"I'm drowning..."
"What?"
"I can't breathe..."
"Sam, you're dreaming."
"Please don't leave me!" Sam sat bolt upright and looked around. Envin was watching him cautiously with a small bowl and pestil in hand. Sam put a hand to his heart and felt the quick beating as his other hand brushed over his bleary eyes. "It- It was a dream?" his eyes wide with fright as he tried to gasp for the air he thought he could never have again. He looked around, memory slowly seeping into his dream filled mind. "No- no it wasn't." He fell back despairingly.
"You have been dreaming about the quest," said Envin.
Sam nodded slowly, "I am getting used to it. I just wish I can stay in one place. One day we're in the woods with Gildor listening to elves sing about stars and my heart is glad. But another day we will be in the dark of Moria and there is fire and shadow and orcs. Then in the comfort of Tom Bombadil or Rivendell or Lothlorien. Then on the cold face of Caradhras, or in the cruel maze of Emyn Muil, or on..." Sam took in a shaky breath, "Mount Doom."
Envin sat down, "Do you remember much about that place?"
"No, not in the waking world. At least... I won't let myself. Oh please don't make me! The very name is a pain in my heart!" Sam bit down on his lip, "I'm sorry, I must sound completely loony."
Envin smiled, "Yes you do, but I know for a fact you're not 'loony'." Sam sighed and Envin tucked him back in, "Nor are you 'mad', 'insane', 'looped', or 'crazy'. It took a lot to do what you have done, Samwise, and coming out alive is just as unbelievable. But coming out alive and sane, well that is a feet only hobbits seem capable of."
Sam's eyes drifted to Frodo and Envin knew what terrible thoughts went through his head. "He's not 'loony' either, Sam. Just lost. And if it's lost..."
"...It can always be found," Sam finished, then looked up with sparkling eyes. "My Gaffer used to say that."
"My father says such things," Envin picked up his bowl and the herbs he was crushing and left the tent. Sam turned to Frodo and sighed wistfully. Frodo had turned to his side in his sleep, curled up small and tight, with his slender hands lain upon each other under his fair cheek. He looked like a sleeping child, troubled slightly by shadowy dreams that he could not grasp or understand. Sam ran a hand through his curls. "I understand them when I dream them, Mr. Frodo, and sometimes I wish I didn't." Frodo's lips parted in a whimper and he drifted through the shadows, deeper into darkness.
Sam observed Frodo's position oddly. He never used to sleep like that. It was never his wont to do such things, so insecurely. Even in Mordor he lay stretched out as if on his funeral pyre but unafraid. Sam shuddered at the thought. But in the comfort of Bag-End oh so many thousand years ago (or so it seemed to Sam) he would lay comfortably in his bed, arms above the covers or lazily placed behind his head, a small smile playing on his lips. This is how Sam found him in the mornings as he drew back the curtains and let the sun flood in.
This way of sleeping, it was strange to Sam's eyes. He had only seen children sleep such a way because they were frightened of things that lived in the shadows at night. He remembered sleeping like that himself as a child and his mother would run a hand across his brow and it would always straighten him out, make him feel safe.
"You're safe now, Mr. Frodo." Frodo moaned in protest and tossed his head. "I wonder," said Sam, "what is goin' on in there." He pressed a hand to Frodo's brow as if trying to read his thoughts. Of course he saw nothing. He sighed. It was then that Envin returned.
"I have seen the Lord and Lady approaching, Sam," said Envin, calmly. His eyes traveled the length of Sam to see if he were in a condition to have visitors. "I can see that last night offered you greater healing than any of a healer's skills could."
"Being with friends was an ease on my heart," said Sam thoughtfully. "But not for you I am sure I'd be dead."
"Perhaps."
Envin's eyes strayed to the white stone Lady Arwen had given him. "A kingly gift," he said. "Does it bring you peace? I have heard little of elvish magic."
"It is not meant for me," said Sam smiling and fondling the stone. "It was meant for Mr. Frodo and I suppose that I shall give it to him whether he returns or not. It has helped me through these dark days and perhaps it may help him."
"A noble act, Samwise. But I have seen that that is what you halflings are all about."
It was then that Aragorn and Arwen entered the tent in all of their grace. Aragorn seemed more kingly than he had ever on the quest and he bore it humbly. Envin bowed to each of them and retreated to his things in the corner knowing that they would want to speak with Samwise alone. Aragorn set a hand on his shoulder, "I would like to be speaking with you as well."
"Yes, my lord," Envin bowed again and left with Aragorn.
Arwen smiled at Sam and he held his breath trying not to stare in wonder. He failed. Arwen's laugh lilted and reminded Sam as stars shivering in the night. Her eyes sparkled and Sam's jaw almost hung open. "What is the problem, Sam? Does my company not compensate for your Rose?"
Sam blushed crimson up to the tips of his ears and he bowed his head, "Oh, no! Lady Arwen you are more pretty than any words I could say or poem I could think of. Oh," he said frustrated, "no words of mine do you no justice." He blushed again, "Mr. Frodo was fine with words, he was, he'd know what to say. I'm sorry, my lady, but I was only meant to be a simple gardener and I wouldn't even know my letters if not for Mr. Frodo. And Rosie. Oh she is the finest lass I ever met, beggin' your pardon.
"Lady Arwen, you are like the stars on a clear night in the Shire, only for me to look at and wonder at but much too far away. Rosie is like the most precious flower in my garden, pretty and fair, and everything else can just wither and die for all I care, with her I'd have the most beautiful garden in all of Middle-Earth and that's enough for me."
Arwen smiled warmly and bent to kiss Sam. "You, Samwise Gamgee, are a treasure. I would have you if you were not already taken by a lass whom I am sure is as fair as you say."
Sam's eyes widened, "But- I- A-Aragorn..."
Arwen laughed, "Oh I love him, and he loves me just as greatly. And I suppose it is the same for me." She smiled and bent down and whispered into the hobbit's ear. "You are the stars, Sam."
Aragorn came striding in and sat beside his wife. "Samwise you would not be trying to steal my wife away from me?"
"If he were truly trying, love, I'm sure he just may," said Arwen.
Aragorn smiled and Sam finally understood the jest. He laughed uneasily still blushing.
"A fair morning, Samwise," greeted Aragorn and Sam eased into much more simple conversation.
"I couldn't say, sir, I have not seen it yet. Though I do feel a might better, it was something kind of you last night."
"It was not my dealing at all, but Envin's. He cares much for the well being of you as well as your master. But I am afraid that you will be facing a choice Samwise. I have already spoken to Envin about this and he has agreed that you should choose this. We will be departing tomorrow and travel to Rohan bearing Theoden to his final resting place. I will accompany you only thus far. Then you may continue to Rivendell with the company of Gandalf and the elves and then on home to your Shire."
"I would love nothing more than to return home, Strider sir."
"Yes, but your other choice is to stay in Gondor. You are forever welcome in my kingdom and there you and Frodo may stay. My people will do everything to make you comfortable, you will be given anything your heart desires, Samwise, including a garden and land that would be more than enough for you to call home. Envin will tend your master and perhaps in time he may find healing, though no one can see that far ahead. Or if you wish to return to the Shire and be with your Rose then Frodo may stay here Envin has volunteered his home for your master and guarantees to give him the utmost care. What do you wish?"
Sam had turned many pale shades during this conversation until he finally swallowed and spoke hoarsely. "I admit that I wish nothing more than to see the Shire again. In all my years it has been home and has been the one thing I could trust would not go changin' on me. But... Mr. Frodo... He would find no healin' there. And Rosie, I would so love to see her again. But I can't leave my master, not after all this, not now, he needs me now, more than ever. I suppose it's down to abandoning him to *perhaps* find healing if it's even possible, or condemning him to live the rest of his days in ignorance but sticking by him none the less. Or... I can stay... and... and never go home..." Sam began to sob. "I guess I know what I have to do."
"No, Sam," said Envin as he rose from his corner then. "This is about your healing too. And the only way for you to heal is to return home."
"But I cannot leave my master!"
Envin sighed and now for the first time he let Sam see his utter wear. All of his sorrow and tire and exhaustion, all of his pity and despair and anger. His face seemed to grow old and the shine in his eyes dulled, he slumped over and ran a hand across his tearing eyes then rested it on his head as if it grew terribly heavy. "Sam I- even if you leave Frodo- I cannot- I- there's no sure way he *really* can heal. In- in fact it's pr- probable that he... won't."
Sam took a shaky breath and Arwen placed her hands on his shoulders to steady him. "Very well," said Sam with a note of sorrow in his voice. "We will both leave with the elves..."
"...and Frodo's fate is determined..." Envin finished sadly. All eyes turned to the sleeping creature curled up in the bed. Sam brushed at his master's curls as if he were his own son. Arwen touch the back of her hand to the sides of his face warmly and Aragorn rested a hand on his shoulder feeling the slow rise and fall of his breaths. Frodo sighed as if a new feeling of safety washed over him. "It seems he is doomed to live out the rest of his days," Envin swallowed hard around a lump in his throat, "simple."
"What?"
"I can't breathe..."
"Sam, you're dreaming."
"Please don't leave me!" Sam sat bolt upright and looked around. Envin was watching him cautiously with a small bowl and pestil in hand. Sam put a hand to his heart and felt the quick beating as his other hand brushed over his bleary eyes. "It- It was a dream?" his eyes wide with fright as he tried to gasp for the air he thought he could never have again. He looked around, memory slowly seeping into his dream filled mind. "No- no it wasn't." He fell back despairingly.
"You have been dreaming about the quest," said Envin.
Sam nodded slowly, "I am getting used to it. I just wish I can stay in one place. One day we're in the woods with Gildor listening to elves sing about stars and my heart is glad. But another day we will be in the dark of Moria and there is fire and shadow and orcs. Then in the comfort of Tom Bombadil or Rivendell or Lothlorien. Then on the cold face of Caradhras, or in the cruel maze of Emyn Muil, or on..." Sam took in a shaky breath, "Mount Doom."
Envin sat down, "Do you remember much about that place?"
"No, not in the waking world. At least... I won't let myself. Oh please don't make me! The very name is a pain in my heart!" Sam bit down on his lip, "I'm sorry, I must sound completely loony."
Envin smiled, "Yes you do, but I know for a fact you're not 'loony'." Sam sighed and Envin tucked him back in, "Nor are you 'mad', 'insane', 'looped', or 'crazy'. It took a lot to do what you have done, Samwise, and coming out alive is just as unbelievable. But coming out alive and sane, well that is a feet only hobbits seem capable of."
Sam's eyes drifted to Frodo and Envin knew what terrible thoughts went through his head. "He's not 'loony' either, Sam. Just lost. And if it's lost..."
"...It can always be found," Sam finished, then looked up with sparkling eyes. "My Gaffer used to say that."
"My father says such things," Envin picked up his bowl and the herbs he was crushing and left the tent. Sam turned to Frodo and sighed wistfully. Frodo had turned to his side in his sleep, curled up small and tight, with his slender hands lain upon each other under his fair cheek. He looked like a sleeping child, troubled slightly by shadowy dreams that he could not grasp or understand. Sam ran a hand through his curls. "I understand them when I dream them, Mr. Frodo, and sometimes I wish I didn't." Frodo's lips parted in a whimper and he drifted through the shadows, deeper into darkness.
Sam observed Frodo's position oddly. He never used to sleep like that. It was never his wont to do such things, so insecurely. Even in Mordor he lay stretched out as if on his funeral pyre but unafraid. Sam shuddered at the thought. But in the comfort of Bag-End oh so many thousand years ago (or so it seemed to Sam) he would lay comfortably in his bed, arms above the covers or lazily placed behind his head, a small smile playing on his lips. This is how Sam found him in the mornings as he drew back the curtains and let the sun flood in.
This way of sleeping, it was strange to Sam's eyes. He had only seen children sleep such a way because they were frightened of things that lived in the shadows at night. He remembered sleeping like that himself as a child and his mother would run a hand across his brow and it would always straighten him out, make him feel safe.
"You're safe now, Mr. Frodo." Frodo moaned in protest and tossed his head. "I wonder," said Sam, "what is goin' on in there." He pressed a hand to Frodo's brow as if trying to read his thoughts. Of course he saw nothing. He sighed. It was then that Envin returned.
"I have seen the Lord and Lady approaching, Sam," said Envin, calmly. His eyes traveled the length of Sam to see if he were in a condition to have visitors. "I can see that last night offered you greater healing than any of a healer's skills could."
"Being with friends was an ease on my heart," said Sam thoughtfully. "But not for you I am sure I'd be dead."
"Perhaps."
Envin's eyes strayed to the white stone Lady Arwen had given him. "A kingly gift," he said. "Does it bring you peace? I have heard little of elvish magic."
"It is not meant for me," said Sam smiling and fondling the stone. "It was meant for Mr. Frodo and I suppose that I shall give it to him whether he returns or not. It has helped me through these dark days and perhaps it may help him."
"A noble act, Samwise. But I have seen that that is what you halflings are all about."
It was then that Aragorn and Arwen entered the tent in all of their grace. Aragorn seemed more kingly than he had ever on the quest and he bore it humbly. Envin bowed to each of them and retreated to his things in the corner knowing that they would want to speak with Samwise alone. Aragorn set a hand on his shoulder, "I would like to be speaking with you as well."
"Yes, my lord," Envin bowed again and left with Aragorn.
Arwen smiled at Sam and he held his breath trying not to stare in wonder. He failed. Arwen's laugh lilted and reminded Sam as stars shivering in the night. Her eyes sparkled and Sam's jaw almost hung open. "What is the problem, Sam? Does my company not compensate for your Rose?"
Sam blushed crimson up to the tips of his ears and he bowed his head, "Oh, no! Lady Arwen you are more pretty than any words I could say or poem I could think of. Oh," he said frustrated, "no words of mine do you no justice." He blushed again, "Mr. Frodo was fine with words, he was, he'd know what to say. I'm sorry, my lady, but I was only meant to be a simple gardener and I wouldn't even know my letters if not for Mr. Frodo. And Rosie. Oh she is the finest lass I ever met, beggin' your pardon.
"Lady Arwen, you are like the stars on a clear night in the Shire, only for me to look at and wonder at but much too far away. Rosie is like the most precious flower in my garden, pretty and fair, and everything else can just wither and die for all I care, with her I'd have the most beautiful garden in all of Middle-Earth and that's enough for me."
Arwen smiled warmly and bent to kiss Sam. "You, Samwise Gamgee, are a treasure. I would have you if you were not already taken by a lass whom I am sure is as fair as you say."
Sam's eyes widened, "But- I- A-Aragorn..."
Arwen laughed, "Oh I love him, and he loves me just as greatly. And I suppose it is the same for me." She smiled and bent down and whispered into the hobbit's ear. "You are the stars, Sam."
Aragorn came striding in and sat beside his wife. "Samwise you would not be trying to steal my wife away from me?"
"If he were truly trying, love, I'm sure he just may," said Arwen.
Aragorn smiled and Sam finally understood the jest. He laughed uneasily still blushing.
"A fair morning, Samwise," greeted Aragorn and Sam eased into much more simple conversation.
"I couldn't say, sir, I have not seen it yet. Though I do feel a might better, it was something kind of you last night."
"It was not my dealing at all, but Envin's. He cares much for the well being of you as well as your master. But I am afraid that you will be facing a choice Samwise. I have already spoken to Envin about this and he has agreed that you should choose this. We will be departing tomorrow and travel to Rohan bearing Theoden to his final resting place. I will accompany you only thus far. Then you may continue to Rivendell with the company of Gandalf and the elves and then on home to your Shire."
"I would love nothing more than to return home, Strider sir."
"Yes, but your other choice is to stay in Gondor. You are forever welcome in my kingdom and there you and Frodo may stay. My people will do everything to make you comfortable, you will be given anything your heart desires, Samwise, including a garden and land that would be more than enough for you to call home. Envin will tend your master and perhaps in time he may find healing, though no one can see that far ahead. Or if you wish to return to the Shire and be with your Rose then Frodo may stay here Envin has volunteered his home for your master and guarantees to give him the utmost care. What do you wish?"
Sam had turned many pale shades during this conversation until he finally swallowed and spoke hoarsely. "I admit that I wish nothing more than to see the Shire again. In all my years it has been home and has been the one thing I could trust would not go changin' on me. But... Mr. Frodo... He would find no healin' there. And Rosie, I would so love to see her again. But I can't leave my master, not after all this, not now, he needs me now, more than ever. I suppose it's down to abandoning him to *perhaps* find healing if it's even possible, or condemning him to live the rest of his days in ignorance but sticking by him none the less. Or... I can stay... and... and never go home..." Sam began to sob. "I guess I know what I have to do."
"No, Sam," said Envin as he rose from his corner then. "This is about your healing too. And the only way for you to heal is to return home."
"But I cannot leave my master!"
Envin sighed and now for the first time he let Sam see his utter wear. All of his sorrow and tire and exhaustion, all of his pity and despair and anger. His face seemed to grow old and the shine in his eyes dulled, he slumped over and ran a hand across his tearing eyes then rested it on his head as if it grew terribly heavy. "Sam I- even if you leave Frodo- I cannot- I- there's no sure way he *really* can heal. In- in fact it's pr- probable that he... won't."
Sam took a shaky breath and Arwen placed her hands on his shoulders to steady him. "Very well," said Sam with a note of sorrow in his voice. "We will both leave with the elves..."
"...and Frodo's fate is determined..." Envin finished sadly. All eyes turned to the sleeping creature curled up in the bed. Sam brushed at his master's curls as if he were his own son. Arwen touch the back of her hand to the sides of his face warmly and Aragorn rested a hand on his shoulder feeling the slow rise and fall of his breaths. Frodo sighed as if a new feeling of safety washed over him. "It seems he is doomed to live out the rest of his days," Envin swallowed hard around a lump in his throat, "simple."