Disclaimer: If Yoshihiro Togashi had been kidnapped, you would see his face on milk cartons. So there.
The Transfer to Hell
"But why?" Anshi Botan and Daiou Koenma wailed for the fifteen millionth time. Their principal massaged his temples. "Listen, we do this program every five years. It's only for half a year." "Yeah, if we last that long!" Koenma shot back. "We're gonna get lynched there!" The principal gave a sigh. "You two are our top freshman students. I'm sorry to put you through this, all right? But you didn't need to argue with me for the past, oh, hour and a half. Your schedule is set. I can't change it anymore. You're going." And with that, he ushered the pair out of his office and slammed the door behind them.
"My father's gonna kill me," Koenma moaned. He ran a hand nervously through his longish brown hair. The other one tapped nervously against the denim of his blue jeans.
"Well...I guess it can't be that bad," Botan tried to comfort, her violet eyes ever optimistic. She rummaged through her bag, took out a book, and began to read as they walked down the hallway.
"But...Makai? Makai? The worst school in the entire city?!" Koenma shouted. "I've heard stories...two rich kids like us won't last a week in there."
"Well, going from one of the top private schools to the worst public one isn't exactly supposed to be easy," Botan pointed out from behind her book. "But they chose us because they thought we could handle it."
"Please. Bury me now and save me the agony."
A sigh. "Koenma...the least you could do is try to be an optimist."
"Hah! Not in this lifetime!"
"New school, huh?" Urameshi Yusuke smirked. "Perfect opportunity to expand the territory."
"Definitely," Kuwabara Kazuma agreed. "Man, it's great that they decided to choose us for this, isn't it?"
Yukimura Keiko gave an exasperated sigh. "You know they only picked you two because they wanted to get rid of you. To think they used to select these people by grade point average."
Yusuke pulled the brunette into a friendly half-hug. "That's why we have you, Keiko. Smartest girl in the entire school."
Keiko blushed at the compliment before suddenly realizing that Yusuke's hand was beginning to wander a little low...
WHACK!!!!
"BAKA YUSUKE!!!!" Keiko screamed, her chocolate eyes flashing angrily. One eye was twitching madly. She straightened her short green skirt and cleared her throat. "And anyway, don't you know that Makai's supposed to be THE worst school in Tokyo?"
Kuwabara snorted derisively. "C'mon, Keiko. Me 'n' Urameshi are the two toughest punks at Sarayashiki. Don't you think we can take those guys?"
"Yeah," agreed Yusuke, still rubbing the red mark on his cheek. "And Kuwabara's big sis goes there already. Trust me, we'll be running the place in no time."
"Well isn't that just the kiss of death," Keiko mumbled to herself, but didn't argue.
"There will be five new exchange students entering our class next week," announced Genkai (reputably the school's strictest teacher) to a listless class. "SO YOU BUNCH OF IDIOTS BETTER FUCKING MAKE SURE THEY FEEL WELCOME!!!" she snapped out, momentarily jolting them out of their stupor.
Jaganshi Hiei leaned back in his chair lethargically, his crimson eyes closed in boredom. "Will the old bitch ever shut up?" he mumbled.
"You know what would be a beautiful world, Hiei?" Minamino Shuichi asked, emerald eyes flashing with annoyance. "One where you actually gave a damn."
One ruby orb cracked open. "Hn."
"Nothing ever hypes you up anymore, does it?"
"Why should I care about the pointless functions of this pathetic school?"
"Rinku at least looks excited. See, there's someone who cares."
"Rinku has ADD. That's the way he always acts."
"...Well, I bet if Jin were here he'd say something."
"Jin is on Speed."
"You just have your own personal list of everyone's disorders, now don't you. You're getting just as bad as Youko."
"Hn."
"Fine then. Let's put it to the test. What about...say...Gouki?"
"Obsessive compulsive."
"Chuu?"
"Alcoholic."
"Touya?"
"Depressives."
"Miyuki?"
"Gender issues."
"Shishiwakamaru?"
"Narcissist."
"Midara?"
"Masochist."
"Karasu?"
"Sadist."
"Um...Risho?"
"Crack."
"Youmi?"
"Paranoid delusional."
"Mukuro?"
"Don't go there."
"Me?"
"Hn."
"Yukina?"
"Kurama?"
"Yeah?"
"Wanna die?"
"No, not really."
"Then shut up."
"Fine." Shuichi passed a hand through his long red hair and sighed. "You're a hopeless case, aren't you?"
"Yes. So leave me alone."
"Sorry, no can do. I am your best friend and therefore it is my sworn duty to annoy, pester, and otherwise haunt you for the rest of eternity."
"...Hn."
Minamino Youko's tawny eyes blinked slowly with a childlike innocence that fooled no one. "I'm sorry sir, but I have no idea what you're talking about," he said earnestly. "I was a good boy. I've been in school aaaaall day," he added, spreading his arms wide mockingly in the imitation of a toddler.
Assistant Principal Genbu ground his teeth at the carefree junior. "Youko, it's no use lying to me! The least you could do is show a little common courtesy!" He began to wish for some aspirin. He'd known Youko so long they were on a first name basis.
Youko yawned and gave the older man a lazy, vulpine smile. "Now why on earth should I do that? After all, you're wrongfully accusing me of something. I hardly believe that deserves any courtesy whatsoever."
Genbu slammed a fist down on the desk. "DAMMIT, Youko! I know you and your little band had something to do with this incident! If it's something like this, you're involved! ALWAYS!" Youko's amber eyes followed Genbu amusedly as he stood up and began pacing around during his rant. "Vandalizing the entire field with a so-called message in blood is just the kind of thing you'd do. Not to mention anything made of good-quality metal short of the lockers in the equipment room has suddenly gone missing."
"Sorry Geni, but I can't help you. I was at home last night. I'd tell you to call up my dad to confirm it but I'm afraid he's passed out on the couch right now, so that won't help."
Genbu's eye ticked. "Youko, there is RED PAINT IN YOUR HAIR."
Youko grinned. "Yes, well, that hardly means that I was involved. I was just doing like you said, although I must say life as a redhead doesn't suit me as well as it does Shuichi."
"When I said I wanted you to be more like your brother I did NOT mean in PHYSICAL APPEARANCE."
"Well, then you should have been more specific then, shouldn't you?"
Genbu just sighed. "Detention until further notice, Youko. I'd say suspension but you out of school would just further the damage. You're dismissed..."
A/N: R/R!