TW: Mentions of suicide

Episode 9: To drag you into the depths of hell

(Afternoon)

Amanda was walking along the boardwalk, heading to steven's house. She was going to see garnet. Her and garnet had started to run into each other at the beach. Every time amanda was there, garnet somehow appeared right next to her. It's like she knew amanda was going to be there. Ever since then, they just hung out watching the waves as they sat in comfortable silence.

She knocked on the door and waited for a minute. Then pearl came to the door and opened it.

Pearl: "Oh, hello amanda. What brings you by."

Amanda: "Hi, I was just wondering is garnet here."

Garnet: "I'm right here."

Amanda: "Hi garnet. I wanted to know if you wanted to hang out on the beach today. Are you free?"

Garnet: "Yes."

Amanda: "Oh, well, I guess we should go then."

(Short Time Skip)

They arrived at amanda's favorite area of the beach. That area of the beach barely had people there, so it was perfect sitting in the warm sand. Once they sat down, they just stared at the ocean in peace for a while.

Garnet: "Why do you like the ocean?"

That question was a bit unexpected but not hard to answer.

Amanda: "I-uh, I like to look at the waves. They… they help get the thoughts out of my head. Plus, you can dip your toes in it.

Garnet just let out an understanding hum.

Amanda: "Oh, and thanks for hangin out with me these few couple of days. With all the stuff that has happened this month I… I just wanted to say thanks.

Garnet: "Do you want to talk about it?"

Amanda just continued to stare ahead of her, all the while she was thinking about what to say to garnet. She couldn't tell her the full story or else she'd think that amanda was crazy. Saying 'Yeah, so my confident, unfiltered, and dangerous other half runs a show in my head and occasionally, she pops into the real world and makes me question my whole life and life decisions. Oh, and did I mention that I almost killed myself because of her? Anyway, what else do you want to talk about?' Yeah, that didn't sound like the mentality of a sane person.

Amanda: "Sometimes I have a hard time getting out of my own head, having a hard time ignoring the voice. It makes me lose sight of myself, makes me question things."

She paused for a moment before she began to bitterly laugh at her next words.

Amanda: "I even tried to end my own life. It sounds cliché, I know, but… it happened."

She let out a breath that she didn't even know she was holding in. She shouldn't be dumping all of her problems on a person, it's selfish. But for some reason, she could feel that garnet didn't mind.

Garnet: "Take a moment to think of just flexibility, love, and trust."

Amanda didn't really know what that meant, but it made her feel at ease. Nobody has ever told her that. She could tell that garnet was real. She respected and loved herself and she wanted amanda to feel the same. Amanda loved herself but she didn't respect herself. But you know what they say: You gotta walk before you run.

She turned her head to look at garnet.

Amanda: "Thanks garnet."

Garnet also turned her head with a smirk on her lips.

Garnet: "My pleasure."

Garnet's genuine words made amanda feel good and slightly angry at the same time. Everybody has their imperfections and amanda was no different. Sometimes she questions why she has friends in the first place. Why do they care about her. Why do they stick by her side. She asks these questions to herself but there's no answer. Her life is just one big field of dominoes, being pushed forward by her other half

She couldn't help but want to show garnet her own personal mind cell. No, that's not the right word. Garnet made her feel so comfortable, so safe. She just wanted to fall flat on the ground and breath for once. But she knows if that happens, her other half will win. She'd be lying if she said she herself hasn't made progress to get better. Her friends help her. Marcus, amanda, and valentine all depend on each other. Without them, there wouldn't be a battle to fight.

She wanted to drag garnet along with her to the depths of her own hell. Filled with pain, misery, and shame. She wanted to see the look in her visor covered eyes. But most importantly, she wanted to know what she thought of it all. And she wanted to ask her the most important question anybody could ask.

Now do you see what I am?

How could she say such kind and encouraging words to a monster that has these thoughts and does these things. She knows that garnet doesn't think of her that way, but she can't help but wonder.

She lets out another sigh.

This is show amanda's fault. It's. All. Her. Fault. One person, if she can even call her that, can do the slightest thing and the whole house of cards just falls into oblivion. She finds it funny how this twisted fucking world can function. But she can't worry about that now. She just wants to sit and watch the waves move.

(Time Skip)

An hour later of just watching the ocean, they decided to get pizza. She grabbed one for myself and one for steven. She offered garnet some, but she said she didn't eat food. They arrived at steven's house with a box of pizza and in an instant, amethyst came running in.

Amethyst: "Ooo, pizza!"

She began to tilt the whole pizza into her mouth, but amanda quickly stopped her.

Amanda: "Amethyst, this pizza is for steven too. Pearl, would you like some?"

Pearl: "No, I'm fine. We gems do not need to eat food."

Amanda: "Okay. Well, I should get going, it's getting late."

she walked to the door then opened it, but before I left, I told garnet thank you for hanging out.

(Mini Time Skip)

Once she arrived at her house, she went in, kicked her shoes off, and sat on the couch to watch tv. Suddenly, she got a phone call. She checked her phone to see who was calling her.

'Mom'

She answered the call, and immediately she was bombarded with questions.

(On the phone)

Avery: Amanda, are you alright?! I was worried sick about you! Why didn't you call?

Amanda: Hey mom. I know I forgot to call you, but I was just tired from driving all the way back to beach city.

Avery: Is that the only excuse you have?

Amanda: Would you have rather me call you half asleep?

Avery let out a frustrated sigh.

Avery: I guess better late than never. Anyway, I'm just glad that you're okay.

Amanda: Thanks.

Avery: Well, Have a good night.

Amanda: You too.

(Call ended)

After she got off the phone with her mom, she turned her attention back to the tv.