Everyone at Hogwarts LOVED Gilderoy Lockhart. He was their favorite celebrity. Anything he said, they said. Anything he did, they did.
--- OK, I'm going to attempt to drown myself ---
--- You can try this at home ---
--- You can be just like me! ---
"I get to go first!" Ron exclaimed.
"You got to go first when we superglued our asses to the floor!" Harry argued.
"Fine. You go," Ron sighed.
"I don't know about this, guys," Hermione said uncertainly.
"Gilderoy did it! So we're gonna, too!" Ron shouted.
Harry ignored the arguing couple and checked the rope on his ankle to see that it was tight. Then the other end that was tied around the boulder.
"Now, how do we do this again?" Ron asked.
"You put a weightless charm on the rock. Wait till you swim out into the middle of the lake and take the charm off," Hermione explained.
--- Mic check one two.. we recordin? ---
--- I'm cancerous, so when I diss you wouldn't wanna answer this ---
--- If you responded back with a battle rap you wrote for Canibus ---
--- I strangled you to death then I choked you again ---
--- Then break your fuckin legs till your bones poke through your skin ---
Crabbe ran as fast as he could from the enraged Goyle. Goyle had found out about Crabbe talking about him behind his back. And he was going to make Crabbe pay for it.
Finally, as They rounded a corner in the dungeons, Goyle caught his prey. He wrapped his fat fingers around the boys neck, strangling him. Then after Crabbe stopped breathing, he choked him again.
"I'll teach you to steal my food, ya prick," he muttered, "I'll take a page out of Lockhart's book."
He grabbed the other boys legs and snapped them until you could see the white of boone poking through.
--- You beef wit me, I'ma even the score equally ---
--- Take you on Jerry Springer, and beat yer ass legally ---
--- I get you blunted off of funny home grown ---
--- Cause when I smoke out I hit the trees harder than Sonny Bono ---
"Jerry! Jerry! JERRY!" the crowd chanted steadily.
"You bitch! Harry is mine!" Cho shouted at the red-haired whore.
"Oh yeah? Is that why he visits MY bed every night?" Ginny taunted.
Cho jumped up and attacked Ginny, hitting, biting, and pulling everything she could. The fight lasted only thirty seconds before the security people pulled the two battling sluts apart.
"Thank god I found from Gilderoy that it's legal to fight on Jerry Springer," Ginny muttered.
--- So if I said I never did drugs ---
--- That would mean I lie AND get fucked more than the President does ---
--- Hillary Clinton tried to slap me and call me a pervert ---
--- I ripped her fuckin tonsils out and fed her sherbet (Bitch!) ---
"Minerva, you sexy bitch!" Albus said, moving in on her.
"Albus, please," Minerva said.
"I want to..." he whispered the rest quietly into her ear.
"Albus! You pervert!" she slapped the headmaster across the face.
Dumbledore grabbed her by the neck and stuck his free hand down her throat. He ripped out her tonsils and threw them aside. Blood squirted out of her mouth. He snapped his fingers. Instantly a house-elf appeared.
"Go get me the sherbert," he said idly. A moment later a bowl of sherbert was on his desk. He picked it up and dumped iot down her mouth.
"Great man, Gilderoy," he said.
--- My nerves hurt, and lately I'm on edge ---
--- Grabbed Vanilla Ice and ripped out his blonde dreads ---
--- Every girl I ever went out wit is goin lez ---
Fred yelled in frustration. He just found out that his ex-girlfriend, Angelina Johnson, had gone lez. Fifth one that month.
Lee Jordan had just informed him. Fred reached across and grabbed a handful of Lee's dreadlocks. He pulled them out in one tug. Lee ran around crying, while Fred and George laughed.
"You always did the best Gilderoy impressions," George admired his twin.
--- Follow me and do exactly what the song says: ---
--- smoke weed --- Snape li up in a broom closet with his best friend, Argus.
--- take pills --- Tonks downed her fourth bottle of Tylenol
--- drop outta school --- As Draco left, he threw the headmaster the finger.
--- kill people --- Voldemort laughed at the thirt-two bodies littered before him.
--- drink and jump behind the wheel like it was still legal --- Sirius downed the last of the firewhiskey and climbe onto the seat of his flying motorcycle...
--- Now follow me and do exactly what you see ---
--- Don't you wanna grow up to be just like me! ---
--- I slap women and eat shrooms then O.D. ---
--- Now don't you wanna grow up to be just like me! ---
--- I came to the club drunk with a fake ID --- Colin Creevey
--- Don't you wanna grow up to be just like me! --- We all do!
--- I've been with 10 women who got HIV --- Arthur Weasley
--- Now don't you wanna grow up to be just like me! --- We all do!
--- I got genital warts and it burns when I pee --- Millicent Bullstrode
--- Don't you wanna grow up to be just like me! --- We all do!
--- I tie a rope around my penis and jump from a tree --- Percy
--- You probably wanna grow up to be just like me!!! --- We all do!
Go Gilderoy!
A/N - Actually...I hate that man....
--- OK, I'm going to attempt to drown myself ---
--- You can try this at home ---
--- You can be just like me! ---
"I get to go first!" Ron exclaimed.
"You got to go first when we superglued our asses to the floor!" Harry argued.
"Fine. You go," Ron sighed.
"I don't know about this, guys," Hermione said uncertainly.
"Gilderoy did it! So we're gonna, too!" Ron shouted.
Harry ignored the arguing couple and checked the rope on his ankle to see that it was tight. Then the other end that was tied around the boulder.
"Now, how do we do this again?" Ron asked.
"You put a weightless charm on the rock. Wait till you swim out into the middle of the lake and take the charm off," Hermione explained.
--- Mic check one two.. we recordin? ---
--- I'm cancerous, so when I diss you wouldn't wanna answer this ---
--- If you responded back with a battle rap you wrote for Canibus ---
--- I strangled you to death then I choked you again ---
--- Then break your fuckin legs till your bones poke through your skin ---
Crabbe ran as fast as he could from the enraged Goyle. Goyle had found out about Crabbe talking about him behind his back. And he was going to make Crabbe pay for it.
Finally, as They rounded a corner in the dungeons, Goyle caught his prey. He wrapped his fat fingers around the boys neck, strangling him. Then after Crabbe stopped breathing, he choked him again.
"I'll teach you to steal my food, ya prick," he muttered, "I'll take a page out of Lockhart's book."
He grabbed the other boys legs and snapped them until you could see the white of boone poking through.
--- You beef wit me, I'ma even the score equally ---
--- Take you on Jerry Springer, and beat yer ass legally ---
--- I get you blunted off of funny home grown ---
--- Cause when I smoke out I hit the trees harder than Sonny Bono ---
"Jerry! Jerry! JERRY!" the crowd chanted steadily.
"You bitch! Harry is mine!" Cho shouted at the red-haired whore.
"Oh yeah? Is that why he visits MY bed every night?" Ginny taunted.
Cho jumped up and attacked Ginny, hitting, biting, and pulling everything she could. The fight lasted only thirty seconds before the security people pulled the two battling sluts apart.
"Thank god I found from Gilderoy that it's legal to fight on Jerry Springer," Ginny muttered.
--- So if I said I never did drugs ---
--- That would mean I lie AND get fucked more than the President does ---
--- Hillary Clinton tried to slap me and call me a pervert ---
--- I ripped her fuckin tonsils out and fed her sherbet (Bitch!) ---
"Minerva, you sexy bitch!" Albus said, moving in on her.
"Albus, please," Minerva said.
"I want to..." he whispered the rest quietly into her ear.
"Albus! You pervert!" she slapped the headmaster across the face.
Dumbledore grabbed her by the neck and stuck his free hand down her throat. He ripped out her tonsils and threw them aside. Blood squirted out of her mouth. He snapped his fingers. Instantly a house-elf appeared.
"Go get me the sherbert," he said idly. A moment later a bowl of sherbert was on his desk. He picked it up and dumped iot down her mouth.
"Great man, Gilderoy," he said.
--- My nerves hurt, and lately I'm on edge ---
--- Grabbed Vanilla Ice and ripped out his blonde dreads ---
--- Every girl I ever went out wit is goin lez ---
Fred yelled in frustration. He just found out that his ex-girlfriend, Angelina Johnson, had gone lez. Fifth one that month.
Lee Jordan had just informed him. Fred reached across and grabbed a handful of Lee's dreadlocks. He pulled them out in one tug. Lee ran around crying, while Fred and George laughed.
"You always did the best Gilderoy impressions," George admired his twin.
--- Follow me and do exactly what the song says: ---
--- smoke weed --- Snape li up in a broom closet with his best friend, Argus.
--- take pills --- Tonks downed her fourth bottle of Tylenol
--- drop outta school --- As Draco left, he threw the headmaster the finger.
--- kill people --- Voldemort laughed at the thirt-two bodies littered before him.
--- drink and jump behind the wheel like it was still legal --- Sirius downed the last of the firewhiskey and climbe onto the seat of his flying motorcycle...
--- Now follow me and do exactly what you see ---
--- Don't you wanna grow up to be just like me! ---
--- I slap women and eat shrooms then O.D. ---
--- Now don't you wanna grow up to be just like me! ---
--- I came to the club drunk with a fake ID --- Colin Creevey
--- Don't you wanna grow up to be just like me! --- We all do!
--- I've been with 10 women who got HIV --- Arthur Weasley
--- Now don't you wanna grow up to be just like me! --- We all do!
--- I got genital warts and it burns when I pee --- Millicent Bullstrode
--- Don't you wanna grow up to be just like me! --- We all do!
--- I tie a rope around my penis and jump from a tree --- Percy
--- You probably wanna grow up to be just like me!!! --- We all do!
Go Gilderoy!
A/N - Actually...I hate that man....