pulled him up to it.
"...or pull something to you..."
He said it again and Harry was pulled out of his seat and landed on the floor, but Sakitume had already conjured pillows there.
"...Now, please practice this charm, and I expect that you should all learn this by the end of class."
Harry had already mastered it during his tri-wizard training so he was having fun swinging around the room on a red rope of sparks like spider-man. Ron was unsuccesfully blasting small sparks of purple out of his wand, while Hermione's eloquent white rope was throwing and bringing back one of her textbooks in mid-air.
Neville never understood spellwork much, most of the class time he was rubbing his Mimbelus Mimbletonia saying, "My, Precioussssssssssss..." Seamus and Dean were just drunk and rictusempra'ing everything in their sight while singing 'yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me!"
Nobody seemed to notice Ginny, who skipped her charms class, standing at the doorway.
"This is getting too hard!", said Ron as he blasted a river of purple sequins onto the front of his pants.
"You arse, you have to hold the wand like THIS..."
With that Hermione put a hand around Ron's hands and showed him the proper way to hold a wand...but Ron was more overtaken by a strange feeling of warmth and dizziness.
"What's going on...I feel so...so...like I ate seahorse bologna...", thought Ron.
"There! Now try it.", said hermione, letting go of Ron's hands.
"Uh, okay...CARPE RETRACTUM!!!"
A bolt of purple sparks blasted across the room, then fused together into a string and shot through the window, and pulled Ron out of his seat and smashing into glass. He was last seen hurdling into the sky.
"Ron!", yelled both Harry and Hermione simultaneously.
Harry carpe retractum'd his way up the roof to the window and looked around, seeing a rocky shore, a lake, a Dementor...SHIT!
"A dementor is here!!! And its riding a Norwegian Ridgeback!!!", yelled Harry as he leapt onto the ground.
"Oh dear, said professor Sakitume as he pulled himself up to the window and saw a large dragon with a 'dementor' on top of it, and saw that Ron had latched himself onto the dragon's tail.
"RON!", yelled Ginny who didn't seem to care about secrecy anymore.
"Ginny?", said Hermione.
"Mione?", said Ginny "Hermione", said Harry.
"Harry?", said Hermione.
"What?", said Harry.
"Ron?", said Ginny.
"Gone", said Harry.
"Really?", said Hermione.
"Really, really", said Harry.
"DONKEY!", said Draco.
Silence...
"We have to go after him!", said Harry.
"No YOU don't! Leave this up to the teachers!", said Tamago.
"How?!", said Harry.
"Like this." and with that, Tagamo waved one of his fingerless hands and an army of small sea turtles jetted out of hidden walls, racing out of the window.
"You don't see that every day.", said Hermone.
"Speak for yourself", said Seamus.
Dumbledore came in and asked, "What's all the commotion? I saw a dragon outside! Oh, and children, It's time to have sex."
All the kids went "AUGH!!!" And several boys held their crotch in protection.
"Not with me! For goodness sakes!"
Harry and Hermione were still shocked to hear that Ron was taken by a Dementor, while everybody around them were starting to scream with joy.
"Children, school law?", said Tamago as he exited the door.
Hermione and Harry reluctantly took off their clothes and were starting to go in a steady motion when Ginny said, "I-I don't have a partner."
Hermione said, "Use Harry, when I'm done."
Ginny's face stretched with a smile...the kind the Grinch has after he stole all the presents.
"OR, you can use Neville...you did date him once.", said Harry, trying to troubleshoot. "Can't, he's currently shoving a cactus up his Ass." "How 'bout Hermione?" "Hey! Just because we both got drunk and fingered each other and eventually with our room service waiter, doesn't mean I'm a lesbian!...and don't roll your eyes at me Harry James Potter!", said Hermione.

A/N: REVIEW...I plan to have th next chapter tomorrow, its going to be pretty funny ;) Oh, and should Ginny $#& Harry, or not?