She keeps watching me as I walk. I've seen it before. That careful, nervous, suspicious glance that was thrown at me whenever my head seemed to bow even a little. She was watching me Just like that. All I was doing was pushing her. Since I hadn't spoke in the last few minutes, she automatically concluded that something was wrong.
"Are you okay, Annako?" She innocently quried. Did she not think I was wise to her game?
"I'm fine."
And so it would go. I would get this from Mimiru as well. Even my new father, "Bear" as I still liked to call him, was always keeping a suspicious eye on me. They thought I was crazy.
Recently, I had come to Bear with nightmares. Vivid nightmares about The World. Sometimes they were small, unnoticable dreams that really wouldn't affect me. Other nights, I would be attacked by a vicious monster who wielded a red wand. On hose nights, I would wake up from the intense pain that sparked from my stomach; from where he'd stabbed me in my dream.
I began to lose sleep. I could stay up all night, studying or playing a regular console game. But even when playing one of my favorite titles, I could see the screen get fuzzy, and she would be visible. Just for a second I'd see her, but I knew it was her.
Aura
At first it was just her and the monster...then it got worse. I would see things during the day time. Little things that scuttled away before I could see them; always just out of the corner of my eye...
I began to get nervous. Wouldn't you? I even began suspecting my friends.
I cut down on my visits to Mariko. I slowly began losing contact with Mimiru. When I did see them - usually at the same time - they would always be whispering as I entered the room. Upon seeing me, Mimiru would jump away from Mariko as though she'd be shocked.
And then I began to notice it. Those accusing eyes. Only Mariko aproached me, asking me if I needed help. But I'm not crazy, so how could she help me?
It was only because of what happened in The World. I was jittery because of that...that was all. I wasn't crazy. For once I was in control.
I told her there was nothing to help me with. She persisted for days, but finally let it drop when I stopped calling her.
But my neglecting her didn't end there.
It used to be that when she touched me, it would send shivers up my spine, electric jolts sparking in places I hadn't cared to notice before. But now, just when I had become accustomed to kissing someone, I felt something...I would open my eyes and that evil girl would be there, melting into our kiss so she could pull out her knife and plunge it into my heart without any resistance!
I pulled away from our kisses hastily then. I would look back down, and it was Mariko again. Hurt might as well have been tatooed on her forehead. I would apologize and simply take hold of her hand instead.
iBut soon, even that started to frighten me. And so, I would simply not touch her. I would evade her gentle caress as though it were a vile plague. And it hurt, please believe me it hurt...it hurt us both. I would help her into her bedroom and leave her for the night, slumping back against her shut door, my eyes closing with pain as I listened to her sob from within the room that might as well have been a prison cell for her.
And as I listened to her cry, I knew I would go to Hell.
I kept my distance from her, today being one of the rare days I went close to her. I know she wanted to say so much to me, but she was afraid of me. After all, you never know what a crazy person will do.
But I am not crazy. I'm just disturbed from being trapped in a video game for half a year. Wouldn't you agree that's not something one gets over soon? I'm still getting used to not having to worry about whether or not Bear will beat me at the drop of a hat.
Why couldn't I tell them about what I was seeing? That's because there's nothing wrong with me! It was only temporary...In a few years I'd be in college with Mariko and I wouldn't even have to worry about it.
For now, I had to focus on my studies. I was six months behind, but catching up. But Mariko could go wherever she wanted, and so, I had to study hard to have the same choices as her.
"If you want to talk about it, I'll listen." she said, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose. I growled in frustration.
"Why is it that whenever I'm quiet for just a little bit you assume something's wrong with me?" I asked, my voice seething with hushed exasperation. She stared into her lap where her cute, dainty hands rested. How I wanted to reach and take hold of that hand and tell her everything.
"I want to help you, it's not just when you're quiet." she replied, brushing stray strands of cerulean behind her left ear. "I should know better than anyone..." she said, sadness plaguing her voice.
Tears welled in my eyes now. Why wouldn't she leave me alone?! I'm fine! Soon we'd be together and everything would be fine!
And it was happening just like before. I felt searing pain on the back of my neck where my father had lit a cigar and jammed the smoldering end cruelly into the back of my neck. I felt it all, even in this dream. I felt the weight of my father as he sat on my back and ground that damned cigar into my neck, horrible fingers gripping my shoulders hard as if to push me down and hold me there afterwards. Hold me down...hold me down for what? The cigar was gone!
N-no...no! No! No! NO!
I screamed, I screamed as loud as I could as the hands on my shoulders jostled me. I wouldn't let him, I didn't care if he hurt me worse but I wouldn't give in without trying! Using all my might I swung my balled up right hand.
And it connected with something. And I realized I was awake.
Bear was at the edge of my bed, cradling his wounded face in his right hand as he looked at me in disbelief. He had been trying to wake me. He began to speak, and in the dark, I began to see him again.
I shrank in the corner of my bed and hugged my pillow to my chest, hot liquid running down my cheeks and onto the cotton below. The dream was so vivid that the scar from that nightmarish memory now burned uncomfortably. A week past, my guardian always asking me if I was okay. I would always tell him my school work was fine and leave it at that. I already had my "friends" quizing me on my mental health every hour on the hour...I expected him to understand me. I mean, he did understand me...why else would he have wanted to take care of me when no one else would?
I shut myself off from him and everyone else. My studies became my number one priority. I stayed at school as long as I could, throwing myself even deeper into the studies I had just caught up on. The teacher was impressed, urging the other students to put as much effort into their work as I did. I heard them whisper amongst themselves...but it wasn't about me being a "Teacher's Pet".
I had come back from an unexplainable coma that had taken hold of me while playing a game. Since my reinstatement into this world, there had been two other cases similiar to mine. And so far, I had been the only one who woke up, even if it had taken over six months.
People would look at me with fear or amazement; it was hard to tell. No one sat near me at lunch, didn't bother me in gym class, and immeadiately apologized if they happeend to bump into me by accident.
Was it pity or fear?
At first, maybe the former...but eventually, the latter. It was 2:00 a.m. before I finally called it a night. I went to the fridge for small snack before I went to sleep, and looked into the living room. What I saw drained the blood form my face and made me hide immeadiately behind the wall.
It was Her...the Evil Aura, the one that I saw when I was with Mariko! She was sitting there on my couch, waiting for me...I didn't know what to do.
"Tsukasa-kun..." a voice called out to me.
I turned to see the source of the voice...and saw a man dressed in black, long green bangs that dangled in front of blood-red eyes.
Sora.
No one knew where he'd gone or what had happeend to him, but I often saw him in my dreams.
He took a step forward, a friendly smile gracing his features.
"She's here for you, Tsukasa-kun." the ninja gestured towards the menacing Girl that sat on my couch.
I shook my head wildly. I had to be logical.
"You can't be real," I breathlessly yet bluntly stated. He scoffed and put his hands on his hips.
"How lame," he said as his eyebrows furrowed. "I came all this way to help you and you say I'm not real?" he took another step forward, looking me in the eye.
My breathing didn't know whether to slow or pick up.
"B-but...we haven't seen you since that day..." I timidly state, still curious as to why Sora never contacted anyone. He simply shrugged it off.
"I've been keeping an eye on you from afar, that's all." he stated, putting on that smile of his again.
It was different from the annoying, patronizing smile he gave everyone else. Sora and I were friends now, so he wouldn't have any reason to trick me.
"But why?" I finally asked. "Why watch me?"
"To keep you safe."
I took a step back. I didn't believe him, and I think he could see that.
"Remember how I rescued you from the Crimson Knights?" I blinked and nodded slowly. He grinned. "And then I held off Morganna so you and your friends could escape?" I nodded once more. He was right; in some way he'd always been there for me, strange as it may be.
"So...are you going to make her go away?" I asked in a hushed voice. He shook his head.
"Not this time," he said as he stood on one foot and leaned over to view her. "you have to be the one to kill her, Tsukasa-kun."
My eyes widened and I recoiled as if I'd been hurt by his words, which for all effect I had been.
"B-but..." I stuttered as if I had been the person I was so many months ago. "I can't do it..." He sighed and spun around, still on one foot. He pointed to the knife drawer.
"If you don't kill her, she'll kill you." he said in a blunt, cold voice. When Sora spoke of killing, he always sounded as though he enjoyed it. I shook with fear; I didn't relish the thought as he did.
"Why?" I begged in hushed panic. "Why can't you do it?" The ninja shrugged once more.
"Because if you don't do it, she'll come back." I gulped in fear.
I looked to the drawer, my mind going through thousands of possibilities. Suddenly, the assassin was behind me. I hadn't even heard him move.
"Go on, I'll watch your back." he said assuringly.
I reached into the drawer and pulled out the largest knife I could find. My trembling hands barely held onto it as I turned back to him.
"You're sure..." I said, my voice straining as I felt the tears well up in my eyes. "You're sure this is the only way?" I asked. He grinned and winked at me.
"Would I lie to you, Tsukasa-kun?" he said, and to add flavor to his reassurance, he included. "We're friends now, right?"
I nodded. I owed Sora and had been wanting to speak with him for so long after the incident. Maybe if I killed this girl, I could stop the images and help him in someway. That was reasonable, right?
With confidence that Sora would come to my aid if need be, I quietly snuck into the room. She was absorbed in...whatever she was thinking. She didn't hear me as I crept up behind the couch and lifted the blade up above my head. I looked down at her as my vision began to blur with tears, the knife wavering in my hand.
And then when I tried to inhale, I hiccupped. But when she turned to face me, it was not the evil Aura looking up at me, but a horrified visage of my guardian...
Bear's face became very solid and serious. Shocked as he was, I lowered my weapon and allowed my body to be wracked with sobs.
"What are you doing with that knife, Annako?" he calmly asked, moving around the couch.
My weak knees succumbed to gravity as I fell to the floor, letting the sorrow fill my body. I felt Bear come up next to me and take the knife, throwing it to a corner I couldn't see. He hugged me and shushed me.
And I just sat there like that, sobbing like a small child until sleep finally took me. The next morning, Bear beckoned me to the car. We drove out in the late afternoon, no conversation taking place. He drove and I patiently waited to see where we were headed.
We arrived at a building around the outskirts of Tokyo. He got out and I followed him. I look around the place; it was very clean. It seemed like a hospital. Had I hurt myself last night?
Bear had me sit down in a chair in what I percieved to be a waiting room while he spoke to the receptionist. I wanted to listen to what he was saying, but as he went to talk to her I saw Mariko come into the room, being pushed in her chair by Mimiru.
I smiled slightly, happy to see the special people I had been pushing away from the last three months. But there was no smile upon their lips. No glimmer in their eyes. Even Mimiru's lively eyes held nothing but depression. Were they angry with me?
I heard a loud buzzer as the doors at the other end of the room which I had not been through opened. I looked up to see Bear coming towards me, the same forlorne look upon his face. It scared me.
"Bear...what is this?" I asked as I saw two large men fill the door's frame. They slowly approached me. My guardian's eyes glistened.
"An, we're going to get you help." he said. I could easily tell that he was saying it to me as much as he was saying it to my friends, who simply watched.
The two men came closer to me. As I inspected them further, I could see they wore silver helmets and breast plates that covered there crimson attired. Their eyes glowed a dim blue.
I screamed, oh how loud I screamed. Even in this world the Knights would plague me? I tried to get up and run, but they were fast...so fast. One hand my wrist and was twisting it behind my back as I called out to Bear, begging him to help me. He stood with his back to me.
I could feel the guard wrestle me down to the ground, forcing me onto my stomach as I looked up at my last hope. My friends.
Mimiru covered her mouth and turned away, unable to bare the sight. Mariko...she just looked at me. Forced herself to watch me. I felt my sleeve being rolled up and screamed at her.
"Make them stop!!" I cried out. "You can stop them, tell them the Knights are dead! You disbanded them yourself!" I felt something prick my skin as the guard on top of my held me faster gainst my struggling.
I tried to crawl closer to her. Why wouldn't she help me?!
"Please, I love you!!" I cried to her in desperation, hoping to get her to come to her senses. "Please, don't let them take me away! Please! Please I'm begging you!!!"
It was at that time that I realized something. I could feel my grip slipping, something slowly claiming my conciousness, but I was still able to come to a conclusion...
"You...you don't...care...d-do...you...?" choked out, looking into her beautiful eyes. I couldn't read them. I hadn't the energy to form the rest of my words.
I came to realize at that time...that you didn't care.
The world faded, and everything went black.
And why should you?A/N: Okay...bear with me on this project, those of you still reading, because this is a little out of the ordinary for me. I'm quite depressed so some of that might have seeped through into this work. I have yet to decide whether or not it will continue "Forced Identity". There will be more, so don't think I'm leaving it at that, but for the next few chapters, I will no use Tsukasa's POV, but rather the others involved. Note that this was written in Notepad at 4 a.m., so any spelling or grammer errors might have flown under my radar. Feed back appreciated!