Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, I'd buy and make it into a full HP fanfic site.
Dont Call Me That!
Ron woke up to the smell of fire and a cold fealing gripping his chest.
"Funny, I only felt this cold when..."
He looked to his side and saw a dementor cooking a fish.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU..."
"Yes, yes, scream all you want.", said the dementor as he started sprinkling vegetables over the fish.
"Oh, thank you...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..."
The dementor started humming the Harry Potter theme song and was checking on the soup.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..."
The dementor rolled up his sleeve and looked at the time on his watch.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..."
The dementor started playing poke'mon on his game boy...old version.
"(DEEP Breath) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH..."
The dementor then threw a rock at Ron's face and said, "Knock it off! Just eat your lunch."
"Why should I eat what YOU eat? Dementor?"
Suddenly the 'dementor' stood up and said, "NEVER call me that. It is disrespectful and hurting to me!"
Ron was taken aback and said, "Then...er...who or what are you?"
The 'dementor' straightened his black robes and said, "A nazgul!"
"You mean one of 'em lord of the rings kings who went to the bad side and shit?"
"Hey! First off, Voldemort tricked us into taking the rings!"
"Don't you mean Sauron?"
"Who gives a shit? The story has no plot anyways, anywho...he said he'd give us two months of free internet access!"
"Inter-what?"
"Inter-NET, the computer network that sreads around the world."
"Urrr?"
"That plastic box where you get your veela porn."
"Oooohhh! I always called it a Compytar, my father calls 'em that."
"So", said the Ringwraith, "I guess you want to know why I'm here. Biscotti?"
The ringwraith pointed to a tray of biscottis and Ron asked, "Why ARE you here? Aren't you supposed to be in middle east?"
"Middle earth."
"No difference, haphazard fighting and a crazy dictator, are you fighting for Sauro-er-Voldemort? (Shifty Eyes)"
"No, no..I'm actually applying as an intern at the ministry. Hopefully, I'll work myself to misuse of muggle artifacts."
Ron dropped his champagne and said, "Huh?"
"Muggles are fascinating! I hae a collection of trading cards that depict their history of things called, 'Dinosaurs.'"
The dementor pulled out his Magic the Gathering card collection...which he was proud of.
"See, there's that thing...ooh! A swamp!"
"That's sissy stuff! The real cards are wizard trading cards!"
Ron pulled out a couple cards he got out of two frogs he ate (No French joke implied .
"Niiice...I actually started with poke'mon myself. Do you by any chance have a charizard?"
"No, poke'mon is OVER now. Anywho, where are you going to go, now?"
The wraith patted his norwegian ridgeback, which was named Li'l Hobbitslayer, and said, "I guess I'll take a part-time job as a dementor at Azkaban. Oh, blimey! Do you want a ride back to school?"
"You think we'll meet again?"
"Find me at the Tour de France, I'll be the one wearing black."
"Sooo...how is it being a ringwraith?"
"Cold...and finding a chiroparactor is hell."
"Why?"
"I can't find my own back, but my rheumatism is working overtme on me...do you have any aspirin?"
"No, but I have...a...cyanide pill."
"Why do you have that?"
"When you have to endure Snape for so long, it's easy to consider it."
"True dat...well, I'll give you a ride back to the castle. You know that Potter boy?"
"Yeah."
The wraith looked thoughtful (He doesn't have a face so it's hard to know this) and said, "Tell him that Tamago is not to be trusted."
Then with a short jump, Li'l Hobbitslayer pounced off of the ground and into the night sky.
A/N: Review...etcetera, etcetera...
Dont Call Me That!
Ron woke up to the smell of fire and a cold fealing gripping his chest.
"Funny, I only felt this cold when..."
He looked to his side and saw a dementor cooking a fish.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU..."
"Yes, yes, scream all you want.", said the dementor as he started sprinkling vegetables over the fish.
"Oh, thank you...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..."
The dementor started humming the Harry Potter theme song and was checking on the soup.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..."
The dementor rolled up his sleeve and looked at the time on his watch.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..."
The dementor started playing poke'mon on his game boy...old version.
"(DEEP Breath) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH..."
The dementor then threw a rock at Ron's face and said, "Knock it off! Just eat your lunch."
"Why should I eat what YOU eat? Dementor?"
Suddenly the 'dementor' stood up and said, "NEVER call me that. It is disrespectful and hurting to me!"
Ron was taken aback and said, "Then...er...who or what are you?"
The 'dementor' straightened his black robes and said, "A nazgul!"
"You mean one of 'em lord of the rings kings who went to the bad side and shit?"
"Hey! First off, Voldemort tricked us into taking the rings!"
"Don't you mean Sauron?"
"Who gives a shit? The story has no plot anyways, anywho...he said he'd give us two months of free internet access!"
"Inter-what?"
"Inter-NET, the computer network that sreads around the world."
"Urrr?"
"That plastic box where you get your veela porn."
"Oooohhh! I always called it a Compytar, my father calls 'em that."
"So", said the Ringwraith, "I guess you want to know why I'm here. Biscotti?"
The ringwraith pointed to a tray of biscottis and Ron asked, "Why ARE you here? Aren't you supposed to be in middle east?"
"Middle earth."
"No difference, haphazard fighting and a crazy dictator, are you fighting for Sauro-er-Voldemort? (Shifty Eyes)"
"No, no..I'm actually applying as an intern at the ministry. Hopefully, I'll work myself to misuse of muggle artifacts."
Ron dropped his champagne and said, "Huh?"
"Muggles are fascinating! I hae a collection of trading cards that depict their history of things called, 'Dinosaurs.'"
The dementor pulled out his Magic the Gathering card collection...which he was proud of.
"See, there's that thing...ooh! A swamp!"
"That's sissy stuff! The real cards are wizard trading cards!"
Ron pulled out a couple cards he got out of two frogs he ate (No French joke implied .
"Niiice...I actually started with poke'mon myself. Do you by any chance have a charizard?"
"No, poke'mon is OVER now. Anywho, where are you going to go, now?"
The wraith patted his norwegian ridgeback, which was named Li'l Hobbitslayer, and said, "I guess I'll take a part-time job as a dementor at Azkaban. Oh, blimey! Do you want a ride back to school?"
"You think we'll meet again?"
"Find me at the Tour de France, I'll be the one wearing black."
"Sooo...how is it being a ringwraith?"
"Cold...and finding a chiroparactor is hell."
"Why?"
"I can't find my own back, but my rheumatism is working overtme on me...do you have any aspirin?"
"No, but I have...a...cyanide pill."
"Why do you have that?"
"When you have to endure Snape for so long, it's easy to consider it."
"True dat...well, I'll give you a ride back to the castle. You know that Potter boy?"
"Yeah."
The wraith looked thoughtful (He doesn't have a face so it's hard to know this) and said, "Tell him that Tamago is not to be trusted."
Then with a short jump, Li'l Hobbitslayer pounced off of the ground and into the night sky.
A/N: Review...etcetera, etcetera...