A/N: As usual, be mindful of the rating. It is not my intent to corrupt the innocent.
Chapter 9
He loved her.
Narcissa felt the same, sickening sort of elation that she got from swooping suddenly on a broom. She didn't know why she finally believed it. Nothing had really changed- nothing but hearing him say it aloud. He could have easily lied, but something of the desperation in his voice rang true. She couldn't believe that he would go to so much effort for a lie- that he would debase himself in front of Rookwood and her father, or continue the game so long even after he had clearly already won. He loved her- but she was terrifyingly certain that it was too late to matter at all.
"Daddy?" she whispered anxiously as Orion steered her toward the front door and their carriage, "Daddy, may I-?"
"I don't want to hear another word." He lashed back at her. He pushed her into the compartment. She was stunned when Rookwood climbed in behind her. "I have to wait until Bella and Rodolphus make their announcement." Orion explained. "I'll be back to discuss this with you then."
"Of course, sir." Rookwood said in a smug tone.
The carriage door slammed shut like the bars of a cell, and Narcissa and Augustus were left alone in darkness.
Narcissa flinched automatically when he pulled out his wand, then again when he flicked it at her dress. Instantly, the shapeless gown transfigured into something tighter.
"That was disgusting, Narcissa." Rookwood said in the tone one might use to speak with an errant child. "I won't tolerate behaviour like that in the future…and I want all of these wretched dresses burned."
Her cheeks flamed, "I hardly think that you have any right to-"
"That's an issue we'll be taking up with your father." He responded cryptically.
Narcissa jumped again as an enchantment zapped out of Rookwood's wand and hit her hair. It fell around her shoulders in gentle waves, but was still brown.
"The blonde looks better." Rookwood said in an infuriatingly condescending tone, "But I don't think I like the attention it draws. Yes… Brunette is more tasteful." He continued, almost to himself.
Narcissa fumed, but didn't answer. She spent the rest of the ride staring out the window, thinking over what had happened, and was never so grateful to see home. She bounded inside before Rookwood could catch up,stripped off the transfigured dress, then threw herself across the bed. Perhaps if she was asleep when her father came home, he would withhold her punishment until morning? She was certain that she would be punished. She could expect nothing less than the treatment that Andromeda had received…but she found that prospect held little fear. Andromeda had been made to marry her Ted Tonks. Being made to marry Lucius Malfoy was hardly a fate that Narcissa would resist. Of course, Lucius wouldn't be happy about it…or maybe he would? She felt a delicious shiver down her spine as she replayed his words again and again. "It was my third wish…I wanted you to love me back."
Unsurprisingly, sleep refused to come. In spite of her earlier plan, she bolted out of bed as soon as she heard the front door open, then darted to the top of the stairs.
Orion stared up at her, unspeaking, while Bellatrix and Rodolphus filed past wordlessly. She might have imagined it, but Bellatrix looked almost sympathetic.
"Papa-" Narcissa began as soon as they were gone, but Orion held up his hand. "I have to speak with Mr. Rookwood." He said in a tired, angry tone, "Then I'll deal with you."
Narcissa sank down onto the top step, her mind whirring even as the minutes inched past. What was going on? Why was Rookwood even still here? Shouldn't her father have gone to speak with the Malfoys, or was he worried that Rookwood, in his anger, was going to spread rumours about what he'd seen?
It seemed like hours before she heard footsteps in the hall. Augustus didn't even look up at her as he walked out the front door. A moment later, her father called her name.
Narcissa marched stoically into her father's office. She was once again struck by how old and tired he looked. His fingers were rooting in his grey hair, tugging it into disarray, and he had a pair of spectacles on his nose. He gestured for Narcissa to sit, and she did so.
"You'll have to get married." He said bluntly.
Narcissa nodded her head. She tried to keep a smile from breaking out on her face. "It will have to be quick before people start to talk. I wish that we weren't detracting from Bellatrix- since she's the only one of my daughters who deserves a celebration." He said tersely, "But its how it has to be."
Narcissa nodded.
"I'll have your aunt take you shopping tomorrow. We'll have to have a small ceremony for family, but you can hardly be expecting a real wedding."
"Of course not." She whispered back.
"We'll talk more in the morning."
"Of course, papa." Narcissa said, as contritely as she could manage. She stood from her seat, and had almost made it back to the door when her father's voice carried after him.
"I didn't really think you'd do it, Cissa." He sighed heavily.
"What?" She asked warily.
"Land him after all these years. It wasn't cheap, mind you. But-"
"All these years?" A vague prickle of alarm ran over her skin.
"Yes. Rookwood. Haven't you been dotty for him all this time? I'd admit it was a damn fine piece of work if I wasn't so disgusted." He snapped.
Narcissa's knees buckled. She swayed and caught hold of the desk.
"Marry…Rookwood? But… Lucius!" Her eyes flashed desperately. "It was Lucius that you caught me with! It's Lucius who wants me."
Orion gave her a withering glance, "Tell me you aren't that naïve, Narcissa. Even if Lucius did love you- which is preposterous- Marius Malfoy would never allow it. You're lucky that Rookwood will still have you- even if it did cost a tidy sum to make it happen."
"Cost?" Narcissa wanted to vomit. The feeling grew as her father described what it had taken for Rookwood to agree to marry her: A house, money, and a promotion to junior counsellor on the Wizengamut.
"But, Papa! I don't want to marry him!" She wailed.
"Well, you should have thought of that before, shouldn't you?" He bellowed.
Narcissa knew better than to say anything more. She ran back to the safety of her room, her eyes already filling with tears again.
Narcissa didn't know how long she remained curled up on her floor, sobbing as her heart finally broke in two. Her solitude was eventually ended, however, by a knock on the door.
"Go away!" She hissed, but her command was ignored. The door creaked open. Through tears, Narcissa saw her sister slip inside.
She didn't know if she could stand Bellatrix gloating. After everything that had happened, she just might snap. Still, she could expect nothing else from her sister, so she was utterly astonished when Bellatrix settled on the bed beside her and wrapped her arms around her shoulders.
It was an awkward embrace. Bellatrix was hardly the type for hugs, but she was making an obvious effort. "I'm so sorry Cissa." She said quietly, in a voice that Narcissa fancied her mother might have shared. She brushed damp hair out of her little sister's eyes. "Rodolphus and I both are. I had no idea that you really liked Lucius. If I did-"
"You mean that you had no idea that Lucius liked me." Narcissa said savagely, jerking away and hiding her eyes behind a curtain of mousy hair again. "I didn't either." She added a moment later. It was only fair, after all.
"I just thought…" Bellatrix started, but then stopped and shook her head. "I was jealous." She confessed in a low voice. "It's my turn Cissa." She started in an angry tone, but calmed herself. "I don't know what will happen now."
"P-papa says I have to m-marry Rookwood." She sobbed.
Bellatrix bobbed her head. "I heard him. Rodolphus tried to talk to him on the way home from the party. He said he's never known Malfoy to play around with Pureblood girls. If he said that he loves you, then he means to marry you."
"But Papa wasn't convinced."
Bellatrix shook her head sadly. "At least you like Rookwood?" She said hopefully.
Narcissa smirked, "I liked what I thought Rookwood was…but he isn't. He's terrible." Steadying her voice, she told Bellatrix some of the things that Rookwood had said and done. When she finished, her sister's eyes were flashing angrily.
"I knew he was a weasel." Bellatrix said. "He waddles around after Daddy nodding about Voldemort being a hooligan, and then comes to the meetings and spouts off about the Pureblood cause."
"Meetings?" Narcissa momentarily forgot her anguish as her brow knitted. "You really have gone then?"
Bellatrix nodded, "I went with Rodolphus. His father and Malfoy's are huge supporters of the Dark Lord."
At the mention of Malfoy, Narcissa's face fell again. "I didn't know." She said in a small voice. "Bella, you can't imagine what its like. I feel like…when he's near me…just thinking about him…" She struggled to put her thoughts into words.
Bellatrix nodded knowingly, "I know exactly what you mean. I nearly died when Rodolphus didn't give me a ring last March on my birthday…It was all I could think about. I can't imagine what it must be like, but…Cissa, surely there's something you can do?"
"I can't make myself fall in love with him." Narcissa sighed.
Bellatrix frowned, staring off into space. Her eyes rested on a stack of Narcissa's books…then she gasped. "But Cissa, you can!"
Narcissa's features screwed up into puzzlement.
"The love potion!" Bellatrix exclaimed. "It's almost ready, isn't it?"
Narcissa nodded slowly.
"You only need a bit of his hair. Surely we have some of that lying around now. He's been here so often…" She pulled her wand out of her pocket and swished it into the air. "Accio Rookwood's hair!" For a minute, nothing happened, and then a few tawny wisps of hair attached themselves to Bellatrix's wand.
She looked at them with distaste, then plucked them off and handed them to her sister.
"There." She said. "It works both ways, doesn't it?"
"I can't!" Narcissa's eyes were wide. "If I get caught…"
"Who cares if you get caught?" Bellatrix shrugged. "The only one who could complain is Rookwood, and he wouldn't dare. He wouldn't want to be married to a felon, after all." She pointed out reasonably.
"But I don't want to love him!" Narcissa protested, and then bit her lip as she realized how ridiculous she must sound.
"Maybe you would if he loved you back?" Bellatrix reached for Most Potente Potions – Malfoy must have returned it before he left- and flipped through until she found the dog-eared page of ingredients. "It says that two people have to drink from the potion for it to work, and that they will both fall 'Hopelessly and utterly in love, even to the point of death. If asked, even under Veritaserum, the potion's recipients will swear that they do not want the curse to be lifted'…Narcissa- its perfect."
"No."
"Narcissa, it's the only way!" Bellatrix stared into her sister's eyes for a long time. Then, with a heavy sigh, she pressed the hairs into Narcissa's palm and curled her fingers around them. "Think about it, Narcissa. If Lucius really loves you back- and he can't have you- he would at least want you to be happy without him."
"Do you think that?"
"Wouldn't you?"
Narcissa wasn't sure. She considered the question all night as she lay silently in her bed. She was still pondering it as the first fingers of dawn stretched across the sky outside her window and when a house-elf finally prodded her out of bed.
She reached automatically for one of her new dresses, but didn't pause to admire how exquisitely it hugged her figure. She let one of the house-elves brush her hair into a pony-tail on the back of her head, and then went downstairs to breakfast. She was nearly at the bottom of the stairs when the doorbell rang.
She waited as the elf flung the door open.
Then she gasped.
It was Lucius and his father, both of them were looking very grim. The elder Mr. Malfoy merely sneered when he saw Narcissa, but Lucius sent her an imploring look.
She stood, frozen on the step, simply staring at him until Marius Malfoy snapped, "I suppose we can come in?"
"Not so quickly." Orion, presumably alerted by the elves, swept into the hallway.
"Papa, I-" Narcissa began, but he pushed her down the hall.
"Away, Narcissa." He commanded.
"But-!"
"AWAY!"
She shot Lucius an apologetic look, but had no choice but to obey. She walked to the breakfast room, but kept the door open so that she could listen to the hall. Angry but indistinct voices were floating through the air, and then she heard two pairs of stomping footsteps and a slamming door. A few moments later, her father returned to the breakfast room.
She settled into her chair, trying to look as if she hadn't been listening, even though her plate was completely empty.
"That was Mr. Malfoy and his son." Orion announced as he entered the room, pretending as if his daughter didn't already know perfectly well who they were. "Young Mr. Malfoy has asked for your hand in marriage."
Narcissa felt the faintest swell of hope rise along with a bubble of pleasure. He wanted to marry her! He did love her!
But then she remembered the slamming door.
"You said 'no'." She said.
Orion nodded, "Of course. I informed him that you were already spoken for."
"But-"
"But nothing!" Orion slammed his fist down onto the table, causing the china and silverware to jump and clang, "Even without his scandalous behaviour, I wouldn't let Lucius Malfoy near you. The Malfoys are headed for trouble. I've already lost one daughter, and I won't lose another. You are the one who chose Rookwood, Narcissa. Need I remind you that it was YOU who arranged for your 'lessons' from that wretched Malfoy boy?" She started to jump out of his chair, but he waved her down. "Oh, yes. I've heard all about that too. Rookwood told me what you said at dinner and the Malfoy boy confessed. It was YOU who chose to pursue my clerk, even without my blessing. It was YOU who chose to make a fool of yourself at the most important party of the year and ruin your sister's engagement announcement." He frowned at her harshly. "YOU have made your bed, Narcissa- and now I invite you to lie in it. You will marry Mr. Rookwood tomorrow morning. I've already arranged for a license. Your aunt will be here this afternoon to take you shopping for a dress. I suggest that you summon the elves and see about packing your things."
"Tomorrow!" Narcissa jumped out of her chair. Everything was happening too soon! It was bad enough that she was being forced to marry against her will- but she was also losing her home and her dreams, in one terrible fell swoop. She shook her head. "I won't do it! You can't make me!" She shrieked and started for the door, but her father whispered something in latin, and her feet were glued to the floor.
"Don't think I can't, girl!" He bellowed. "I don't care if it takes an imperio to do it. I WILL NOT be defied again!"
He held her helpless for a few more minutes before he broke the spell. Narcissa lifted her unfrozen feet and hurried into the hall.
She climbed back up the stairs, wanting nothing more than to lock herself into her room and cry some more, but it was not to be. Her father must have called the elves himself, because they started hurrying in, snapping their bony fingers to arrange her things into trunks and crates bound for Narcissa's new home. She didn't even bother to watch what they were doing, and only looked up when she smelled something sweet.
One of the littlest elves was struggling beneath her heavy cauldron. He had carried it up from the secret room beneath her father's study. It was the Love Potion. She plucked it out of the elf's hand and prodded it with her wand. It looked perfect- thick and lavender and smelling like cotton floss- the same as her book had described. She hesitated for a moment, then reached on her bedside table and retrieved the hairs that Bellatrix had summoned.
Screwing up her eyes, she tossed them into the pot, then looked down again as the hairs dissolved in little puffs of pink smoke. The cauldron made a hissing sound, and the color deepened.
It was done.
With trembling fingers, Narcissa filled a bottle with the liquid, then she poured the rest down the sink. She wasn't ready to take it- not yet…but it was there if she- when- she should decide there was no other choice. There was still time to hope- wasn't there?
Narcissa wasn't so sure. She had barely finished scourgifying the cauldron before her aunt began pounding at the door.
"THERE YOU ARE!" The steel-haired woman boomed as she stepped into the room without bothering for Narcissa to acknowledge the knock. "ANOTHER TROUBLE MAKER I SEE!"
Narcissa wondered if her aunt ever spoke in any voice other than a shout. If so, she had never heard it. Happily, they didn't have to spend much time together. Orion was not close with his brother, and absolutely loathed his sister-in-law, but his daughters had spent enough time with their London relatives that they weren't completely surprised when their cousin Sirius was already plotting to live somewhere else.
"A REGULAR LITTLE HARLOT, JUST LIKE YOUR SISTER." Mrs. Black hissed. She prodded Narcissa off the bed with her wand. "DID HE GET YOU PREGNANT?" She asked, without preamble. "AT LEAST THIS ONE'S NOT A FILTHY BLOOD TRAITOR." She was entirely unconcerned by her aunt's lack of response. "I SUPPOSE WE OUGHT AS WELL GO AND BUY THE DRESS."
Narcissa went reluctantly, barely caring about the dress she bought. She thought longingly of the trip that she had made with Lucius, and of the ruined gown for the ball the night before. Her aunt pressed something cream ("WE DON'T NEED TO LOOK AT WHITE, DO WE?") into her hands and then tugged her back out the door. Narcissa felt completely numb. It was as if the feeling of being loved had seared her nerves and left her numb to everything else. She couldn't think of anything other than how quickly time was racing past. It was lunchtime, and then dinner, and then, finally, time for bed.
Rookwood had arrived sometime during the night, along with his equally pompous, grasping family.
Narcissa was sitting in her room, staring out the window when her sister came to tell her goodnight. She arched an eyebrow when she saw that Bellatrix was carrying a tray?
"Did you want to send the Rookwoods some chocolate before bed?"
Narcissa stared at her sister as if she'd sprouted a second head. "What?" She asked.
Bellatrix looked pointedly at one of the purple vials of Love Potion on Narcissa's dresser. "Did you want to send Augustus some warm milk, or chocolate, or tea before bed. I thought he might sleep better if he had something warm to drink."
Narcissa's eyes widened. Bellatrix was right. This was her last clear chance. If she waited until the wedding tomorrow, it might be too late. Things had already gone so fast…
"Of course." She said in a shaky tone. "That would be thoughtful of me, wouldn't it?" She tried to convince herself that she could still back out. It was only half of the potion, after all. It wouldn't affect her until she drank it herself.
Narcissa unstopped the bottle, then splashed some into the teacup Bellatrix had brought.
"I'll make sure that he drinks it." Bellatrix said. She opened her mouth as if she meant to say more, but thought better of it. "Goodnight, Narcissa." She said instead.
Later that night, Narcissa laid on her bed, listening to the sounds drifting in through the open window. It was a freezing, but she didn't care. It seemed oddly fitting- the chill reflecting the icy numbness that encased her heart, and the view of the star-strewn sky reminding her of the freedom that was gone forever.
Agrippina Black had been in her room before she dressed for bed. With her mother dead and her sister not yet married it had fallen to her dreaded aunt to inform her how her wedding night would be. She had mistaken Narcissa's close-lipped silence as fear and had seemed to delight in it: "IT MIGHT NOT HURT MUCH…" and then elaborated on the potential horrors and mortification that her niece could expect, either not noticing, or intentionally ignoring that Narcissa simply wanted to be alone.
No, that wasn't true. She didn't want to be alone. She wanted to be with Lucius, but she understood now that could never be. Her father would be true to his word. He would make her marry Augustus Rookwood. There was no foreseeable escape. Now that all hope of having Lucius was gone, she rather wished he had never told her how he really felt. She wished she could have kept on believing Rookwood's lies because somehow, illogically, she thought it would have hurt less to believe that she never could have had Malfoy at all than to acknowledge that she had let him slip away.
Lucius. Lucius. Lucius…In spite of her efforts, it was as if her very soul was crying out to him. She could feel the nerves in her body straining through the darkness, reaching blindly toward what they could never have again.
Narcissa turned her eyes away from the window. It reminded her too much of their date at the Glass Slipper, and of the balcony under the same bright diamond sky before she had even begun to hope. He had loved her then. He had loved her even before…and after her transformation. He had loved her when she wasn't blonde or beautiful or elegant, but simply Narcissa: shy and awkward and scraggly haired but somehow not beneath his notice.
The scene before her eyes grew watery and indistinct. When the tears were brushed away she was able to focus on the flask on her bedside table: the potion that would bind her to Rookwood forever.
She wondered how the love potion worked. Would it make her forget how she felt for Lucius, or would it just make it matter less? Both prospects seemed equally unfair. As much as the longing hurt, as much as the rest of her life stretched out before her like a grim and cloudy sky, she didn't want her feelings for Lucius to change. Even if the magic worked, even if she did love Rookwood, how could it possibly be the same as what she felt right now? Rookwood wouldn't have earned it. He wouldn't have meant it! It would just be another trick: a chemical imperius that she was casting on them both, no better than what her father might employ to see that the wedding went off without a hitch. She couldn't imagine that the illusion would be complete. She rather imagined that, like a half-worked transfiguration, a tail would wriggle out of a teacup, or a button would skitter across the floor. Something would be off and belie that their romance was not what pretended to be. It might be a pallative, but it could never substitute. Rookwood couldn't replace Lucius unless she made herself forget. Now that she was standing on the brink, that was not something that she was prepared to do.
Narcissa started picking through the boxes that the elves had backed, reading the spines of a stack of books. Her diary was still missing. She wondered where it was. Had Lucius really taken it? She thought about what was written on the pages: all the endless, silly things that she had written about a man that she really didn't know: the chronicle of her imaginary romance with her fiancé, beginning with the day that he had halfheartedly kissed her hand. She supposed that she could trace everything back to that single second, that one faded moment in time that had set the rest in motion. Everything began with that day, and it struck her as odd that, with Lucius, there was no corresponding instant of truth. Narcissa couldn't name a moment when she had felt her heart flutter and knew that she was in love. It had been a gradual thing: a change from winter into spring. Every smile had made her feel a little warmer, a little fresher, and made her heart open more like the petals unfurling in the sun. She had simply gotten used to him. It wasn't that she took Lucius for granted, but simply that she had learnt to depend on his presence. Like vines on a wall she had relied upon his support and had twined and grown around his shape.
Sighing, Narcissa hauled herself out of bed and padded across the floor. She lifted the little bottle of elixir, held it to her lips, but found that she could not drink. Rookwood had already taken his portion of potion. Bellatrix had promised to carry him the cup herself. She would have told Narcissa if he had refused to drink, but she hadn't. She had simply returned to her own room. Rookwood was probably asleep now. Though he didn't know it, his heart was being softened to her. As soon as she swallowed the violet liquid, the spell would be complete. The magical essence would combine, and she would step into his dreams, bound forever to him as he would be bound to her. Her hands were shaking. She didn't want to do this, but she knew she had to. It was the only way.
She parted her dusky lips.
"Don't."
Narcissa stiffened and the bottle nearly fell from her hands. She thought she had imagined the voice. She must have done so- but then she realized that the room had grown warmer, and a second shadow was cast against the wall. When she turned around, he was standing there.
Lucius always looked perfect.
Even now, wind blown and rumpled he looked good enough to make her weep. He was crouching in the windowsill, a broomstick in his hand, silhouetted against the midnight sky.
"Lucius." She was still holding the flask of potion. Her brain was screaming that she should take it now, that she had to plunge the knife while she still had strength but her heart and body would not obey.
"Narcissa." He said in a tone that could have meant anything, and seemed content to simply stare.
He shouldn't have come. There were so many reasons that they seemed too numerous to count. Her father would kill him, of course, if he caught him here, but it was more than that. Even worse than the glittering sky and the missing diary, Lucius's presence tortured her with the image of what she wanted but could never have again.
"I-" She started, but didn't finish speaking as he finally slipped into the room. The only sensible thing to say was to demand he leave, and that was the last thing she wanted him to do.
"You're getting married tomorrow." He said in the same, hollow tone as before.
She had no choice but to nod her head.
They stared again. He half-turned away. For a gut-clenching moment she thought he would fly out the window again, but he had only moved to lean his broom against the wall.
He was frightening her with his silence, and with the odd, intense look on his handsome face. Finally she found her tongue. "Lucius, why are you here?"
"To give you the last lesson." He whispered roughly. "There's one more thing you need to know."
The distance between them vanished. One moment he was standing by the curtains and the next his arms were around her waist.
She didn't know how much she'd missed him until she was drawn against his chest. She felt like she had been trapped beneath water, and Lucius was the air that filled her lungs. She was raw and aching for his touch, desperate to escape the heavy press of sadness that had been suffocating her all day.
There were so many things that she wanted to tell him and to ask him, but she didn't trust herself to speak. Speech would require thought, and if she thought at all, she might come to her senses. She didn't want that. She wanted one night that was all her own- one quiet act of rebellion that she could remember when she was old and thought about how things might have been.
"I don't want you to forget." Lucius said against her cheek, his voice echoing the desperation that she thought that she felt alone. "Promise me." He commanded, but he didn't let her answer yes or no, because he stifled her beneath the brand of his lips.
He had never kissed her like this.
Narcissa realized, as she fell back into her arms, that he'd always held back before. She had thought that nothing could be as blissful as the gentle exploration of his tongue, or the feather-light brush of his fingertips against her breasts but now, as the heat and strength of him invaded every inch of her body, she understood that she was wrong. There was more- so much more – that she would probably never know. She wanted so much to be taught.
She wished they had a lifetime. They ought to have had a lifetime to test and tease and tempt and slowly discover all the magical things that their hearts and bodies were made to do, but they only had tonight, so Narcissa didn't protest as his hands slipped beneath her gown and wrenched it mercilessly over her head. She didn't ask him to take things slow.
"You're so beautiful." Lucius groaned as the moonlight kissed her skin. His hands roamed heavily over her body as if he was marking a claim. "You were always beautiful, even when no one saw." He said, so earnest and tender that she thought her heart would break, and then it did when he whispered, "And you will always, always be mine."
"Lucius." His name was all she could manage, and even that caused her voice to break. Her fingers scrambled for his robes and shirt and trousers, ripping them away so that, for these few stolen moments, there was nothing to keep them apart.
This was wrong- at least, it should be. The fading voice of reason managed one last cry in Narcissa's mind before being silenced by another kiss. In spite of what Lucius said, she would belong to Rookwood in the way that mattered in the light of day. But here, in the darkness, Malfoy's claim prevailed.
It felt so right to be pressed against him, stomach to stomach, limbs twined so tightly that Narcissa couldn't tell her own body's beginning or end. Every prominence of muscle, every downy wisp of his hair and silky slope of his skin felt so much like heaven that he must have been taken out of a dream.
She wished that she never would wake. She wished that she didn't know the sun would rise, and stream through her window onto an empty bed, and the cream silk robes that were hanging on her closet door, but she did, and so she urged him faster.
"Look at me." He whispered, finally pulling away, and she did as she was told.
She had never seen a man before, and she hadn't understood how things would work, but as soon as she saw him- long and hard and ready- she felt a shiver in her womb. Need clawed through her core. She knew, by instinct alone, what she wanted him to do, and where she needed him to be, and let him lead her to the bed.
She kept her eyes open as he laid her down on the satin sheets, unwilling to squander even a moment's sensation. This was the first time, but also the last, and she wanted the memory should be perfect.
They didn't speak as Lucius joined her on the mattress and covered her body with his own. It felt awkward, but also right: natural in a way that she couldn't explain- as if she had always known that it would be him and that it was meant to happen this way.
Narcissa knew that she should have been afraid. Her aunt had promised her that this was meant to hurt, but wrapped in a bubble of warmth and love, she couldn't think of pain, only of completion, and how she wanted to join with Malfoy in every possible way.
She didn't protest when he nudged her thighs apart and took her. It was uncomfortable, but Narcissa wouldn't call it pain. She felt tight and stretched and full. She wondered if she was hurting him- the expression on his face was so intense. She almost asked him, but when he slowly eased back again the hiss that issued from his lips sounded nothing like a man distressed.
Her body's resistance lessened with each gentle stroke and the discomfort began to fade. It was replaced with an electric friction, a sizzling jolt of pleasure that built and grew with every plunge.
"Narcissa." He said her name, again and again until the syllables lost their shape. It didn't have a meaning anymore, only a sound puffed out with each uneven breath.
She would have answered if she could, but she was caught too tightly in the grip of unexpected rapture to force her lips into words. It was just as well. They were much better employed against his own: licking, sucking, biting, moving over as much skin as she could reach as the frantic rhythm between them grew.
Narcissa had the strangest sensation that she was cresting a hill. Each time their bodies crashed together it felt stronger and harder until the tension was becoming too great to bear. She knew that she was about to break, to shatter so completely that she could never be remade whole and she was finally frightened, but she didn't want him to stop. "I can't." she whimpered.
But then, she did.
The world erupted in blinding stabs of light and a swirling shimmer of pleasure coiled through her flesh. She was shuddering, inside and out and dragged Lucius under too.
She hoped the look of ecstasy on his face would be burned forever on her mind, because she would always cherish that moment as the most perfect of her life. She had never felt so completed, so wanted, so loved and she didn't want the feeling to end.
It did, of course. Lucius was content to lie still for a while, but he eventually started to shift and rolled onto his side, clutching her close with one of her arms.
"Thank you." She whispered, when she finally found her voice.
She was met with a bitter laugh.
"Thank you?" He whispered darkly.
Narcissa was embarrassed, "I wanted it to be you."
"I hope you're pregnant." He blurted incongruously and she was silent for a moment, but when she thought about it, she hoped so too. It was the only piece of him she could hope to keep for herself.
"I have to go." Lucius said after a long stretch of silence. "They'll find me if I stay."
Narcissa nodded, even though she wanted to beg him to say. "Let them!" She wanted to shout. It didn't matter if they were caught. She didn't care if she was like Andromeda: a slave to her body and to her heart. She didn't care if her father hurt them, or killed them, or sent them away. She only wanted Lucius, no matter what it cost, but she couldn't find the words.
"Take me with you." She whispered as he reached the window and climbed onto his broom. The eastern sky was lightening; too soon it would be day.
"I can't." he said quietly, the muscles in his jaw were clenched as if the words tasted bitter in his mouth.
He stepped onto the windowsill and put his broom between his knees, but he turned before stepping into the night. "I love you Narcissa." He said solemnly.
"I love you." She answered back, and then watched through a veil of tears as he disappeared into the waning night.
It was over.
Soon the sun would rise.
Narcissa knew that she had ended her final reprieve. She went back to her bedside table, ready to drink the potion that would seal her fate. "I love you, Lucius." She spoke aloud a final time, just wanting to feel the words upon her lip. Then she reached for the bottle…but it was gone.
Narcissa's heart clenched as she looked onto the floor, and then behind the table and beneath the bed. She used her wand to cast a summoning charm, but the vial of potion was nowhere to be found.
"Lucius." She finally said aloud, realizing why the drink had left.
Her body, her heart, and her only hope for relief- Lucius had taken everything.
TO BE CONTINUED
P.S.: While you are waiting for the last chapter, why not check out three fics that I really enjoy? (Take the spaces out of the addresses):
1. Aulizia's "Tainted Love" http : w w w. fanfiction. net / s / 1329152 / 1 / (The ultimate L/N in my opinion!)
2. LadyLestrange's "We Will Wait" http : www. fanfiction. net / s / 1510318 / 1 / (A fascinating look at Bellatrix in Azkaban)
3. Silvermantella's "A Day at the Races" http : www . fanfiction . net / s / 1966953 / 1 / (An amazing short story about a day in the lives of all three Black sisters)