Big Brother Special (2)

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Gi Oh or Big Brother. Nor do I own Excel Saga, which is mentioned in this fic. IM RUNNING! WE'RE CHASING!

"Welcome back viewers! It's me again, Mokuba fuckin' Kaiba. I think I'm developing turrets syndrome because I have this cussing habit and I never had it before. Shit monkey! Ok, lets get back in the house with the cameras and see how our house guest are doing."

Camera shoots to the kitchen

Everyone came out of their rooms and was in the kitchen. Mai noticed that Weevil had stuck his head in the refrigerator door looking for food of some sort. Mai decided this was the perfect chance to give that little flea a little torture. Mai casually walked by the refrigerator and smacked the refrigerator door with her hip, slamming Weevil's head in the door.

"Ouch! Who was that," screamed Weevil as he ripped his half crushed head out of the refrigerator. Everyone looked at Weevil because they had no idea what had just happened. Mai bit her bottom lip trying not to laugh.

Flash to Mai in the Diary Room

" I can't stand Weevil! I never have, especially after what he did to Yugi's Exodia cards on the ship to Duelist Kingdom. I mean wouldn't you be freaked out if you had to live with a green haired midget that would possibly murder everyone when they go to bed tonight. He doesn't belong here and if I get HOH he will be the first one gone. I don't like that Marick is here either. The last time we had an encounter the asshole sent my brain to the Shadow Realm so I have beef with that crack head too."

Flash back into the kitchen

A voice comes over the intercom in the house. Everyone stops talking to realize that it is Mokuba.

"Hey everyone! Go to hell! It's Mokuba! It's time for the damn food competition so take your ass in the back yard"

Everyone looked at each other in a confused way. They had never heard Mokuba talk like this.

"The way Mokuba sounds, I think were going in the back yard to be shot," said Serenity as she took a deep breath. Tea put her arm around Serenity to lead her outside. Everyone made their way into the back yard for the first time. Everyone was amazed. The back yard had many lawn chairs and even a hammock. There was also a swimming pool and a hot tub, but for some reason there were fences locked down on top of them so no one could enter. They also looked to see that in the middle of the yard they had a trampoline and there were two weight benches. Tristan looked over to one of the chairs that had a big white envelope that said "Food Competition." Tristan opened it and began reading it.

"House guest. As you know every week you will compete for food. Take a look towards the back of your backyard." Everyone looked to the back only to see a huge pool of mud!

"Only eight house guest will compete for the households food. Computer selected it and the eight will be Tea, Mai, Mako, Tristan, Weevil, Bandit Keith, Pegasus, and Ishizu. You will need to put on your bathing suits and make your way to the mud pool. Once there each of you will get into the mud pool one at a time until everyone is in. All of you will have 60 seconds to dig in the humongous mud pool for balls at the bottom of the pool that have the name of food on them. When the bell rings you must stop and exit the pool with your net bag that is filled with the balls. Then we will see what we'll be eating for the week." Tristan put the letter down and went inside to change with the other seven competitors. Everyone changed and took their places at the end of the pool. Mako couldn't take his eyes off of Tea, Mai, and Ishizu who were all in hot pink bikinis.

"Alright, first in will be Weevil," said Tristan, since Weevil was at the head of the line. Mai grinned. As Weevil went to stick his foot in the mud, Mai drew back and punched Weevil in the back of the head, which sent Weevil flying into the mud headfirst. Everyone bursted into laughter. Mai couldn't help laughing either. Weevil stood up in the mud, which came up to his neck.

"I'm going to drown in this pile of crap," screamed Weevil as he struggled to keep his head above the mud. Everyone else hopped into the mud. Mai jumped in and landed on top of Weevil, sending him to the bottom of the pool. Everyone held their bags ready for the bell to start the competition. Yugi walked over to the timer and pulled the rope. The bell rang and the duelist scurried through the pool for balls. Joey looked to the end of the pool to see Tea and Mai beating Weevil's head into the side of the pool.

"Hey ladies! Quit killing the pest and get me some food," hollered Joey. Mai and Tea let go of Weevils unkempt hair and dove down into the mud. Bandit Keith was leading the way with 6 balls already in his bag. He had no idea what they said because they were covered in mud. Ishizu raced frantically through the mud pit. She went under the mud to get a ball.

"I have a ball," screamed Ishizu as she emerged from bottom of the mud. As she pulled the extremely heavy ball up the others were racing for food. Ishizu pulled it to the top only to see that it was Weevil's puny head.

"Nothing of importance," said Ishizu as she shoved Weevil back in the mud. Tea was running about in the pool like she was a chicken with her head cut off.

"I have a ball," screamed Tea as she jerked it off the bottom of the pool. Mai went under the mud when Tea did this. Tea pulled it up to see it was a foot.

"That is my foot damn it," hollered Mai as she bitch slapped Tea. Tea fell in the mud. Tea and Mai began to mud wrestle. Tea bit Mai on the arm. Mai countered the bite by elbowing Tea in the eye. Tea loosened her jaws. Mai grabbed Tea by the head and began beating Tea's head into the side of the pool.

Flash to Joey in the Diary Room

"Mai was fierce out there today. She didn't get too many balls but I loved watching her beat the hell out of Tea! I've never seen anything so funny in my life. Except maybe when Mai slammed Weevil's head in the refrigerator door. The food competition was good but I wish I had been in it."

Flash back to Mud Pool

Pegasus just stood in the pool and watched everyone fight for balls. These were not the kind of balls Pegasus wanted. Pegasus just watched as everyone hurried frantically to beat the clock.

"Help! I'm choking on mud," screamed Tea as she waived her arms around. Weevil swam past her shoving her head under the mud further. Mako took the lead with 9 balls in his bag. Bandit Keith was second with 7 balls. Tristan had 6, Ishizu also had 6, Mai had 4, Tea had 2, Weevil had 2, and Pegsy Chan had 0! The group went even faster with only 10 seconds left on the clock. Mai managed to grab two more balls from the bottom putting her at 6. Mako swan dived to the bottom picking up 4 at one time putting him at 13. Tea snatched a ball out of Weevil's bag and shoved Weevil back in the mud. Ishizu slipped on Weevil who was at the bottom. Ishizu resurfaced with one more ball in her hand. She now had 7 balls. The bell rang. Everyone stopped swimming and climbed out of the pool. Yugi took everyone's bag and took the bags to a fountain that was stationed at the end of the pool of mud. Yugi took Weevil's bag first and began to rinse the one ball.

"You managed to get us …ugh," gulped Yugi, "you got us chocolate covered ants!"

Weevil jumped in excitement. Tristan elbowed Weevil in the mouth, which sent him backwards into the mud pool once more (a yellow Hummer drops from the sky, squashing Weevil).Yugi took the other bags and began to rinse them. In all they had 43 balls. They had things such as fried chicken, salad, hamburgers, yak testicles, Popsicles, beer, soda, Gatorade, beef, pork chops, duck, shrimp, and lots of other random things. The eight went inside to wash off. Weevil crawled out from under the hummer and limped inside. He went to get in the shower. Mai saw this and ran to the shower in her bathing suit before he could get there. She jumped in, cutting Weevil off.

"Hey! I was going to get in there," screamed Weevil. Mai ripped the shower curtain off the pole. She walked over to Weevil and wrapped the shower curtain around his neck and began to strangle him.

Flash to Weevil in the Diary room (who by the way has bunches of bruises on his face)

"Mai is crazy! Look at all the things that bitch did to my face. She even made a hummer fall on me somehow. I think she has a pact with Satan to kill me. I have to get HOH and put that psycho blonde out of here."

Flash to the Bathroom

Mai pulled the curtain harder around Weevil's neck. His face turned blue and he began to foam at the mouth. Mako walked in to see Mai suffocating Weevil.

"Mai! Chill out babe," screamed Mako as he pulled Mai off of Weevil. Weevil ran into the shower and began to clean the mud off. Mai sat on the edge of the bathtub to calm her nerves and the vessel that was about to explode in her forehead. Everyone had their turn I the shower. Everyone was excited and gathered in the kitchen to put the new food away. The intercom came on again.

"What you bitches doin? This is Mokuba you ass lickers. Time for the luxury competition. Go into the backyard."

Everyone stopped what they were doing and made their way to the back yard. They all stopped to see a humongous court in the middle of the yard. On the court there were six men dressed in red suits. One of the men threw an envelope at Yugi. Yugi opened it.

"Welcome to the luxury competition duelist. Remember that old school game called dodge ball? Well get ready to play it again. Six houseguest have been chosen at random to play in this dodge ball tournament. You will be playing to win the key to unlock the pool and the hot tub. Will Kaiba, Marick, Tea, Joey, Yugi, and Serenity please make your way to the dodge ball field."

Yugi put down the letter and scaled the steps to the elevated dodge ball field. The other five followed behind him. The six houseguest positioned themselves on their side of the field. A bell rang and the game began. One of the red players reached behind his back and pulled out a brick. He scoped the targets.

"Friendship will get us through this game. Just remember your frie..." Tea was interrupted as the brick collided with her head knocking her completely off of the playing field and crashing 20 feet below into the ground. Marick laughed uncontrollably. The Reds threw one ball at Yugi, who hit the ground barely bypassing the ball. The Reds threw their next ball at Marick. Marick withdrew his Millennium Rod and hit the ball with it. The ball flew back towards the Reds. But for some reason it was glowing purple. It hit one of the Reds and the man completely vanished. The other houseguest watched from below.

"Where did that guy go," asked Mako as he rubbed his eyes to make sure he wasn't hallucinating.

"Marick sent him to the Shadow Realm," said Mai as Mako and the others looked at her.

"I remember that purple glow. It was the last thing I saw before Marick sent me to the Shadow Realm in our last duel. That crack head is back to his old games again," said Mai as she gave Marick the finger. Marick looked at Mai and laughed. Although Marick looked away only for a second he got nailed…by a crowbar! Marick came flying from the 20-foot platform and landed on top of Tea.

Flash to Marick in the Diary Room (with ice bag held to his head)

"I should have known better than to look away from those damn Reds. That crowbar hurt like hell! At least I sent one of those fags to the Shadow Realm. It's all Mai's fault. I'll break that damn finger when I see it again."

Flash back to Dodge Ball

Serenity picked up the crowbar that hit Marick. She found her target. Serenity closed her eyes, drew back her arm, and threw the crowbar as hard as she could across the court. The crowbar flew through the air. It impacted with the back of Seto Kaiba's head. Kaiba stumbled around on the field. He turned and looked at Serenity with a drunken stare. Serenity's eyes welled up with tears.

"Thanks a lot you dumb bi.." Kaiba passed out and fell off the court right on top of the caged swimming pool (insert falling elephant from the sky).

"Way to go sis," screamed Joey as he picked up the brick that hit Tea. Joey threw it across the field and hit one of the Reds in the nuts. The Red fell from the court on top of the elephant. Yugi looked down to see a machete laying on the side of the court. Yugi picked it up and flung it across the field, decapitating a Red. That left three members on each side. Serenity began to panic.

"Do we really have to do this just to win that stupid pool and hot tub," asked Serenity as a rabid Yak ran across the court knocking Serenity off the field, across the ground, through the back door, and back into the house. Joey watched as a deformed cow violated his sister. Joey walked over to the yak and broke its neck, shoving it off the field. Joey looked around the field. His eyes widened.

"Look Yug! A grenade," laughed Joey. Joey pulled the pin and threw it across the field.

"Joey! Your supposed to throw the grenade not the pin," screamed Yugi as he ducked and covered his head. Joey looked down at the grenade and bit the inside of his cheek. The grenade exploded throwing Joey off the field and he flew into the backyard creating a huge crater. Joey crawled out of the crater all burnt and smoked.

"I think I would have preferred the yak," moaned Joey as he passed out. Yugi looked at the three Reds that stood across the field. Yugi fueled with anger.

"O.k! Cue the hummer that squashed Weevil earlier," screamed Yugi (a giant yellow hummer falls from the sky squashing the opponents). The elephant and yak disappeared because I said so. So do the mud pit and the court. Yugi helped his friends off the ground except Kaiba and Marick. He kicked them in the head. Everyone went inside to see a key setting on the kitchen table.

Tea grabbed it.

"Yay! Like I said, friendship will get you through any problem," cheered Tea as she jumped up and down. Pegasus pulled a gun from his pocket and shot Tea in the forehead. Her brain splattered across the kitchen wall.

"Pegasus, please come to the Diary Room now," a voice said over the intercom. Pegasus went to the Diary Room. Mokuba took the gun from Pegasus.

"You will not get the luxuries this week because you did that. Now we have to call up Excel Saga so they send the Great Macrocosom over to bring Tea back to life," said Mokuba as he sent Pegasus out of the Diary Room. Pegasus saw the Great Macrocosm reviving Tea. Tea went outside and unlocked the hot tub and pool.

Flash to Pegasus in Diary Room

"I think Tea deserved that. I mean how often do you get to put a bullet through her head? I savored the moment (laughs diabolically). Maybe I can persuade Mai to crush Tea's head in the fridge next time.

"Well as you can see you mother fuckers, our guest got their luxuries. Tune in next time you turd eaters for the HOH competition. This is Mokuba fuckin' Kaiba signing off."

I hope you enjoyed it! I did a lot of Tea bashing and Weevil bashing for all you Tea/Weevil haters! Sorry if I offended anybody in the making of this fic, but as Mokuba would say, "shut the fuck up and pay attention!" Thanks for reading this fic. Tune in for the next episode. Coming Soon!